Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  She lowered down the gadget and then moved close to the edge of the couch, so we could converse better. Vanessa’s brown eyes were glinting with mischief when she looked at me. “What I mean is that you and Ryan and Faith are going to the park. Like a little happy family. It’s a vibe that I’ve dreamed for your kid for so long. I know how much it would mean for Faith too, so I don’t want to burst her bubble.”

  Rather than the familiar spark of annoyance because the idea included Ryan, I felt an unfamiliar jolt. It made my heart flutter, my stomach twisting in odd, but pleasing knots. I turned away from Vanessa, afraid what I felt would show on my face and make her suspicious.

  Maybe I was getting used to Ryan’s presence in my life. I seemed to be seeing him from a different perspective than I used to. Then there being another man in Faith’s life who could act as a father-figure to my daughter, helped too.

  At 3 PM, I drove to Faith’s school while Vanessa went home. Faith was begging for us to stop at the ice cream parlor but I told her I had a better idea. I didn’t tell her we would be going to the park with Ryan because I wanted to surprise her. To be honest, she’d been asking about him, although she did it so subtly.

  “You never take me to the park after school,” Faith commented when we arrived and she unbuckled her seatbelt.

  I watched her through the rear-view mirror and she had a teasing glint in her eyes. I unbuckled my seatbelt, opened my door, got out of the car and then opened her door for her before I answered, “Today’s a little special since it was a request made by someone else.”

  Faith’s forehead crinkled and she looked at me curiously. “Did you get me a kitty?”

  “I think I’m more like a big hound dog than a cat but it could depend on my mood,” Ryan stated from behind me.

  My daughter’s honey-colored eyes lit up with excitement when her gaze fell on the person behind me. She cheered loudly and ran straight to him.

  I turned around to watch.

  Ryan picked her up easily, kissing her on the cheek and Faith hugged him tightly.

  The sight of the two of them tugged at my heartstrings.

  Ryan set her down.

  I went to the back of the car to get her bike.

  “You brought my bike?!” she exclaimed.

  I looked at Faith and laughed because she never noticed her bike being in the back of our minivan.

  Ryan pulled it out.

  Faith happily got onto it, struggling a little to get her balance and then left us in the dust, with me calling out for her to be careful.

  “I brought snacks,” Ryan and I announced simultaneously.

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “I told you I was going to bring some food for us to snack on.” His eyebrows furrowed as he gave me an annoyed glare.

  I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I grabbed the small bag I packed. “It’s only pretzels and grapes. You don’t have to be disappointed that I brought food too.”

  Ryan’s entire demeanor changed as he grinned and then jogged to his car.

  I waited for him while keeping my eyes on Faith who was circling within our vicinity.

  When Ryan came back, he was holding a brown bag and a plastic bag from 7/11.

  I had a whiff of what was inside and my eyes immediately widened. “Are those…?”

  “Norman’s Sloppy Joes,” Ryan announced with a bright smile on his face as he raised his other hand that held the convenience store’s logo bag. “And I bought Coke too. Feels like the old times, huh?”

  I couldn’t help but smile, remembering when we were younger. Dad would come home with Norman’s Sloppy Joes because it was near the construction company he worked at along the outskirts of the city. The three of us loved it each time Dad came home with the food and it had been so long since I’d had one.

  When we found a bench to sit on, I instantly snatched the bag from Ryan’s hand to pull out one Sloppy Joe out and opened it hurriedly. I inhaled the greasy scent, took a bite, and closed my eyes. I couldn’t help but moan at the flavor. When I opened my eyes, Ryan was staring at me with such intensity in his green eyes that it surprised me.

  When our gazes locked, he was quick to turn away and stand up, calling Faith to come back to us to eat.

  His reaction confused me but I didn’t make much out of it because Faith came back, at full speed, squealing in delight. “Don’t go too fast, Faith!” I called out.

  She stopped her bike a little too abruptly as the back tire lifted a little and she almost toppled over.

  Ryan instantly caught her before anything happened. “Uh-oh, that was close,” he warned. “You should use the back brake when you’re going too fast to slow yourself down or else you might hurt yourself.” He helped her get off the bike and then set it aside.

  I handed Faith her Sloppy Joe.

  She inspected it at first because she’d never had one, so she was unfamiliar with it. She also didn’t buy cafeteria food at school since I packed her lunch every morning.

  Ryan sat next to her, nudging her with his shoulder. “It’s safe. You don’t have to worry about it. Your mom and I used to fight over the extra one when we were younger.” He glanced at me fleetingly.

  I watched the two of them interact and I couldn’t help but giggle at the memory because it was true. Norman’s Sloppy Joe was one of the things we definitely fought over.

  Faith asked him for more stories about us while she ate her Sloppy Joe and I munched on the pretzels I bought. I interjected each time Ryan made it seem like I was the villain in the story and gave my daughter my account on what happened.

  She seemed to love listening to our stories which made her rest after eating worthwhile.

  “It wasn’t just the Sloppy Joe’s that your mom would die for,” Ryan said, his eyes glinting with mischief as he leaned closer to Faith to fake-whisper to her ear, “She used to steal all Reese’s from us during Halloween too!”

  Faith gasped and gaped at me with wide-eyes. “Mom! You said taking from someone else was bad!”

  The only reason Ryan brought it up would be to tease me. He didn’t like Reese’s cups but every time I asked him for his during Halloween, he would act all stubborn and wouldn’t give them to me. “You don’t even like Reese’s!”

  “I never said that!” Ryan argued.

  Faith looked between the two of us and giggled, nudging both our arms. “Can I go biking now?”

  “Oh yeah, I brought my bike too,” Ryan said with a sheepish smile. “It sort of slipped my mind when we arrived.”

  Faith squealed in delight. “Yay! Then come on, Ryan! Let’s go!”

  Ryan turned to look at me and looked almost apologetic. “Will you be okay alone?”

  I was struck by his concern and the rueful look in his eyes. Something about the way he looked at me, the way he seemed to think I wouldn’t be okay on my own made me suck in a breath. But the thought he was worried for my sake made me smile. “I’m a big girl, Ryan. It’s not like I’ll be taken by wolves if I’m on my own here.”

  He scratched the back of his neck. “You can ride with me if you want.”

  I made a face and then shook my head. “Yeah, um… I’ll think I’ll pass. I brought a book with me anyway, so I could catch up on some reading. You two have fun.”

  “Ryan! Come on!” Faith called from a little distance.

  Ryan remained where he was for a moment then dug something out from his pocket and handed it to me.

  I stared at the pack of Reese’s cups in my hand and then looked up at him in awe.

  A small smile glinted along his lips after he gave it to me and he almost looked a little shy. “I saw them earlier at 7/11 when I bought the drinks and remembered how you would fight with me just to have them and steal them from my bag when I wasn’t looking.”

  I bit my bottom lip and stared at the treat in my hand, chuckling to myself as I remembered. “You would argue with me but you would secretly put them in my bag after I give them back to you.”

  Ryan turned a
way and shrugged as Faith called him again. “Yeah, well, I hope you enjoy your treat while I go and entertain your kid.” He didn’t tell me I owed him for teaching Faith to ride a bike instead, he winked at me before he rushed to his car to get his bike.

  I froze where I stood and I swear to God, I felt like my whole world suddenly came to a stop. I forgot how to breathe. Momentarily. I placed a hand over my left chest, feeling my heart continually thumping in a steady but swift manner. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying my best to calm myself and organize my suddenly chaotic thoughts about Ryan Bell. I tried reading while I ate the Reese’s he gave me but I’d been reading the same sentence over and over again.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about that damn shy smile he had on his face when he gave me the treat.

  My phone beeped with a message just in time for Ryan to slow his bike to where I was.

  A message from Vanessa. You have a date tomorrow night in la Chandelle. Meet him at 6:30 at the restaurant. I’m excited for you!

  “You look a little bothered,” Ryan said when he plopped down on the seat beside me. He had ice cream in both his hands and handed one to me.

  “Where’s Faith?”

  He pointed at my daughter who seemed to be playing with someone from school at the monkey bars. “She found a friend when she asked me to buy her ice cream. I had her finish it before coming back here to you. I told her she could play for a little while and then we’ll head home after sunset.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at his initiative. I let out another long exhale, trying to get comfortable on the wooden bench. “Ness said I’m up for the second date tomorrow.”

  Ryan went quiet for a moment and then he turned to me with a small smile. “I hope he doesn’t bore you like the first one did.”

  For some reason, I wished he’d said, I’ll be there to crash if he bores you to hell.

  And…I didn’t know why.

  10

  Ryan

  “So who’s the guy that you set up with Kate tonight?” I wanted to sound nonchalant when I asked but even I could hear the curiosity in my tone.

  Andrew and Mila called on FaceTime because they forgot there was new furniture due to come this week. It meant I had to make sure I was in the house to receive it, or I should have someone to do so, if I couldn’t.

  Also, I think they decided to FaceTime me to make sure I hadn’t wrecked their house yet.

  Andrew was somewhere in the house they were staying at and Mila was the one I could fully see on the screen.

  She stared at me and raised a brow. “Why do you want to know?”

  I shrugged, still making sure I was all casual about it. The last thing I needed was for them to be on my case. “I just want to make sure that he’s not a douche or a boring guy like Peter was.”

  Mila’s eyes narrowed slightly. “How did you know that her date with Peter was boring?”

  Only then did it occur to me… she must be getting updates from Vanessa or Kate herself and it seemed likely that Kate would never mention the fact that I crashed the date because had they known I did so on the first one, they would demand to know the reason why. “I asked,” I answered simply because they didn’t need to know I’d crashed the date. If Peter mentioned it to them, I could simply say I’d just spotted them or something but they didn’t need that excuse now.

  Mila went quiet for a moment and stared at me through the screen.

  Now, I wondered if I needed to find a better excuse to know or find out who Kate would be meeting later, maybe through someone else.

  Mila sighed. “His name is Connor Wayne. He’s a private attorney in St. Petersburg and I knew him from school because we had a class together and always paired up for projects.”

  “And you just happened to keep in contact?”

  She rolled her eyes as Andrew appeared by her side. His face all over the screen as Mila was swatting him away.

  I couldn’t help but smile because they’d managed to maintain their relationship the way it’d always had been. No matter how much I didn’t want to believe in marriage and love, sometimes they made me reconsider my thoughts.

  “Connor was looking for an accountant and remembered that he was friends with one,” Andrew answered for her, his thumb pointing at Mila. “And she mentioned dating and she found out he was still single. Hence, he was listed as a potential date for Katie.”

  “So you don’t know the guy but you agreed?” I was aware that before they picked out a guy for Kate to meet, they discussed it with Andrew first, because he was an overprotective older brother.

  Andrew shrugged. “Peter was my choice because I knew him but he bored her. Connor is Mila’s choice and she swears he’s a good guy. I trust her judgment.”

  I narrowed my eyes and looked at Mila. “And how long have you seen the guy to know that he’s the same guy you knew in college?” Even I could sense the haughtiness in my tone.

  Now, Mila was looking at me curiously. “Why are you asking so many questions? You’re the one who made her agree to do this and now, you’re the one who seems to be so against it.”

  “I’m not!” I immediately replied, defensive. “I just want to make sure she doesn’t end up meeting someone who has bad intentions.”

  Mila eyed me carefully.

  The way she stared at me made me sweat a little and I didn’t even understand why I felt anxious because it wasn’t like I was hiding something.

  Luckily, she didn’t say anything about it. “Connor’s a good guy, Ryan. You have my word on that. Look, Andrew and I have a scheduled spa massage. Make sure you don’t burn down our home.”

  “And no bringing girls there! We have CCTV!” Andrew called out.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at them and ended the call. I sighed and plopped down on the couch, throwing my phone on the side then stared at the ceiling.

  Should I call her?

  Do I even have a reason to call her?

  Would it be weird if I just randomly called her?

  Facebook. There were a few results that came up but there was one I had mutual friends with which was Mila, so I knew I’d found the guy. I clicked on the profile and checked him out, skimming through his profile. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for because even if I did find something off about him, everyone would ask me how I’d known.

  I stared at Connor’s picture. “I don’t think you’re going to be Kate’s type.”

  But I didn’t even know her type.

  “God, this is driving me insane,” I muttered to myself, throwing my phone on the coffee table and then proceeding to lie down on the couch. I closed my eyes and tried to will myself to sleep. It had been a long week and I’d been looking forward to resting for the weekend.

  Blue. This was the first thing I saw the moment my eyes were closed. It was as if I took a step back and her face gradually formed. Blue eyes stared right at me as her blonde hair cascaded down to her shoulders. Her button nose wrinkled up and her plump lips were upturned into a sweet smile with a lightness in her features that had never been directed at me.

  Like Icarus drawn to the sun, I felt myself gravitate towards her. She tossed her hair and it felt like everything was in slow motion as she did so. She smiled wider, her hands falling on my shoulders and I could feel her squeeze me gently. She leaned in close and I could smell the intoxicating scent of cinnamon and vanilla.

  I placed a hand on her face, a shockwave of sparks going through me when my skin touched hers. She let out a small gasp as our eyes locked and then my gaze flickered to her mouth. Her pink, plump, heart-shaped lips, enticing me to come even closer and place my lips on hers, to know the way she tasted, and familiarize myself with how her lips would move against mine.

  “Kiss me,” she whispered, her blue eyes fixed on mine. “Like how you’ve always wanted to.”

  Leaning close, my eyes fluttered close and when hers did too, I could feel her lashes brush against my skin, her breath hot against my face. Then my lips were against
hers, soft and light, almost as if our lips were simply brushing against each other. We pulled away slightly and I felt drunk with the slightest taste of Kate Shaw.

  And then I woke up with a start.

  Blinking, I sat up on the couch and ran my fingers through my tousled hair then rubbed the sleep from my eyes. My fingers fell on my lips and I could still feel them tingling, could still feel the way her mouth had been lightly pressed on mine, and it was almost as if I remembered how she tasted like—even when it was all just a fucking dream.

  If I went there and didn’t crash the date like I did the first time, just to make sure everything went well and the guy wasn’t a jerk even when Mila swore to me he wasn’t. I just had to make sure that they wouldn’t see me and if everything did seem to go well, I could just leave and they wouldn’t know I’d even been there.

  And even if they did find out, I was only concerned for Kate’s wellbeing. I didn’t think things through when I pushed Kate to say yes about going on blind dates. I only wanted to tease her, push her buttons like always, thinking that she wouldn’t bite but she did and I couldn’t stop thinking what if…

  What if she ended up liking the person she went on a date with—what then?

  With a growl, I stood and grabbed the keys for my rental car. I locked the door behind me then got in, backing out of the driveway and speeding to the freeway to get me to la Chandelle. I only knew where because fortunately, Kate mentioned it before we went our separate ways last night, but I didn’t know what time.

  It was fifteen minutes to six and it would take me about thirty minutes, maximum, to get to St. Petersburg where the fancy restaurant was located. I couldn’t text Kate if she was already there because it would require informing her that I was coming and I didn’t want her to know I was.

  Nearly thirty minutes later, I parked my car in front of the restaurant, two cars away from hers.

  I stayed in my car in the parking lot for about fifteen minutes already when Kate came out of the restaurant, no guy trailing behind her.

  It was as if the whole world came into a standstill when she came out. Dressed in an off-shoulder white dress, her blonde hair let loose in curls, framing her baby blue eyes. The white of her dress made her tan more obvious and her blue eyes seemed to shine brighter than ever. I couldn’t find the usual lightness I’d gotten used to, sparkling in her eyes but the familiar annoyance shining.