An Old-Fashioned Education

by Fiona Wilde

Polly wondered why having leverage over Walt Springer did not feel better. By society’s standards, he was a bully and a chauvinist. But then she thought of Melissa Springer and what had drawn her to him before he’d been drawn away from her by the demands of the community. He’d told her that spanking had been part of their dynamic, had been what they’d both wanted and that his no longer being an attentive disciplinarian had been part of the problem.

  She thought back to the spankings he’d given her. In both cases she’d been so angry, but afterwards felt almost … Was grateful the word? In the case of the radio, it had been a very well-deserved punishment and now as she reflected on Walt Springer’s dilemma she began to see how in what he called a “domestic discipline” relationship, the man was under a certain pressure to maintain a moral standard if he were going to be the kind of leader a woman would submit to.

  She sensed in him a man who desired to be worth of leadership—both of his family and of his community—but also a flawed man who’d yet to come to terms with his own limitations. The pressure he put on himself to be all things to everyone had been too much and he’d lost control of the one thing that had mattered and now he was at risk of alienating the community just as he’d alienated his wife.

  Polly was already rehearsing the speech she was preparing to give him and the other members of Pepper’s Hollow when she left. Yes, technology had its downside. And no, experts didn’t know everything. But there was a place for both. A community could not just remove itself to some isolated location and deny problems when they cropped up. It was another way that Walt Springer was letting them down, even if he didn’t realize it.

  She tried not to think on it too much. A cup of tea, she told herself, would take her mind off of things. The kettle was just beginning to whistle when she heard a knock at the door. She could see Walt Springer through the frosted glass.

  With a sigh, she opened the door.

  “Yes?” she asked curtly.

  “Can I come in?”

  She hesitated but then stepped out of the way when she saw his face. He looked positively tortured.

  “Thank you,” he said as he stepped out of the way.

  “Your welcome,” she said, shutting the door and turned to him. She wanted to be compassionate, but at the same time was angered by his visit. “You should be with your kids, Walt. They need you.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m here,” he said. “Noni’s watching them. I asked her to so I could talk.”

  “I don’t have anything to say,” she said.

  “Well I do.” He paused. “First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. Again. There’s no excuse or justification for what I did. I was my pride that caused all this.”

  “Go on,” she said.

  “Second, I want to say that I was wrong. I thought I could do this alone. But I need … I need help. You’re right. I do know my kids are hurting. But I’m scared to death because I don’t know how to help them.”

  “Are you asking for my help?”

  He pulled off his cap and turned it over and over in his hand.

  “Yeah, I guess I am,” he said.

  “Then go back to your house and bring me the computer and iPad you confiscated when I moved it. I’ve got some good articles you can read on helping children deal with loss and separation. They’re written by experts and some of what they say may conflict with what you believe, or what you want to believe. You’ll need to keep an open mind.” She walked over and laid her hands on his fidgety ones. “Can you do that, Walt?”

  “I can do anything I have to do to help Kerry and Aidan,” he said. “And I’m going to start by stepping down as leader of Pepper’s Hollow.”

  Polly had not expected this. “Now? I thought you were worried about how it would affect the community if you changed things in the middle of winter.”

  “I’m more worried about how it will affect my kids if I wait until spring,” he said. “I’ve caused enough hurt. I’ve assembled a meeting for tonight. I’d like you to be there.”

  Polly nodded. “Of course I will be,” she said. She offered him a warm smile of encouragement. “I know this isn’t easy for you, Walt.”

  “No, but it’s necessary. I’ll never forgive myself for letting Melissa down. I’ve lost my chance with her. I realize that. She’s gone and she’s never coming back. Life outside Pepper’s Hollow will change her. When she comes back for the kids, and at some point she will, she’ll be a different person and I won’t try to change her.” He paused. “But I miss having someone to guide, someone to care for, someone who trusts and respects me enough to want my leadership. Maybe someday I can find someone like that again. Until I do, I’m just going to be the best father that I can and take things a day at a time, starting today.”

  He turned away. “The meeting is in an hour at the community hall.”

  Polly watched him go and stood there pondering with no small amount of amazement Walt Springer’s capacity to evolve. She knew he had to be very sad. His wife was gone and it was his fault. His kids were a wreck. It was his fault. And now he was about to lose control of the community he’d founded and led since its inception.

  The hour passed all too quickly. Part of Polly did not want to attend the meeting; she knew that some residents were still suspicious of her. They’d not forgiven her for breaking the radio or were resentful of her moving in with Walt in the first place. She’d not been established at the cabin long enough for anyone to yet realize her living arrangement with him had changed.

  The snowdrifts were deep as she left. Other residents were trudging out of their cabins towards the main hall, their bundled children in tow. It impressed Polly that the community—every resident—always turned out for these meetings.

  She took her place in the back of the room. It was clear that the assembled residents did not know why the meeting was being called, and some of the faces bore worried expressions.

  Walt was the last to enter. His kids were with him. Kerry still looked bereft, but when she caught sight of Polly she cried out and ran to her. The little stuffed dog her teacher had given her was still in her arms. Aidan hung back, trying to look disinterested as his father took the podium.

  “Thanks for coming,” Walt said to the assembly. “The weather is bad and it’s going to get worse, but spring is coming. I’d hoped to delay this announcement until then, but I’m afraid for the sake of my family that I’m not going to be able to wait.” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “As you all know, Melissa left last year. It’s been hard on me. It’s been harder on the kids.”

  He looked out at his children. Aidan was to the side of the room, expressionless. Kerry had climbed in Polly’s lap and was sucking her thumb. It was the first time Polly had seen her do that and she recognized that the child knew something was very wrong.

  “I want to tell my kids that I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m doing the same thing to them now that I did to Melissa. When she needed me the most I was too busy taking care of business here to see to their needs. But it’s become apparent–” He looked out at Polly. “–that I was overlooking some things I should have been noticing and I need to focus on them now. So, effective immediately I’m turning things over to Paul as interim leader until the committee can vote on installing a new one.”

  Polly held her breath. Save for the sound of a crying baby and a coughing toddler, the whole hall had gone into stunned silence.

  Finally, Paul stood.

  “Look, Walt,” he said. “I know it’s been hard. But this is kind of...sudden. And as your best friends, Noni and I would have been happy to help. If someone else has influenced your decision–” His eyes fell squarely and obviously on Polly. “–then please reconsider. Because, you know, families fall on hard times and they still do what they have to do. A man can’t quit just because there’s stuff going on at home. What’s that teaching our kids? The pioneers didn’t just stop farming when someone died. They kept going and their families were expected to bear up,
kids included.”

  There were murmurs filling the room now. Polly shifted in her chair and as all eyes turned in her direction Kerry, who was still sitting on her lap, snuggled closer and whimpered.

  “If you’re implying this has something to do with Ms. Perkins, it does.” Walt Springer’s voice rose above the murmurs. “And it doesn’t. She’s helped me see that there are problems with my children—serious problems. But she knew nothing about my decision to step down until right before the meeting. Sometimes it takes someone from outside a situation to clarify it for you. In Ms. Perkins’ case, she’d spent a lot of time with the kids.”

  “I guess so with her moving in like she did.”

  Voices were raised again. Angry voices. Polly couldn’t tell if they were directed at her or Paul.

  “That wasn’t by her choice,” Walt said. “And just so you are all perfectly clear, that’s another reason why I’m stepping down.”

  The room grew quiet again.

  “The only reason Ms. Perkins moved in with me was because I lied to her to make it happen.” Walt looked down as the room fell silent again. “She didn’t want to, but I told her the community, all of you, had voted for it to happen. I told her that they didn’t trust her to be in her own house after the incident with the radio.”

  “Why?” Noni stood. “Why would you do that?”

  “I don’t know.” Walt ran his hand through his sandy hair. It was clear that he was embarrassed. “Maybe it’s because I know those kids needed a more stable force. Maybe it’s because–because I’m lonely. Maybe it’s because...” His eyes fell on Polly. “Maybe it’s because I developed feelings I had no right to develop, feelings Ms. Perkins never encouraged through flirtation or innuendo or any other action. She’s been nothing short of a professional, despite her mistakes.”

  Paul walked to the podium. He reached out.

  “You’re right,” he said, his face stony. “You don’t deserve to lead us.” He held out his hand and Walt silently handed over the gavel he usually used to call meetings to order. The gavel had been handmade in the shop by Paul, who’d given it to Walt at the first official meeting of Pepper’s Hollow.

  Walt stepped down. As he did, he held out his hand to shake Paul’s, but his friend ignored the gesture.

  “Come on.” Walt stopped at Polly’s side and held out his hands to Kerry, who just clung harder to her teacher. Aidan was already trailing at his father’s heels. He looked concerned now, and shaken by the announcement.

  Kerry shook her head.

  “Kerry, come on.”

  “I want Ms. Polly!”

  “I’ll take her.” Polly stood. The little girl was heavy, but she carried her anyway. She did not look at the residents of Pepper’s Hollow as she trailed out after Walt and Aidan, who kept his head down. His father’s walk of shame was also his.

  They trudged through the snow. Twice Walt turned and offered to take Kerry from her arms, and both times she shook her head. The child was clinging to Polly with a death grip. By the time they were back in Walt’s cabin her feet felt like blocks of ice even through her boots and her back and arms were weary from the strain of carrying the child. But Polly did not regret it.

  She wordlessly deposited the little girl on the couch and went to the kitchen to make hot cocoa for all of them.

  “You’re not the leader anymore?” Aidan was removing his coat and moving over to his father, his face hurt and angry. “You’ve always been the leader. Why did you go and quit? Mr. Paul’s mad at us now!”

  “He’s not mad at you,” Walt said. “He’s mad at me. But he’ll understand.”

  “It’s her fault.” Aidan pointed at Polly. “It’s her fault! She moved here and messed everything up. She thought she could come here and teach like Mom and be like Mom and she’s not! I hate her!”

  “Aidan!” Walt boomed at his son, and on the couch Kerry began to cry.

  “We’re going to have a little talk, son. Get to your room. Now.”

  Aidan stormed off and as his father followed, Polly reached out and took his arm.

  “Don’t...” she said.

  “Don’t worry,” he replied. “I’m not going to punish him. He’s got a right to his anger.”

  They were in the room together for two hours. Polly could hear Aidan yelling and his father quietly talking. Then he could hear the child crying. By the time he came out of the room, looking tired and weary, Polly had gotten Kerry to bed in the meantime, reading her a story to get the child settled.

  “I’m going to need those articles,” Walt said. “I don’t know what to say to him.”

  “No better?”

  “I told him he would understand. He’s mad at me for not telling him before we went over there. I can understand that.”

  Walt sunk down in a nearby chair. “I’m a terrible father.”

  Polly knelt and put her hand on his. “You’re not,” she said. “Being a parent is hard work. There are no manuals and when life throws you a curve, it makes a hard job even harder.

  He stood. “Your computer stuff. It’s in my room.”

  Polly stood and followed him. His room was, like the rest of the house, spartan. A queen size bed with a handmade bedframe stood in the corner of the room, a handmade quilt spread across it. The bed he’d shared with Melissa and the bed she knew he wanted to share with her.

  “What you said back there in the meeting hall, was it true?”

  He stood. Her computer and iPad and cords were in the case he handed to her.

  “Does it surprise you?” he asked. “I don’t think I have anything to lose by being honest. But don’t worry that I expect anything in return. I’m hardly what a pretty city girl is going to want, especially with two damaged kids and a community you’ve seen me let down.”

  She walked over to him, putting the case on the floor.

  “You’re wrong, Walt,” she said. “What I saw tonight was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen a man do. Ever. Some people think being in control means always being in control of others. Tonight, I saw a man step away from that to take control of his own life, of what really matters to him.”

  She smiled. “And some city girls find that incredibly sexy.”

  Polly was never one to make the first move, but now she found her arms winding around Walt Springer’s neck. His lips found hers in a deep kiss that she returned with equal vigor, and his hands moved down her back to cup and squeeze her buttocks in a possessive squeeze that made her turn away and gasp.

  She’d thought so much about what he’d said about his relationship with Melissa, about the joy she’d found in limits, in discipline. Was it wrong for her to feel the same way? Did it mean she was betraying every conviction she’d have when she came to Pepper’s Hollow?

  Polly suddenly realized she didn’t care. All that mattered was the man who was now pushing her down on the bed, his insistent hands everywhere on her body, and her sudden fevered craving for his touch.

  Chapter Ten

  “What’s that?” Kerry climbed up in her father’s lap, eying the iPad he was holding.

  “It’s a, uh, computer you can hold,” he said.

  “What’s a computer?”

  A look passed between Polly and Walt, and she could see for the first time that he realized that he and the other leaders of Pepper’s Hollow may have been wrong to deny this incredible technology to their community. For most of the evening, he’d been reading articles on helping children deal with loss and grief.

  Polly had been amazed that the 4G wireless card she’d purchased actually picked up a signal in the community. Even though the connection was slower than it was in the city, she’d been able to show Walt the benefits a computer could bring to Pepper’s Hollow. She pulled up radar on a website that monitor weather, and Walt was able track the trajectory of the storm still winding its way through the region.

  “Cell phones,” she suggested. “They’d be wonderful to have.”

  “Especially if the radio gets
broken,” Walt said, raising an eyebrow. Polly colored uncomfortably at the remark. She knew that she’d never forget the spanking, and neither would he. But it did not take mention for her to think of it. As much as she hated to admit it, her thoughts turned to the punishment—and to Walt’s punishment philosophy—more and more often. And she was dealing with a dawning awareness; part of her growing attraction to Walt was because he was so willing to take charge of her, even when she resisted.

  She excused herself early for bed in her old room, leaving Walt with his children. He knew they needed time together, and after the kiss they’d shared in the bedroom, she needed time alone.

  Polly could see where this was going. She was falling in love with Walt Springer. And he was falling in love with her. But she knew even with the humility he’d expressed when he’d relinquished leadership of Pepper’s Hollow, he was not the kind of man who would relinquish leadership over his household.

  Taking a deep breath, she Googled “dominant men,” and found herself staring at a list of websites about just the relationship dynamic she described. Links off of some led her to essays on domestic discipline, in which one partner designates himself or herself as the disciplinarian charged with shepherding the submissive partner through life with rules and consequences.

  Submissive. Was that what she was, then? Everything Polly had been taught surfaced and roiled in rebellion at the mere possibility that she would habitually stand before a man, having him pronounce judgment on her sins and then put her over his knee for a hard spanking that would produce tears and repentance.

  But as she sat there pondering it, she could not deny the affect the mere thought was having on her body. She felt a tightening heat between her legs, and then the telltale throbbing that did not abate even when she shifted positions.

  When she was close to Walt, she could sense his authority. There was a quiet expectation that he would be obeyed, and his handing over control to Paul had not diminished that air of authority. If anything, Polly felt that it made him seem even more dominant, for lack of a better word. Walt was not the kind of man who led to satisfy his ego, but led because he was born to it. And she realized that he appreciated the value of consequences enough to apply them to himself. The enforcing of rules was not a power trip for him, but something he truly believed in.