Missing Pieces

by Ivy Smoak

  "Are you okay?" Penny said. "Did you need me to get you anything?"

  "No, no." He kissed her temple again. "I just need to rest for a couple minutes." He nodded toward me and headed over to the beautiful staircase that twisted up to a second story. I hadn't even realized there was another story until that minute.

  I noticed Penny watching him over her shoulder.

  "Are you okay?" I felt this weird need to make sure she was okay. Like maybe Tyler would have wanted me to ask.

  "I'm fine." She smiled. But there was something sad in her eyes. She looked over her shoulder again as he disappeared into a room upstairs.

  I could tell she wasn't. "Is he doing alright?

  "I don't know. He should be taking pain killers, but he doesn't want to..." she let her voice trail off. "I mean, he's just trying to cope without them. For health reasons. He keeps saying he feels fine, but I can tell that he's not. I don't know why he's pushing himself. And I don't know why he feels the need to tell me he's fine when clearly he isn't. It's so hard to see him in pain. He's my rock, you know?"

  "Yeah. I get that."

  "And then I keep getting sick. So he's trying to take care of me. Which is the last thing he should be doing. I'm sorry that I'm going on and on. Really I'm just so sick of getting morning sickness." She smiled.

  "Tell me about it." I hadn't even realized what I said before it was too late.

  The worry was momentarily gone from her face. "You're pregnant?"

  There was no point in lying about it. I smiled. "I just found out a few days ago."

  "Tyler is going to be so excited."

  "You think? I'm worried he's going to freak out."

  "I mean, I don't know for sure, but he's a family guy. I think he's ready for that. Just give him a second to process it. He's definitely going to be an amazing dad."

  "I just hope he's willing to give me another chance."

  She smiled. "If there's one thing I know about Tyler, it's that he has the biggest heart. And he loves you. You should have seen the way he looked when he talked about you."

  Talking to her did give me a little bit of hope. "I guess we'll see."

  "Maybe our kids can play together." She smiled as we walked toward the door.

  "I'd like that." I stepped out into the hall.

  "And Hailey?"

  I turned around.

  "Please don't break his heart. I...I'll never forgive myself for how much I hurt him. I just so badly wanted to hold on to our friendship. I never meant to hurt him. He deserves the world. And..."

  "He forgives you." I stepped forward and gave her a hug. I wasn't sure why I said that. I was just in a forgiving mood. But it felt like if he was here, he'd say the same thing.

  She was going through enough. The worry was all over her face. She didn't need to worry about Tyler. I was going to take care of him. She looked a little more at peace when I released her from my hug.

  "Good luck with the baby. And getting James to take it easy."

  She smiled. "Thanks for letting me ramble. We're going to be okay. It's just been a little overwhelming."

  I had no doubt that they'd be okay.

  "And good luck with the baby yourself. And with Tyler. But you won't need it. He's going to be thrilled to see you."

  "Thanks, Penny."

  I stepped back into the elevator feeling so optimistic. I looked down at the piece of paper Penny had handed me. Josh's name was on it. For some reason it seemed like it was going to be a lot easier to talk to Josh than Tyler. And maybe he could tell me where Tyler was. My conversation with Tyler needed to be in person, not over the phone.

  Chapter 64

  Tyler

  Tuesday

  I watched Josh inhale the plate of brownies I had brought him.

  "I seriously love your mom," he said with his mouth full. "Just because of these brownies, she's a total MILF."

  "Don't make me beat you up."

  He laughed. "You know you couldn't take me."

  "Wanna bet?"

  He shrugged and shoved another brownie in his face. "Maybe you could take me if you had actually gone through basic training."

  I lightly shoved his arm and he pretended to fall off the kitchen stool.

  He laughed as he sat back down. "Want to go out tonight? A new bar just opened down the street."

  "I don't think I'm up for it. I'm a little jet-lagged."

  "Come on, it's going to be awesome."

  "Not tonight." I wasn't sure when I'd be up for it, but it wasn't anytime soon.

  He shrugged his shoulders. "Fine. We'll just wait and see what the night brings." He pulled out his phone and started texting someone.

  "You can go out if you want though." I wanted to read through the letters Hailey had written to me. I had been putting it off. At first it seemed like it would torture me for no reason, but now I just wanted to feel close to her. It was all I had left.

  "Nah." He pushed the empty plate away from him and shoved the phone back in his pocket. "Let's rent a movie or something. Then we'll see if you're up for visiting that bar later."

  I laughed. "Trust me, I'm not. I'm actually pretty tired. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

  "Anchorman?"

  I laughed. I'm pretty sure we had watched that movie a hundred times in college. "Okay, yeah, let's watch Anchorman."

  "Score. Grab some beers out of the fridge, I'll go set it up."

  ***

  I picked up the final letter, even though it felt like I couldn't read anymore. Most of them seemed composed. Like she was holding back her true thoughts. But in the more recent ones, pain radiated off the pages. It was like she had given up hope. In me. In living. No wonder she had sent me away. I stared down at the final letter.

  Tyler,

  I need something to hold on to. It feels like I'm drowning and I don't know how I'm supposed to keep going. No one understands. But I know you will. I just need to hear your voice. I need to know I'm not crazy. I need to know you're okay. I need you.

  If I've done something wrong, you can tell me. But I can't keep writing like this. It's too hard. You feel so far away and I'm lost. You promised that I'd never be alone. I've never felt more alone. Please call me.

  -Hails

  Reading about her pain made my chest hurt. It felt like I couldn't breathe when she couldn't breathe. I touched the smudges on the page where her tears had fallen. No wonder she hadn't forgiven me. I hadn't been there and she had slipped back into the darkness. I felt myself slipping there with her.

  After talking to my mom, I finally felt like I was ready to forgive myself for what happened with my dad. But I wasn't ready to forgive myself for hurting Hailey. Not when I wasn't sure if she was okay.

  I stared at the ceiling. What the hell was I doing in Texas? I should have stayed in Indiana and fought for her. But the truth was, I knew why I left. A girl like that deserved better than me. She deserved someone who had their life figured out. She deserved someone who wasn't such a fucking mess.

  Josh knocked once and then opened the door. "Dude, I thought you went to the bathroom. What the hell are you doing?"

  I slowly sat up. "I fucked everything up."

  "Yeah. I know."

  I hadn't been expecting him to say that. How did he know? I hadn't really told him anything besides for the fact that Hails and I didn't work out.

  "Why else would you be lying in my guest room reading a bunch of..." he lifted up one of the letters, "handwritten notes like a little bitch? Should we watch The Notebook instead of Anchorman?"

  That was harsh, even for him. "I'm not..."

  "Get out of bed."

  "Seriously, Josh, I just need some sleep."

  "No, what you need is something stronger than beer."

  "Okay, fine. Your bar is completely stocked though. Let's just finish the movie."

  "No. We're going out. And change into something less wrinkly or you're going to scare away all the ladies. You're killing me, man."

&nb
sp; I looked down at my t-shirt that I had been wearing on the plane. He was right, it was ridiculously wrinkled. However, I didn't care about scaring away women. I didn't care about anything.

  "Look, we'll stay there for five minutes. And if you aren't having fun, we'll leave. Deal?"

  Jesus, he was not letting this go. "Fine." I stood up.

  "Shirt. You look like a bum."

  I changed into a new shirt to humor him and followed him downstairs. "How far away is this place?"

  "Just down the street." He opened up the front door and basically pushed me outside. "It's karaoke night. It's going to be a blast."

  Karaoke night. I pictured Hailey singing her heart out in Kansas. That's where she said she had fallen in love with me. This was going to be worse than just hanging out at a normal bar. Would everything always remind me of her?

  "Do you want to talk about it?" Josh asked.

  "There's nothing to talk about."

  "Really? Because you're acting like a love sick puppy. It's like the Penny situation all over again."

  "It's nothing like that."

  "Sure."

  "I never loved Penny. I just liked the idea of her."

  Josh laughed. "It's about time you realized that. So if you love Hailey, why aren't you trying to win her back?"

  "I promised her that I wouldn't break her heart, and I did. There's no fixing that. She thinks I'm a liar." I hurt her.

  "I don't know, man, she seemed like a pretty strong girl. I don't think being love sick would keep her down that long."

  He hadn't seen the letters, though. But he was right too. It wasn't just the grief of losing her dad that had beaten her down. It wasn't that she thought I rejected her. Either one of those things would push a normal person down. She had only crashed because it was both at once. Maybe if I gave it some time. She needed to grieve for her father. She needed to start to heal again. Then maybe, just maybe, there'd be room in her heart to forgive me.

  I opened up the door of the bar and walked inside. There was some guy on the stage singing a country song I had never heard of before. The place was packed. Hailey and I seemed to thrive in places like this. We were so easily able to shut out the rest of the world when we were together. But it wasn't the same without her. It was too loud. There were too many people. I just had to wait five minutes before I made a run for it.

  "Find a table. I'm going to grab us some drinks."

  I found a table as far away from the stage as possible and sat down. The music. The noise. If I closed my eyes, it was almost like she was here with me. I'd do anything to turn back time and be in Kansas again. I wanted a do-over. It was like I could feel her presence. I was starting to lose my mind.

  "Stop falling asleep, man," Josh said and slid a glass of whiskey toward me.

  "It's already been at least three minutes."

  "Cheers," he said ignoring me, as he clinked his glass against mine.

  I took a sip. The burn down my throat felt good.

  "Do you think she's the one?" Josh yelled over the music.

  That was a shitty question. Especially because of the answer. I downed the rest of the whiskey. "Yes. It's been five minutes." I set the glass down on the table.

  "One more song. Then we can go."

  "Fine. I'm going to go get another drink." The country music was driving me crazy. It was all about love lost. I waved down the bartender and waited for another whiskey.

  The beat to Closer by The Chainsmokers starting pumping over the loudspeakers.

  Damn it. Our song.

  "Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you. I drink too much and that's an issue, but I'm okay."

  I was out of my mind. Now I was imagining I could hear her singing it. I downed the whiskey the bartender handed me and turned around.

  And there she was. In that little red dress we bought in Vegas. Our eyes locked.

  She smiled as she brought the mic closer to her lips. "I know it breaks your heart. Moved to the city in a broke down car. And four years, no calls." She shrugged and winked at me.

  She's here. I started pushing through the crowd of people.

  "We ain't ever getting older. We ain't ever getting older."

  I couldn't believe she was here. Why were there so many people in our way? The bar was more crowded in front of the stage. "Excuse me," I said a million times as I pushed my way closer to her.

  "You look as good as the day I met you." She pointed at me as I made me way to the stage. "I forget just why I left you, I was insane."

  I was almost there. I tried to get on the stage but a bouncer was blocking my path.

  "So, baby, pull me closer, in the backseat of your Rover." She starting laughing into the mic when she saw me trying to push past the bouncer.

  "We ain't ever getting older!" She yelled, even though it wasn't the right part of the song. She dropped the mic, ran to the edge of the stage, and jumped down into my arms.

  The music came to a sudden stop as I wrapped my arms around her waist. And even though we were in a crowded bar in the middle of Texas, it suddenly felt like I was home.

  "You always seem to be there to catch me when I fall." She smiled up at me as she laced her fingers behind my neck.

  "Hailey, I'm so sorry. I never..."

  "Tyler Stevens, nothing you say is going to change my mind," she said, cutting me off. "I love you. I don't want to spend another second apart. You're the only thing in my crazy life that I'm actually sure about. All I know is that I need you."

  I pressed my forehead against hers. "I need you too."

  "Ow, ow!" I heard Josh yell as people in the crowd starting clapping.

  I glanced behind her. The mic had rolled over near us so that the whole bar could hear our conversation.

  But who the fuck cared? Nothing in the world mattered except the girl in my arms. I grabbed the back of her neck and brought her lips to mine.

  Everyone was still cheering when she pulled back to look up at me.

  "And I need you to know that I wasn't too late. I got to say goodbye to him, Tyler. And I'm okay. Now that I'm with you, I know that everything's going to be okay." She tried to blink away the tears in her eyes.

  I put my hand on the side of her face. Just like that, the pain I felt seemed to disappear. With her forgiveness, it felt like anything was possible again. For the first time in three years, it didn't feel like anything was weighing on me. She had healed my soul.

  Chapter 65

  Hailey

  Tuesday

  I woke up with his arms wrapped tightly around me. I hadn't been this content since I was sleeping in his arms in Santa Monica. When I titled my head up, I was surprised to see that he was already awake.

  A smile spread across his face as he looked down at me. "It feels like I'm dreaming. I still can't believe that you're here."

  I pressed my hand against his chest. "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."

  We stared at each other in silence for a moment. We had talked until dawn, filling each other in on the missing pieces of our time apart. I told him about forgiving my mother. And about realizing that all my dad ever wanted was for me to be happy. He told me that he was finally at peace with his past. We were both starting over. Nothing was holding us back from being together. Except one thing.

  The smile on his face grew even wider. "Are you still a fan of fast and crazy?"

  "Since everything we do is fast and crazy, absolutely."

  He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I think we should get married."

  It was fast. It was crazy. And I so badly wanted to say yes. But he didn't know everything yet. Even though we had talked for hours, I hadn't gotten the courage to tell him about the baby. I had wanted to know that he needed me just as much as I needed him. His answer was in the way he looked at me. The way he kissed me. The way he held me. He needed me as much as I needed him.

  "Hear me out." The smile on his face was contagious. "I'm in love with you. I want to spend every morning fo
r the rest of my life just like this, with you in my arms. We're both starting over. And we're choosing to do that together. We can make a life for ourselves wherever we want. Here. We can go back to Indiana. Anywhere, Hails. The only thing I care about is that we're together.

  Yes. A thousand times yes. "I need to tell you something."

  "Nothing you say is going to make me change my mind, Hails."

  Maybe. "It actually does change things. Quite a bit." I sat up and pulled the sheet around myself.

  "Hailey." He sat up. "I know that I hurt you. And I can't apologize enough times. I just need you to give me one more chance. Because I can't live without you. When we're not together, I don't feel whole. You saved me."

  It was like he was saying everything I should be saying to him. I shook my head. "I just showed you the way I see you."

  He smiled. "Then I don't see what the problem is."

  "I'm pregnant." It sounded harsh in the silence. I knew he wasn't expecting it, which maybe made it sound even harsher.

  He didn't say anything.

  "I found out a few days after my dad's funeral. And I don't know, it almost felt like I needed this baby. I felt so alone. I was all my dad had. And it was like I had this gift that made it so I wouldn't be alone anymore either." I was rambling, but I couldn't seem to stop because Tyler was completely silent. All I wanted to do was tell him everything I couldn't the first time around. I needed him to know that I loved him more than life itself. He was the world to me. The sun rose and set with his smile. I smiled to myself, remembering my father say that to me. "The ironic part is that this baby actually gave me strength to do what I needed to do all along. Find you. So really, it's not the same situation as me and my dad at all. Almost the opposite, really. I knew in my heart that we were supposed to be together. But I've always been so scared of love. Petrified really. Now it seems like I have this whole new perspective. I'm not scared. Not of what we have. I love what we have."