In Darkness Lost

by Ariel Paiement

  I put my arms around his neck, heart thudding. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why close yourself off to me? I thought I’d lost you, and… When I got back… When my mother was dead, I thought I’d lost everyone I cared about. I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.”

  He shook his head. “That was never true.”

  My eyes glittered with tears. Then he was kissing me. And the pain was starting to become bearable again. It felt like maybe, just maybe, I could face the world again. But only if I knew he was going to help me do it. Because I knew, even if no one else did, I couldn’t make it without his steady strength and loyal love guiding me.

  I let myself fall into his kiss, not ever wanting it to stop. When it did, I looked at him. “Promise me that you won’t ever withdraw and leave me alone again.”

  He looked at me. There, in his eyes, I saw something battling against his willingness to promise. I briefly wondered what it was.

  “Promise me…” I pressed, my voice softening.

  “I promise. I love you, Dairdra, and I won’t let anything get in the way of that again.” His answer, when it finally came, was quiet and fierce.

  I nodded. I wanted to ask him again if he’d ever consider marrying me, but I didn’t think either of us was ready to consider that option seriously yet.

  “Thank you.” I pressed my lips against his again.

  He kissed me back, and I tightened my grip on him. Despite his promise, I was still worried I might lose him again anyway. Scared that if I lost him, I might not get him back.

  When he pulled away again, he whispered, “They’re holding your mother’s funeral in two days. I’ll stay with you for as long as you need, but you need to promise me not to think about dying again. You can’t leave me. Not after everything we’ve gone through. You can’t die now. You promise me that.” He looked at me, earnest.

  I looked back, uncertain. “But what if I can’t help it? I am on the battlefield. I am the Queen, and I have to be out there leading my people. That’s not exactly safe.”

  “Then just promise me that you’ll do everything in your power to avoid dying.”

  “I think I can do that.” I nodded. “I promise you that, Crypt.” I whispered.

  “And… One more thing… I’ll have to talk to the Council about it, but with their permission, when the war is over, will you marry me?” He smiled down at me.

  I sat there, shocked and dizzy. He’d asked me! I had been beginning to think he never would. But he had. He’d finally asked me.

  My voice dropped even quieter until he could barely hear my answer. “If we both live through this war, and you get the council’s approval, I’ll marry you, Crypt Valldresson.”

  My words hung softly in my ears long after he went, and for the first time since the beginning of the war, I truly felt that we might be able to win the war after all. Crypt had agreed to help me, and he’d asked me to marry him.

  And I’d said yes.

  I’d said yes!

  I smiled, laughing.

  Walking to the window, I threw the shutters on the windows open to let the sun’s brilliant rays into my bedroom. I closed my eyes, soaking up the rays of warmth. Just yesterday, these rays had seemed piercing and cold, but now, they filled me with hope and joy.

  Laughing, I leaned out the window slightly to look at the kingdom, which sprawled out beneath me in snowy hills. I grinned. “I said yes!” I whispered. “We’re going to get married. We really are. All I have to do is get us both through this war, and I can finally be happy. I can have that happily-ever-after ending I’ve always wanted.” I laughed, turning from the windows and spinning about in dizzying circles.

  I finally collapsed onto the bed, out of breath. The room spun in giddy circles around me as the dizziness swooped over me. Finally, something had gone right after so much had gone wrong. I smiled up at the ceiling. Even in the storm, apparently, things could sometimes go right. Just when I thought nothing would ever go right again, something good happened to prove me wrong. Well, it’s about time something went right. I thought.

  Chapter 12: Crypt

  I’d promised not to leave Dairdra alone again if she needed me. Now I had to honor that promise.

  I sat on my bed in my little room at the palace, head cradled in my hands. What could I do? This situation was getting out of hand, and I didn’t know how to handle it anymore. I couldn’t tell Dairdra what I’d done, and I couldn’t quit on Cyril’s king. If I did he would kill my sister, and then I’d be alone. I’d have Dairdra, true, but I wouldn’t be able to deal with the knowledge that I’d chosen her over my own sister.

  Tears leaked out of my eyes and trailed down my cheeks splashing coldly against the amulet I was holding. It was the amulet that Dairdra’s father had been clutching when Dairdra found him lying in a pool of his own blood - dead.

  I was supposed to return it to the Cyrillian assassin, but I hadn’t. Instead, I’d created a fake and enchanted that before giving it to her. But now I wondered why I’d bothered. The real one was redundant now. We were at war with Cyril anyway.

  But I had to make a report about what I’d found. It was due by the end of the day. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to move to write down what I needed to. I sat on the bed, still gazing at the amulet through my tears.

  Someone knocked on the door. I didn’t answer, hoping whoever it was would go away. But they didn’t. Instead, the door, creaked open.

  I tried to compose myself, wiping the tears away with the heel of my hand. I reminded myself then that I really needed to put enchantments on the door to lock it so people wouldn’t just barge in.

  But those thoughts vanished when I saw Dairdra walk in. She took one look at my face and sat down on the bed next to me. She rested her head on my shoulder, and then she whispered. “Crypt, please. Stop lying to me. There’s something wrong, and I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  I trembled. I could not tell her. It would mean her death. “I’m just… Struggling to cope with the problems between me and my sister.” I whispered.

  She nodded. “Is that all? Every time you look at me, there’s such pain in your eyes… Am I…” She hesitated, biting her lip before continuing. “Is it my fault?”

  I laughed the suggestion off. In a way, yes, it was her fault. But I needed to make sure that her suspicions were assuaged so that she would stop prying. “Of course not.” I murmured. “Why would it be your fault?”

  She fiddled with the hem of her blue lace shirt. “Well, I just… I mean, yesterday, when I asked you to promise me you wouldn’t leave me alone again… You looked like you were about to break. Like you were feeling terrible about something or like you were in horrible pain. And so I thought that it was me…”

  “It’s not. I’ve just been trying to figure out how to deal with all this. I haven’t been sleeping well either.” I admitted.

  She leaned closer against me, arms going around my neck. “Is there anything I can do, Crypt?”

  I shook my head. “Not really. I’m sorry, Dairdra.”

  She looked crestfallen. I felt awful for deceiving her, but it was necessary. I put my arms around her waist, kissing her softly. “It’ll be okay, Dairdra. We just have to trust that we’ll get out of it, alright.” I whispered.

  She nodded. “If you’re sure.”

  “I am.” I lied.

  She hugged me tightly for a brief moment before she stood up. “I have to go. I just wanted to be sure that you were all right.”

  I nodded, smiling at her. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

  She smiled back. “I love you, Crypt.”

  “I love you too.” I fought to keep back the tears.

  When this was all over, would she say that to me again? Would she forgive me for what I did to keep her alive? Or would she hate me for it for the rest of our lives?

  She gave me one more smile, and then she was gone.

  I heaved a sigh, collapsing back onto the pillows.

  My weary ey
es were drifting shut for a moment of sleep when I felt a vibration in the air. A call was coming in from somewhere, but I couldn’t think who would be establishing a link with me. I didn’t have that many friends, and I’d been taken out of schooling when I officially became Court Wizard three days ago after Dairdra finally finished the paperwork for it.

  Huffing at the disturbance, I sat up. I conjured my own link, connecting it to whoever was calling.

  I stiffened when I saw who it was. With a flick of my wrist, I placed enchantments up around the walls and doors. They were weak ones, but they would keep all sound within the room away from prying ears, and my door would remain locked by enchantments until I removed them.

  “Paranoid, are we?” A young woman’s voice flitted through the link.

  Her gaze flicked around the room. “Where are you?” She snapped.

  “None of your business! You were the one who just called without checking up on who was around first. What do you think you’re doing just calling me like this, anyway? What do you want?” I hissed.

  “Tsk. Tsk. Temper, temper.” She wagged a finger at me.

  “You talk to me about temper, you witch? Do you think I don’t know that you’re the one who killed Dairdra’s mother? You were on the staff, and you’re the only one I couldn’t account for when I checked. You killed the King, and now you’ve killed the Queen.”

  She smiled, the look chilling me to the core. “I didn’t kill the Queen. Your precious Dairdra is the Queen, mage boy.”

  “What’d you call for?” I snapped.

  “My master has some worries. He thinks you might be having second thoughts about cooperating with us because you’ve let yourself get all tangled up with that simpering girl who is playing at being Queen. Anyway, she’s four years your younger. And she’s only fifteen. Why is she in charge? During a war, no less.” The woman examined her manicured, silver-painted nails. “Regardless, the king asked me to call to be sure that wasn’t the case.”

  I scowled at her. “My feelings are my business. I’m not backing out of this just because of them. You already know I won’t abandon my sister or you wouldn’t have bothered to blackmail me with her life! And don’t you dare bring her age into this. It has nothing to do with anything. She’ll do fine as acting Queen.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Your feelings for her won’t get in the way, will they? That must be why you gave me this.” With a smirk, she pulled my faked pendant out of her pocket, dangling it in front of me. “It isn’t the original. How stupid do you think we are, mage boy?” She hissed.

  I blanched. “I… I had to… I needed to keep the original or the scholars will know the difference. It doesn’t matter anyway because our countries are already at war. So even if they know that it was Cyril who killed King Rillannon it won’t matter.” I reasoned.

  She smiled. “Lucky for you, my master sees things that way too. I’m the only one upset by this. He says that he doesn’t want any more attempts at double crossing us, though, boy, or he’ll kill your precious sister and your girlfriend.”

  My cheeks went hot. “She’s not…” I stuttered, anger coursing through my veins at the casual way she talked about Dairdra. One look at her face and I stopped. It didn’t matter anyway. I glowered at her. “So if you didn’t call me up to tell me that you’ve killed my sister for my supposed treachery, then what do you want?”

  “Well, we want you to leave the outlying bases open to attack. You placed all these annoying barriers around the forts, and our mages can’t get through them. So you need to leave a chink in them all. And you need to tell us where they are.” Her voice took on a menacing tone as she jabbed a finger at me in accusation.

  I sat in silence, gaping at her. She wanted me to leave a way into the forts so that they could just march in and slaughter my countrymen? How could I possibly do such an immoral thing?

  She sighed. “Well? Say something, you idiot boy. Don’t just gawk.”

  “I… You… I can’t…” I stammered.

  “Well, you’d better find a way that you can, because otherwise, I’ll personally kill your sister. And I’ll torture her while recording it just so I can send it to you as a little memento of what we do to the loved ones of those who defy us. And, as a matter of fact, what we do to those who defy us, too, mage boy.” She hissed.

  “Last time we met, you told me you’d never harm children. Guess you got over that scruple!” I spat, knowing she couldn’t slap me or injure me from across the link.

  “We’re playing with your sister’s life, dear boy. If I don’t like how you’re speaking or dealing with us, I can have her killed or do it myself.”

  I thought about it. This might be my one chance to engineer safety for Dairdra. But I needed to play it right. “Alright.” I sighed. “I’ll do it. But I want you to throw something else into the bargain for me.”

  She gave me a bemused smile. “What more would you ask of us? If you don’t cooperate, we’ll kill her. So I fail to see how you can bargain with my master or with anyone for that matter.”

  “I want you to leave Dairdra alive. Let us run. We’ll leave the country. I promise that I’ll get her out of Argent and make sure she never returns. Just… You have to promise to let us both live.”

  “Even if we were to agree to this harebrained idea, mage boy, your beloved Queen will hate you. She’s going to find out what you did in the end. You know she will.” She glanced up from toying with her knife. “Let me give you a piece of advice.” She paused. “Don’t let yourself love her. It’s foolishness. You either pick her or your sister. You can’t have both.”

  I shook my head. Now was the time when I decided between them if I couldn’t have both. “No. You either grant Dairdra’s life to me along with my sister’s, or you won’t get any more from me. In fact, I’ll even help Argent by telling them everything I know.”

  “What about your sister? You’d just leave her to die? Because if you do this, we’ll kill her.”

  I thought carefully. Could I leave my sister to die just to save Dairdra? I hated myself for it, but I could. My sister was very close to my heart, but I had to face the fact that without Dairdra, I couldn’t go on living. I would be too broken to fix without her. If saving my sister meant her death, I might as well kill myself and have done with it.

  “Yes, I would.” I whispered.

  She laughed. “So heartless and cold, mage boy. Your only sister and you’d abandon her to save your Queen? Amazing.” She shook her head.

  “My allegiance lies with my Queen first. So, you either give me both of their lives when this over, or I’ll personally destroy you. I’ll kill anyone I have to just to kill you and your master if you don’t.” I answered, my voice low and dark.

  She smiled again, eyes cold. “I admire your courage, mage boy.” She sighed. “I will contact you again in two days’ time with my master’s decision. If you do not hear from me by then, you can assume that your sister is dead. Because — if you don’t hear back — that means he’s decided that you and your precious Queen can die together. If you pursue this path you propose and he does not agree, know that he will kill you both. And you’ll watch them both die before we end you too.”

  I shuddered. But I couldn’t back down. I had to fight for what I believed was right. I might not be able to tell Dairdra about this while there was still a chance that my sister might live, but if the King of Cyril turned me down, I would let my sister die. Of course, I’d kill everyone responsible for killing her in vengeance for what they’d done, but if she died, she died.

  I didn’t think it would come to that though. King Vill wouldn’t want to lose the one person who could actually tip the balance of the war. No matter what anyone did or didn’t say, I knew that I was the most powerful mage in Argent, if not on the whole planet, potentially anyway. And if I didn’t want Cyril to win, they wouldn’t. And he knew it too. Just as he knew that he could easily control me, powerful or no, with my sister’s life. But now, he would have to
give me Dairdra too, or I’d unleash such a storm of wrath on him that he wouldn’t know what happened.

  I clenched my jaw, tipping my chin up to look her in the eyes. “I’ll fight for what I believe is right. And if you or anyone else tries to stop me, I will kill you all.” I whispered.

  She gave me a cold stare, and then the link terminated.

  I sat there in numb silence for a moment. I had either condemned my sister or saved her and Dairdra. I had either done something very stupid, or done something powerful and wonderful.

  Remarkably, I felt calm as I dissolved the wards around my room and door. Drained, I collapsed back onto my bed, falling asleep instantly.

  Chapter 13: Crypt

  I leaned back against my pillows. A surge of emotions traveled through me. Love, relief, guilt. Confidence too.

  Yesterday, the Cyrillian assassin had contacted me to tell me that King Vill agreed. Dairdra’s life was saved because of my treachery. If she wanted to hate me forever, so be it, but I preferred to have her alive to hate me than to have her dead and unable to decide either way.

  A wave of guilt assailed me then. I was lying to the one person who meant the most to me, and today when I headed out with her to visit another base, my treachery would be taken to the next level. Because while I was putting up wards, I’d be leaving a small “door” in my protections so that Cyril could get in. My face burned in shame, but I pushed the feeling away.

  The last thing that I could afford right now was guilt. Dairdra’s face filled my mind, and I felt giddy. So much had happened in the last two days since Dairdra had said yes to my proposal. I’d agreed to let the whole Cyrillian force through my barriers in the outlying outposts of Argent in return for her life. Her mother was buried. Lastly, I’d talked to the Council about marrying Dairdra, and they had said yes with no exceptions. Everyone in the palace knew who I was, and it was gratifying to know they approved unanimously of a marriage between me and Dairdra.