Fade to Blue

by Julie Carobini

She stuck the pencil above her ear. “I’ll be back in a few for your orders.”

  She rocketed away from our table and Len watched after her. “She always a crank like that?”

  “Not really. Maybe she’s having a bad night. Let’s figure out our order so we can talk. I’ve got a busy night ahead of me.”

  “Busy night?” He furrowed his brows. “Thought Gage and his fiancée were coming to your rescue and taking the kid off your hands.”

  I paused. “It’s true—they are taking care of Jer, but I promised my boss I’d try to stop by later with some drawings.”

  “So you’re going up to the cabin you mentioned.”

  I glanced around the diner, taking in tables occupied by animated people talking with each other. Everyone looked happy to be here in this stark but aroma-filled diner, sharing a meal with another soul.

  Len grimaced. “Lost you there for a second. That’s not familiar or anything.”

  I crinkled my eyes. “Did you ask something?”

  “Just if you’re going to that cabin you told me about.”

  “Cabin? Oh no. Not tonight.” I checked the time on my cell phone. “The plan was to stop by my boss’s home this evening, but it may be too late for that by the time we’re done. Let’s hurry up and order.”

  He raised both palms. “Fine. What’s good in this dive?”

  “Salad. Salad’s good.” And doesn’t take any time to cook.

  He pursed his lips. “I shouldn’t have asked.” He shut his menu with a phwat. “I’ll have a bacon burger and fries. Not much they can do to mess that up.”

  I slid my menu to the end of the table, waiting and wondering again why I had agreed to dinner out. Then again, I knew. Guilt, or the big “g” as my mother used to call it, elbowed its way into my life the minute I saw Jer’s reaction to Len’s arrival. Add to that the bite Moondoggy took out of Len’s leg, and I was a goner.

  Mimi delivered my tea, took our orders—this time without comment—and skittered away with a promise to return “real soon.”

  After she left, Len straightened his arms, clasped his hands together, and dropped them onto the table in front of him. “So you found work as a painter.”

  I quirked my head and slid a sideways look at him. “That’s random.”

  He leaned forward, which caused me to push myself away until one of the ridges in the vinyl-upholstered seat dug into my back. “Not at all. I’ve been hoping for a chance to hear about your career. You were always so good with that kind of stuff.” He nodded. “I’m glad you found a way to make money with it.”

  I wagged my head from side to side, as if weighing his assumption. Sure, I made money, but would it be enough? That was the question that had me lying awake at night, contemplating my future with my son.

  “It’s a good job.” I gave him a small smile. “And, um, I’m glad I found it too.”

  He watched me with eyes like dark chocolate. I’d always found that such an interesting contrast: dark eyes, tan skin, bleached-blond hair—only after time in jail, his skin had lost some of its glow and the streaks of sunlight in his hair had faded.

  “This isn’t just small talk, Suz. I remember the way people would say you were a ‘natural’ artist. ’Course, you didn’t spend all that much time pursuing it.” He lifted both shoulders and let them relax again. “Maybe if you had, I would have realized how important being an artist was to you.”

  “If you’d been home, you would have known how much time I did spend on my art. Or at least the amount of time I tried to spend on it.” I batted a sore hand in his direction. “We’re beyond this now. Let’s not argue.”

  He shook his head. “You’re right. If I’d been home instead of beating down doors, trying to earn a better living, I’d have known. It’s my fault.”

  I stared at him. Trying to earn a better living? Like selling a more sought-after illegal drug? Or filling up bigger bags of weed?

  I swallowed back the tirade that threatened to go public. “You know, you never took any interest in my love of art before this. Finding those classes was a godsend, but whenever you got home and I’d try and show you my work?” My head shook, as if trying to disassociate from the memory. “Well, you never seemed to care. I might as well have been showing you the results of my yearly blood test.”

  He hung his head, groaned, before raising his chin to look at me. “Sure I did.”

  I held him in an unwavering gaze. “You said watching paint dry wasn’t your idea of a good time.”

  A patronizing look—or was it regret?—crossed Len’s face and he reached out to me, his fingertips grazing my crossed arms. “Come here.”

  He touched my good hand and I let him. I don’t know why I did. It’s just that for once in a long while, Len appeared regretful, and it didn’t seem right to squelch an emotion that had been a long time in coming.

  “From what I heard, you’re working to restore priceless art. They don’t trust just any old hack to do that kind of work.”

  I slid both hands off the table. “Thanks . . . I think.”

  “You know what I’m getting at. You’re trustworthy and honest, and I bet they love you over there.”

  “And you know all this how? In fact, how is it that you were able to find the studio, as I don’t recall ever mentioning its location?”

  “Some character named Timo.” He laughed. “That a real name?”

  Timo. “I’m afraid it is. And you’re right; he’s a character for sure. How do you know him?”

  Mimi arrived, dividing us by sliding two plates—salad for me, hamburger for him—in front of us. “Ketchup?”

  Len wrinkled his brow at her. “You had to ask?”

  She rolled her eyes upward and sighed. “Be back in a flash.”

  I munched my lettuce, waiting for him to answer.

  “Right, Timo. She, uh, my parole officer’s secretary got your work number from the preschool, but when I called, you weren’t in. The guy’s a real romantic, though. When I told him I was planning to surprise you with flowers, he gave me directions.”

  Something tells me he was more than happy to tell my formerly incarcerated ex-husband where he could find me. “I’ll have to thank Timo later, then.”

  Len smiled and I regretted my comment, realizing he hadn’t heard my sarcasm. He bit into his burger and savored it for a moment, causing me to wonder if he was comparing it to jail food. We continued to eat in silence until he set his burger aside, wiped his mouth, and took a tall sip of water.

  He implored me with those chocolate-colored eyes of his. “I suppose this is as good a time as any to bring up the dog incident.”

  I bit back a sigh.

  “You know that I just wanted to protect my son.”

  I pressed my lips together, weighing my answer. He had to know that protecting our son had been my number one goal since he left us. It’s what brought me all the way here to Otter Bay. Then again, he’s already said that this is what brought him here too—or at least, one reason he came all this way.

  I opened my mouth to speak, then let it flop shut as the door to the diner swung open and in walked a party of five women, laughing and gesturing and talking all at once. Holly was among them. She noticed me right away and came charging over. Could she see the guilt wearing down my face?

  I slid out of the booth to greet her.

  “Well, if it isn’t the girl I needed to see. How’re you doin’, Suz?” She turned to Len before I replied. “I’m Holly. My aunt owns the place and I work here but I’m not on duty tonight.” She turned back to me. “Havin’ a little party with my sisters and some friends.” She thumbed in the direction of the women shoving tables together across the room.

  On alert that Holly may have something a bit stronger to serve up after the greetings had concluded, I found my manners. “Holly, Len is Jeremiah’s father.”

  She brightened. “Oh, my, well don’t you have just the most precious son? Jeremiah and I are good friends. Happy to meet you, Len. Hope
you won’t mind but I’m gonna steal Suz away from you for a few minutes.” She linked arms with me. “Come on over and say hi to the girls.”

  I gave Len a tight smile and followed along, half expecting Holly to tell me to stay away from isolated hilltops—and her boyfriend while I’m at it.

  Instead we hovered near the edge of the party. The “girls” were women celebrating a birthday, and if I bet money, I’d say the honoree was the one wearing a princess crown and sitting in the center of the row of seats. I recognized her as the wife of the town’s new fire chief.

  Holly patted the inside of my arm as we walked. “I wanted to thank you for what you said to Seth. That boy’s been hurting something awful, but you set him straight and got him thinking. Don’t know exactly how the good Lord’s gonna use it all, but I see him startin’ on Seth already.”

  This is not what I had expected her to say. Stay away from my boyfriend. Or keep your opinions to yourself. But serving up a thank-you? My head swayed side to side, unable to believe it. I took in her beaming face. “Holly, I wish I knew what you meant . . .”

  “All I’ve gotta say is you shared your faith and that man really needed to hear it.” She bent sideways and gave me a hug. “You’re a sweetheart.”

  Oh, don’t say that . . .

  She straightened, her eyes popping wide. “Look who’s here now.” She unhooked my arm and waved a lithe hand toward the door where Seth stood in work jeans looking like he’d just spent the better part of this good day on top of a ladder.

  The smile he had for Holly froze when he noticed me standing next to her. I whipped a glance around, like a cat searching for her escape. It didn’t matter. He approached us, strolling with confidence toward the growing party atmosphere in the middle of the restaurant.

  “Hey, Holly.” He gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then bent over and kissed my cheek too. He pulled away, as if he’d startled himself.

  “Aw, sweet.” Holly kept grinning and I began to wonder if the town’s cherished waitress had eaten too many of her rum muffins.

  “Good to see you, Suz.”

  I blinked more than necessary. “You too, Seth.” I guess.

  “Joining the party?”

  Holly cut in, her boisterous head of curls bouncing as she spoke. “You know you’d always be welcome, but Jeremiah’s daddy is probably missing you some by now. Tell him I’m sorry I stole you away for so long, would you?”

  I swallowed and took a step away, retreating. “Of course.”

  She hugged me again before allowing one of her sisters to yank her back into the fold of chattering women again.

  The color in Seth’s face had deepened, and the confident air he’d walked in here on vanished. His robust shoulders dipped forward in a slight slump, and he spoke, not taking his eyes off my ex-husband, who downed a burger across the room. “You didn’t mention he was coming for a visit.”

  I licked my lips. Would this be the appropriate time and place to mention that the man had found God, been released from jail, and traveled across the country to find his son—and me? “I didn’t know it at the time. He told me he’d be in Otter Bay soon; just didn’t tell me when exactly.”

  He gave a slight nod and glanced down at me.

  I tilted my head to one side. “What?”

  “Nothing. It’s just that . . .” His gaze dropped to the floor, and I held my breath as I waited to hear what he had to say. “I’d gotten used to thinking of you without him.”

  “I am without him.” Not that it matters or anything.

  His brows flickered, his smile less than genuine. “And yet there he is.”

  Oohs and aahs crackled the air as two men in uniform joined the table of women. One of them, Josh Adams, the town’s new fire chief, swooped down on the birthday princess and gave her a loud smooch on the lips.

  The other one stirred up the women with, “There’s more where that came from, honey.”

  More “oohs” filled the air, and I swiveled away from the party atmosphere. Len stared back at me, eyes narrowed, as if a fire of another kind had just flared. I crossed my arms and hung my head back, wishing on the ceiling for that quick escape I was so fond of imagining.

  Seth shifted. “Listen, Suz, I’m not going to lie. Seeing that guy makes me want to hit something.”

  I lifted my chin, expecting to see anger in Seth’s face. I planned to tell him that this wasn’t any of his business—nothing of my life was anymore. But he surprised me. Instead of a flat line, the corners of his mouth drooped. “So I’m not about to go over there and shake his hand.”

  “I wouldn’t expect you to do that.”

  “You told me he betrayed you.” He lowered his voice, the deepness becoming intimate. “If you ever need someone to rely on, you know where to find me.”

  I slid a look toward Holly who hugged another partygoer, her pretty hair bouncing as she laughed. “You know, under the circumstances, I should find someone else to rely on.”

  He cracked a smile. Never mind what it did to my insides. “At least you’re talking to me now. You hung up on me earlier tonight, you know.”

  I gave my head a tight shake. “Couldn’t be helped. And I wouldn’t exactly characterize that as a hang up.” I nodded toward Holly. “Don’t you think you should go to her?”

  “In a minute.” He paused. “I’ve been thinking about our conversation from the other night, Suz. A lot.” He reached out and brushed wispy bangs from my forehead. “Had me thinking about the way I’ve gone about my life these past few years, about the way I’ve crowded God out of the picture—especially when life didn’t go as I planned it out.”

  His honesty had a melting effect on my heart. “Easy to do, Seth.”

  “But you didn’t do that. You were a faithful girl, and now, even after what you’ve gone through—although I’ve missed so much of it—you are a faithful woman.”

  I allowed myself to linger on his words until the din of the crowd reached my ears. I’d been staring. He stared back. How long could we stand in the middle of this diner and talk about serious things? If Len’s eyes wore laser beams, they’d be cutting through my back about now.

  It took significant strength to pull my eyes away from his, but if I didn’t, I feared he might see pools of emotion, the kind I wanted to avoid, forming behind them.

  “Th-Thank you,” I stammered.

  Seth glanced over my shoulder. “Hope we get the chance to talk again soon.” He gave my shoulder a brief squeeze before turning to join the party.

  When I made what felt like an arduous walk across the diner to the table, Len sat back, crossed his arms, his mouth taking on a sarcastic smile. “Didn’t take you long to hook up with that guy, now, did it?”

  “Quick to make assumptions, don’t you think?” I slid in across from him, my eyes averted.

  “I’m not the quick one, apparently.”

  My appetite had vanished like a rock tossed into the sea, and I allowed my eyes to face his. “I think we’d better keep this conversation focused on our son.”

  It took a while for his poker face to crack, but it did. If he wanted to accuse me any further, he neither showed it nor tried. Maybe, just maybe, he realized that putting me on the defensive was neither kind nor his place.

  He lowered his gaze to his burger and then back up at me. “You’re right, Suz. None of my business what you do now, although I’d like it to be.” He watched me, as if gauging my reaction, but when there was none, he glanced away again. “Anyway, let’s figure out this thing with Jeremiah. Least we can agree on that.”

  I nodded, this time in complete agreement.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “I prayed for you for hours last night.”

  “You did?” I rubbed a generous amount of moisturizer into my palm, taking in Letty and her paisley skirt and gypsy-style blouse, her hair knotted into a silky turban-style bun. The woman was walking art.

  “What can I say? You were on my mind and I always take that as a sign
from God that he wants me to pray. Why else would I be thinking of you so much?”

  I laughed. “Oh, I don’t know. Could you be jealous of my sneakers?”

  She huffed. “Please. You should incinerate those.” As I squirted more moisturizing cream from a tube, Letty moved closer and grabbed my hand like an angry school principal. “What did you do?”

  I winced, unable to curl my fingers without pain. “Had a little kitchen accident. No biggie.”

  Her black eyes bore into mine. “You can’t paint with a scorched hand! This needs medical attention and time off. No wonder the Lord had me praying for you last night.”

  Among other reasons. I extricated my aching palm from Letty’s grasp, not doubting her assessment yet unwilling to forego work—and pay—to stay home and dwell on my predicament with Len. “I’ll be fine, Letty. You worry too much. See?” I held up my palm and bent three fingers forward, trying not to allow the depth of pain to show on my face.

  She shook her head. “You’re a terrible liar.”

  “Well, you may get your wish. Fred will be coming in soon, probably by midmorning, and he wants to see some drawings I’ve been working up for him.”

  “Drawings?” Letty’s forehead bunched.

  “Yes, the ones for his cabin. I was supposed to bring them by his home last night, but . . .” I sighed, not wanting to divulge much about Len and the great big dog bite. “Some things came up that prevented me from getting over there.”

  Letty fell silent but her face took on a certain wistfulness. Had her mind wandered to memories of her husband? I wanted to ask what bothered her but never knew how far to probe. She held on to her privacy, unlike me who jibber-jabbered much too much. I resolved to work on that.

  I attempted a smile while hiding my hand at my side. “So what kind of duties could you give a maimed woman like myself to do?”

  Her mouth stretched into a smile, even if her eyes did not agree. She handed me a delivery list. “Here, please call our delivery service and get an estimated time of arrival on all these items. Think your forefinger can dial all right?”

  “It’s greased up and ready to go. I’m all over it.” The studio contained state-of-the-art tools and some of the world’s greatest art flowing through its doors, and yet the phone stuck on the wall with the rubber cord attached to its receiver showed the old-fashioned attitude still much alive here.