Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  Kate sighed, her features morphing to sadness. She was on her phone gripping it tightly.

  For a moment, a shot of panic went through me. Did something happen to Faith? I didn’t even know who she’d left Faith with but I had a feeling she was with Lois and Bob.

  Almost immediately, I got out of my car, forgetting I’d promised not to show myself.

  “Ryan?” Kate slowly lowered her phone.

  I lingered at the driver door of my car. My hand went to the back of my neck, rubbing it unconsciously and then letting out an awkward laugh. “Hi, shortcake.”

  Her eyebrows were furrowed as she walked closer to me. “What are you doing here?”

  I could now smell the scent of vanilla from her blonde hair. “Did something happen? Is Faith okay?” The words were out of my mouth, overlapping her question.

  Kate looked at me, even more confused. “Faith’s with my parents and I haven’t gotten a call about her that should worry me.”

  I swallowed. If the call wasn’t about Faith then who was she with on the phone? “You looked a little upset when you were on the phone.”

  Kate glanced at the phone in her hand and then looked back at me. Out of habit, her upper teeth sank on her bottom lip as she chewed on her lip and then finally sighed. “That was Vanessa on the phone. My date was asking for a rain check. Something came up and he couldn’t come for dinner.”

  I never thought I would hear better news than that. “So you got stood up?” I asked, a teasing tone lilting in my voice. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

  Kate threw me a glare. “What are you doing here anyway?”

  I smoothened my features and then nodded at the restaurant. “I haven’t had dinner. You got stood up. There’s still a vacant table inside. Let’s not waste the thirty-minute drive, shortcake.”

  After that, I pushed past her and was about to make my way to the entrance of the restaurant.

  She grabbed my wrist and tugged at my arm, yanking me slightly, so I would face her again. “Why?”

  With eyebrows furrowed at her question, I tilted my head to the side and said, “What do you mean?”

  “Why are you here, Ryan? It’s a thirty-minute drive and now you want to have dinner with me after my failed blind date. I appreciate the gesture but I need to know why you’re doing this.”

  I still didn’t want to answer why I was here because I didn’t have a good answer really. I thought of a good one on my drive here and the previous reason wasn’t a good one either. But rather than giving her a petty excuse, I still chose to ignore the first question but answer the other one, “You can call me a player and a heartbreaker or a Casanova for all I care but one thing I’m certain of is that no one should be stood up on a date.” I flashed her a small smile, almost a shy one even.

  Her blue eyes faltered a little as if another brick was just removed from the wall she’d barred herself in.

  “Come on, shortcake, I’ll show you how Ryan Bell treats his date.” My hand reached to hers on my wrist, maneuvering our hands so I could lace them together. Then I pulled her to the entrance of the restaurant, barely able to ignore the electric shock that went through me when our palms touched.

  At an empty table, I pulled her chair for her, like the gentleman I am.

  Kate kept looking at me with amusement when I sat down in front of her. “So are you saying that this is a date?”

  I made a face but tried to hide the smile making its way on my lips. “I guess you could put it that way but only because I want you to know what a real date is like.”

  Kate rolled her eyes. “You make it sound like I’ve never been on one.”

  “When was the last time you’ve been on an actual one, Kate? And please don’t count the blind dates they’ve set you up with. An actual date that you’ve voluntarily been on.”

  She chewed on her bottom lip and then let out a soft exhale. “Back in high school. Adam and I would have dinner at The Malt Bistro back home on Fridays.”

  I scoffed. “And you considered that as an actual date?”

  “Well, I’m sorry that I haven’t been taken to a fancy restaurant like this because after my ex-boyfriend dumped me, I had a child to raise.” She sounded haughty when she said it.

  I couldn’t help but admire how her feistiness still prevailed

  Then she looked at me, her blue eyes shining. “But you know, if this is you taking me out on a fancy dinner date like you’re boasting…” Her eyes flickered on my face and then down to my clothes. “You're not dressed for the part.”

  I was vaguely aware that I wore denim jeans, a white shirt, and black Converse shoes but I didn’t let her teasing get to me. Instead, I tilted my head to the side and winked at her, flashing her a bright smile. “Doesn’t matter. With a face like mine, I can get away with anything I wear. It’s both a blessing and a curse.”

  Kate’s eyes narrowed. “You’re so full of yourself. You’re not Adonis.”

  I already knew nothing irritated her more than my arrogance as I leaned back, scoffing. “If you ever see me in scrubs performing surgery, you’re going to eat your words.”

  Kate let out a soft scoff just as the waiter arrived to take our order.

  For the time being we were waiting, neither of us saying much but it wasn’t as if the other minded. We were simply drinking wine and taking in the classical piece the pianist was playing.

  Kate’s eyes were on the musician, a small smile playing on her lips. “I’m going to sign Faith into a piano class,” she said quietly, her eyes still fixed on the pianist. Then she turned back to me, bringing up her hands, and flexing them. “Pianists have long hands, don’t they? Long, slender and pretty to look at. I’ve always aspired to learn but I’m not musically talented.”

  I swirled the wine in my glass before I responded, “You’re already artistic. I think it would be taking it up a notch if you ended up being musically inclined too.”

  Kate made a face. “Says the guy who knows how to play most instruments, is academically smart, athletic and good-looking too.”

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise at the last description, just in time for our food to arrive. We both ordered the same thing and I began to cut my steak in smaller pieces. “So are you’re finally admitting that I’m good-looking? Wow. I never thought that I’d be alive when you finally admitted it.”

  She turned away, avoiding eye contact. “I never said otherwise and is this how arrogant you are with your dates?”

  Once I finished cutting the meat, I reached for her plate before she could even touch the food with her fork and knife, switching our plates. I didn’t say anything as I began cutting again.

  Kate stared at the cut meat in front of her now. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  I glanced at her and shrugged. “Didn’t I tell you that I was treating you like I would my dates?”

  “Are you normally like this with your dates?”

  “Just the pretty ones,” I replied without looking but from the corner of my eye, I saw her bite her bottom lip again and quickly looked down, trying to hide her blush. I tried to hide my smile. For the rest of the dinner, I treated her like I would normally treat my dates but of course, our conversations were easier because we knew each other already.

  I excused myself to go to the men’s room but stopped by the reception area of the restaurant to pay for our dinner. I had the feeling Kate would ask to split the bill with me, given this wasn’t technically a date and she tried splitting the bill with Peter too, but he didn’t allow it.

  “Let’s go,” I said to her when I got back.

  She looked at me. “We haven’t paid yet.”

  “I already did.”

  Her mouth dropped open as her eyes widened and she stood. “Ryan! You should’ve split it with me.”

  “What kind of guy would I be if I let my date pay for her meal?” I asked her and then offered my hand for her to take. “Just know that this is a one-time thing, shortcake. It’s not like I’ll take you out o
n any dates.” I clasped her hand in mine.

  She allowed me to pull her out of her seat and hold her hand while we walked to our cars. “So this is what you’re like on dates? I’m sorry to burst your bubble, Ryan, but the girls that you’ve taken out must solely want to be with you, because you’re charming and handsome but the date’s pretty boring.”

  I mocked a gasp when we reached her car and then placed a hand over my heart. “You wound me, shortcake.”

  “Seriously, there’s nothing special. It’s like an ordinary date, minus the whole awkward phase of having to get to know each other because we already do. You didn’t even have any special move that would have your date fall head over heels for you.”

  I cocked my head to the side, stepping closer to her, forcing her to take a step back until she was pressed against the driver’s door of her car. “You think I don’t?”

  Kate’s eyes flickered with uncertainty and I could sense her taking in the short distance between us.

  She swallowed visibly but she managed to lock her gaze with mine.

  Suddenly, it was as if the rest of the world grew quiet and I couldn’t even hear the distant sound of cars passing by on the road next to us. The silence, the disappearance of our surroundings and my eyes solely focused on Kate Shaw.

  “What do you do?” Kate whispered her lips quivering with anticipation. She wasn’t pushing me away, she wasn’t telling me to take a step back.

  I leaned closer and Kate didn’t make a move to lean back. She kept still.

  I leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “I walk them to their car and tell them I had a good time. Maybe make a joke or a pick-up line. And then I…” Leaning back slightly, I licked my lips, remembering my dream for a moment, how her lips were pressed against mine. If rationality had been on my side, I would be walking away right about now before I did something I would regret. But this was an opportunity, an opening, and I felt this blatant courage within me as well.

  I pressed my lips lightly against hers, feeling her soft lips brushing against mine as I spoke in the same low murmur, “Then I press my lips against theirs, lightly… just like this and hope it triggers a chain reaction.”

  11

  Kate

  His lips were pressed against mine, light, yet firm at first. Slowly, I could feel his lips begin to move, languidly, waiting for my response. His teeth gently sunk onto my bottom lip. I let out a gasp, my mouth opening a little more as his tongue dove in.

  Our tongues began to battle for dominance, his mouth rough against mine…the kind of roughness I welcomed, the kind that met my urgency. It had an unfamiliar rhythm, a step out of a comfort zone, bodies pressed against each other, tangled together. We clung to each other, pulling the other closer as if there was too much space between us when there wasn’t.

  It felt like a sweet relief, a digression from my usual norm. His lips moved from mine and onto my skin, latching onto my neck, teeth grazing. I moaned eyes closed tight in pleasure when I felt his hands on my breasts, caressing, massaging. I wanted more of him. My hands went to the waistband of his jeans, at the hem of his shirt and I dipped my hand inside, wanting to feel the heat of his skin—

  My alarm clock blared as the sun shone brightly through the curtains of my room.

  It had all been just a dream.

  I sat up and pulled my legs close, tucking my chin onto my knees. “What the hell was that, Kate?”

  Still, the feel of his lips still tingled on mine, the gentle firmness, as if it were a feather brushing across my mouth. It wasn’t enough to be called a kiss and yet, it was two lips against each other, albeit not moving and not pressed enough to be called a kiss. I shouldn’t even be thinking about it ‒ let alone be dreaming about it ‒ because it didn’t mean anything.

  Ryan made sure that it didn’t mean anything.

  “That’s what I would do at the end of the date,” he had said after taking a step back from me last night, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

  I had wanted to ask him what that was about but he had nudged me to my car, nodding at it. “You should head back now. It’s a long drive.”

  Then he didn’t even wait for me to say anything or had given me a chance to ask. He left just like that.

  Grabbing the pillow, I screamed in it with frustration because holy shit, Ryan Bell just left me at my wit’s end. Of all the things that should be on my mind, the last thing I was supposed to think about was why in the world did he kiss me? But I couldn’t stop replaying the way his lips had rested lightly on mine on the drive home. Then to have had a dream about it?

  “Get it together, Kate,” I whispered to myself, taking in deep, relaxing breaths. I picked up my phone to call Mom to check on Faith. She had slept over at my parent’s house last night. The video call I’d had with my daughter was brief as she recounted everything she did with Dad last night.

  Sometimes, the relationship my daughter had with my parents still surprised me. The wound of their rejection, their demand for adoption, still felt fresh in my mind and sometimes, it just stung. Back then, I’d been ready to move out of the house but Mom had managed to make me stay. Things were sour between Dad and me throughout my whole pregnancy and we barely talked.

  Then I gave birth to Faith and she healed the rift between Dad and me. She made our lives lovelier and it was amazing what her presence did.

  “Mom?” Faith asked over the video call.

  I was in the process of brushing my teeth while Faith had been eating breakfast. “Yes?”

  “Can I still sleepover here tonight? Pops promised to drive me to school tomorrow.”

  I could see the hopefulness in her eyes as she asked.

  Dad appeared behind her on the screen and said, “I’ll even drop her off extra early.”

  “She doesn’t have any more clothes and her school bag is here.” I pointed out, rinsing my mouth with water right after.

  Faith kept pouting as my dad glanced at her, sighed, and then picked up the phone. “I can get her some clothes later after my grocery run. I promise we’ll have her asleep by her bedtime, Katie.”

  I chuckled and then let out a soft exhale. “Alright. But call me from time to time, okay?”

  Faith cheered behind Dad and waved goodbye at me, telling me she loved me before ending the call.

  I lowered my phone down and stared at it for a moment. A part of me wanted to call Ryan and demand an explanation. I think I deserved one because he just left me hanging there, confused and slightly dazed.

  My phone began to vibrate in my hand and I dropped it on the sink. I groaned and picked it up, relieved it wasn’t wet. I saw a text from Vanessa, telling me the guy I was meant to meet last night asked if it would be all right to meet today. She already scheduled us for a lunch date within the city at a casual diner.

  Well, it wasn’t as if I had a choice.

  Maybe going on a date at lunch wouldn’t be a bad idea. I didn’t have anything to do for the day anyway since I usually left my Sundays free. I made myself a quick breakfast and did a little cleaning.

  At around 10, I began to get ready and was out of the house by 11 to drop by my parents.

  “Well, you’re a little dolled up,” Mom said when she opened the door for me.

  I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. “Thought it’d be nice to look a little presentable,” I replied. She didn’t know that I’d been going on blind dates. She also didn’t need to know, because it meant she would require constant updates. I’d already been updating Vanessa and Mila, so I didn’t want to add her to the list.

  Mom eyed me carefully and for a moment.

  I stood there and wondered if she had figured it out.

  She turned around and shrugged. “You should do this more often. You might attract a man.”

  There’s already one I wish I did attract.

  The thought was sudden and seizing as I my steps actually stumbled to a halt. I blinked as my eyebrows furrowed, wondering what the hell?

/>   Mom turned around and saw my reaction. “Is something wrong?”

  I flashed her an uneasy smile and shook my head. “Where’s Faith?”

  Mom nodded at the backyard where Faith and Dad were planting something in the garden, flowers, most likely.

  Dad had a green thumb and Mom too, she loved taking care of flowers. When they got married, the first thing Dad secured had been a house with a beautiful backyard. He’d wanted to make a garden for her and had been doing so for years.

  Their love made me wish to find something like they had. Instead, I fell for the wrong guy but at least that wrong love gave me my daughter.

  I stayed at my parents for a little while until I had about fifteen minutes to get to the diner. I didn’t tell them why I had to go but they didn’t ask. They must’ve thought I was meeting a new sponsor or something.

  I stared at the signage of The Malt Bistro. Of all the diners in the city, he chose to have a date here. It wasn’t like I had bad memories of the place and I did eat here with Faith from time to time. But he had planned to go on a date with me at such a fancy restaurant before, so the bistro was a big downgrade.

  I’m pretty sure Ryan would be having a laughing fit if he knew.

  Someone touched my arm.

  I jumped back in surprise. “Oh!”

  His eyebrows rose in alarm and he was quick to shake his head. “Oh, shoot, I’m sorry. It’s just, you’re Kate Shaw, right? I’m Connor Wayne, Mila’s friend.”

  I blinked, nodding slowly. “So you’re…?”

  Connor motioned at the door of the bistro. “Shall we go inside?” Tall, with a lean build. Sharp, despite the casual clothes he wore. His brown hair was trimmed at the sides and cut short in the middle. Black glasses framed his hazel eyes and he seemed to wear an easy smile. He guided me to a vacant table and motioned at the seat across from him.