Handful of Heaven

by Jillian Hart

  Yeah, he thought he was so funny with that glint in his eye, so confident and young. “Those are my lines, and I—”

  The bell over the door chimed, announcing a new customer. Why did she automatically spin to see if it was Evan walking through her door?

  “He’s here.” Alex waggled his brows. “And he brought flowers. Yeah, this is so not a date.”

  “He just has good manners.”

  “Sure, Mom, whatever you say.” Alex gave her a knowing look as he took a long pull on his milkshake. Like any teenager, he thought he knew everything.

  And he would be wrong. Evan wasn’t interested in her. How could he be? Like her, he was probably work-weary and, since he’d never remarried, he probably liked it that way. She understood about wounds that no one could see, and they had a profound influence on the way someone lived their life.

  “Paige.” Evan held out the wrapped bouquet of yellow tulips and daisies, small and modest and friendly. “I noticed you always keep fresh flowers by the cash register, so when I saw these I thought you could use them.”

  See? Good manners, just as she’d thought. “They’re lovely, and that’s thoughtful of you, considering I’m the one who owes you a favor.”

  “After tonight, we’re even.” He handed her the flowers with a good-humored grin.

  “Unless something else comes up and you help me out again.” She brushed the edge of a daisy’s silken petals with her fingertips. “Brianna, could you put these in water? And you can handle things until I get back?”

  “Yeah, and Dave’s, like, in charge. So chill and have a good time with Mr. Thornton.” Brianna cracked her gum and waggled her brows.

  It was probably hard for a teenage girl to understand. Paige knew, because she’d once been like that, too, filled with ideas of romance. But no more. She fetched her book bag from beneath the front counter and grabbed her jacket from the rack by the door. It surprised her when Evan caught hold of the sleeve and helped her into her coat.

  He was only being a gentleman, which he proved again as he held the door for her. She listened to the delighted goodbyes from Alex and Brianna and rolled her eyes.

  “At least it’s a nice enough evening that we can walk.”

  “It is.” Was that his attempt at starting a conversation? Paige listened to the echo of their shoes on the concrete. “It looks as if your back is doing better.”

  “I’m happy to say I made a full recovery.”

  “Now that there’s no snow to shovel?”

  “Yep. I want you to know I’m fit and hearty, and that was only a momentary weakness.”

  “I never doubted your vitality. You’re just past forty.”

  He laughed. “Thanks. I feel so much better now.”

  “Glad I could help.” She liked the way small, hardly noticeable character lines cut into the corners of his eyes. He really was a handsome man, she thought, in a friendly way. “I want to thank you again for recommending Phil. I’ve hired him to start renovations.”

  “Sounds like that leak was just the start of your problems.”

  “It’s sad but true. Phil’s promised that he can keep me open for business through just about everything. The customers won’t even know he’s there.”

  “Good. A lot of folks depend on your diner.”

  “I know. Some days it’s just nice not to have to cook. I’m thankful that so many people come to my place when they’re feeling like that.”

  “Are you kidding? You’ve got some of the best food in the county. Why do you think I drive all the way from work, and past I don’t know how many restaurants on the way, for your roasted chicken and dumplings? So, what do you do when you’re too tired to cook?”

  “That’s not a luxury I have, but I don’t mind.”

  They waited for a lone minivan to amble along the street. Paige recognized her cousin Karen behind the wheel, as she slowed to wave and smile. It didn’t take a psychic to figure out what her cousin was thinking. Evan was standing at her side, with less than a few inches between them.

  Anyone watching would leap to the wrong conclusion. It was strange, because the male at her side was usually her son. Now, she was walking through town with a handsome, eligible bachelor.

  Paige waved as Karen drove by. As she and Evan stepped off the curb in sync, she gathered her courage. It might be her only time to ask such a personal question. “How did you manage after your youngest son went off to college?”

  He missed a step but recovered his balance. “That’s a tough question.”

  “Sorry. It’s probably too personal. I didn’t mean—”

  “No, it’s all right.” He quickly reassured her, jamming his hands into his jacket pockets. “I could say something easy, like I finally had some peace and quiet.”

  “That’s overrated.”

  “It is. I now have sole possession of the remote control. No teenager making messes in my kitchen, my bathroom or my car.”

  “Apparent plusses.”

  “On the surface, yeah. I also don’t have to sit up waiting for Cal to come in at night, trying not to worry about every disaster that could happen on the road between the Youth Center in town and home. But it’s not the real truth. Not at all.”

  Paige heard the hitch of emotion in his rumbling baritone. She wondered at the depth of feeling that lay hidden beneath the surface. “I bet your house seems empty. I know my home sure will be.”

  And because that hurt, she stared down at the blacktop beneath her sneakers and tried to swallow past her tight throat. It wasn’t just her house that would be empty, but her life.

  “The truth is, I can’t get over missing them. I’m glad for my boys. They both have good starts in this world. They are smart and strong and make solid decisions. I did everything I could to raise them up to be good men. I’ve never been so proud.”

  “You did a good job.”

  “At the same time, I’ve lost my sons. They will never again be my boys running through my house, making enough noise to drive a normal person crazy.”

  She liked that he smiled, and dimples dug into his lean cheeks. She could just bet he was a wonderful father. She could feel all he did not say. “They’re men, now.”

  “Yep. It’s the way it’s meant to be, but the void they leave behind is something that can suck you down like light in a black hole, if you let it.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve taken care of everyone for most of my life. I raised my brother and sisters and my Alex. I used to think that I missed my chance at my own life. I went from being a child to an orphan and right into being a responsible adult. I don’t regret it.”

  “Neither do I. Not for a second.”

  Paige had to like him better for his words. “I always figured when my son was raised, I would finally get my chance to do what I want. Now that that time is here, it’s not exciting at all. I don’t want things to change.”

  “It’s bittersweet.”

  “Exactly.”

  Evan slowed as the sidewalk on the other side of the street neared. “Running the diner isn’t what you want?”

  “It was never my life’s ambition, but it has kept me busy and my family provided for.”

  “It’s a pretty integral part of this town. Folks drive for miles just for your chocolate milkshakes.”

  “So people tell me.” She left their conversation at that, stepping up her pace until she was on the sidewalk, getting a little ahead of him.

  Some things hurt too much. Her future should be an exciting one; it was a new phase of life for her, too. It was scary to think about, but she wanted to go to college. Maybe travel a bit. But the fun things she’d always planned on doing one day did not look as exciting now as they’d been before.

  The night felt colder and the dark oppressive, and she could not escape into the light and warmth fast enough, away from the hurt she knew was to come. Alex wasn’t just her son. He was her whole life. And now that her sisters had married and their lives were so busy, Ale
x was all she had left.

  After he moved away, she would be alone. Truly alone. For the first time in her life.

  Evan sat at one of the small wooden tables in the town’s coffee shop, unable to purge Paige’s words from his mind. Now that that time is here, it’s not exciting at all. I don’t want things to change.

  Change was inevitable. That was simply life. He knew that from first-hand experience. The major turning points in his life had never been of his choosing. When he looked back, it wasn’t his logical thoughts that had chosen Liz for a wife. His heart had. A pure leap of faith and heart. They had been happy for a little while.

  But her betrayal had been out of his control. Time passed and as the boys grew up and left home. The decades of his life seemed to be adding up. And, he feared, he was all out of turning points. All out of new directions. He wanted his life to change. He wasn’t happy.

  After hearing Paige’s words tonight, he knew he wasn’t alone. So, Lord, what does that mean?

  He didn’t expect the good Father to answer. As Karen Drake, part owner of the shop and cousin to Paige, spoke about the changes in her life, he stared at his own Bible. The black type blurred against the crisp white page.

  Lord, what do You have in store for me, which will bring me hope and a good future?

  He wanted his life to change. He’d lived for his sons. For many, many years that had been more than enough. But the endless months of solitude had become a sadness that he feared would go on forever.

  He feared that the long loneliness of his future would be broken up by the occasional phone call from the boys, and, as time passed, they would come with their wives and children to visit. But when they left, the loneliness would be sharper. The sadness deeper.

  The stages of life were inevitable. He could see that. The women who were wives and mothers, like Karen, managed to squeeze this Bible study into their busy schedules. One day those mothers would be where he was and Paige would soon be. Time was a relentless wheel always turning and leaving only memories behind.

  He did not want to look back in one year or five or ten and see no real memories.

  He didn’t want to find that his heart had atrophied from having no one to love.

  He did not know what the answer was. He didn’t know if he could trust another woman enough to date again. He’d have to open his heart, open his life and hope that he wasn’t on a path as destructive as his marriage had been.

  As he looked around the room, he saw several settled couples. Husbands and wives who were raising their kids and had it together. They sat side by side, leaning slightly toward one another as if they were always just a little connected, even in public. Those secret looks, knowing smiles and silent communication spoke of the kind of bond Evan had never been privileged to know.

  The hard punch of emotion in his chest, feelings he couldn’t begin to sort out, left him distracted. He should be paying attention. But the lines before him seemed to brighten. Was it time to make a change?

  The truth was, he’d learned the hard way that a marriage depended on both husband and wife working together. Making good choices. Renewing their love and commitment and belief in one another every day. Day by day. That was putting a whole lot of faith in another person.

  What no one told you about marriage was that a man wasn’t only putting his faith in the hope that love would last, but also in the woman he married. He had to have faith that every decision she would make in the years to come would be for the good.

  When a man trusted a woman enough to marry her, he was trusting her with his heart, his soul, his children, his home, his finances, his everything. He’d been burned—and burned hard—by Liz.

  But that didn’t mean there weren’t women who would never harm their husbands. Who would never hurt them. Never lie or cheat or betray the man they loved.

  Why was he so aware of Paige at his side? Her presence shone through him like the warm rays of a summer sun and he felt illuminated.

  Time flew. Before he knew it, he was muttering “Amen” following the final prayer. The small group was breaking up, talking and starting on their goodbyes.

  It surprised him how fast Paige had popped out of her chair and was busily stuffing her book and Bible into her big floral bag. She’d purposefully turned her back to him and was chatting with one of her cousins. Evan recognized the young lady. She was one of the younger girls in the family, and she’d worked at the diner during her teenage years. Kelly, he thought the girl’s name was, gazed up at Paige with unmistakable admiration.

  That’s when it hit him once again the kind of lady Paige McKaslin really was. She gave away cinnamon rolls and connection. She worked endlessly to cook and serve other people. Her diner supported her family and many of her cousins through their school and college years. Her business was a place in the community where friends joined, and lonely souls could find a hot cup of good coffee and kindness.

  No man is an island, he knew, and he didn’t want to be alone anymore.

  He hadn’t believed he could find a woman he could trust. A woman who stayed, who faced her responsibilities, and who did so without bitterness and resentment.

  How long had he prayed for such a woman to love, to be a helpmate, just to have and to hold, after Liz had left and before the hurt she’d caused settled deep into his heart?

  Forever. He’d given up. He’d let bitterness in. He’d closed off his heart to the possibility of ever being hurt like that again. And God’s answer might have been in front of him all along.

  Chapter Nine

  Sunday morning’s torrential rain chased her through the diner’s back door. What had happened to May’s gentle weather? Where was spring?

  The last few days had felt like total chaos, and with the morning sermon still fresh in her mind, Paige slipped her Bible on the end of the counter, shrugged out of her drenched raincoat, and vowed to put order back into her life.

  No more stray thoughts about Evan Thornton. No more faint wishes for fairy tales. God had given her a perfectly good life; it was enough. In fact, it was more than enough. It took all her energy to keep it in order.

  Look at the kitchen. She had slipped out to the early morning service, and see what happened in her absence. Prep work was scattered everywhere. “Alex!”

  Where was that boy? And, with a sting of excitement, she wondered, where was Amy? Hadn’t she turned up for work this morning? Had she been able to take a pregnancy test? Was she pregnant?

  Joy at that happy thought chased away her annoyance at her wayward son. He was only a teenager, and therefore innately distractible, and so she’d simply hunt him down and get him back on task.

  The bulk of their Sunday-morning business wouldn’t hit until after the main morning service at the town churches, and so there was plenty of time to right this sinking ship.

  “Alex?” She ignored the rainwater sluicing off the jacket as she hung it up. And, speaking of teenagers, where were the twins?

  She wove through the abandoned kitchen and peeked out into the dining room—there were only the old-timers finishing up a quiet breakfast before heading over to services. Their cups looked freshly refilled and their plates had been bussed, so the twins couldn’t have gone too far.

  “Have you seen the kids?” she asked Ed Brisbane when she caught his eye.

  “Don’t know what they were up to. They were in the office arguing in whispers, but we could hear ’em.”

  “The office?” That didn’t make any sense. She was the only one who handled the paperwork.

  “Then I heard the back door slam shut. Haven’t seen ’em since.”

  That can’t be good. “Okay. Thanks. How about Amy?”

  “Caught sight of her running down the hall looking like a woman with morning sickness.” Ed’s merry eyes twinkled. “At least, that’s the way it looked to me.”

  “Me, too.” Since the restrooms were closer, Paige hurried down the short hallway and burst through the door to find the twins hovering over
the sinks.

  “Paige! Amy’s really, really sick!” They both flew at her, talking in unison.

  It was a relief to see them; at least they weren’t outside in this rain, for whatever reason. “Amy, are you all right?”

  “Yes,” came a weak reply from inside one of the stalls.

  Definitely morning sickness, Paige thought as she rounded on the twins. “Where’s Alex?”

  “Uh…” Brianna traded worried glances with her twin.

  Both girls said nothing more for a moment, as if stumped as to what to say. “He’s, uh…”

  “Where is he?” Alarm pounded through her. His truck had been parked in the back lot. He wouldn’t have gone out on foot in this weather, right? “He’s supposed to be helping with the brunch prep.”

  “I don’t wanna tell ya.” Brandilyn gave a longing look toward the door. “‘Cuz it’ll really upset ya and stuff.”

  Alarm transformed into panic. A thousand possible disasters zoomed into her mind. “What is going on? Just tell me.”

  “He’s…he’s on the r-roof,” Brianna stammered. “It’s, like, leaking.”

  “What?” All she could see was disaster. It was raining so hard. “You mean he’s up on the roof? Right now?”

  “Don’t worry—”

  “—but we’ve got a bucket under the leak—” the twins said in unison.

  Amy’s voice sounded, thin but steadfast, on the other side of the stall. “Paige, go after him. I didn’t know—” And that’s as far as she got.

  “What do we do?” the twins asked breathlessly.

  “Brandilyn, go hold her hair if you don’t mind. Brianna, call Heath, ok? Amy, I’ll be right back, sweetie.”

  There was only a moan of misery. Sympathy for her sister’s condition fueled Paige’s trek through the kitchen and out the back door. She, too, had been enormously sick the entire time she was carrying Alex. Making a mental note to take Amy off the schedule in no uncertain terms—allowing her light duty only when she was feeling well enough—she slipped back into her dripping raincoat and hurried out into what felt like a hurricane.