Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  He didn’t even pull it out for me to take a seat like Ryan did last night.

  “I’m sorry about last night.” He was quick with his apology and he did sound remorseful. “There was an emergency and I had to meet with a client.”

  “That late?” I couldn’t help but ask. I didn’t even know what he did for a living.

  “It’s an important case.”

  I stared at him confused.

  His eyes brightened at my oblivion. “So I’m guessing Mila didn’t mention it but I’m a private attorney in St. Petersburg. Our firm’s one of the biggest private law firms in the state.”

  The last part wasn’t something I needed to know but I simply nodded. “Wow. That’s…amazing.”

  “What about you? See, I didn’t ask Mila about the details. I mentioned to her that I was single when we met and then one day, she just called and asked if I was up for a blind date.” Connor seemed to be rambling as if he needed to explain it all to me. “But I’m really glad I agreed to this. You look…just wow.”

  I flashed him a small smile. I wasn’t sure if I was meant to answer his initial question or compliment him too. I mean, he was easy on the eyes and looked like the kind of guy you would actually take to meet your parents. But I still noted some things he seemed to lack.

  He carried himself with an air of confidence but he seemed to lack the laid-back charm. His hazel eyes were kind but didn’t have that sly glint of mischief. His smile looked easy and charming but it didn’t make my heart flutter.

  Not like Ryan did.

  “Kate?”

  I blinked at Connor. He had the menu in his hand but I waved it away, already knowing what I wanted.

  The waiter came to take our order and when he left, Connor stared at me. “Is there something on my face?” I asked.

  “You were a little out of it a moment ago. Is something bothering you or…?”

  I shook my head and flashed him another small smile. “Oh, no. Something just came to mind.”

  Connor nodded his head slowly and then licked his lips.

  I stared at his lips, remembering Ryan’s and how they’d felt against mine. I swear I could see feel the ghost of his mouth lingering on mine.

  Connor spoke again, “You never answered my question. What…do you do for a living?”

  Like it was with Peter, I felt a little small. Well, maybe it had been easier with Peter because he already knew I was on YouTube. I loved the job, but I hated having to explain it to people. I liked it better when I just said what I did and people didn’t ask anything further.

  But it wasn’t always like that.

  “I’m on YouTube,” I said after a while.

  Our food arrived and Connor stared at his plate with furrowed eyebrows while I began to dig in mine. “What do you mean that you’re on YouTube?”

  I lowered my fork. “I mean, I’m on the platform. I post videos on schedule and make more. It’s literally what I do for a living.”

  Connor blinked and then rolled his bottom lip between his forefinger and thumb. He still hadn’t touched his food. “I’ve heard about people doing that but I honestly think it’s not a practical approach. I mean, no offense, but I’m sure you could get an office job with your college degree.”

  “I don’t have a college degree.”

  Yes, apparently he hadn’t been briefed about me. “Pardon?”

  “I dropped out of college.”

  “To pursue a career on YouTube?”

  “To raise my daughter.”

  At this statement, Connor’s eyes widened. So he didn’t even know I had a child. He reached for his glass of iced tea and then took a sip, cringing at its sweet taste. He went quiet for a long moment, staring at his plate of truffle pasta before picking up his fork, twirling it around the noodles and taking a bite. “How…how did…” He didn’t even know how to form his question. He cleared his throat. “How old is your daughter?”

  “She’s six. I had her when I was a senior in high school.”

  Connor leaned back in his seat with a stunned expression on his handsome face.

  Well, it was apparent that he hadn’t been prepared for this fact either.

  Whatever bubble we ‒ or he, rather ‒ was in exploded.

  Really though, it wasn’t like I could put it against him. This was a blind date and yes, it meant not knowing who you were going on a date with. It wasn’t like I’d asked Mila to give him a detailed paper about me.

  “Wow,” Connor said after a while and then flashed me an uneasy smile. “What about her dad?”

  I shook my head. I loved talking about Faith but I hated talking about him. I hated having to recount certain details. “He’s not in the picture. He didn’t want to be in the picture.”

  His eyes narrowed slightly. “You didn’t even demand child support from him?”

  Child support was always brought up whenever I mentioned how Faith’s dad wasn’t in the picture. Then if I told them he didn’t give child support, they would tell me I should demand it from him. “No, and I didn’t because when he said he didn’t want to be a part of my daughter’s life, I wanted to make sure that he didn’t have a part in it in any way.”

  “But it would be easier for you to raise her if you have the father’s support,” Connor pointed out. “Look, if you’re uneasy with the whole procedure or contacting him, I can do it for you. I can help. I—”

  I held up a hand and stopped him from even going in that direction. I flashed him a small, albeit uneasy, smile. “I don’t want his help. I’ve raised Faith fine on my own without him.”

  “But if you have his help, maybe it’ll be easier for you to get back to college and then get—”

  I scoffed, feeling insulted. “Are you suggesting that because you’re concerned or because it’s better for you to date someone with a college degree?”

  Connor opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. His mouth then set in a grim line and he took a couple of bites of his food.

  I barely had the stomach to finish mine but I tried to.

  “Look, I didn’t mean it like that. We’ve only met and this is our first date. I don’t want it heading south. Maybe we should talk about something else?”

  Even when I knew where this date was headed, I agreed and allowed him to change the topic but my heart wasn’t really into the conversation. Aside from the fact that I’d already been offended by him, I couldn’t help but realize how the conversation wasn’t as easy as it had been at first. It wasn’t like conversing with Ryan who was on the same wavelength.

  I couldn’t stop comparing Connor with Ryan throughout the date. Even his jokes weren’t as funny as Ryan’s. It became more than obvious to me that we simply didn’t get each other. By the time both of us finished our food—I could, therefore, conclude that the date had been a complete disaster.

  Connor raised his hand to pay for the bill.

  When the waiter handed it to us, I took out my purse. “I can pay for my meal,” I stated quietly, nodding at the bill.

  He was quick to shake his head. “No, it’s okay. A gentleman should pay.”

  I wanted to argue with him because I wasn’t sure if he could be labeled as a gentleman, given how our date went. First, he rain-checked on the date late when I had already been waiting at the restaurant. Secondly, he’d offended me. Third, well, Ryan showed me how a gentleman should act last night and I couldn’t find those traits in Connor.

  Of all the men in the world, Ryan had been the only gentleman so far.

  The two of us exited the bistro.

  Connor lingered by my side for a little while.

  I wanted to leave but knew it’d be rude.

  “So…do you want to have coffee or…?” he asked hesitantly.

  I didn’t but I also didn’t want to prolong this train wreck of a date. “I think I should head home. There are still some things I need to start working on. It was nice meeting you, Connor.”

  Connor scratched his brow. “Oh. Okay. C
an I call you? Let’s have another date sometime?”

  Pursing my lips, I sighed and toyed with the car keys in my hand. “I had a lovely time, Connor, but I’m sorry. I don’t think there will be another one.”

  He scowled but tried to flash me an uneasy smile. “Oh. Is it because I offended you? I was only concerned, you know. I thought maybe I could help…”

  It wasn’t solely because I was offended. He wasn’t the first person to suggest what he did or to offer help. It had been the fact that throughout the date, I couldn’t stop comparing it to the one I had with Ryan. I couldn’t stop comparing him with Ryan and that was unfair on my part. “It wasn’t because you offended me, Connor. I don’t want to be unfair. The lunch was lovely, but why go on more dates when I’m not even considering this to go any further?”

  Connor blinked hard at this statement.

  I chewed on the inside of my bottom lip, hating how the rejection sounded.

  He nodded at me slowly and then smiled slightly but it was obvious I’d upset him. “I understand. It was nice meeting you, Kate. I guess I’ll just see you around.” He turned around and left, heading to his car.

  I sighed, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. Aside from what I took offense in, aside from the fact that I kept comparing him, Connor seemed to be a good guy. I could understand why Mila set me up with him. It was just that…

  He wasn’t Ryan.

  And when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t just sunlight that hit me.

  It was the pair of intense green eyes across the street, staring right at me.

  12

  Ryan

  Since the first time I’d scored with a girl back in high school, I’d always kept my head… ahead of the game. In how I viewed things, if you let any kind of feelings tangle and overlap with intimacy, you lose. It was why I’d always made sure to separate the two and because I’d always been passive about feelings, it was easy for me.

  But right now, I was a mess. A damn jumble of emotions and irrational thoughts… then this subtle ache and longing for her. It felt like a ball filled with overwhelming emotion had it hit me like a comet, at full speed, and I never had the chance to brace for impact.

  I did manage to remain composed when I kissed—brushed my lips against hers in the parking lot last night. Although I had a feeling, she must’ve thought I was being an ass, treating her like I would any other girl, and she wasn’t special. Heck, at this point, I wasn’t even sure if special was even the right term to use as description to what we had.

  Damn it.

  I closed my eyes and sighed, resting my head against the headboard of my bed. I was still in Andrew’s house and it was a Sunday morning. I was supposed to quickly drop by at the hospital to check on a patient I’d been scheduled to operate on Monday morning. But with the state I was in, I wasn’t really sure if I was in the right frame of mind to perform brain surgery.

  All I could think about was Kate and the way her lips felt against mine. It took everything in me not to smash my lips roughly against hers, cradle her body closer to mine, drown myself in her flavor. Had I done more than just a brush of lips, I knew I wouldn’t have gotten enough. Even when I’d barely felt her lips on mine, I’d already found her addicting.

  The vibration of my phone against the coffee table cut through the silence of the house and I picked it up. A message from the real estate agent I was set to meet today. Aside from checking the patient I had for tomorrow, meeting the agent had been another responsibility for the day. Both things were a welcomed distraction to my thoughts.

  Yet, both things didn’t really do much to distract me from thinking about Kate and the way her lips felt against mine. I’d thought about how even her scent intoxicated me and how her smile tied my stomach in knots. The way she would look at me, the annoyed look she would try to put on, yet the amusement playing in her eyes.

  God, thinking about her made my heart pound.

  At around 9 AM, I got ready to head to the hospital. I kept it simple, knowing the moment I donned the white coat inside the building, I would be acknowledged. It took me about ten minutes to get to the hospital, ten more to check on the patient. Given that his condition was stable, we were good to go to remove the tumor in his brain tomorrow morning.

  The agent had texted me that she would be waiting at a newly opened café across the street from the Malt Bistro. I paused, remembering how Kate had mentioned last night that her ex only ever brought her to this bistro for a date. It had made me feel bad at the time because it felt like it had been the only date she’d ever had.

  I was aware how her life had been turned upside down and began to spin in a different axis when she had Faith. Her sole focus was raising her daughter and providing her with the best life she could. To her, it meant putting her life on hold and changing her dreams.

  The car that passed by me honked a little too loudly, making me jump slightly. When I turned to yell at the driver, it was then when I noticed the blonde across the street. She stood in front of the bistro, looking a little upset as she conversed with a guy I didn’t know. A spark of unease went through me, waking up the lone wolf inside and making it growl with some unfamiliar fury.

  They were talking and the guy looked slightly hopeful but there wasn’t any remorse on Kate’s face. The guy looked sharp even in jeans and a casual button-down shirt. Kate looked apologetic and I caught the shock on the guy’s face. I desperately wanted to approach them and listen in to their conversation.

  Then the guy turned around and walked away.

  I focused my attention on Kate who lingered by her car, eyes closed tight. I watched as she took in a deep breath, opened her eyes, and glanced up—only to meet my gaze.

  The world came to a standstill when our eyes meant. Despite the distance, even when we weren’t even touching, I felt it. It felt like the warmth of an embrace that I’d been seeking for so long, one I never realized I needed. Like how art could bring warmth to a soul, so used to being alone it had gone cold.

  I now understood why Icarus flew too close to the sun even when he knew it would burn him. If the sun could give him the warmth his cold soul had long sought, how could he not?

  Before I could process it, I was standing in front of her. Her sweet scent of cinnamon and vanilla wrapped around me, soothing and comforting. “Hi, Kate.”

  She blinked, as if she thought I had just manifested right in front of her.

  Maybe she was the one who suddenly appeared in front of me. Maybe I was thinking of her so much that I managed to have her materialize out of nowhere.

  “Ryan.”

  The way she said my name sent a shiver down my spine.

  “What are you…?”

  I nodded at the café. “Have coffee with me? It’s not a vending machine made this time.”

  A moment of silence passed between the two of us. I waited for her to reject my offer. Hell, I even expected her to slap me because she had the right to do so. I’d acted calloused with her last night and if she were mad because of this, I would’ve understood.

  But Kate glanced at the café across the street and asked, “Is it new?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, then.”

  I blinked and then stared at her.

  She had already moved towards where the pedestrian lane was so she could cross the street. She turned back to look at me, eyebrows rising in confusion when she noticed I wasn’t following.

  I let out a soft laugh, following her and crossing the street with her, relieved that she didn’t seem to have anything against me.

  Kate stood awestruck at the café the moment we entered.

  I did too, as I marveled at how clean and relaxing the ambiance of the place was. Everything in white and other neutral colors, with a dash of green brought by the number of plants scattered about.

  I spotted my real-estate agent waving at me in one booth, looking enthusiastic.

  “Do you know her?” Kate asked, following my gaze and then glancing a
t me, waiting for an answer.

  I nodded my head and then reached for Kate’s hand, wrapping it in mine. I pulled her to the table. “Yes. I’m supposed to meet her.”

  When we reached the table, Kate removed her hand from mine.

  The agent stood up and motioned for me to take a seat, glancing at Kate briefly. “It’s a pleasure to meet with you again, Dr. Bell.”

  I smiled and pulled a chair out for Kate. I sat beside her and across from the agent. “I’m sorry for making you wait, Olive.”

  Olive smiled at me, teeth flashing brightly. She tossed her auburn hair to the side, still smiling at me. “Oh, don’t worry. It’s okay. Should we order?”

  Beside me, Kate cleared her throat, forcing Olive to look at her. Kate plastered a pleasing smile on her face. “Hello. I’m Kate Shaw.”

  Her name didn’t seem to ring a bell with Olive and she simply smiled back, shaking Kate’s hand. “I’m Olive Monroe. Do you work in the same hospital as Dr. Bell?”

  Kate didn’t reply as someone came to take our orders.

  When the waiter left, Olive started a conversation with me, “So you’ll be staying here in Tampa for only a couple of months? It’s better if you stay here for good.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the suggestion, subtly glancing at Kate. “I’ve lived majority of my life here in Tampa already, Liv. I do miss it here but—”

  “Oh, don’t add a ‘but’ to that statement!” Olive pouted.

  Our order arrived and Kate was quick to nab her drink, hastily drinking it through the metal straw.

  “Whoa, slow down a little, shortcake. I don’t want you choking.”

  “I’m sure you can perform that…what’s that maneuver called?” Olive asked, resting her cheek against the palm of her hand.

  “It’s called Heimlich maneuver,” Kate answered her coldly.

  Olive nodded her head in agreement. “Can you teach me how to do that, Dr. Bell?”

  By now, it was clear to me that Olive was flirting and I couldn’t help but chuckle in amusement at the whole thing.