The Calling

by Deborah A Hodge

  She refused to acknowledge anything that would deter her from achieving her desire to marry the type of man whose goal would be to make her happy; Justin was that type of man. He confessed to her that he came to Kansas City not to go to school, but to win her. She liked that attitude; Justin putting her first, being the center of his attention.

  Her parents had reservations about her marriage to Justin, but she assured them that everything would be fine. Her father interviewed both of them before he would give his blessing and agree to marry them. Justin gave all of the right answers, as did Cate. Her father and mother acquiesced and withdrew their reservations.

  She and Justin were married in her home church; her father performing the ceremony. Everything that day seemed to foreshadow a happy marriage. It was on the honeymoon, when Cate began to be aware of things that she should have been aware of, and would have been, had she taken time to get to know Justin before she married him. Justin had hidden his attitude toward alcohol and Christianity.

  Cate remembered the argument that she and Justin had as they sat down to enjoy their first honeymoon dinner.

  “Bring us your best bottle of champagne,” Justin told the waiter.

  “Champagne?”

  “Sure this is a celebration. We’ve got to have champagne,” he replied.

  “Justin, I don’t drink. I never have.”

  “You don’t drink?” Justin cocked his head, his brow furrowed. “Everybody drinks.”

  “Not everybody. I was brought up to believe in abstinence concerning alcohol.”

  He shrugged, “Your parents’ idea. Cate, you’re a married woman now; you can do what you want.”

  She straightened in her chair, “And I don’t want to drink!”

  “Cate, don’t you love me?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Don’t you want to celebrate our marriage?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to celebrate with alcohol.”

  “How can you be so against drinking if you’ve never tried it?”

  “I just am.”

  “Please, Cate, just celebrate with me tonight. Try the champagne; if you don’t like it, don’t drink it,” he pleaded.

  Because she loved him, and against her better judgment, she gave in to his request and agreed to try the champagne. The waiter brought the champagne and poured each of them a glass. Cate tried it, and didn’t like it. Justin, however, seemed so happy at her willingness to please him that she continued to drink. Consequently, the celebration did not have a good outcome for Cate. She became very ill. Justin thought it was funny; Cate did not.

  With Cate still ill the following day, Justin continued the honeymoon activities alone. Cate protested and pouted, and Justin apologized and returned to his charming self. Once again, he catered to Cate’s every desire and things were fine—for a while.

  After the honeymoon, Cate and Justin moved to Baton Rouge to finish college at Louisiana State University. Once Justin was back in Louisiana, with his friends, his drinking became an issue in the marriage, and Cate found out quickly that alcohol use was a big part of Justin’s life. As far as he was concerned it wasn’t just for celebrating, it was for all occasions. Anytime they socialized with friends, at their home or their friends’ home, alcohol was served. Cate felt uncomfortable and out of place, and Justin was embarrassed and angry at his wife’s attitude toward alcohol.

  “Cate, how dare you treat my friends like this!”

  Cate’e eyes widened, “Justin, I don’t understand. What have I done?”

  “Your self-righteous attitude!”

  “You don’t have to yell. I don’t understand at all. I am nice to your friends when they come over.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t participate. You sit there in your self-righteous smugness. You watch us and don’t participate.”

  “Justin, you know how I feel about alcohol.”

  “And, you know how I feel. You don’t have to be so judgmental.”

  Cate shook her head, her eyes narrowed in puzzlement. “How am I being judgmental?”

  “You’re nice and polite, but the guys know how you feel about alcohol.”

  “How—how do they know. I’ve never told them. Have you?”

  “No one had to tell them. They can see.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, they can; so can I. You make them feel uncomfortable.”

  Cate was shocked. “I make them feel uncomfortable? They make me feel uncomfortable.”

  “And, it’s written all over your face. That’s what makes them feel uncomfortable.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  “Finally,” Justin softened his tone and sat on the couch.

  “Justin, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that my face was betraying my feelings.”

  He stared at Cate, his tone rigid, “Yeah, well you need to do something about that.”

  A sigh was forced from her mouth and her body tensed. “I–I don’t know what.”

  “It would help if you’d join in.”

  Cate looked him in the eye, as her heart sank. “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Ashley and the other girls do, and they’re not that crazy about drinking.”

  “I–can’t.”

  Justin took her by the hand. “Well, work on that face of yours then. Don’t be so judgmental.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “For my sake, you need to do more than try.” Justin gently pulled her down to him.

  Their agreeing to disagree about alcohol didn’t make things better, and as the problems with Justin continued, Cate sought refuge in a local church and began to get her relationship with the Lord resolved. Justin went with her-at first-but decided that it wasn’t for him. The men of the church tried to reach out to him, but he refused. When Cate confronted him about the need for a Christian to attend church, Justin revealed his ideas about church, God and salvation. Cate realized during that conversation that she, a Christian and a pastor’s daughter, had married a man who was not a Christian.

  “Justin, you told my father you were a committed Christian. Why did you do that if you weren’t?”

  “I was hedging my bets. I knew what he wanted to hear, so I told him. I would have done whatever it took to marry you.”

  Cate’s eyes gazed at him as though seeing him for the first time, “You intentionally lied to my father.”

  “I wouldn’t call it lying. Call it hedging my bets. After all I am a Christian; just not your father’s kind of Christian.”

  “My father’s kind of Christian?” Cate folded her arms.

  “Yeah, I believe that God loves everybody, and that He’s not as down on all this sin stuff as most people think, but I could tell that your father was a straight laced, Bible-believing Christian. I didn’t think he’d agree to our marriage if he thought I was different. Back then, I thought that you were my kind of Christian.”

  “I’m sorry for giving you the wrong impression.” Cate shifted on her feet, “I never meant to do that. I’m sorry if I’m a disappointment to you, but I promise I’ll try to be a good wife to you.”

  “I know you’ll try to be a good wife, Cate.”

  This revelation of Justin’s true spiritual condition and his impression of her before they were married devastated Cate, but she had taken vows and she meant to live by those vows. The situation with Justin caused Cate to do much soul searching and repenting for her rebellion toward God that had led her to get involved with Justin. She prayed, “Oh God, please forgive me for the rebellion that got me here, and give me the strength to be true to my marriage vows. Please Father, help Justin realize how to truly know Christ as Savior and Lord.”

  After the first six months of their marriage, he wasn’t antagonistic as much as unresponsive to her. He made excuses to stay away from home and came home only to sleep. His attitude devastated Cate. But she did receive a glimmer of hope.

  Her parents were coming for Cate and Justin’s graduation, and she was beside herself. She didn’t want he
r parents to know what was going on. Justin realized the spot she was in and decided to do the compassionate thing.

  “Cate, don’t worry about your parents. I’ll play the part of the loving husband, while they’re in town for graduation.”

  Amazed by his offered, she asked, “Why would you?”

  “Because I know how much they love you, and I know you haven’t told them about us.”

  Cate narrowed her eyes, bit her lip and looked intently at him. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Of course I am,”

  She decided to take advantage of the occasion. “Justin, I’d like to get things straightened out between us.”

  He shook his head, “After your parents leave, not now.” He turned and walked out the door.

  Cate was hopeful for the first time in months. She prayed that the Lord would work in Justin’s heart and help heal their marriage, and she was encouraged by his actions and attitudes toward her while her parents were there. He played the part of a loving husband so well that Cate thought God was answering her prayers. However, after saying goodbye to her parents Justin made it clear on the way home that God had not answered her prayers.

  “Cate, I did what I said. I played the part of a loving husband, but your parents are gone now, and I want to get things settled between us.”

  “Okay, so can I ask you something?”

  “Go ahead,” Justin answered.

  “Will you go to marriage counseling with me?” Cate prayed he’d say yes.

  He shook his head, “Cate, I thought you understood.”

  “Understood what?”

  “I thought that you understood that I don’t want to be married to you anymore.”

  She tried to speak but nothing came out, it was as if the air had left her body. Cate squeezed her eyes shut, hoping her world would be different when she opened them. “B-but, Justin you said we were going to try to straighten things out. You... Didn’t you see, see how things could be this week? We were nice to each other again, considerate, even loving, I…”

  “It was an act Cate! Don’t you get it? I was trying to be kind. I knew that what’s happened with us put you in a spot with your parents. I knew you hadn’t told them anything. So, I told you that I’d help you out, and I did.”

  Cate sat, quietly wringing her hands, as she tried to make sense of what he was saying. Justin tried again to make her understand.

  “An act of compassion, that’s all this week was. I thought I owed you that.”

  “You thought you owed me. What does that mean?”

  “Cate, I know that you love me and I love you, but you’re not the girl I married.”

  “Yes, I am. You have to believe me. I am and I’ve tried to be a good wife.”

  “I know you’ve tried to be a good wife, but you’re not the kind of wife I want. I want a wife that puts me first, and wants what I want,” Justin shrugged, not even bothering to turn and look at her, “and that’s not you.”

  “Justin, I’ve spent the last eleven months trying to be the kind of wife that you want.”

  “That’s not exactly true. I know you believe it is, but it’s not. You’re so caught up in this Christian stuff that you’ll never be what I want.”

  “You think my Christianity is the source of our problems?” Cate’s stomach twisted, this can’t be true, it can’t.

  “Yes, I do. You put God first, not me, and I know that’s not going to change, but neither am I. I want a wife that puts me first, not God.” He paused, “I believe I have found a woman who will do that.”

  “You—You’ve what?”

  “I’ve found someone else.”

  “No,” she shook her head, “no, I can’t believe it.”

  “Cate, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You’ve got to believe me. I love you, but not like I love her. I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I want to marry Ashley.”

  “Ashley, Ashley” Cate stared at the car’s floor mats, but didn’t see them. “Ashley.”

  She barely heard Justin tell her that he had filed for divorce and that she would receive the papers in a couple of days. He realized that she wasn’t listening.

  “Cate! I’ve filed for a divorce. You’ll receive the papers in a couple of days. Please don’t contest the divorce. It won’t do you any good. I’m moving in with Ashley tonight.”

  When they arrived home, she went for a walk as he packed to leave.

  Justin’s adultery and his desire for a divorce signaled her complete and utter failure as a woman and a Christian; she plunged into despair and depression. Not only had she failed God and Justin, but she had ruined her life and quite possibly her mother’s and father’s too. There had never been a divorce in Cate’s family; she couldn’t cope with the fact that hers would be the first one, that her divorce might hurt her father’s ministry because some people might consider her failure his failure. How could she ever admit to her parents what had happened? Surely, they would be disappointed in her. After all, all that had happened was her fault; she’d been the one who strayed from God. Moreover, there was David, I need to apologize to him. In telling her that he did not love her or want to be with her anymore, Justin had used some of the same words she had used with David. She felt firsthand what horrible wounds those words made. She understood now that she should have married David, too late now. The thoughts circled constantly, round and round in her mind, crushing her heart and spirit.

  Four

  God, in His grace, intervened through Mica Pierce, a friend from church. Seeing how deeply the depression had taken hold of Cate, she sought to help. “Cate, how about going with me to church tomorrow?”

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

  “Come on, you haven’t been to church since Justin left you. As a matter of fact, you haven’t been anywhere except to work. Cate, it’s not good for you to be by yourself so much. Go to church with me tomorrow, please.”

  “Mica, I can’t. I’m,” Cate bit her lip, “I’m too ashamed.”

  “Ashamed of what? You didn’t do anything. Justin did.”

  “I must have done something wrong. He left me for another woman.”

  “You’re saying his adultery is your fault? I don’t think so!”

  “Mica, he said I wasn’t the wife he needed me to be.”

  “Even I know better than that. I know how cold Justin was toward you. Cate, he was just trying to justify his infidelity.”

  “If I had been the kind of Christian I ought to have been, he wouldn’t have been so antagonistic to Christianity.”

  “Whoa! I won’t believe that one either. Cate, I know how hard you tried. You tried a lot harder than I would have. I wouldn’t have put up with all his stuff.”

  Cate scuffed the ground with her shoe and avoided looking in Mica’s eyes, “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “Really?” Mica narrowed her eyes, “I remember the drinking, the carousing and only coming home to eat and sleep.”

  “Mica, I’m so ashamed. There’s never been a divorce in our family. The fact that my dad is a pastor makes it so much worse. This whole thing is such a terrible reflection on him and my mother.”

  “I’m sure they don’t think that.”

  “They would if they knew,” Cate rolled her eyes.

  “You mean—they don’t know? You haven’t told them?”

  “No, I can’t bear the thought of disappointing them and hurting them.”

  “Cate, do you mean to tell me that you’re trying to go through this whole thing alone? Girl, you need your family. You need their support. Call them. Tell them.”

  “Mica, I can’t. I just can’t.”

  “Cate please,”

  “I can’t.” Cate wiped at the tears trailing down her cheeks as Mica sought to comfort her.

  “Okay, okay, for now. But, I want you to know. You’ve got me. I’ll be here for you, but you’ve got to let me. Cate, I’m worried about you.”

  “You don’t have to worry about me Mica.”<
br />
  But, she did worry; she couldn’t help it. Nothing Mica tried to do helped. Cate’s depression grew worse, and Mica decided to exhibit tough love for Cate. She called Dr. and Mrs. Jones and told them about the divorce and Cate’s depression.

  “Hello–Dr. Jones–You don’t know me–I’m a friend of Cate’s from Baton Rouge–Dr. Jones, I think you ought to know what’s going on with Cate–Justin left Cate for another woman–Yes, sir that’s right, and he divorced her–About three months ago–But, I’m calling because Cate’s not handling it well–No, sir, she’s terribly depressed; she doesn’t go anywhere, but to work. She doesn’t eat or sleep like she should–Yes, sir; I’m extremely worried about her–Thank you, I was hoping you’d say that.”

  Shocked and concerned by what they heard, Cate’s parents made plans to come to Baton Rouge immediately. Only God’s grace, through Mica’s intervention, and her parents’ loving care enabled Cate to climb out of her terrible pit of deep depression.

  Cate moved from Baton Rouge back to Kansas City and into her parents’ home during her recovery. After several months of her father and mother’s patient counsel and the Lord’s word, Cate was ready once again to face life.

  God offered her a second chance to surrender her life to him, and to follow obediently wherever he led, and Cate responded happily to God’s forgiveness. She hoped that she would have a second chance with David, hoped that he still had feelings for her. She decided to try to win him back.

  “David, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I married Justin-and not you.”

  David stood silent.

  “David, I made a mistake. Can you please forgive me?

  David responded with expected Christian charity, “Cate, I forgave you long ago.”

  “David, I should have married you. I love you,” Cate gushed.

  “Cate, too much has happened. We can’t go back.”

  “Please don’t let my mistake ruin things for us,” Cate’s eyes pleaded with him.

  “Don’t you understand; it wasn’t just a mistake; you married another man. You can’t just take that back.”