Racing For Freedom

by Bec Botefuhr

  He doesn’t say anything, he just holds me. I breathe in his scent, it’s a warm, delicious scent. Him, crossed with the fading aftershave he must have worn tonight. Neither of us speak, what is there to say? He’s admitting he has feelings for me, but what can I give him? I can’t give him anything. He had a chance, he didn’t take it.

  “I can’t give you what you want, Slade.”

  He strokes a thumb down my cheek. “You can, you just won’t.”

  “No, I don’t want to.”

  “I don’t believe you Dash, whatever this is between us, it’s strong.”

  “It’s friendship,” I whisper helplessly, trying to sound believable.

  “No, it was friendship when we were sixteen. It stopped being friendship the night we had sex.”

  “You’re right, it became so much more than friendship. It became a blistering hate that I carried around for years.”

  “And now?”

  I close my eyes, unsure of what it is I feel for him now. I don’t hate him, god, I certainly don’t. I don’t love him…do I? No, I have lingering feelings of friendship, that’s all.

  “I want to be your friend again, I want to forgive you, I want to move on, but Slade, I can never love you again.”

  He continues stroking my face, my cheeks, my lips. “I don’t believe that.”

  “You have to.”

  “I don’t.”

  “Slade, please…”

  He moves my head and suddenly his warm lips are over mine and oh god, the feelings that explode in my chest are so mind blowing, I lose myself for a moment. I grip him back and wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. His lips are like lava, hot and burning. My body is on fire, heating to the very core, with each movement of his lips over mine.

  He pulls back and leans down to my ear. “If you didn’t want this Dasha, I would have a bloody lip by now.”

  “Slade, stop it. We can’t do this. I’m emotional, you’re catching me at the moments when I’m off guard. You can’t take what I’m doing seriously.”

  “No, you’re right, I can’t. I also can’t take what you’re saying seriously.”

  “Slade I didn’t…”

  “I don’t believe that this is nothing, you and I both feel it and it’s there, even if we don’t want it to be. I made a fucking mistake Dashy, but I want to make it up to you. I want to make love to you, to show you how beautiful it really is. Heck, I bet you haven’t made love to anyone and had it feel as good as you know I can make it feel.”

  “That’s not true,” I stammer.

  “Isn’t it? Tell me how many times you’ve screamed and shuddered around a man?”

  I flush and my skin prickles.

  “Or how many times you’ve come beneath one.”

  Oh my.

  “Or how many times your body sparks to life when being kissed all over.”

  “Slade, please, stop.”

  “When are you going to see what’s between us is real Dash?”

  “It’s not, you left me and I’ve hardly seen you. Each time you’ve been back, all we’ve done is taunt each other.”

  “We taunted each other to cover the hurt and you damn well know it.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “Slade, I stopped loving you a long time ago.”

  “Fine, Dash,” he says, letting me go and standing. “Have it your way, you can deny how you feel all you want. You can use that night to make excuses and hide your feelings. You can run, but I won’t stop feeling this Dash. I’ve never stopped feeling it. One day, you’ll wake up and stop blaming the world for your problems, and you’ll feel it too.”

  I hear my door slam as he walks out, and I feel my heart shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. He’s right, I just don’t know if he’s right about it all or just some of it. Part of me, the hidden part, fears he’s right about all of it.

  Chapter Twenty One

  “Marco!” Slade calls, his body moving through the water at our favorite swimming spot.

  “Polo!” I cry, giggling.

  He comes closer and I dodge to the side, giggling. He calls Marco again and I go under the water, ramming right into his body. He reaches down and grips me, then hurls me up and we both splutter as we laugh.

  “You always do that Dashy!” he snorts, water trickling from his nose.

  “Ew, water just came out of your nose.”

  “You love it, go on and admit it.”

  I laugh and shake my head, but he begins tickling me.

  “Go on and admit it Dashy, you love it.”

  “No!” I squeal.

  “Oh yeah, you do!”

  We giggle and laugh until we have nothing left, then we climb out and slump down onto our towels.

  “I have to go soon,” Slade murmurs, leaning on his elbow and looking over at me.

  “I know, I hate that we have to hide.”

  “Me too.”

  “Slade?”

  “Hmmmm?”

  “Do you ever think there’ll come a time we don’t have to hide this?”

  He smiles. “Of course, I’ll make sure of it.”

  “We’re old enough to make our own choices, I don’t see why we have to hide.”

  “It’s not about being able to make choices Dash, it’s about living with the constant drama if it comes out. You know what my father is like, you know what he would do if he found out about our friendship. He would never let me live it down, he would make your life hell. I won’t do that to you.”

  I smile over at him. “One day we’ll be big racers, and it won’t matter.”

  He smiles and touches my cheek. “No, it won’t matter.”

  “At least my mum loves you.”

  He smiles. “Your mum is the best, she’s the only reason we keep this friendship so perfectly hidden.”

  “I can’t believe she hides us.”

  Slade chuckles. “She knows it’s important.”

  “There you two are!”

  We turn and see my mother strolling down. She always lets us rush off for a swim before Slade and my dad finish racing. She always gives us time to dry off and get back up before anyone notices.

  “Hey mum,” we both say at once.

  She laughs and sits down beside us, brushing her long blonde hair aside.

  “What are you two talking about?”

  “You.” Slade smiles.

  “Oh?”

  Her blue eyes twinkle as she looks us over. My mother is the most beautiful woman on earth.

  “We were just saying that you make our friendship possible.”

  She nods and smiles. “I hate that your fathers can’t stand each other to a point that it would be hard for you to have a friendship. Everyone deserves to be friends, even those forbidden against it.”

  I smile at her and she winks at me.

  “You know, one day we will have this friendship without fear.” I say proudly.

  She beams at me, but her eyes grow a little darker when she looks over at Slade, as though she knows something I don’t.

  “I hope you do, because a friendship like this should be cherished.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  “Dash, you look gorgeous.” Payton sighs, running her fingers through my loosely curled hair.

  I stare at myself in the mirror and run my hands down over my tight, dark blue, shimmering dress. It clings to my body, in the most flattering way, hugging my breasts and hips, then flowing off beautifully around my legs. It’s a v neck cut and has tiny spaghetti straps. I’m wearing a beautiful diamond necklace my mum gave me when I turned fifteen. My hair is curled and sitting around my shoulders and my fringe is clipped back with a pretty little clip.

  “I’m nervous, and I don’t even know why.”

  “It’s a big event, your face will be up there for everyone to see.”

  “I wish Lucas could come, he’s always working. I don’t want to face the party alone with Slade.”

  Payton nods, “I know, but y
ou can do this Dasha. You have always had it in you to represent yourself. John will be there, right by your side.”

  I swallow and turn, pulling her into my arms. “Thank you Pay, for doing this for me.”

  “Of course, I couldn’t let my Cinderella go to the ball without looking her best.”

  “You and Cinderella,” I grin, gripping her face and kissing her cheek.

  “Yeah, a girl can dream.”

  “You don’t need to dream, you have got your prince charming.”

  She smiles and flushes. “Well, that’s true. You could have yours too…”

  I look away, it’s a mistake because Payton knows me better than anyone. She notices the look and takes my face in her hands, forcing me to look back at her.

  “What was that look for Dasha Jewel?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit.”

  I gape at her. “Did you just swear, Payton Mathews?”

  “I did, and I’ll do it again if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on.”

  “Who says anything is going on?”

  She grips my shoulders and shoves me towards the bed, I fall down on my ass and cry out, “Hey, you’ll ruin my dress!”

  “Screw the dress, what was that look for? Are you and Lucas together finally?”

  “Well no, Lucas and I aren’t…”

  “Oh no, no no no.”

  I turn to peek at her with a sheepish expression.

  “Slade!” She cries.

  “Yeah, Slade.”

  “Did you sleep with him? Oh my god, you didn’t did you?”

  “No, I didn’t but…”

  “But what?!”

  “We kissed, twice.”

  “WHAT?” she cries, leaping up.

  “I know ok? I told him not to do it again!”

  “Why’d he do it in the first place, I thought you two hated each other?”

  “Well apparently he doesn’t hate me at all.”

  “Oh god, Slade Devaroe wants you, doesn’t he?”

  I sigh and put my face in my hands and mumble, “Yes but I told him no.”

  “Oh honey, do you have feelings for him?”

  I jerk my head up. “What? No!”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  She sits beside me and takes my hand, looking me dead in the eye.

  “Yes, I’m sure. He’s no good for me, he never was. We’re competitors, it would never work. Our fathers would make sure of it if they found out.”

  “Do you love Slade?”

  I don’t even know how to answer that question. I just don’t.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You have to figure it out, you know that when Lucas finds out, he’ll be crushed.”

  “Lucas and I are friends, Pay, it’s really not up to him.”

  “No, but he loves you and he’s always there Dash, you have to make a choice, he won’t move on until you do.”

  “If he finds out about Slade and I…it’ll crush him.”

  “Only if Slade is what you choose.”

  I stare at her. “I’m so confused.”

  She strokes my hand. “It’ll be ok, you just need to take some time…”

  A knock on my door makes me jerk my head up. Slade opens it and steps in. I hear Payton mutter a ‘holy frigging hell’ and I am screaming the same in my head. Slade is wearing black jeans, a white shirt that’s rolled to his elbows and a black vest. He looks…stunning. His hair is perfectly messy and his aqua eyes are sparkling. He looks over at me and his mouth drops open slightly.

  “Dash…holy fuck.”

  Payton looks over at me and her eyes widen. I look away quickly.

  “Is it a bad time?” Slade asks, forcing his eyes away from me.

  “No, she’s ready. You look great Slade.” Payton says, standing.

  “Thanks.”

  I stand and walk over to where Slade stands. He puts his arm out for me and I give Payton one last desperate stare, before taking his arm.

  “You look beautiful, Dashy.” Slade murmurs.

  “Thanks, so do you.”

  That’s a face slap moment. Slade laughs and shakes his head.

  “I’ve been called many things, beautiful isn’t one of them.”

  I smile sheepishly and mumble. “I meant to say you look hot...uh…I mean handsome.”

  He chuckles softly and leads me out the front door and to his car. Payton follows us out and I hug her once more, thanking her over and over before she leaves. When I slide in the front seat of Slade’s car, I realize I’ve never been in it before. I look around at the black interior and smile, it’s a beautiful car. He gets into the front seat and sees me smiling.

  “Like her?”

  “Oh yeah, love her.”

  “Maybe one day I’ll let you drive her.”

  “Really?” I squeal.

  “Only if you let me drive that Chevy.”

  I pout. “Unfair trade.”

  “Not even.”

  He starts the car to life and it grumbles beneath us. My…oh my. I shiver as he pulls out onto the street and begins driving towards the function hall where the racing dinner is on.

  “So, are you nervous about tonight?”

  “No,” I say, fiddling with my purse. “It’s just a dinner, looking pretty and all that.”

  “You have no problem doing that.”

  I look over at him, but his eyes never stray from the road. I stare at his profile, his perfect jaw, his perfect lips, nose, eyes. He’s just perfect. It’s painful how one person can look so god damned…delicious. We don’t say anything else until we reach the function. We find a park and Slade gets out of the car, coming around to open my door for me. I step out and hook my arm through his. It’s good for competitors to be seen getting along, it’s a good image and all that.

  When we get into the decked out hall, people are in our face immediately. Cameras, lights, questions. I flinch away and close my eyes, I hate god damn journalists. Slade squeezes my arm and carefully answers all their questions.

  “Slade, are you and Dash on speaking terms now?” one asks.

  “Yes, we are.”

  “We heard the last few years have been tough for the two of you?”

  “We’re past that now.”

  “Reports are that you two have been seeing each other?”

  “Yes, we are.”

  WHAT? I pull my arm out of his and glare over at him. “No, we’re not.”

  He looks calmly at me, like he didn’t just say that. I turn and storm off, furious that he would say that to a massive group of people, reporters no less. I get offered a glass of champagne from a waitress passing by. I swallow it and grab another, searching around for John. I see him standing in the far corner, when he notices me, he waves and I hurry over.

  “Hey Dash, you look lovely.”

  “Thanks John, how are you?”

  “Good, we’ve got some good sponsor’s for you this year. They’re all impressed with your racing.”

  I beam. “That’s awesome.”

  “Did I see you come in with Slade Devaroe?”

  “Image.” I mutter.

  “Right, be careful, his father is up to no good.”

  I stare over at Michael who is chatting to a team of sponsors, he hasn’t realized his own son is here.

  “I’ll stay away from him.”

  “Good, well mingle and have fun. Speeches start soon.”

  I chat to a few local racing sponsors and put on a pretty face. I notice Slade chatting with a group of girls, who are all running their hands over his arms. Ugh. Does he ever stop? I sit and wait for everyone else to do the same. When the speeches begin, I stare across the table at Slade who is chatting to a blonde. I don’t understand him, out front before he was totally different and now…why is he behaving like we don’t know each other?

  “Well,” the man making the speeches says, making me turn my eyes to him. “It’s time for some dancing and fun. I would like to offer our two favori
tes to the floor for a dance. Slade Devaroe and Dasha Jewel, where are you?”

  I close my eyes and sigh. Dammit. Slade stands and looks over at me, I put my champagne down and stand too. When we meet at the end of the table he takes my hand and leads me out onto the dance floor. It’s a good image, that’s all it is. Good image. Good image. When Slade wraps his arm around my waist and my hands slide around his neck, I feel my body come to life. Being this close to him is dangerous.

  “Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby, does the thought of me holding you drive you crazy, do I have your love, am I still enough, tell me don’t or tell me do I baby…”

  The song from famous country singer, Luke Bryan, fills my ears as Slade and I move. His eyes are on mine and for the life of me, I can’t force myself to look anywhere else. We’re staring at each other and it’s intense. His hips are moving against mine, our bodies are pressed together and I’m licking my lower lip like I want to crash tackle him to the ground and kiss him until he can’t breathe.

  When the song finishes, Slade, reluctantly releases me. I swallow and force my legs to hold me up, even though they’re trembling so badly, I’m sure they’re going to collapse. Slade strokes my cheek softly, then he turns and walks off. The crowd all cheer and clap, and I’m left standing completely dazed and confused. I manage to get myself back to the table, and I sit down in my chair, taking deep breaths. Everyone is up and mingling again before dinner, so I take a moment to myself.

  “Stay away from my son, Dasha.”

  I whip my head around to see Michael approaching. Great. I stare up at him, furious that he just can’t seem to leave me alone.

  “I have no interest in your son, Michael.”

  “That’s not what I’ve heard and it’s certainly not what I just saw.”

  “Well, you’re wrong.”

  “I know what you’re doing, you’re trying to get close to him, so you can weaken him to win the race.”

  “You really do have an overactive imagination.”

  He glares at me and leans down close. “You don’t know my son anymore, Dasha Jewel. He is not for you, stay away or…”

  “Or what?” I hiss. “What are you going to do?”

  “You aren’t making this easy, do as I say…”

  “No, I won’t do anything you say. I despise you and I am sick of you threatening me every chance you can. Slade is a grown man and he can make his own choices, why don’t you go and threaten him!”