Missing Pieces

by Ivy Smoak

  His pretend shocked face disappeared. He nodded.

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "I was waiting for you to finish school. I didn't want..."

  "The bank is taking back the bar at the end of next month? We barely have any time to fix this. You should have told me."

  "I didn't tell you because there's nothing we can do."

  "Of course there is. I don't even understand what happened. Everything seemed fine over winter break. And there's tons of people out there right now. It doesn't add up. We should be cash flow positive."

  "We are. I've...been using the money."

  "For what?"

  He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I didn't want you to find out like this."

  "Find out what?"

  "All the money has been going to my chemo treatments."

  My whole body suddenly felt cold. "Chemo? What are you talking about?"

  His eyes looked slightly teary. He clasped his hands together on the top of his desk, like this was just a normal business meeting. "I have lung cancer."

  I shook my head. "No. Dad. You can't..." I put my hand over my mouth.

  "I do."

  "No. We have to go get a second opinion. That's impossible. You've never even smoked."

  He shook his head. "I've gotten a second opinion."

  "Okay, so what can we do next?"

  "Nothing. I'm dying, Hails."

  "But can't you get treatment? Can't..."

  "We can't afford to try anything else."

  "Of course we can. We can figure it out. Just like we always have."

  "I borrowed money against the bar. Against our house. Against my car. There's nothing left."

  I shook my head.

  "And we have your college loans to think about now."

  "Screw that. There has to be something else we can do."

  "Insurance won't cover any of the experimental treatments that my doctor has recommended. There is nothing else. Chemo didn't work. Radiation didn't work. It's the end of the road for me. We just have to use the time we've been given."

  I tried to blink away the tears. "How much time?" My voice came out as a whisper.

  "Four months."

  I shook my head as the tears started to spill down my cheeks. "You can't just give up."

  "I'm not giving up." He stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm choosing to enjoy my last few months with my girl."

  "Dad." My voice cracked. I couldn't lose him. He was the only family I had.

  "Chin up," he said and lightly tapped under my chin. He used to do that whenever I was upset growing up. It reminded me to be brave. It reminded me to be strong.

  And I needed to be brave for the next thing I had to say to him. "What about Elena?"

  He sighed. "She won't help us. And I don't want her to."

  "Dad, I know she has the money."

  "And she has no reason to give it to us."

  "I've never asked her for anything. I could..."

  "No. I don't want a cent from her. We've never needed a thing from her and we don't now either."

  I pressed my lips together. How could he not want to try? How could he be giving up? And then I realized that maybe he had been fighting this for longer than I knew. Maybe he had been fighting alone the whole time I had been away. "When did you get diagnosed?"

  "Halfway through your junior year."

  "Why didn't you tell me?" For a year and a half he had been suffering alone. We told each other everything. At least, we used to.

  "Because I knew you'd come home to help. I wanted you to finish school."

  "You should have told me, Dad."

  "And wouldn't you have come back?"

  "Of course."

  "Then I made the right decision."

  "We're supposed to be a team, Dad."

  "We are a team. But being a parent is also about making sacrifices for your child."

  "I didn't ask you to do that."

  "You being born asked that of me." He touched the bottom of my chin again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I'm glad you're home now, though. I could use the extra help around the bar. I haven't been feeling up to it."

  I nodded. I suddenly saw the wrinkles around his mouth and the hollow look of his eyes. He looked sick. He looked like a shadow of the man I had left behind to go to college. And he was telling me not to feel guilty about that. But I felt horrible. Had I really been so self centered that I hadn't noticed he was hurting?

  "I'm sorry about the bar. I thought...well, I thought I'd get better."

  I shook my head. "Don't worry about the bar, Dad." I embraced him in a hug. I didn't give a shit about the bar. All I really cared about in this whole world was him. He was it. I had to figure out a way to get the money for his treatment.

  "Now get back to work, your old man needs to sit down."

  "Okay." I wiped away my tears. All I could think about was that he'd never get a chance to truly grow old. I watched him sit down. He coughed again. How had I not realized he was sick?

  "It's going to be okay, hon. You're going to be okay."

  Without you? No, I wasn't. I nodded my head, but it was more of a reflex than an actual agreement. I wasn't a child. I knew that life wasn't fair. But this? My dad didn't deserve this. I swallowed down the lump in my throat as I made my way back to the bar. If the bar did well the next month, that wasn't going to change anything. That wasn't going to be enough money.

  "Here," I said and put Tyler's phone and charger down on the counter.

  "Are you okay?" he asked.

  "I'm fine." I put on my fake smile. The one I so often used around customers. The one I so often used around campus. The one I seemed to use way more than my real smile.

  "Thanks for this," he said and grabbed his phone. For a brief second his fingers brushed against mine.

  I felt a spark. This tiny spark that suddenly made me not feel like crawling under the bar and crying my eyes out. I frowned.

  He immediately moved his hand away. "And for directions," Tyler said. "I owe you one."

  I started at him. He owed me one? I'd never see him again. "Have a safe drive." I folded my arms across my chest.

  "Thanks." He hopped off the bar stool and walked out the door where he had come.

  I glanced back toward my dad's office. I wasn't ready to give up like he was. And staying here wasn't going to fix anything. I needed to see Elena. Despite what he said, she owed me. She owed me this one thing.

  I couldn't let my dad die. I couldn't. I united my apron, threw it on the bar counter, and ran after Tyler. He was just climbing into his car.

  "Let me come with you!"

  He turned his head toward me. "Um...what? I didn't think you were serious about wanting to hitchhike."

  "You said you owed me one. Let me come with you."

  "That's just an expression."

  "Please." I could hear the exasperation in my voice. He was going to think I was completely crazy.

  "Look, I don't even know where I'm going."

  "It doesn't matter. As long as you end up in California."

  "Why don't you just take a flight?"

  "I don't have the money. But, I mean, I have some. I can help pay for gas. Or whatever you need."

  "I don't know if..."

  I grabbed the handle of the passenger side door and climbed into his car. He was fucking taking me to California whether he wanted to or not.

  Chapter 4

  Tyler

  Friday

  I glanced back at the bar and then back at the girl that had just climbed into my car. Who the hell did she think she was? I leaned down and ducked my head into my car. "I really don't think..."

  "I'm not crazy or anything, I swear. It's not like I'm going to kill you. I just need a ride. And you're going to California anyway. And there's an empty seat here."

  This girl was out of her mind. So why did I not feel like protesting? Maybe it was her long legs. Or her dark brown eyes. Or the energy that seemed to
radiate off of her. I had been driving aimlessly for a week. I was going crazy. Maybe it would be nice to have some company.

  Her eyes met mine. It looked like she had been crying.

  "Are you in some sort of trouble or something?"

  "No. Please, Tyler. I just need a ride."

  Fuck. How was I supposed to say no to that face?

  "If you want, I won't say a word. You can just pretend I'm not here. Please." She was blinking hard and she subtly wiped a tear from her cheek.

  "You're sure you're not running from the cops or anything?" I tried not to laugh at the irony of my question. Technically I was kind of guilty of that.

  "No. I just need a ride. That's it."

  "You're not going to rape me or anything?" Now I was just teasing her. I didn't want her to cry anymore.

  She laughed. "No, I promise I won't rape you. We can even just agree to keep it platonic. Deal?" She put her hand out for me.

  I really didn't have anything to lose anymore anyway. "Yeah, okay. Why not?" I climbed into the car.

  "Thank you, Tyler. You have no idea how much this means to me." She put her hand on my shoulder.

  It shouldn't have affected me. I had just seen her do it with a few patrons of her bar. It was a trick to get more tips. But for some reason, it did. Like this tiny little spark that I hadn't felt in so long. For three years I had been hung up on a girl that never needed me back, chasing a spark we had only gotten to act upon once. It felt nice to be needed for a change. I put my key into the ignition. "So where's this gas station?"

  "Just down the road. Why weren't you just using your car charger?" she asked as she attached my phone to the chord.

  "I haven't needed it." I turned out of the parking lot.

  "You weren't using a GPS?"

  "Like I said, I was just driving toward California. The signs on the highway were enough."

  She nodded. "My house is right by the gas station. I just need to grab a few things."

  "Okay," I said as I pulled into the gas station. "I can drive you there when I'm done filling up."

  "Oh, that's not necessary. I promised not to inconvenience you at all. I'll just be right back." She quickly climbed out of the car and started sprinting down the street.

  What she didn't seem to realize was that she really wasn't inconveniencing me. I literally had nothing to do for a week. It should have felt like I was driving toward my future, but it felt a lot more like I was running away from my past. My roots had been cut out from underneath of me in New York. I was barely holding on. And maybe if I hadn't wound up in bumblefuck, Indiana, I would have fallen. And this time, I wasn't sure I would have been able to get back up.

  I watched her disappear into the darkness.

  Chapter 5

  Hailey

  Friday

  I grabbed a pen and looked down at the blank piece of paper. There were a million things I wanted to say to my dad. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and how sorry I was for not being there for him. But I refused to start getting sentimental and giving up. My dad wasn't going to die anytime soon if I could help it. I quickly wrote him a note so that he'd at least know where I was.

  Dad,

  I'm going to find Elena. I'll be back soon.

  Love,

  Hails

  I knew he'd freak out when he saw it. He had survived for four years on his own without me, though. He could survive another week or so. He was the strongest person I knew. I grabbed my duffel bag and hoisted it over my shoulder. I was going to fix this.

  ***

  Tyler was leaning against his car, staring down at his phone. His blonde hair fell onto his forehead and I watched him absentmindedly push it away. He had scruff on his chin, like he hadn't shaved in a few days. The look worked for him. Any look would probably work for him, really. He was very handsome. And not in the way like the guys from town. He looked more distinguished even though he was just wearing khaki shorts and a t-shirt. I would have bet that he wore a suit to some fancy job in NYC. He'd probably look really good in a suit. When he noticed me approaching, he quickly slid his phone back into his pocket.

  "That was fast," he said.

  "I was kind of packed already."

  "Do you always carry a go-bag or something? Now I'm starting to think you really are a criminal."

  I laughed. "No, I just moved back here from college and hadn't unpacked yet." I opened up the back seat and tossed my bag into the car. There were two plastic bags already on the seat, but no luggage. "Is your stuff in the trunk? Would you prefer I put my bag back there?"

  "No, that's actually all of it."

  I closed the door and looked up at him. "You're telling me you're traveling across the country with two shopping bags and nothing else?"

  "I left unexpectedly."

  "Are you homeless or something?" I said with a laugh.

  He climbed into the car, completely ignoring my question.

  Weird. I opened up the passenger side door and got in too.

  "How do you get back on the highway?" he asked as he started the car.

  "Make a right and just keep going straight. There will be a sign in a few miles."

  We were both silent as he pulled back onto the road. I studied him out of the corner of my eye. I should have been a little scared. I knew nothing about him besides for his first name and the fact that he was from NYC. But I wasn't scared. He seemed nice enough. A little closed off, but nice. Who cared if he was homeless? And as long as he wasn't running from the cops, what did it matter what he was running from?

  He cleared his throat as he got back onto the highway. "So, you're in school?"

  "Not anymore. I just graduated from Purdue."

  "Good school."

  Expensive school. "Yeah, I guess. What about you?"

  "I graduated from the University of New Castle a couple years ago."

  "Where is that?"

  "Delaware."

  "And I thought I was from a small town."

  He smiled, but didn't say anything.

  "So, you graduated from college a few years ago and now you roam around the country with two shopping bags?"

  He laughed.

  "But seriously, what did you do in New York?"

  "I'm a business reporter."

  "Oh, so you're going back?"

  He was silent for a moment. "No. I don't know. Maybe eventually, but not anytime soon."

  Yup, definitely running from something. "What does a business reporter do?"

  "It's like business journalism. I write a lot. Sometimes I give speeches. I've even been on TV a few times."

  "Really? I didn't realize you were famous." He definitely had a face for TV. I'd watch him any day.

  He laughed. "No, it's not as glamorous as it sounds. What did you study in school?"

  "Management."

  "That's a good major for your business. How did someone in their early twenties acquire a bar anyway?"

  "It's actually my dad's. He named it after me." I turned to look out the window. Guilt had suddenly decided to creep up on me. What the hell was I doing? My father was dying. And I had just abandoned him. Again.

  "That makes a little more sense. Did you major in management to help out then?"

  "I majored in management because one day I was supposed to take it over."

  "Was? Are you not anymore?"

  "Honestly, I don't really know. Nothing in life is certain." I kept my head turned toward the window. Tears were started to pool in my eyes. I blinked hard. I wasn't going to cry in front of a stranger. Part of me wanted to tell him to turn around. If I really only had four months to spend with my dad, I didn't want to spend a week traveling to California. I bit my lip. But if I didn't try to save him, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I'd be home soon. Hopefully with enough money for some experimental treatments.

  "You can say that again."

  I turned back to him. "Why'd you need a change from New York?"

  "Why'd you hop in my car and
demand to be taken to California?"

  Chapter 6

  Tyler

  Friday

  She stared at me in silence for a second. "Touché. How long is it going to take to get there?"

  "I have no idea."

  "Can we start following a GPS?"

  "I'd rather not."

  "Why?"

  "Because the voice is annoying and I don't exactly feel like being told what to do right now. Besides, I'm not in any rush."

  "I know I'm good company and everything, but I am kind of in a rush. I thought that maybe when you get tired I could drive? That way we don't have to stop at all except for food and bathroom breaks."

  "Yeah...not happening."

  "Why?"

  "Because I'm not letting a stranger drive my car."

  "Then ask me a few questions so that I'm not a stranger anymore."

  He laughed. "Look, you seem normal enough. But I was kind of doing my own thing and you hijacked that. I'm not changing what I'm doing just because you decided to come along."

  "Fine." She kicked off her flip flops and pulled her legs up onto the seat, sitting cross-legged. "We'll do it your way then. Just don't stop at every tourist location on the way or anything."

  "I wasn't planning on it." I could feel her eyes on me, but she wasn't saying anything.

  "How long have you been driving?" she eventually said.

  "A week."

  "Okay. And where have you been so far?"

  "Umm. Maryland, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana."

  "It's taken you a week to drive through four states? It's going to take a month to get to California at this rate."

  "I wasn't driving the whole time. I stopped at a motel in rural Pennsylvania for a few days."

  "Why?"

  "Because I didn't feel like doing anything." That was a lie. I had probably made one of the biggest decisions of my life earlier this week. When I was little, I always had a blast visiting my grandfather in Shippensburg. I hadn't been back since he had died when I was in college. So I drove aimlessly until I found the right church and then walked to his grave. It felt strange being back without him there. I just stared at his grave for hours. I had looked up to him. And it wasn't just because he was my grandfather. It was because he had made an actual difference, fighting for our country. He was proud of his time in the Marine Corps, and I was proud of him. The longer I had stood there, the more it seemed like I should be doing that too. Something I could be proud of. Something he would have been proud of me for. In my head it seemed like some monumental decision, but it wasn't. It was the only choice, really. What the hell else was I going to do? Go back to New York? No fucking way. I wanted to eventually look back and know that I had done something meaningful with my life. So I enlisted. I passed the physical and I requested to be as far away from the east coast as possible.