Missing Pieces

by Ivy Smoak

  "Hailey, I swear to God I never got those letters. I..."

  "I don't care about your excuses. I needed you and you weren't there. You promised me you'd write back. You promised." Her voice cracked. "I told you about my mom. You knew how much that would hurt me and you did it anyway. So I'm not going to let you lie to me anymore. I need you to leave. Now."

  Shit. "Hails, I didn't lie..."

  "Don't call me that." She put her hand on her chest, like it physically pained her to hear me call her by her nickname. "You need to go."

  "But I..."

  "I don't need you."

  "Hailey."

  "What did you expect, Tyler? Time doesn't stop just because you want it to. Time doesn't stop." She was shaking. She put her hands on the desk to steady herself.

  "You wanted to know why I'm here. I'm here to start my life with you. I'm here because I love you."

  "Well I don't love you. I just got caught up in the moment. And now the moment's over." She set her mouth in a straight line.

  "Nothing's changed. My feelings for you, if anything, have gotten stronger."

  "Please stop."

  "Can't we just pretend that the last week never happened? Can't we go back to Santa Monica and just continue where we left off?"

  "My dad died."

  Fuck. She needed me. I wasn't there for her. Damn it! "Hails, I'm so sorry." I wanted to reach out for her. I wanted to comfort her. But it seemed like she was in pain looking at me. I had hurt her and I had no idea how to fix it.

  She shook her head. "You said I wouldn't be alone. I have never felt so alone in my entire life, Tyler. If anything, meeting you made all of this way more painful because I let myself hope. I'm done. I'm tired. So I'm going to focus on saving the one thing that's left of him. And I can't have any distractions. I think it's best if you leave."

  "But I can help you."

  She shook her head again. "I don't need your help."

  "Hailey." I could hear the desperation in my voice. "Remember what we have."

  "A summer fling. That's it." She put her arms in front of her stomach, closing herself off from me. "That's all it ever will be. I don't love you."

  "It's more than that, and you know it.

  "You abandoned me. You went to New York to be with your ex instead of me. I needed you, Tyler. I needed you and you weren't there."

  "I didn't choose to go to New York."

  "Great. I don't really care. Because I realized that I don't need anyone. I'm just fine on my own." She seemed to wince at her own words.

  "Hailey..."

  "And you know the worst part? My dad was always there for me, and I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most." She walked around the desk and shoved me hard in the chest. "Because I lost sight of what was important in my life." She shoved me again and I stepped backwards into the hall. "I'm never going to do that again." She shoved me even harder.

  The bar had suddenly grown quiet. I could feel everyone's eyes on us. All I could focus on was that even when she was mad at me, I still felt the spark of her touch. But I didn't know what to say. Because deep down I knew I had already lost her. "I love you." I meant it as a declaration, but it came out as more of a plea.

  "I'm done giving people second chances." She threw all the letters she had written to me at my face and slammed the door.

  Chapter 59

  Hailey

  Saturday

  My back slid down the door until my butt hit the floor. I hugged my knees to my chest and let myself cry.

  I wanted to be able to hear him out and forgive him. But I couldn't even stand to look at him. He put me through hell. Never in a million years would I have thought he was in New York. He said he hated New York. He said he had moved on from Penny. He had told me he loved me. But nothing he said was true.

  He looked thin. Had he been struggling through something too? Was he in as much pain as me? I shouldn't care. He was an asshole. So why the hell did I care?

  I put my forehead on my knees. I wanted to throw my arms around him. I wanted to breathe in his scent. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I shook my head. I guess the only thing I actually wanted was for him to be the man I thought he was.

  And the worst part was, I would never move on from him. Because that one week we had was the best of my life too. I loved him so much that it made my chest ache. I loved him, but I couldn't be in love with him.

  I placed my hand on my stomach. But it wasn't really about us. No matter what, this baby deserved to know his father. I could put aside my own pain for that. Couldn't I?

  Yes, Tyler and I were both a mess. Somehow our lives were a little less messy when we were together, though. That's how I knew this baby was going to be so good. He'd be the best of both of us. I wiped away my tears as a slowly stood up. We were complicated. But I would not put my own problems in front of my child's. He would always come first.

  That's what gave me the strength to open the door and go after him. But he wasn't in the bar and his car wasn't outside.

  "Did you see a guy in his mid twenties with shaggy blonde hair, Anna?"

  "Yes, he left you this." She shrugged as she handed me a few napkins. There were words written hastily on both sides of three napkins. It almost felt like I was in a trance as I walked back to my dad's office. I closed the door with my foot and sat down at the desk as I started to read what Tyler had left.

  Hailey,

  I know that you probably won't believe me, but I needed you to know the truth. When I showed up at the San Diego Recruit Depot, they immediately detained me. They threw out my file and un-enlisted me because the case of James' shooting was still open. That's why there was no record of me when you called. They arrested me and sent me back to New York. I didn't choose to go. They held me in a cell until yesterday morning. I thought of you the whole time. I was worried that you might be sending me letters. I was worried that not hearing back from me would hurt you. I swear I never meant to cause you pain.

  When they released me, all I wanted to do was come see you. I had to go back to my apartment to grab some cash because my car is still in San Diego and I had given you my credit cards and everything in my bank account. When I got to my apartment, Penny was there helping Melissa pack. I didn't seek her out. And I want you to know that I felt nothing. All I was focused on was how much I missed you. I didn't stay. I left as soon as I could to come to you. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt like you needed me. And I needed you.

  I understand why you're upset. I'd be upset with me too. But I need you to know that the week we had together was real for me. My feelings were real. I do love you. And that's why I'm respecting your wishes. You won't see me again. But I just needed you to know the truth.

  I'm so sorry about your dad. It breaks my heart that you lost him. I just hope you got a chance to say goodbye. If I kept you away from him for that, I'll never forgive myself. I can't say that I'm sorry enough. But I know you'll save the bar. I know you'll find someone better to share your life with. You deserve the world. Don't ever settle for less.

  Thank you for giving me that week. Thank you for helping me feel whole again. I'll never forget you.

  -Tyler

  It's what I wanted. So why did I feel abandoned all over again? There was no phone number. There was no address. That was the only chance I'd get to tell him about the baby. I closed my eyes. To tell him how I really felt. I shook my head and opened my eyes again. I could add it to everything else I regretted.

  I switched the computer back on and stared at the website I was trying to make. That was what I needed to focus on. This bar was my future. It always had been. I always wanted it to be. But I wasn't excited about it anymore.

  Chapter 60

  Tyler

  Saturday

  She was better off without me. I already knew that. It didn't make it any easier to drive away, though. I couldn't seem to focus on the road. I felt lost. Maybe it was because I had nowhere to go. I pulled over to the side of t
he road and put my forehead against the steering wheel. All I wanted was Hailey. So now what?

  I needed someone to tell me I was doing the right thing by driving away. I just wanted her to be happy. But all I really wanted to do was turn around and burst into her office again. She was hurting. She was in so much pain. And I had caused some of it. It killed me.

  My phone started ringing. For a second I let myself think it was Hailey. But I hadn't left her my number. The caller ID said that it was my mom. Maybe a familiar voice would make me feel better. I swiped my finger across the screen. "Hey, Mom."

  "Hi, sweetie. It's so good to hear your voice. How is training going?"

  I had been so preoccupied by getting to Hailey as quickly as possible that I completely forgot to tell my mom the news. "Actually, I'm not joining after all."

  She exhaled loudly. "Thank heavens."

  I laughed. "I thought you might be excited."

  "I'm ecstatic! How did you get out of it? I thought you said you couldn't change your mind?"

  "It's kind of a long story."

  "I have time."

  I looked out the windshield. "Actually, Mom, I'm coming home for a visit." It had been far too long since I had seen her.

  "When will you get here? Your bed is already made up."

  I smiled. Some things never changed. "I can be there by tomorrow night."

  "Perfect. That'll give me some time to go grocery shopping. Will you be here in time for dinner?"

  "Probably later than that."

  "Dessert then. I'll make you those brownies with pecans you love so much. I should go start getting everything ready. I'll see you soon, sweetheart. I love you."

  "I love you too, Mom."

  That did make me feel better. I still had people I could rely on. I didn't have to go back to my old life. I couldn't. Either way, this was going to be a fresh start. I pressed on Josh's name in my phone and put it to my ear.

  After a few rings he picked up.

  "Does that job offer still stand?"

  "Yeah. But I thought..."

  "Change of plans."

  He laughed. "How the hell did you get out of the marines? Are you on the run from the government now?"

  "No, nothing like that. I just got incredibly lucky." The marines weren't for me. I wasn't my grandfather. I wasn't my dad. I was me. And maybe that was enough. "It was a mistake to sign up in the first place."

  "You're telling me. You're not exactly combat ready."

  "What is that supposed to mean?"

  "You're too soft."

  I laughed. "Thanks, asshole."

  "Do you talk to your new boss with that mouth?"

  "Apparently I do."

  "Good enough for me. You're hired."

  I laughed.

  "Can you come back to Texas for a few days so I can get you all set up? Then you can work from wherever you want."

  "You know what, I'm thinking I'd like to move there."

  "Yeah?"

  Why the hell not? "Yeah. Like you said, it'll be like we're in college again."

  "Yes! This is going to be awesome. Did you want to crash here for a bit?"

  "Just until I find my own place."

  "Are you bringing that chick with you again? She was a firecracker. I liked her for you."

  Me too. "No, Hailey and I didn't work out."

  "Sorry, man. But that's even better. Now it'll really be like we're in college again. You can be my wingman."

  "Sounds great." It didn't really, but it was better than the alternative: sitting alone in a motel room analyzing where everything went wrong. Because I already knew I had fucked it all up. And I already knew she'd never forgive me. She had made that perfectly clear. The best thing I could do now was respect her wishes and try my best to not lose myself again.

  "When can you get here?"

  "I'll be there in a few days. I was going to go visit my mom first."

  "Tell Mrs. Stevens I said hi. Oh, you should get her to make those awesome brownies and then bring me some."

  I laughed. "She already mentioned she was making them."

  "Sweet. Okay, I gotta run. Don't you dare eat all those brownies yourself."

  "I can't make any promises."

  "I'll make you sleep on the floor when you get here if you do."

  "Later, man."

  "See ya."

  A new job. A new state. I'd be okay. Right? I was trying to convince myself as I pulled back onto the highway. But the farther I drove away from Hailey, the more I felt myself unraveling.

  Chapter 61

  Hailey

  Saturday

  "He wasn't writing back because he was in jail. He didn't lie."

  I stared up at the starry sky. I had given up on coding hours ago. I didn't even know the first thing about creating a website. The only place I ever felt comfort now was when I was lying beside my dad's grave. So that's what I was doing again. The groundskeeper thought I was insane. Every now and then he'd walk over and ask if he should call someone.

  The answer was always no. If there was anyone I'd rather be talking to, clearly I'd be talking to them instead of a gravestone. Besides, it was therapeutic being able to talk to my dad. Even though he couldn't respond, it still made me feel close to him.

  Yup, I'm losing my mind.

  But that didn't seem to stop me. "If everything he said on those napkins was true, then he didn't do anything wrong. He came back to me as soon as he could. But how do I know if he's telling the truth? Why is it so hard to believe him?"

  Because you're in pain.

  "I love him. I love him even though he hurt me. Does that make me weak?" I bit my lip. "But it takes strength to forgive someone. I know it does. Because I'm not strong enough to forgive Elena. I want to be able to. I know you wanted me to be able to."

  I stared at the sky, trying to find Scorpius, trying to ignore my own thoughts. But it just looked like millions of stars to me. "I lied, Dad. I never could see it."

  "Me either."

  I turned my head to see Anna standing above me. "Hey."

  "Hon, we're all worried about you. Come back to the bar. Let me fix you a drink."

  A drink would be nice. But I couldn't exactly do that anymore. "That's okay."

  "I'm not saying you should drink away your sadness. I'm saying let's have a girls' night. It'll be fun."

  Fun. I don't like having fun anymore. "I'm pregnant." It was like I didn't even have a filter anymore. I was so used to just confessing all my thoughts to the dead. I pressed my lips together. I hadn't meant to say it out loud.

  "I see." She sat down next to me in the grass. "Who's the father?"

  "You met him last night."

  "The gentleman in his mid twenties with shaggy blonde hair who looked dejected after talking to you?"

  "That would be him."

  She was quiet for a moment. "He doesn't want the baby?"

  "No. No, it's not that. I didn't even get a chance to tell him."

  "Hon, you have to tell him."

  "I know. But I don't even know his phone number. I don't know how to find him. All I know is that he lives in New York." I continued to stare up at the stars.

  "You know, when I said I couldn't actually see Scorpius, I meant that you have to really search for it. You have to believe it's there."

  I guess I could find Penny and James' address. That would be easier. They were famous. And they'd know where Tyler's apartment was. I needed to go. It wasn't just the fact that his baby was growing in my stomach, either. I still loved him. And I felt horrible.

  But at the same time, I couldn't just leave. I had responsibilities. "I need to stay and take care of the bar. I can't let anything happen to it. It's his baby."

  "Your father isn't the bar, hon."

  "It's all that's left."

  "Then you're not looking hard enough. He's in the stars."

  The sky blurred above me. Of course he's in the stars.

  "And he's in your heart. You're what's left of him, H
ails. You're his baby. Not the bar. The bar never mattered. He just did that to support you."

  "He loved it, though." And he loved you.

  "He wanted you to go out and live your life. He didn't even want you to stay here when he was living. He wanted more for you. You know that. He was trying to give you everything he never got."

  She was right. My dad would be horrified that I had been spending every night lying by his grave, shutting myself off. I had to stop this. I had to have faith for once. Just like he had enough faith to give love one last shot. "Will you take it?"

  "What, the bar?" She seemed shocked.

  I sat up and brushed the dirt off my back. "Yes. Will you take it?"

  "I can't do that. I can watch it while you're gone, though."

  "He'd want you to have it. If he wanted me to go out in the world, he'd want you to have the bar."

  "Hails, I can't. You just said it was all you had left of him."

  "And you showed me that wasn't true. Just promise you'll keep the name. Don't make it unrecognizable or anything."

  "I won't change a thing. And if you decide to come back, it'll be waiting for you."

  I shook my head. "It's yours. Take care of it for him." I nodded to myself, convincing myself I was doing the right thing as I stood up. "I have to go."

  "Hailey." She slowly got to her feet too. "Stay in touch, okay? I'm going to want to meet that beautiful baby." She gave me a hug. "Your father would be so proud of you."

  I hope so.

  Chapter 62

  Tyler

  Sunday

  I knocked on the door even though I had a key. My mom had moved after my dad died. She said it was too painful to live in the house they shared together. So even though this was technically my home now, it had never really felt like it. I had only ever spent summers during college here.

  It only took a few seconds before my mom opened the door with a huge smile on her face. She threw her arms around me before I could even say hello. "I'm so glad you got here safely. I always worry about you when you drive long distances." She kissed my cheek but kept me in her embrace. "How are you? Are you hungry? I have leftovers from dinner if you're hungry..."