This Broken Beautiful Thing

by Summers, Sophie

  He chuckles, “What? Don’t you think I can handle a guy like him?”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Hun…Jace will skin you alive.”

  I put the monitor on next to my little sleeping Willow then Brent and I make our way back to the others in the lounge.

  Anna made pasta for dinner so I dish out some for myself and Brent and hand it to him knowing if I don’t give him his own bowl, he’ll just eat out of mine.

  I watch from over the kitchen counter as Jace and Hunter sit chatting with my father in the lounge area, every now and then I feel Jace’s eyes on Brent and I as we chat. Jessie chats away with Anna about changes that she wants to make in her tattoo parlor.

  I excuse myself so I can get dressed into comfortable sleep clothes and as I’m looking through my drawers I hear my bedroom door close behind me. I turn just in time to see Jace making his way to my bed. He sits on the side and rests his head in his hand, his long dark hair falls over his hands. I dress in the en-suite bathroom and I spot Jace in the same position when I return to my room. I sit on the bed next to him but lay down and look at the ceiling.

  “Who is he?” he says softly.

  I know who the he is that he’s referring to. “His names Brent, we’ve been friends a long time.”

  “Just friends?” Jace asks as he now looks down at me.

  “Yeah Jace. If I ever had a brother, I would pray he was just like Brent.” I say looking up at the ceiling again.

  He leans on his one arm looking down at me then he gently lifts his hands and runs it on my stomach.

  “Going to miss that… so proud of you Harley.” he says looking down at my stomach.

  “I’m going to miss it too but I’m so happy she’s out …I get to hold her and love her. She gets to be my little teddy bear.” I say smiling thinking about my beautiful little girl sleeping down the hall.

  The room goes quiet and then Jace finds his words, “I never slept with her Harley. We did…uh…other stuff…but I never slept with her. I was so stressed out about you and the baby. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be part of your lives…I did... I do. It was just the fact that I knew I was going to fuck something up. A girl like you doesn’t belong with a guy like me. You’re perfect and you deserve the whole white picket fence fairytale but I’m…I’m not that guy Harley, you won’t get any picket fences with me.” he says looking down at his hands.

  “Jace…the fact that you guys didn’t have sex don’t mean shit to me. You promised me no other girls and you…you lied Jace.” I let out a deep breath as I calm my nerves. I don’t want to yell and shout at him, I don’t have the energy. “I don’t care about the whole fairytale ending crap, I didn’t want that…I never wanted that…all I wanted was you Jace. I had hope that this could work out between us but I was so…so fucking wrong. A girl like me will never be enough for guys like you and Caleb. I can’t go through this again Jace…I cant.” I sigh.

  “Don’t say that babe, don’t. I know my word doesn’t mean shit right now but you are too good for me Harley. I will get better, I will be the man you deserve…I promise you baby. I want to be here for you and Willow. Let me please…” He begs me looking so sad.

  “Jace…you can be here as much as you want but that lifestyle…the club one…I don’t want her around that ugly stuff. You can visit her whenever you want but we can’t be together Jace. We tried…it didn’t work. I just want to focus on Willow now. I don’t know what the future holds but right now? This is what I want.” I say sitting up and looking up at his sad eyes.

  “I fucked us up for good, didn’t I?” he says running his hands through his hair letting out a deep breath.

  I don’t say anything and he continues, “You really go visit your mom?”

  “Yeah, needed to get away, I saw you at the bar with Rachelle and I…I knew something was up these last couple of days. After seeing you two together I put two and two together and figured you were over me. Of course you’re a guy and you weren’t getting any from me in my…ah…condition. I knew you probably thought I looked repulsive especially with the swollen feet and that, I mean, I thought I looked terrible and I guess that’s why you hardly touched me, so yeah…when I saw you and Rachelle …you guys looked good together.” I say looking away from his confused gaze.

  “What?” he says shocked. “You thought you looked horrible? Baby you were the hottest looking pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. I didn’t touch you these last few days because I knew if we started something, I wouldn’t be able to stop and I…I didn’t know if I would hurt you or the baby if I took it further.” He looks down at his hands then rests his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. “Fuck…I’m so sorry Harley…for everything. I should have been with you for that last appointment.” He says softly shaking his head.

  “Jace, it’s too late for all of that…let’s just…move on and focus on the future.” I say as I sit up and close the curtains.

  He agrees and after saying goodnight to me and holding me closely against him, he kisses my cheek and leaves.

  Walking into the lounge, I notice everyone has left apart from Hunter and Anna. Anna excuses herself to check on Willow and take a nap for a while until I have to get up and feed the baby again. She made up a bed in the spare room so that she can make sure I wake up to feed the baby through the night. I’m left sitting in the lounge next to Hunter feeling rather awkward.

  “She’s perfect Princess.” He says turning to look at me as I curl into a little ball on the corner of the couch resting my head on the armrest.

  “She is…” I smile thinking of her.

  “I meant what I said at the hospital babe. You and that baby will come first from now on. I’ve had a long talk with Jace and he regrets the couple of decisions he’s made these last few weeks. He’s going to be better Harley. I promise you.” Hunter says pulling my feet onto his lap.

  “No Hunt don’t promise anything, especially not on his behalf. I’m done with people promising me things.” I say looking at him directly in his eyes.

  “I gave you my word Harley and I mean it. Princess…the only reason I didn’t tell you about Jace when I found out what he was doing was because I know how out of control he gets when he’s angry. He’s got a problem babe but it’s not my place to give his secrets away. I was afraid if you confronted him he would lose his shit again and possibly hurt you. I swear I would have made him tell you everything once the baby was born but you found out too soon. From what I know is he never slept with her but I know that doesn’t change shit. Betrayal is betrayal…” Hunter says rubbing my feet gently.

  “Hunter, I’m done with this, all of this…the reasons don’t mean shit to me. What’s done is done and you’re right. Betrayal is betrayal, let’s move on and focus on what’s ahead of us. I’m too exhausted for this conversation right now.” I yawn.

  Later that night I found myself in my bed, I don’t know how I got there but I’m pretty sure Hunter had something to do with it.

  CHAPTER 20

  Four years later.

  As I’m placing the dishes from breakfast into the dishwasher I hear my daughter giggling in the lounge. Smiling to myself I think of how much she has grown over the last four years. I remember the first time she called me Momma.

  It was during one of our family Sunday lunches with the guys from the club and I was watching her play with a few of the other kids on the grass. Jace and Hunter just came back from out of town and the first thing Jace did before greeting anyone was pick up a squealing Willow and hug her tight. We were so use to her gibberish and we spoke to her a lot even though we didn’t know what she was saying most of the time.

  As Jace held Willow close he asked her, “Where’s your Momma?” Willow replied by turning her head and pointing directly at me and squealed Momma, then burst into a fit of giggles.

  I broke down in happy tears, I felt so loved and proud of her in that moment.

  Willow was the perfect baby. She always seemed happy and I made sure she
never had to go without. I struggled at first but I refused my father’s money, I saved a lot and when I had to go back to work Anna, Brent or Jesse was always there to help. As I expected, Willow turned out to be the feminine version of her father. Her hair is pitch black with her father’s beautiful green eyes. She has his bubbly happy personality too and even though she reminds me of him every minute of the day, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Sometimes I wonder about Caleb as I watch Willow and think about what he’s doing and how his life turned out. I ponder if he ever thinks about his daughter and whether he even cares that she exists. I watched as Willow grew older and started to notice that other kids have two parents and not just a mommy, I knew one day the question would come and I didn’t quite know what I would say. She hasn’t asked me yet and maybe it’s because she has so many male figures in her life that she hasn’t realized yet that she doesn’t have a father around.

  I was pretty certain Brent knew who her father was but he never mentioned it or confronted me about it. After my father found out about Hunter and Jace’s behavior the night I gave birth to Willow, he made sure to give them many out of town jobs. They both didn’t argue with him and told me it was because they deserved it and I never argued with that because it was true. Whenever they came down though they stayed with me and spent time with Willow, she loves her two favorite uncles.

  A couple of times while Jace was in town I would find him sneaking into my bed, he never tried to get closer than cuddle and selfish me let him sleep next to me enjoying the comfort I got from him when I was in his arms. I found out that Jace was now on medication to help him deal with his insomnia and it was working, that made me feel better when Jace was out of town and wasn’t by my side. Brent was more like Willows big brother, he would play Barbie’s with her and sit and chat with her all day. She really brought out his inner child and he looked after her as if she was his own. Although he still has his immature jock ways, he has grown up so much these past few years and I’m so thankful for everything he’s ever done for me.

  My mother comes and stays with me one weekend every month so she gets to spend time with us and tomorrow I’m taking Willow to visit her. I haven’t told my father about it yet because I know he will have something negative to say. My father and Anna are skeptical about my mother’s presence in my life these days. I assured Anna that she was still my mother and I still love her as if she was my biological one and this seemed to reassure her and help my case with assuring my father that my mother has indeed changed.

  Today I’m going to the park with Brent, apparently there’s a band playing on the college grounds. I usually would avoid going to campus during the day but Brent begged me and told me Willow would enjoy it so he eventually won me over. Brent fell behind on a couple of his credits so he was still finishing his last year at the college. Brent was never one of the smart kids and always enjoyed a good party. Since having Willow, I’ve completed my degree and now manage the bar as well as Anna’s Tattoo parlor when she needs me.

  I watch as Willow rolls around on the floor giggling at whatever she’s watching on T.V. I hear a knock at the door and knowing its Brent I call out for him to come in. I watch from the kitchen as he strolls in and Willow heads running into his open arms.

  “Bent Bent.” She calls him and I laugh, when she was younger she couldn’t pronounce the “r” in his name so she called him Bent, the name just stuck and even though her pronunciation is damn near perfect with other words she refuses to call him Brent.

  “Pillow Pillow.” Brent mimics teasing her, she giggles.

  “Mommy, tell him I’m not a pillow.” Willow says now standing with her hand on her hip looking from me to Brent with a serious expression on her face.

  “What?” I feign shock with a hand on my cheek. “You’re not a pillow? But you’re so soft and cuddly.” I say tickling her, she squeals in my arms then runs away.

  I give Brent a hug and he helps get Willow ready as I pack a quick bag with various toys in case she doesn’t find the park all that interesting.

  We decide to take a walk since it’s not that far and Willow insists she wants to walk like a big girl. She’s wearing a cute little floral strappy top ,little three quarter denims and I’ve left her long hair down , I couldn’t bare cutting her hair as it grew longer, her shiny straight black hair reaches just above her belly button now but she loves it. I did a side braid in her hair this morning just to keep her long fringe from falling in her eyes when she plays.

  After only a few meters, little Willow already has her arms up for Brent to carry her the rest of the way to the park. He smiles at me knowing that we expected this much and picks her up, we continue to make our way to the park.

  After giving birth to Willow, I lost my baby weight after a few months of working out and running, apart from the various stretch marks in places there weren’t before, my body has gone back to the shape I had before I fell pregnant. The fact that I’m wearing a pair of denim shorts I owned over four years ago is proof of how hard I worked to get back into the healthy size I’m at now. I know I will never be model skinny and nor did I want that but I worked hard enough so that I got to the point where I don’t wince every time I looked in the mirror. I’m getting there though, I feel better with myself these days.

  Brent finds us a spot on the grass and Willow immediately sits on my lap as she watches the surrounding people and large built up stage down the hill from us with wide eyes.

  There aren’t many kids around and that’s probably due to the fact that this is a college campus. I put some sun tan lotion on my little girl and offer Brent some. He’s already in full conversation with Willow about what she was doing yesterday. I look inside the little bag I packed Willow to get her something to drink and I notice I must have forgotten it at home.

  “Brent, can you watch her a minute? I’m going to get us something to drink. What do you guys want?” I say getting up and dusting my shorts off.

  “I’ll have a coke babe.” He smiles at me.

  She frowns at him and the next words that come out of her mouth make me hunch over and laugh till my stomach hurts.

  “No Bent! Don’t call mommy babe. She’s not a piggy!” Brent and I finally compose ourselves but Willow is still standing in the same position she was earlier. Her hand on her hip, her face isn’t angry anymore it’s more confused as she looks back and forth between us.

  “Yeah Bent don’t call me that!” I wink at him and he chuckles then pulls Willow into his arms and tickles her. I walk away to the sound of my beautiful daughter’s laughter.

  Standing in the queue by the food court stalls for cold drinks, someone bumps into me.

  “Oh sorry.” I hear the familiar deep voice and I immediately feel butterflies in my stomach as I look into his beautiful green eyes.

  “Harlz?” Caleb says looking shocked.

  “Hi Caleb.” I say turning my eyes away from him as he shamelessly continues to look my body over. He seems so much taller and his body has filled out well since the last time I saw him four years ago. He’s not a boy anymore, he’s all man.

  “It’s been what? Four years since the last time we…ah…saw each other. You’re looking really good.” He says running his hands through his black messy hair. I turn to look at him and I can’t help but run my eyes over his body, he doesn’t look like the guy I left here at the same park all those years ago. Caleb has turned into a beautiful man, I notice his one arm has a complete sleeve and I notice another tattoo peeking out under his black shirt near his collar bone.

  I look up to see him smirking, dimples and all. I look away. “Yeah thanks, ah…you too.”

  “Honey, how long does it take for you to fetch me something to drink? I was beginning to – uh …oh…Harley?” I hear a whiny voice behind him and I watch from the corner of my eye as Ashley wraps her arms around Caleb’s.

  Of course they’re still together. I inwardly roll my eyes.

  I turn to look at her. “Hi Ashl
ey. How are you?” I can’t help but feel the hurt that creeps in when I see them together. You’d think I’d be over him and what he does to me whenever I see him but no, not this heart, it flutters every time he’s in my presence.

  “I…I’m fine…and ah…you?” she stutters looking back and forth between Caleb and I.

  I give her the biggest smile I could muster, “I’m great.”

  “Mommy, momma look what Bent got me?” Willow comes running up to my legs with a teddy in her arms. I bent down so she is eye level. I don’t miss the gasp from Ashley and I sure as hell didn’t miss the shocked look on Caleb’s face as he watches his daughter jump into my arms. I pick Willow and the teddy bear up and then look over at Brent’s shocked face as he mouths sorry.

  “Cutest teddy ever baby girl.” I smile and kiss her cheek then look over to Brent again who seems rather pale as he gazes between Ashley, Caleb and I.

  “Brent, you spoil her way to much.” I smile at him and I watch as his shoulders relax and colour comes back to his face.

  Caleb and Ashley are speechless for a little while but of course Ashley is the first to speak up.

  “Wow…” she lets out a deep breath looking from Caleb to Willow, it’s so obvious since Willow is the spitting image of her beautiful father. “Is this…her?” She says quietly and I look as Caleb’s head snaps in her direction as Ashley smiles at Willow.

  I put my daughter back on the ground and my polite little girl introduces herself. She walks up to Ashley, “Hello.” She says looking up to Ashley.

  Ashley bends over not fazed by the fact that people behind her could probably see her underwear under the short mini she’s wearing. I only hope Willow can’t see any of that from where she’s standing down there.

  Ashley smiles at her and says, “Hello cutie pie. My name’s Ashley.” Willow giggles and moves her attention onto Caleb as she speaks to Ashley.

  “No silly! My name’s not cutie pie.” Willow laughs and Ashley laughs while looking down at my daughter with a loving expression.