by Marie Force
"Call me Ana," she said with a warm smile. "Pleased to meet you, Dr. Duffy."
"Likewise," Ted said as he shook her hand.
"I've heard so much about you and your family's long history here."
Ted's gut twisted when he remembered why he was there. "I'm sorry to interrupt your meeting, but I need a minute when you have some time today, Marty."
"We were done." Ana stood up and shook hands with both of them. "I'll see you on the first, Dr. Nickerson." She nodded to Ted. "I look forward to working with you, Dr. Duffy."
"We'll see you soon," Martin said.
Ana left them and closed the door behind her.
Martin clapped his hands with glee. "Hot damn! We got lucky today, my friend. Yes, we did! She was trained at Johns Hopkins and had twelve other programs competing for her. It came down to M.D. Anderson and us."
"I'm sure it was your potent charm that won her over," Ted said with a weak smile. This man had been a part of his life for as long as Ted could remember, and suddenly the magnitude of what he was about to do sat like a weight on his chest.
"I'm glad you came by." Marty refilled his coffee cup. "I was going to bring her down to meet you."
Ted shook his head to decline the offer of coffee.
Marty sat down behind his large desk. "You look beat. Bad night on the floor?"
"No. For once it was quiet."
"What's on your mind?"
Ted handed Marty the second letter.
Marty perused it and looked up at Ted with shock. "I'm afraid I don't understand. You're resigning. Why?"
Ted's throat tightened. "The ten years I've spent here have been the most rewarding years of my life. But I can't spend my whole career here. I've suspected that for quite a while and have only recently come to realize it's time for a change."
"You had a bad go of it for a while there this summer. That's enough to make anyone take a second look. But to quit, I mean, Ted, come on. You know as well as I do that you're on your way to sitting in this chair someday. It's almost your birthright."
"I appreciate that you have that kind of faith in me, Marty, but it's not what I want. Not anymore. I couldn't have asked for a better boss and mentor than you've been to me. I know you've taken extra special care of me because my father did the same for you. You've invested a lot in me, and I'm sorry to let you down."
Marty sat back in his chair and released a deep sigh when he seemed to get that Ted was serious. "Have you told your father? And Theo?"
"Not yet. I wanted to tell you first."
"What are you going to do?"
"At eight o'clock this morning I accepted the job as head of the pediatrics department at Concord Hospital. They've been after me for some time. I went up there for a day about a month ago and liked what I saw, but I wasn't ready then to make a move."
"You're a talented oncologist, Ted. How in the world are you ever going to be satisfied with tonsils and croup?"
"I'm sure I'll find challenges along the way that I can't imagine right now," he said, aching as he used Caroline's words. He couldn't think of her. Not if he was going to get through this day. "I'm sorry to leave you without any notice, but they're desperate for someone up there."
Marty got up and came around the desk. "You're sure about this? Really sure?"
"I am, Marty."
"You know you can always come back if you get up there and are bored senseless, right?"
Ted smiled as he shook Marty's hand. "Thank you. For everything."
"You'll be impossible to replace, Dr. Duffy. Good luck and keep in touch."
"I will. Give me an hour to talk to my parents before you tell anyone?"
"Of course."
He left Marty's office and handed the flash drive to Patty. "I need a favor."
"Sure, Ted."
"Can you send the letter called 'families' to all my active patients and the parents of anyone I've lost in the last year?"
"Certainly."
"I need an hour before anyone in the hospital hears what the letter says, okay?"
She nodded. "I understand."
"Thank you, Patty."
As he drove to Weston, Ted tried to keep his mind from wandering. He had to stay focused on taking things a step at a time and just get through the day. Despite his best intentions, though, he thought of Caroline … and all their plans…
Four out of ten is not bad, he thought. To say we had the deck stacked against us from the beginning, we got lucky to get to number four. Well, since we've figured out what I'm going to do about my career, I guess today counts as five. Halfway to happily ever after. That's more than some people ever get. It'll have to do.
* * *
Caroline was resting on the sofa that afternoon when the doorbell rang. Her heart lifted at the thought that Ted might have come home. Then she remembered he wouldn't ring the doorbell. She glanced through the peephole and suppressed a groan. Quickly, she wiped her tear-stained face, ran her fingers through her untidy hair, tied her robe tighter around her, and opened the door to her mother-in-law.
"May I come in?" Mitzi asked.
Caroline took a step back to let her in.
Mitzi dropped her purse on the kitchen counter. "What's going on, Caroline?"
"I'm sure you already know or you wouldn't be here."
"He's quit his job. Do you know that?"
"He said he was going to."
"And you don't care at all about that?" Mitzi asked, incredulous. "Surely you know by now his position is not just a job. It's his legacy."
Caroline snorted. "Mrs. Duffy—Mitzi—my husband has left me. The husband I'd planned to spend my life with. The husband I'd planned to have children with. He's left me. So you'll have to pardon me if I'm not all that concerned today with the Duffy family legacy."
With some of her starch gone, Mitzi sat down in the living room. "You have to do something. You can't let him do this."
"I know you won't believe me, but he was thinking about making a career change long before you dropped your bomb on him last night. The bomb was just the final straw in several situations, but I'm sure you knew that when you dropped it. I'm sorry if you got more than you bargained for."
"I wasn't hoping he would leave you when I told him about Smitty."
"You'll have to forgive me if I don't believe you."
"Duffys don't get divorced, Caroline," Mitzi snapped. "That's not what I want for my son."
"And yet, here we are." Caroline smiled at the irony as she sat on the sofa. "He's done everything you've ever expected of him, Mitzi, and then some. The first time he veers off the approved path to pursue something he wants, he loses you and just about everyone else who matters to him. You raised a good and decent man who can't stand that he's disappointed you."
"So you're saying this is my fault?"
"No. If you're looking for someone to blame, I guess you don't need to look much further than me. I'm the one who came between best friends and ruined their lives."
"You left last night before I could tell you that Smitty sounded so happy when he called. Really happy, Caroline."
Caroline stared at her, incredulous. "As we'd say in the newspaper business, you buried the lead. Why would you let Ted think that he'd caused Smitty more unhappiness? Why would you do that?"
Mitzi looked almost ashamed. "I've been angry with Ted. And with you. I'm not about to deny that. I'd never begrudge him the happiness he deserves, but that so many people had to be hurt. I couldn't stand that. This whole thing was so out of character for him."
"Maybe that's what he needed, Mitzi! To shake things up a bit, to take a risk, to do something that wasn't expected of him! Do you know how he's suffered over what he did to Smitty? Do you have any idea?"
"No, I guess I don't." She stood up. "May I have a glass of water?"
"Of course. I'm sorry I didn't offer you anything."
"I'll get it," Mitzi said when Caroline started to get up.
Knowing Mitzi had outfitted the place, Caroline didn't
bother to tell her where the glasses were.
Mitzi took her glass to the fridge to get ice. "What's this?"
"What?" Caroline turned and found Mitzi studying their list.
"Oh." Mitzi exhaled a long deep breath. "Oh God." Her hand came up to cover her mouth and her shoulders began to shake.
Caroline got up and went to her. "Mitzi…"
Mitzi turned to Caroline, her face a mask of devastation. "Oh, Caroline. It was the real thing, wasn't it?"
"Yes," Caroline whispered as her own eyes filled. "Very much so."
"What are you going to do? We can we do?"
"We have to wait. And hope. Unless he can find a way to forgive himself, there's nothing we can do."
Mitzi reached out to wipe the tears from Caroline's cheeks. "What are you going to do, honey?"
"I'm going to finish my book." She pointed to number five on the list. "And try to keep busy. Eventually I'll go back to work."
"Will you stay here?"
She nodded. "I live here now. Besides, if my husband should happen to change his mind, I'd like him to be able to find me."
"As long as you want to be busy, I know of some very worthy causes that could use the services of a talented writer," Mitzi said with a shy smile. "We're down one Duffy on the charity circuit, so I'd enjoy having you there."
"I'd like that, Mitzi." Caroline grasped her mother-in-law's hand. "I'd like that very much."
* * *
The worst part about leaving Children's Hospital Boston was leaving the children. By the time he set out for Concord at ten o'clock that night, Ted was drained. He'd had tearful farewells with his coworkers, the kids on the in-patient ward, and with several of the parents he'd become close to. He still felt weepy as he crossed the New Hampshire border. But there was no sense looking back. Now was the time for moving forward.
An hour later, he arrived in the quaint city of Concord and checked into the first hotel he found. He'd have to go back to Boston at some point to get more clothes and a few other things he needed. To do that, though, he would have to see Caroline. Maybe he would just buy new clothes. That would be easier and less painful.
As he lay down on the hard bed in the nondescript hotel room, he wondered how she was doing. He wished he could call her and talk to her about how it had felt to leave his kids. She would understand, and she would know just what to say to make him feel better. But he couldn't call her. That wouldn't be fair.
Over the next two weeks, Ted settled into his new job. It was more administrative than he preferred, but it was a challenge, especially overseeing all the pediatricians at the hospital. Fortunately, he had been given a highly efficient executive assistant who handled the worst of the paperwork for him.
On the medical side, he became accustomed to seeing mostly healthy kids with minor illnesses and injuries and realized that once he had removed the word "cancer" from his daily vocabulary, he had also stopped constantly anticipating disaster.
He went to Weston for a somber Thanksgiving with his family—the first without Smitty in more years than he could remember, the first without his grandmother, and what should have been his first with Caroline—and returned to Concord the next day. Only the presence of his baby niece Lilly had saved the holiday from being a total disaster.
On Saturday, he spent most of the day on the sofa pretending to watch football, but all his thoughts were about Chip and Elise getting married in New York and how he was supposed to be in the wedding party. He hoped that Parker, at the very least, was with Chip.
Unfortunately, Ted knew all too well what it was like to get married without his closest friends by his side. He hurt to think of Chip going through the same thing. He hurt to think of them all, and for that one day, he allowed in the pain. If anyone had told him a year ago that Chip and Elise would be getting married and he wouldn't be there…
As time went by, word got out that a nationally renowned pediatric oncologist was now practicing in Concord. Before he knew it, he was treating six children with cancer from various corners of northern New England, in consultation with his former colleagues at Children's. Ted was satisfied to able to keep a hand in his former specialty and to save their parents the extra travel time.
When he wasn't working, he ran—usually twice a day—and worked on the old house outside of town he had bought on a whim. He kept his distance from the people in town, especially the women who eyed the new doctor with interest.
He'd called Caroline only once, to give her his new cell phone number and address and to discuss a few financial matters pertaining to the condo in Boston. He'd been in Concord for six weeks when he finally worked up the fortitude to ease the wedding band off his left hand and put it on his dresser.
His parents and grandfather came up for a weekend visit, but Ted refused to discuss Caroline, his friends, his career, or any of the painful memories he had worked so hard to put behind him.
A few days before Christmas, he went into town for dinner at an Irish pub he had heard good things about. He was sick of his own cooking and his own company after a Saturday spent sanding floors. A live band entertained the crowd of locals. Ted recognized a few of them from his practice and nodded to say hello but didn't encourage anyone to approach him as he took a seat at the bar. He had ordered the roast beef special and was nursing a beer when the band took a break and switched on some canned music. The Lifehouse song "You and Me" filled the pub, transporting Ted back to their wedding night at the Ritz. The pain of losing Caroline shot through him like a bullet, leaving him breathless with longing. He got up, tossed a twenty on the bar, and left the pub.
Because he couldn't bear another stiff-upper-lip holiday in Weston, he volunteered to cover Christmas Day at the hospital so the other doctors could be with their families. The day after Christmas, he received an invitation in the mail.
John & Marjorie Smith
request the honor of your presence
at a dinner to celebrate their marriage
Saturday, January 9
7:30 p.m.
21 Club
21 West 52nd Street
New York, New York
Across the bottom, in his familiar scrawl, Smitty had written, "I expect you to come. It's the least you can do."
Chapter 39
On the ninth, Ted caught an early-morning train to Boston where he met his parents and grandfather at South Station. Tish and Steven had been invited to the party but had chosen to stay home with baby Lilly.
The foursome boarded a second train to New York's Penn Station. During the long ride through Connecticut, his mother tried to engage Ted in conversation, but he preferred to stare out the window. He couldn't imagine what Smitty was up to and wasn't sure if he should be relieved or nervous about the night to come. Either way, he couldn't wait to see his friends again, even if they ignored him.
His father had sprung for adjoining rooms at The Plaza, and his grandfather joked about being Ted's roommate. The old man seemed to be holding up pretty well without his wife, and Ted was happy to be the butt of his jokes if it kept his grandfather smiling.
Mitzi took off to do some shopping, and Ted went for a long run in the frigid cold through Central Park. He allowed his mind to wander to all the weekends he had spent in the city since Chip and Smitty had moved there after graduate school. They'd had so many good times in so many different places that it was hard to be anywhere and not think of one or all of them. And it was impossible to be back in New York City without thinking about his middle-of-the-night sprint to get to Caroline and their first two magical days together.
That night, Ted dressed in a dark suit and tie and checked his appearance in the mirror at least three times before he went into his parents' room for a shot of the whiskey his father had brought.
At seven fifteen, they took a cab to the 21 Club and were the first to arrive in the private room Smitty had reserved. Ted realized this was going to be no ordinary evening when he saw the place card next to his on the large square
table that read, "Mrs. Caroline Duffy." His heart was suddenly in his throat. It hadn't occurred to him that she would be there, but with hindsight, he should've expected it since Smitty had unfinished business with her as well.
A waiter came around to take drink orders, and Ted asked for a beer even though he wanted more whiskey.
The door opened, and Parker came in with Gina and two young boys in dark suits and ties. He greeted Ted's parents and grandfather with warm hugs and introduced them to Gina and the boys. Ted noticed a huge diamond on Gina's left hand and was thrilled to know his friend now had everything he'd ever wanted.
Parker shook hands with Ted and introduced him to Gina's sons, Anthony and Dominic. They politely shook hands with Ted even as the younger one tugged at his tie and fidgeted in his stiff suit. Parker put a hand on Anthony's shoulder and whispered something in his ear. The boy looked up at him, smiled, and nodded.
Every time the door opened, Ted's heart hammered as he waited for Caroline. Parker's father, James King, was the next to arrive with a buxom blond on his arm, followed by Chip and Elise.
Elise launched herself into Ted's arms. "So good to see you, Duff," she whispered. "I've missed you so much."
"Me, too." He kissed her cheek and hugged her again. "How was the wedding?"
"Almost perfect. We missed you and Smitty terribly."
"I'm sorry, Elise. I really wanted to go, but…"
"I know. Where's Caroline?"
He shook his head and held up his left hand where his ring used to be.
Her face fell. "No." She looked at him with disbelief. "No. Not after everything you sacrificed, not after everything we all sacrificed…"
With a grim expression, Ted shrugged. "Doomed from the start."
"Duff…"
Chip came up to her and put his arm around her. Like Parker, Chip shook Ted's hand but had nothing much to say to him.
The next time the door opened, Caroline came in wearing a black dress that offset her pale beauty. Her hair was swept up, her green eyes were big with nerves, and to Ted she had never been more lovely. He was surprised when his mother went over to Caroline like she had been expecting her and embraced her warmly. What the hell? Mitzi took her daughter-in-law's hand and led her into the room.
