This Broken Beautiful Thing

by Summers, Sophie

  I look down as he gently pats the cuts above my knees with the medicine. He’s changed so much yet he still is the same gentle Caleb he was five years ago. His black hair now sits just above his shoulders, always falling into his face perfectly, he still has those dark eye brows and thick eye lashes with those lips, the bottom of his lip curls slightly. He used to be always clean shaven but I spot the light stubble on his jawline. I notice a couple scars on his face that weren’t there before, the most prominent one being through his one eye brow, I look at his hands as he wipes the rest of the blood off my right knee. I notice scars on his knuckles that weren’t there a few years ago either, his shoulders seem broader and bigger. The outline of his chest and the muscles of his back can be seen through his shirt as he moves his body around my room putting away the first aid kit. He seems much taller and manlier than he was when we were together. He seems a lot more serious and a lot less playful than the Caleb I used to know. I guess a lot has changed.

  I sit quietly watching him as he shamelessly looks my room over, checking the windows and making sure they’re locked, then he disappears and I hear the front door being locked. He comes back into my room and I watch as his attention lands on the various frames on my wall in a collage. The photos consist of me along my pregnancy and a lot of Willow when she was a baby, a couple of her ultrasound pictures and then there are pictures of her with my parents, Hunter, Jace, Jesse and a lot with Brent.

  Caleb strolls towards where I’m sitting on the bed and sits back down next to me with his eyes still glued to the collage of photos on my wall. I hear him let out a deep sigh then he says.

  “I like that photo of you with her, the one where she’s cuddled up to your side on the sofa. I like the one where you were pregnant too. You’re so beautiful Harley.” He says sadly still avoiding my eyes. I don’t think he’s looked me in the eyes since he got here. I lean over and take the photo out of the frame next to my bed.

  “Here, you can have this one if you want. It’s the day she was born.” I hand over the photo of me cradling my tiny little baby in my arms. My face is all sweaty and tears fall down my cheeks but I have the biggest smile on my face as I look down at Willow. Her little finger reaches up and touches my chin and she’ stares at me. I wipe away a tear thinking about that beautiful moment.

  I look up at his face and he is staring down at the picture with a big smile, I watch his finger trace over Willow then he traces over my face in the photo.

  “My girls are so beautiful…” he whispers to himself but I hear.

  He looks at me finally and his face immediately tenses and he looks down at my lip. I quickly touch it and I wince. My lip is split….shit, how am I going to explain my way outta this one.

  He puts the photo on the bed and reaches over to touch my face, I cover my lip and move away from him.

  “It’s nothing, I must’ve knocked my face on the table when I fell.” I mumble avoiding his eyes but this doesn’t deter him. He leans right up to my side on the bed and he pulls my hands away from my face then he cradles my face between his hands as he looks at my lip.

  “Who’s Jace? He’s the one that you had the accident with?” he says looking me in the eyes. I tense under his hands at the mention of Jace.

  “He…yeah…he’s the one I crashed into.” I mumble and attempt to pull my face away from his hands but he grabs my jaw gently in one of his large hands then moves my hair out my face and gently places it behind my ear like he always used to do.

  “What else is he to you?” he says in his husky voice as he stares at my split lip making me feel uncomfortable.

  “He….we ah…were together a few years back but it didn’t work out and we stayed close friends.” I say and as soon as I see his shoulders sag I instantly feel guilty for loving someone other than Caleb.

  “Together? What does that mean?” he says clearing his throat.

  I look away from his sad eyes and his hands drop from my face. He leans his elbows on his knees and runs his hands through his hair, leaving his hair messier than before.

  “That day in the park where your face was bruised up, he did that too? How many times has he hit you Harley? How is he with our daughter?” he says sounding harsher.

  “Caleb, Jace is very good with Willow he has never laid a hand on her like that. If your trying to go somewhere with this then you better stop right now. No one’s taking her from me, she’s all I have Caleb. I need her.” I say quietly.

  “I’m not going to let my daughter live here while her mother lets some fucker beat her.” I gasp in shock as he spits this out.

  “She’s my daughter Caleb, you didn’t want her remember? You didn’t want me either. And don’t ever threaten to take her from me. She’s all I have Caleb! I would never let anyone hurt her, ever! Don’t do this Caleb, you took everything from me, you can keep Ashley and everyone else… just don’t take Willow. Please don’t take her from me.” I’m now a sniveling mess and I cover my face with my hands not caring how pathetic I sound as I beg him. If it weren’t for Willow I don’t think I would have survived everything I did.

  I feel warm hands covering me as I’m being lifted onto his lap. He holds me to his chest and cradles me tight, I feel his head in my neck line and I hear him take a deep breath against my skin as if he’s taking in my scent. I don’t stop him, even though I should after everything he’s done. I feel safe with him, it’s as if I never left his arms and that I belong here. It feels like home. I place my forehead on his shoulder and take his sweet smelling cologne in.

  “I’ve always wanted you Harley, always. I’m sorry , I know you would keep her safe but when I saw your split lip and after I heard what Willow said about that guy being here I lost it. I didn’t mean for it to be harsh, I would never take her from you baby. You are such a great mother, you’ve done such a great job and I’m so proud of you. I just wish I knew, why didn’t you tell me? I’ve missed four years of her life.” he says against my shoulder sounding so sad, the feeling of his warm breath against my skin makes me melt.

  “You did know Caleb, you told Ashley that you didn’t want us, you didn’t want to be part of our lives.” I whisper back thinking about that phone call.

  “What?” he says pulling back from me so that he’s a few inches from me, I move back a little , I need some distance from him but he won’t let me off his lap and now his arms wrap around my waist and holds me in place.

  “I called you Caleb, a few days after the accident, I wanted to tell you but Ashley answered. She said you were busy and then she told me you already knew about the baby and didn’t want it.” I say looking down at his chest. I see a few lines of his tattoo sticking out the V of his shirt but I can’t make out what it is.

  “She knew you were pregnant from the start?” he asks in a stern voice.

  “Yeah she was the first person I told, I was going to tell you that night…the night you two…” I can’t even say the words. “And after I moved to my fathers, I tried to call you and when I did, she answered and yeah you know the rest...” I say sadly avoiding his eyes once again but I can feel his beautiful green orbs staring at me.

  “I don’t know why she had my phone Harlz but I swear to you I didn’t know about the baby. If I did I would have been here for you. I wouldn’t of let you do this alone.” I look up and I know he’s telling me the truth, I can see that he’s angry obviously because of Ashley but he looks sad.

  “I wasn’t alone Caleb, my parents were here for me, the boys from the club were here and so was Brent.” I say thinking back to the night my water broke and I had to call Brent.

  “How did Brent even know about Willow?” he asks genuinely.

  “I told him while I was a few months, I told him not to ask questions about it though and he never did. I was under a lot of stress and I went into labor a week early. My parents were a few hours away and I had no one to call. I called Brent and he came, he was there when she was born and he’s been so great with her.” I smile.

&
nbsp; I watch as a frown appears on his face. “I should have been there, I wish I was there… fuck.” He look up to me then asks, “And you and Brent, are you two?” he coughs and clears his throat and he continues, “I mean…have you two…ah…hooked up?”

  “Hook up with Brent? Me? No! I love Brent, of course I do, especially after these few years.” I watch as he winces and flexes his jaw as I say this, “…but I love him as family. Oh God no! I could never “hook up” with him.” I say shaking my head and look up just in time to see his shoulders relax and a grin form on his lips.

  “Not going to lie…that’s good to hear.” He lets out a chuckle and this only pisses me off. I try to move off him but he holds his grip tight.

  “Yeah it would suck if I was sleeping with your best friend...” I say sarcastically continuing to push and shove him to let me go.

  “Ah…fuck…I didn’t think…Harley you need to know that was the biggest mistake of my life. Next to not trying harder to find you and make you take me back. I fucking hate her and I know I’m also to blame but I’m so sorry I cheated on you and hurt you like I did. I love you so much and I never want to hurt you the way I did back then.” He says after he flips me over so he’s on top of me and I can no longer struggle against him.

  I don’t miss the way he said me he loved me, as in present tense.

  “Caleb…why did you do it?” I whisper as I feel the tears spilling down the sides of my eyes. “Was I not good enough? Did you get bored?” I whisper even softer. He wipes away the tears with his thumbs; he’s so close to me that I can feel his breath of my cheek.

  “Oh baby…no…I fucked up Harley. You were perfect, you are perfect baby…I’m the fuck up. I had things going on and I needed to do something to get the thoughts out my head. I fucked up baby. I wasn’t bored...ever. You’re my soul mate, I was too stupid back then that when I did realize that you were it…it was too late. I’m so sorry …so sorry.” He whispers as he leans his head against mine, he lifts his head and stares down at the cut on my lip.

  He places his fingers near it and I watch the frown appear on his face, “He ever touches you again...I’ll kill him.” he says in a rough deep voice.

  “Caleb no, Jace is dangerous, you need to stay away from him. Please… stay away from him.” I look at him worried.

  “Shit, you need to leave, what if he comes back? Shit, if he sees you here…I don’t know what he will do. You need to go Caleb. Now.” I say pushing against his chest. He shakes his head.

  “You think I’m going to leave my girls here alone. I’m not leaving you alone, you either pack a bag and come home with me or I’m staying here to make sure he doesn’t come back.” He says seriously.

  I hear little footsteps running down the wooden floors of our quiet apartment and before I can tell Caleb to get off me Willow comes running in.

  “Mommy! Mommy can I also play?” she says running up to the bed with a big smile on her face looking from Caleb to me. Caleb jumps off and sits up leaning against the head board, I start laughing at my little innocent girl. She tries climbing up my bed but can’t quite make it, she definitely got her height and size from me, she’s really tiny.

  Caleb’s deep chuckles soon join my laughs as he helps Willow onto my big bed. “There you go baby girl.” He says smiling at her.

  Willow comes up to my face as I lie on my back, and she plays with my hair, “Can I also tickle, Momma? Tickle tickle.” She says tickling under my chin with her small hands. I start laughing at my cute child and listen to Caleb’s chuckles as he watches us, then wrap my arms around her and bring her to my chest, she giggles. I sit next to Caleb and pull Willow to my lap. She cuddles up to my chest, and then she raises her head and wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me.

  “I love you.” She says with a big yawn and I swallow the tears forming in my throat.

  “I love you too big girl. Come cuddle Momma.” I say and she smiles and rests her head on my chest with her feet resting on Caleb’s leg. After a few minutes of just staring at my beautiful sleeping daughter I look to Caleb and see him staring at Willows little foot resting on his lap. I look up to his face and notice his teary eyes.

  “I want her to know me Harley.” He says softly.

  I give a small smile, I’ve been dreaming about him saying these words to me for so long. “I want that too.” He looks up to me as if my comment surprises him.

  “You’re fine with that?” he asks blinking away the tears.

  “Yeah, I want her to have a relationship with her father, that’s all I ever wanted. I don’t care that we won’t have one…” I look down at Willow. “I just want what’s best for her. I’d do anything for her.”

  “You’re incredible.” I look up as he says this in his deep sexy voice. “You both are…she’s perfect Harley. I want to be here for you guys, I want to be in your life and be there when you need me.”

  “I…I don’t know what to say to that Caleb, I want you to be part of her life but…I don’t know about us being together again. I don’t think I’m ready for that, let’s start slow. I know she’s a very happy and playful child but I don’t ever want to let her down. If you really want to be part of her life then we are slowly going to ease her into it. I don’t want her to feel overwhelmed. I also want to talk about the other girls…I’d prefer if she wasn’t around any of your girlfriends, unless you’re in a serious relationship then I guess it’s okay. I just don’t want people coming in and out of her live. I want stability for her.” I look from Willow to him. I know he mentioned he isn’t with Ashley but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other girls. The thought hurts a little.

  “I want to be part of both your lives Harley. There’s no girlfriends. ” He whispers as he leans against me to look at Willow in my arms. Willows little hand holds onto my finger just like she did when she was a baby.

  “I don’t want to rush into anything Caleb…” I whisper. He leans closer to me and uses his index finger to touch her little hand. Her little finger opens and I move my hand away and Caleb’s finger replaces mine. His fingers are bigger than mine and rougher, he leans his chin on my shoulder as he strokes our daughters little hand and she holds onto his finger with dear life.

  CHAPTER 22

  I hear giggling down the hall. I open my eyes slowly, I remember Caleb arriving after Jace…Oh Jace…he hit me. I touch my lip and flinch when I feel the little cut. I don’t remember falling asleep though. Looking around the bed…I don’t remember getting under the covers either. The blankets are tucked around me, I stretch my legs and eventually get up to look for my little girl. I look at the clock and realize its already after ten, I need to start packing if I want to make it to my mother’s anytime soon.

  I walk down the passage and I smell something burning.

  I start laughing when I see Caleb over the stove trying to flip pancakes but the pancake flies out the pan and lands on the stove. Willow is sitting in the little chair by the table giggling and watching him. The little scene makes me smile and my heart clench.

  “Mommy! Help him.” Willow giggles as she spots me. I pick her up and give her a kiss and hug. Caleb turns to look at me and he has flour on his face and in his hair. I start laughing with Willow.

  “Are you burning down my kitchen?” I laugh at him and he chuckles.

  “I’m sorry Harlz, I really tried…” he says pouting and Harley jumps up in my arms with her arms wide for Caleb. Caleb smiles at her then me as if he’s asking for permission. I smile and nod and Caleb takes her from me and I take the pan out of his hand.

  Caleb flops her over and acts as if he is going to bite her tummy, Willow squeals and giggles and the father/daughter moment makes my eyes water, I quickly turn my head to the stove so they don’t see the tears.

  I make a couple pancakes and a few minutes’ later Caleb steps into the kitchen after putting cartoons on for Willow. He sits on the counter next to where I’m cooking on the stove and eats a pancake.

  He moans, “You alw
ays knew how to make the best pancakes.”

  I laugh, “And you always were a crappy cook.”

  “I like that.” he says smiling at me.

  “What?” I asked confused.

  “You…laughing…I missed it.” he says looking down at the pancake in his hand. I smile and shake my head.

  “You can use my shower if you like?” I say motioning to the flour in his hair.

  He jumps off the table and reaches for his keys. “Where you going?” I ask and I can’t hide the fact that my voice sounded freaked because I did panic for a second there at the thought of him already leaving.

  He smiles then walks up to me and lifts up my chin with one finger, “I’m not leaving, I have extra clothes in my car. I’m going to fetch them and come back. I’ll be two minutes.” He quickly runs out the apartment and not even a few minutes later he’s back locking the door behind him.

  While Caleb was showering, I got Willow ready and sat her at the counter to eat. Caleb came out looking all fresh and walks over to sit next to Willow. I dish them out pancakes and Caleb instantly reaches for the chocolate syrup and so does Willow. He smiles and I laugh. I hate chocolate syrup but Willow loves it so I buy it for her. I remember Caleb used to love that stuff too. I walk past him picking up toys and mumble. “Definitely yours…” he turns around and gives me the biggest grin.

  “Love hearing that…” he shows me his dimples.

  I hear a knock on the door and my smile immediately fades. Caleb gets up quickly and comes toward me, I don’t realize I’m standing there frozen staring at the door until Caleb is right in front of me looking down at me. “I won’t let him hurt you baby. Not anymore…”