Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1)

by Bloom, Nikole

  I focus on his voice, the voice is familiar, and gives me a sense of security. “No, thank god it was a false alarm, but apparently there was another threat. They aren’t letting us out of their sight.”

  My sight begins to clear as I continue listening to him. “I’ll let you know the second she comes to.” J, oh thank god it’s Jeremy.

  I squirm on the gurney drawing the attention of my big brother. “Hey man, she is awake. Let me talk to her and call you back.” Silence. “Yeah, I will tell her. Take care. Bye.”

  The look on Jeremy’s face says it all. I see anguish written all over his beautiful features. He tries to smile at me, but it's just a show. “Hey there baby girl. If you wanted some attention there are easier ways,” he jokes trying to break the palpable tension. I try to smile and fail allowing my tears to fall instead.

  He climbs up on the gurney with me and pulls me in close. “Austin wanted me to tell you that he loves you.” I nod into his chest as I try to soak up every ounce of security I can.

  “Look Ry, I'm not sure what the hell is going on here. I have gotten bits and pieces from Austin, Gabe, and that detective, but what I really need is for you to clue me in here.” He deserves an explanation, but selfishly I just want to hide here sheltered in the safety of my big brother.

  Chapter 36

  A few hours later after, another round of questioning, J and I are standing in my bedroom packing up a few essentials. The detectives decided that it would be best if we stayed in a hotel with round-the-clock security for tonight. J agreed, so here I am packing.

  Ever since I told J the full story, the silence between us has been deafening. He is upset I did not confide in him sooner. I have apologized several times and tried explaining that I didn’t see any of it as a real threat until today. Nonetheless, he is mad, but I know he will get over it. He always does.

  Between the insistence of the detectives, Jeremy, and me, we convinced Austin to stay put until at least tomorrow. He fought us tooth and nail, but for now, he is safely tucked into his hotel room in Houston with a guard stationed outside as an extra precaution. I grab my bag and Boss before taking the stairs down to start a life of hiding. I cannot say I like the plan, but there was no arguing with the detectives or J on this one.

  Once we settle into a suite at one of the nicest hotels in Boston J finally breaks his silence. “You want to order dinner or something?”

  I have eaten nothing all day and I know I should be hungry, but I am still too consumed with the day. “Sure, whatever you want is fine with me.” I opt for a hot shower while J arranges dinner.

  I stand under the steaming cascade of water trying to process the events of the day. To say they are surreal seems to be an understatement. Staring into the marbled tile wall, my mind drifts to Austin, no surprise. The images and feelings of us in the shower together come crashing in and I can't help smile as my body reacts. My body is suddenly flush with heat and desire pools between my legs at the thought of my beautiful man. My beautiful man.

  I remain under the delicious spray until it runs cool. I don’t feel any better about the day’s events, but I do miss Austin. My phone rings as I turn the knob of the shower to the off position and grab a towel knowing I can’t get to it in time. I dry myself off before the blasted device chimes and rings again. With my towel wrapped tight, I make my way over, pick it up, and see Austin’s beautiful face staring back at me.

  I slid the green answer button across, “Hi.” It is all I can manage not knowing where we stand considering the insane events of today and the fact I haven’t spoken to him since I passed out in Ruzek’s arms.

  “Ry, my sweet Rylee.” It comes out as a near whisper. “How are you baby?” The distress and exhaustion in his voice is obvious. We are all tired and stressed after today.

  I try to lighten the mood with good memories. “Well, I am better now. I just got out the shower and let’s just say that invited some steamy memories.”

  Thankfully, he takes the bait. “I can imagine. You want to tell me about them,” he asks with a light chuckle. I swear I can hear that beautiful smirk grace his face through the phone.

  Feeling a little bold I continue, “Oh baby, I don’t need to tell you about them. If I am not mistaken I am pretty sure you starred in them.”

  “Pretty sure? I am pretty sure you had better be damn sure. I seem to recall a certain vixen standing in my kitchen agreeing to be mine.” The love and adoration mixed with a little possessive streak in his voice makes my heart flutter.

  “Did I agree to that? I don’t remember. Was that before or after you screwed my brains out against the wall? Because if it was after I don’t think my words can be trusted, I mean you left me brainless.” I can’t help the light giggle that slips out.

  “I love you woman. For the record, it was after, but you were mine the minute you kissed me on that dance floor. You had better get used to it.”

  And, there is the crux of the problem. I want nothing more than to be his. But, how can I agree to it when it puts his life and everyone else’s at risk. I can feel the tears forming again as I try to figure out how to tell him I have to walk away.

  “Aus, I can’t. We can’t. What if?” What if this lunatic makes good on his threats. I can’t live in a world without him and I certainly could never live with the guilt if something happened to him or Jeremy because of me.

  My body is shaking with unshed sobs and tears. Austin tries to calm me. “Shh, baby, shh. We will figure this out. Nobody will take you away from me.”

  If it was even possible, I love him even more after that statement but it still doesn’t squash my fears. I have to protect the two most important people in my life from me.

  “I want that Aus, I do. But, I can’t risk you or J, I just can’t. I won’t. I’m not worth it.”

  He takes a deep breath and releases with enraged force. “Rylee Ash, we will not go down this road again. Baby, you are worth everything. You are my light, my dark, my love, my life, and my reason for fighting this psycho with everything we have. Do you understand me?”

  “I hear you Aus, but what about J? He doesn’t deserve this. He has taken care of me my entire life. I can’t be the reason something happens to him. I refuse to bring any danger to his doorstep.”

  “I know baby, and we will find a way. But, I would bet J doesn’t want you protecting him either. In fact, where is he? I want to talk to him for a second.”

  “Austin, no, let’s just take a break. Give this all time to blow over that way you guys are safe. None of us want to live looking over our shoulders every day.” I hope to convince him to let things be, but he is stubborn so I am finding out.

  “Ok Ry, let’s do this your way. Go find J and if he doesn’t agree with me then we will take a break. How’s that? The least you can do is let us decide for ourselves. We should have a say in how we handle threats directed at us.”

  I don’t like this idea at all because I know my big brother and he has never backed down from anything or anyone. But, I guess it is his choice how he wants to handle this. There is no doubt I cannot stop him. I just hope he has the sense to take a step back this time.

  Chapter 37

  Austin and J were one the phone for a solid thirty minutes last night. After the first few minutes I gave up trying to figure out what they were agreeing to since I could only hear my brother’s side of the conversation. The only thing I know for sure is that they agreed not to let an anonymous stalker dictate their lives, which leaves me terrified for all of us.

  Neither of them will explain the finer points of their agreement. They both just tell me to trust them. As if, I can blindly trust them in a situation of this magnitude. No way, there has to be a voice of reason and that is my voice.

  I paced throughout the beige colored suite while they spoke. The room is nice with modern furnishings and understated paintings adorning the walls. There is a living room/dining area that could hold thirty people. The hardwood floors creak in a spot or two, but
otherwise you would never know this is one of the oldest hotels in Boston. It has been renovated several times the most recent being a few years ago.

  Once the guys were off the phone I begged J to tell me what they were up to but he refused. He only spoke up to tell me I shouldn’t give up on Austin that they would take care of this mess. After that, I called Austin and did everything short of give him a massive guilt trip to tell me what they spoke about but he too refused.

  I finally gave up and asked Austin to stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep, and I guess he did. Now, I am awoken by the pinging noise signifying a new text message.

  With groggy eyes, I realize I may have gone to bed with Austin on the phone, but he is now wrapped around me like a vine. He is spooning me from behind with his arm draped across me and one leg thrown over the top of mine. He smells divine, like earthy body wash and Austin, my personal kryptonite.

  My heart is giddy with his presence and a smile makes its way across my face, but it is quickly eclipsed by my fear for him. I turn under him to soak in his beautiful face. He doesn’t register my movements meaning he must be exhausted, I can’t imagine he has been here long. However, with the blackout drapes drawn I haven’t a clue what time it is.

  I could watch him sleep for hours. He looks so peaceful with the little smirk playing across his lips. He is happy, and it melts my heart. I lightly run my fingertips across the stubble on his jaw loving the scratchy feeling against my fingers. When my touch fails to wake him up, I trail kisses across his lips and the underside of his jaw.

  When I make my way back to his lips he deepens the kiss and pulls me flush against his bare chest. The kiss begins slow and lazy as he runs one hand up the back of neck and fists my hair. The other wraps me tight before pulling me on top of him.

  Sliding up onto my knees, I break our passionate embrace to remove my tank top and panties before removing his boxers. With nothing left between us, I lean down framing his face with my hair as he runs his hands down the length of my sides. The fire in his eyes says everything I am feeling. I love you; I want you, and I need you!

  I slide myself down his hard length, and he sucks in a deep breath that sounds more like a hiss. Once I am fully seated, I lean back down taking his mouth in mine. His large hands on my bare ass as guide my body in a gentle rhythm. Need and desire are running rampant through me as I coil towards release.

  I break our kiss to sit up, my hands planted firmly on his rock hard chest, and pick up the pace ready to send us over the proverbial edge. Austin takes my breasts in his hands massaging lightly before applying the perfect amount of pain to coincide with the buck of his hips that sends me spiraling into orgasmic bliss.

  He sits up holding me as I come down. He unfolds my legs and wraps them around him before turning us over without ever breaking our connection. I grip him with my legs and arms as he pounds me with force to free his release. After he empties himself into me, we lay together in perfect post-coital bliss willing the rest of the world to stay away.

  Austin slowly rises off me and looks deep into my eyes. “Hi.” It is such a simple word yet the way he says it tells me so much.

  “Hi yourself,” I return with a bashful smile.

  He kisses my forehead before resuming his position next to me with one arm draped across my bare midsection. Once the euphoria fades my mind races with the what ifs, how’s, and whys that continue to plague my mind.

  It is obvious Austin senses the change in my demeanor as he draws lazy lines up and down my sternum. “Ry, don’t overthink this. J and I have it covered. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. J wants you to be happy, and he is how I got here last night, so don’t go second-guessing everything. I love you, we both love you.” I sigh knowing he is right but still reluctant to trust their plan, whatever it may be.

  “Aus, I love you too, and I’m glad you’re here. I’m going to go take a shower and find J.” My phone is still chirping away so I slide out of bed to grab it. Bending over to take it from the nightstand Austin slaps my ass. “Damn, you are sexy woman.” He stands up behind me announcing I will not be taking a shower alone and I finally silence that dang phone.

  I see that there are three missed texts and one missed call. I slide the screen open as Austin slides his arms around my waist resting his chin on my shoulder. My stomach rolls when I see that all the missed alerts are from an unknown number. Austin clearly notices too tightening his grip around me. Taking a deep breath, I open my text messages and hit the line to open those from the unknown number.

  Unknown: *You should heed my warning* 10:15 pm

  Unknown: *You think I don’t know he is there with you. You chose him and now you will pay* 9:05 am

  Unknown: *How easy would this be. You were warned* 10:17 am

  The third message has a picture of Jeremy’s back on his motorcycle attached. Whoever took the picture was behind him on the road.

  My hands are trembling and my knees fell weak. “Where is J, Austin where is he?” I yell at him as if he should hold the answers. He takes the phone from my hand and dials J, but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries again, same result. I grab my clothes from last night and throw them on. My plan is nonexistent, but I have to find him.

  Chapter 38

  It has been an hour since I read the text messages and there is still no word from J. I keep calling him, but it goes to voicemail each time. I have called Bode, Eric, and everyone else I could think of, but no one knows where he is.

  Austin has tried to console me, but I am too angry with myself to let him. I can’t even bring myself to sit next to him. If something has happened to J, I know it is my fault. Austin and I should’ve taken a break. I should have listened to my head and not my heart. I may have failed the one person in my life who has always been there for me, my best friend, my big brother. There is no way I could ever deal with that kind of guilt.

  After pacing the room for the past two hours, I collapse on the sofa. I called Detective Ruzek but had to leave a message. The officer at the station I told me J is not a missing person because he has only been gone a few hours. I am becoming more agitated and terrified by the minute. I am holding on by a thread when a knock at the door startles me back to reality.

  Austin senses my fear induced hesitation and crosses the room to the door while I stand glued to my spot on the floor. After carefully peering through the peephole, he turns to me with resignation in his eyes that terrifies me. He opens the door to reveal a much-disheveled Detective Ruzek in dirty jeans and a shirt that appears to be covered in tar and blood. His expression when he looks up at me is one of horror and sadness. Something awful has happened I can feel it.

  Detective Ruzek comes in and Austin shuts the door before crossing the room to stand near me but still not touching me. Ruzek clears his throat before speaking. “Miss Ash, Mr. Black,” he says in a formal tone that contradicts his appearance.

  “Please call me Rylee. What happened? Are you ok? Do you know where my brother is?”

  He takes a moment to compose himself and tears form in his eyes. He is scaring me to death. “Please just tell me. Is he ok?” I am shaking with fear.

  He looks at me through watered eyes. “Rylee, there was an accident this morning. My partner, Detective Rhodes, and Jeremy were going to pick up breakfast.” He pauses, and it seems like he is trying to figure out how to tell me the rest.

  “A large SUV blindsided them on the driver’s side. The impact killed my partner. It took almost an hour for emergency crews to extricate Jeremy from the car. He is at the hospital now. It has been touch and go since we pulled him out.”

  I had not noticed until now Austin is holding me from behind. I fall further back into him. None of this is making sense; the picture sent from the unknown number was only a few hours ago, J could not have been in the car with Detective Rhodes.

  With this knowledge, I want to feel relief, but I need Ruzek to reassure me. I need him to tell me he is mistaken that J was not in that c
ar. I explain, “I got a text a few hours ago of Jeremy on his bike. Are you sure it was him?”

  I see the flash of confusion in his face before he dispels my hopes. “Yes, I am sure. I was there I helped pull him out. Then I came straight here to tell you. I didn’t want you to get the news from a uniform or catch it on the news.”

  The imaginary dam holding back my emotions breaks and a waterfall of tears spills out as I try to wrap my brain around the news. My body is shaking and the only reason I am not hunched over on the floor is Austin's arms wrapped tightly around my waist supporting me. Austin is speaking to Detective Ruzek, but I cannot seem focus the words. My entire world has become a blur. The only clear thought I have is to get to J.

  My fog lifts as I zero in on the need to get to the hospital. I try to step forward merely to be held in place by Austin. Immobility fuels my anger. “Let go of me. I have to get to Jeremy,” I scream with solitary motivation.

  Austin, without argument, releases his grip and I steady my feet. I stare at Ruzek, “Where? Where did they take J?” My words are interrupted by huge sobs as pain engulfs my body.

  “They took him to Mass General. Come with me I will take you,” he says holding a hand out to guide me.

  I cannot even face Austin for fear my anger at this situation will erupt. Jeremy is lying in a hospital somewhere because Austin and I couldn't do what was right. I blame him, I blame me, hell I blame everyone at this point.

  I shake my head in disgust at Austin before directing my tear-filled gaze to Ruzek. “Can we go now, please?” Shock registers on Austin's face. I want to fall into him and let him tell me this will all be ok, but the truth is we may never recover. If J is permanently injured or worse, I will never forgive myself.

  Without a word, I leave with Detective Ruzek. On the elevator ride down my compassion surfaces for Ruzek. ”I am so sorry about your partner.”

  He shakes his head with defeat and continues to face the doors. The one thing I cannot help wondering is whether this accident is in any way related to my stalker. Hoping it is not too insensitive I voice my question. “Ruzek, was this accident related to the threats?”