Fade to Blue

by Julie Carobini

“Or maybe I should shake my leg like a tree branch in the wind!” I stopped and pumped my leg until it hurt, Jeremiah’s high-pitched squeal rising above the sound of curling and crashing waves.

  “I’ll save you!” Len swooped down and hoisted Jeremiah into the air, giving him a quick toss before catching him again. Our son’s squealing gave way to uncontrollable giggles, and I took in the sight of them, drinking in the scene, my mind regretful over what might have been.

  A handful of surfers in shiny black wetsuits bobbed in the cove to our left, waiting for that elusive wave, the one that would make all that they endured worth the cold, long wait. I knew from watching them before that sometimes the perfect wave never came and that life would go on. They’d be back on their boards again, sacrificing their comfort, waiting and hopeful that their time would come.

  It took weeks to accept Len’s betrayal and incarceration, and several more to pick myself and Jeremiah up and allow us to land on Gage’s doorstep. I couldn’t have asked for a more loving brother or a better place for us to restart our lives.

  But when I received that letter from Len last year, the one telling me he’d filed for divorce so he could remarry, another wound peeled itself open, exposing me to fresh, raw pain. Or maybe the old wound had reopened.

  Now, though, the pain of Len’s rejection of our marriage had lessened and the love I’d once had for him vanished—it was Jeremiah’s affection for his father that changed the game. For Jeremiah’s sake, I might have to jump back on my board and wait out the wave. I just hoped the sacrifice would be worth the wait.

  I slowed the pace, hoping Len would follow suit, not wanting my heart to lose one more drop of blood over this. Besides, Callie would be here soon.

  “You coming?” Len called.

  I leveled my eyes with his. “Let’s stay here and watch the surfers awhile more.”

  He shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

  Jeremiah’s frown at having to slow down dissolved. “Callie! Moondoggy!” He let go of Len’s hand and sprinted past me, back toward the steps.

  Len craned a look. “Who’s that?”

  Callie handed over Moondoggy’s leash to Jer and I waited until they caught up to us. “Callie, I’d like you to meet Jeremiah’s father, Len.”

  She shook his hand, and I turned to Len while linking her arm with mine. “Callie’s going to marry Gage soon, and I can’t wait to have her for a sister.”

  Although he did manage to nod and utter, “Congratulations,” his eyes could not seem to find their focus.

  Jeremiah tore past us, Moondoggy pulling him down the beach with that big, ol’ pink tongue of his licking the side of Jer’s face. The remnants of a wave dribbled up shore, lapping over them, and I cringed. Mama’s going to have to buy him a new pair of shoes.

  Len furrowed his brow. “Where they going?”

  Thanks to Callie, a sharp whistle trilled through the air. Len’s frown faded when both the dog and Jeremiah halted, paws and feet sinking into wet pebbly sand. With Moondoggy turned around toward his mistress and yanking on his leash, Jer bent down, unhooked him, and called out, “Go!”

  Moondoggy pitched forward at full speed, but instead of skidding to a halt at Callie’s feet, his eyes homed in on Len. In the distance I heard a growl build, one that morphed into a harsh spate of deep-toned barking.

  Callie pulled her arm from mine and lurched forward, placing herself in front of Len. “Stop!”

  Moondoggy did as told, whinnying his displeasure. Callie kept her hand steady in front of him, reminding him to “wait.”

  Jeremiah jogged up behind him, then dug his chubby hand into the scruff of the doggy’s neck. “It’s okay, boy. He’s my daddy!”

  If only I would have realized the sequence of events about to occur, I might have grabbed the leash from my son’s hand and latched it to the collar around Moondoggy’s neck. But it all happened too fast.

  Jeremiah leapt into his father’s arms, and Moondoggy, the animal that normally would not hurt a kitty, charged ahead and placed a quiver-worthy bite on Len’s calf.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “That mutt should be kept away from Jeremiah. Ouch!” Len tensed against the hard back of the Adirondack chair on Gage’s deck, his mouth and nose contorted as I dabbed antibiotic cream on his wound.

  “It’s just a scratch.” I dabbed away while nursing a scowl of my own.

  “Yeah, sure. You say that while wiping away my blood.”

  I glanced up at him. Did he realize how silly he sounded? “Spare me. You of all people have been through much worse than this little nibble.” I stuck a wide bandage across his abrasion and gathered up the rest of my first-aid supplies. The vicious dog attack was not part of my plan for the afternoon, then again, seeing Len today—or ever—wasn’t either.

  Len unrolled the cuff of his pant leg and brushed it smooth again. “What did you mean about me being through worse? Can’t remember ever being bit by a dog before.”

  The glower on his face made me want to laugh. I used to call that his man-pout because it never worked on me. On those rare occasions when we’d argue and he didn’t get his way, that expression would claim his face and stay there all night. Such a grudge holder.

  I shook my head, not wanting to answer his question. How levelheaded would that be to mention jail at this moment? Especially with Jeremiah within earshot?

  He reached over, rubbed his hand down my arm, and held my wrist, imploring me to answer his question. “I’m serious about what I asked you, Suz. What were you thinking about?”

  I stilled, glancing first at his fingers massaging my wrist and then into his face. He looked as harmless as one of those surfers sitting on their boards out on the water right now. In fact, with his sun-bleached hair and skin that warmed to the sun, he’d fit right in with those who spent every available moment looking for the perfect wave. Why did that unnerve me so?

  I freed my arm from his hold. “Forget it. I’m sorry about the dog bite. Really I am. Moondoggy’s never reacted like that to anyone in my presence.” A wry laugh escaped. “He’s so congenial we always joke that if a burglar were to break in to Callie’s place, Moondoggy would probably give him the grand tour and show him where she kept the silver.”

  Len’s eyes narrowed. Apparently, this was not the kind of thing to tell an ex-con.

  I stuck the first-aid kit under my arm and stood. “Okay, awkward. Let’s change the subject—”

  “Heard there’s been some trouble.” Gage climbed the steps toward us, an unwavering gaze focused on Len. He set a cardboard tube onto an empty deck chair and leaned back against a pillar, his arms folded at his chest.

  “Gage.” Len stayed seated but nodded his head in that way that cowboys in old movies did when they acknowledged a person. Just one brief, sober-faced nod. I half expected to hear cowboy showdown music blowing in from the west.

  My brother turned to me. “Callie said the wound wasn’t too bad.” Was that regret laced through his voice?

  “Might want to rethink bringing that animal home to live with you.” Len’s hands were folded across his flat stomach. “If it were my fiancée, I’d find her a nice poodle or Chihuahua to keep her company.”

  Gage set his jaw, pulled away from the pillar, and took a step forward. “Is that right?”

  I slid in between the two of them, my back to Len, my eyes pleading with Gage. “I think that under the circumstances, I should make us all some dinner. Okay by you?”

  A muscle in my brother’s cheek flexed twice before he spoke. “Jeremiah’s going to need a bath soon and to get to bed early. Don’t forget that his sleep schedule was interrupted last evening.”

  I nodded and guided him with a nudge toward the front door. “I know, so this will be a quick, no-frills meal. Baked macaroni and cheese, and then it’ll be off to bed for all of us.”

  Gage hollered for Jeremiah, and waited until he bounded up the stairs and into the cottage, his mouth run amok. My brother followed him in whil
e I held open the screen door and raised my eyes at Len. He climbed out of the chair and hobbled in, milking his injury, no doubt aware of Gage’s disdain at having him here.

  While Gage hustled Jer into the bathroom to wash up, Len followed me into the kitchen. I motioned for him to have a seat at the table by the window. A fry pan sat on the stove, so I switched on the burner beneath it. While I removed milk, butter, a hunk of cheese, and a bowl of precooked elbow macaroni from the fridge, Len glanced around the room, his fingers tapping on the tabletop.

  An idea lighted his face. “So I was thinking that maybe I could borrow a board from someone and try surfing this weekend. Jer would like that.”

  I plopped a pad of butter into the pan and watched it sizzle. He thinks we’re going to be one happy family? Just like that? “I don’t know, Len. Depends on what else I have to do this weekend.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, for starters, my boss asked me to do some freelance painting for him.”

  “Really. Your boss, huh?”

  I threw a look his way, noticing something hard in his eyes. “It’s not like that. He and his wife own an old cabin in the hills, and they’ve asked me give it some, um, panache.” I added the milk to the pan, then chunked up the cheese and threw that in too. “Poor Fred had a heart attack last week, but all he seems to think about is getting the cabin finished. I may have to go up there this weekend and at least figure out what to do.”

  “Where is it?”

  I swallowed and gave the cheese sauce a stir, watching the solid chunks melt into silky cream. The log cabin had taken on a life of its own in my mind, sort of my personal crusade. The closer Callie and Gage’s wedding date came and the more I felt pressed by yesterday’s mistakes, the more I longed to find a way for Jer and me to start over in the antique cabin nestled among the pines.

  Did I want to share that dream with anyone—especially Len?

  I shrugged and puttered around the kitchen, removing dishes and silverware. “It’s a drive from here. Anyway, I’ll have to check on that before making other plans.”

  “I’ll have to wait for you to decide then.”

  My cell rang and I answered it before checking the number on the screen. “Hello?”

  “It’s me. Seth.”

  My heart pounded, and I turned my back on Len. “Oh, uh-huh?”

  “You barely said a word coming down the hill the other night.”

  “Yes.”

  “And you’re still upset.”

  Small bubbles began to form at the edges of the pan. I glanced over my shoulder to see Len staring at me.

  “Still with me?”

  I swallowed back a response and peered again toward Len only to find Callie on the porch. I could see her through the large front window, Moondoggy in her arms.

  Len whipped around, caught sight of her too, and shook his head, “What the . . .”

  I wrapped my hand tighter around my cell phone, conscious of Seth waiting on the other end of the line. “Um, yes—no. It’s not a good time.”

  Callie leaned her face against the window and peered inside. She gave me a smile and a cute wave but pulled back when she noticed Len glaring at her.

  Seth’s voice cut in. “We need to talk. There’s more to say.”

  Len kicked the chair next to him and stood.

  “Seth, I have to go. Sorry.” I let the phone clatter against the kitchen island, then wove through the living room to get the door.

  “You’re not going to let her and that mutt come in here.” Len stood in the doorway now, arms folded, showing no signs of injury. He reminded me of a belligerent toddler.

  I gave him a withering look and yanked open the door.

  Callie cringed. “So sorry,” she whispered. “Didn’t know he’d still be . . .”

  I reached for Moondoggy’s leash. “Come on in, Sis.”

  She stepped inside. “You sure?”

  Moondoggy traipsed in behind her and jumped onto my hip for a pet. His long arms reached to my belly and I nuzzled his head with my knuckles. He dropped to the floor, his nails landing with a clack.

  Len stayed put.

  Gage arrived from down the hall and pulled Callie into his arms. How would that be to have a spat and long to make up quickly like they had done? Her mouth grazed his ear with a whispered I’m sorry and I turned away from their private moment.

  “Moondoggy!” Jeremiah clomped into the living room and threw his body over the dog, who responded with a womp, womp, womp of his tail onto the hardwood.

  “Son, don’t do that.” Len’s order silenced the room. “You come on over here now, where it’s safe with Daddy.”

  Gage glanced up. “Jer’s fine. He and Moondoggy are pals.”

  “That right?” Len pursed his lips and shoved away from the wall. “Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea, not when he up and bites a perfect stranger.”

  Callie rubbed her cheek. “Again, I am so sorry for that, Len. I–I really don’t know why he did that, but it had to be a fluke. To my knowledge, he’s never exhibited that kind of behavior before.” She paused. “Are you feeling okay?”

  His man-pout began to appear and he stepped into the room. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a great grip on the leash, and Moondoggy let loose a growl and then tugged out of my grasp, dashing right for Len.

  “No!” Callie hurled toward the kitchen and tackled Moondoggy before he could reach Len, who leapt onto a kitchen chair and kicked one leg at the dog to prevent another bite.

  “I told you that mutt was dangerous!” Len called out to Jeremiah. “You are not to go near that dog again, hear me?”

  Jeremiah dissolved into a mess of tears and buried his face in my lap, his little arms wrapped around my legs. I shook my head at Len, while caressing our son’s head.

  Gage rushed over, grabbed Moondoggy’s leash, and hauled the dog away from the kitchen. He wore a frown before grabbing a jacket from the coatrack and marching out to the front porch, shutting the door behind him with enough effort to shudder the wall.

  A faint curl of burnt-toast smell wafted under my nose. I turned to see Callie’s nurturing side emerging again as she coaxed Len down from the chair, apologizing profusely. Jer continued to cling to my legs, dousing my jeans with slobbery tears. I stroked his head, and lifted his chin, taking in the distinct smell of . . . smoke?

  Dinner!

  I wriggled out of Jeremiah’s grasp and sprinted to the kitchen, just in time to watch my cheese sauce burning and bubbling over on the stove, the black and yellow substance as appetizing as melted candle wax. I switched off the fire and grabbed the fry pan without thinking.

  “Yeow!” The handle scorched my palm and I dropped the overladen pan onto the floor, splashes of hot cheese sauce splattering across the fabric of my semiwhite sneakers.

  With the leash still wrapped around her arm, Callie lunged for the freezer and pulled open the door, filling her hands with ice. “Here.” She shoved several cubes into my hand. “I’ll fill up a bag with the rest.”

  I held the ice on my hands, the burned area throbbing against the cold, as I took in the mess around me.

  Callie took the dripping ice from my hands and replaced it with a clear plastic bag of ice. “Keep this on it.” Sympathetic eyes flashed close to mine. “Listen, I’ll take care of Jeremiah for you tonight. Why don’t you and Len go over to the RAG and get some dinner?” She threw a look over her shoulder at him as Moondoggy whined at our feet. “My guess is you two still have a lot to discuss.”

  I swallowed and opened my mouth to protest but she shushed me, tears filling her eyes. “It’s the least I can do.”

  Len gave Jeremiah a pat to the head and stood by the doorway. “She’s right. We still have a lot of talking to do, Suzanna. There’re things that need to be said.”

  My gaze slid to him. I used to love when he called me by my full name, the sound lyrical to my ears, but at this moment, all I wanted to do was tell him to shut up.

  Chapter
Twenty-Five

  When our marriage lay hemorrhaging, I continued to cling to the promises we’d made by cooking lush dinners each evening, hoping those efforts would somehow patch the torn remnants. I read cookbooks and researched recipes on the Internet, buying the proverb that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and some days were better than others.

  In reality, Len and I ate dinner together less than once per week, because most nights he didn’t make it home until the heat had long dissipated from the meal. And by the time he did arrive, I was already deep in the throes of my maternal duties of feeding, burping, and diapering, far too lost in turmoil.

  Tonight marked the second time in a row I would sit across the table from my ex-husband and share a meal. As we waited to be seated for dinner at the RAG, the irony of it all needled me.

  Mimi slapped her rubber-soled shoes across the linoleum floors and grabbed a couple of menus. “Hey, Suz. I’m thinking of putting a sign on your regular table. Right this way.”

  I eked out a wan smile at Len. “I come in a lot.”

  She seated us at the same table where Gage, Callie, Jeremiah, and I had dinner last night. Mimi was right—I often found myself at this same table at the center of the diner. I made a mental note to switch things up next time and ask for a seat near the window. At least I could watch the door from here. And plan my escape.

  “Chai for you tonight, Suz?” Mimi’s pencil stood poised over her order pad.

  “Actually, I’ll have an iced tea with lemon.”

  Mimi nodded, smiling. “Living large tonight. I can appreciate that.” She turned to Len. “And something to drink for you, sir?”

  I straightened. “Sorry, Mimi. This is Len, Jeremiah’s father.”

  She peered at him above flat-rimmed reading glasses. “It’s about time. A boy needs his father.”

  Len managed to pull his mouth into a smile, but his eyes had hardened. I could tell. He tipped his head. “Ma’am.”

  She didn’t blink. “What can I get you?”

  “Nothing yet.”