Racing For Freedom

by Bec Botefuhr

  “He didn’t tell you, did he?”

  “Tell me what?” I hiss.

  Michael chuckles and it sends shivers up my spine.

  “He didn’t tell you what happened that night, why he ran away?”

  My skin prickles and I close my eyes to try and calm myself. He’s trying to wind me up, that’s all.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Slade told me you were already going to leave with him.”

  “Yeah we were, but not for a few months. The idiot stuffed it all up for himself that night and we were forced to leave the next day,” he says, then he leans down closer and whispers. “He drove home that night, drunk. He caused a traffic jam when he pulled up on the road because he was too inebriated to drive. Your mother and father…”

  “No,” I cry.

  “Your mother and father were driving home and didn’t see all the cars stopped, your father slammed right into them and your mother was lurched forward and hit her head so hard on the dashboard she died instantly. Those cars were stopped because of Slade.”

  “No,” I whimper.

  It’s not true. It can’t be true. I swallow the bile that rises in my throat, no…no…it’s a lie. He made it up. He lied. He’s lying.

  “Now let’s see how much you care about him.”

  He laughs and walks off, leaving me numb and shaking. I rock backwards and forwards, trying to process what just happened. It can’t be true. It can’t be true. Slade wouldn’t…he wouldn’t…he would have told me. He would have told me. Tears flow down my cheeks and I skid my chair back so quickly it smashes into a table behind me. The room falls silent. With trembling legs, I walk over to Slade, who is now staring at me wearily.

  “Is it true?” I whisper when I reach him.

  “What?”

  “That night…you…drink driving…my parents.”

  His face pales and it’s answer enough for me. I pull my hand back and I punch him so hard the crack echoes through the hall.

  “HOW COULD YOU!?” I scream.

  “Dash,” he whispers. “Please listen…”

  “Go to hell!”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  It’s pouring rain and I’m running down the street, trembling with rage and emotion. Slade is the reason she’s dead. Slade…Slade. It’s all his fault? No, god no, it can’t be. I hear the sound of the charger pull up beside me when I’m a few blocks down, but I don’t stop. I can’t look at him right now. I can’t.

  “Dash, get in the car.”

  I keep running, my hair is stuck to my face and I’m freezing. From the inside out, I’m cold and depressed. Slade pulls the car over and leaps out, running over and gripping me. I punch his chest over and over, pummeling my tiny fists into him.

  “HOW COULD YOU?” I scream.

  “Dash, please, listen.”

  “You killed them!”

  “No, god, no Dasha. I didn’t.”

  “You did, you were drunk, you caused that line up!”

  He grips me and shakes me so hard my teeth rattle together. I reach up and slap him, then I raise my hand to do it again but he grips it. He drags me over to his car and opens the back door, shoving me in. I struggle and scream, I don’t want to listen to him. He shoves me down onto the seat and firmly puts his body over mine. I struggle and squirm, but he’s too heavy. He leans over and pulls the door shut behind us.

  “Let go of me Slade, get off me!”

  “No,” he whispers. “Not until you listen.”

  “I don’t want to listen!” I scream. “I hate you.”

  “It wasn’t me, Dasha! It wasn’t my fault.”

  “It was your fault.”

  I could see the torture in his eyes when he said the next words.

  “No, it was your dads.”

  I reach up to slap him again but he pins my hands above my head. My body is squirming beneath his, but he won’t budge. His body is hard over mine and we’re both soaked. He lowers his face down and I can smell him. God dammit, I hate him, I do. I do. I do.

  “You will listen to me Dasha, because it’s time this came out. It wasn’t my fault that happened. I was going slow, yes, I was drunk and angry. I caused a line up because I was all over the place. I’d just pulled over and cars were starting to pass me. We were on a straight, your dad was speeding because he’d been drinking. He hit those cars, he should have seen them from a mile away but he wasn’t paying attention. He hit them, he could have stopped. I took the blame, for years, I took it Dash. He tried to have me charged, but they couldn’t find me guilty, aside from drink driving, my car was pulled over at the time of the accident. I blamed myself for years, he blamed me, he still does, but he knows who did it, why do you think he hides? I fucked up Dash, I should have never gotten into that car and part of me will always be at fault for that, but your dad should have seen those cars, he should have seen them…he was drunk Dash.”

  “No,” I whimper, shaking my head from side to side.

  “Yes, baby.”

  “NO!” I scream. “He would have told me.”

  “No, because he hasn’t admitted to himself that it was him, he’s still blaming me. Why do you think he hates me so much?”

  “He would have told me.”

  “He doesn’t want to accept it, Dash!”

  “No…no…”

  “He only got away with it because I took the blame, they never questioned him. I got done for drink driving, but because I didn’t directly cause the crash, I got away with manslaughter.”

  I stare up at him and tears stumble down my cheeks. “Why would you take the blame?”

  “Because I caused the lineup. I knew he was drunk when I got out of my car at the scene, I could smell it on him. The cops didn’t question it then, they were only looking at me. I let them blame me, I was protecting him even when he didn’t deserve to be protected. I was protecting you, Dash, because I couldn’t break you further than you were already broken. You were about to lose your mum, I couldn’t have you lose your dad too.”

  “You…did it for me?”

  He nods, staring deep into my eyes. “I’d do anything for you Dash, I wish you knew that.”

  “You could have lost your career.”

  “You lost your mum, it wasn’t exactly much of a comparison.”

  “Slade…”

  He shakes his head. “It’s ok, I would do it all over again for you.”

  “How did I not know?” I whisper.

  “I don’t know.”

  “He…he…lied to me all this time?”

  “I’m sorry Dash.”

  “And you…you knew…you knew and you didn’t come back for me?”

  “Dash, I couldn’t. I blamed myself. I couldn’t bear to see you in pain. Being a jerk and making you hate me, was the only way.”

  “I loved you Slade, I loved you with everything I had.” I scream.

  “I know, baby, I know.”

  “Don’t call me that!” I scream. “I’m nothing to you, don’t pretend I am!”

  “You’re everything to me.”

  Then his lips are on mine. I didn’t see it coming, but oh, I can’t stop my reaction. My hands are still clasped in his, but I don’t need them to feel every part of him. He’s pressed against me, our bodies molded together, warming each other slowly. His lips move over mine, his tongue finds my own and the kiss deepens. He finally releases his hands to run his fingertips down my arm and then down over my side. He grips my dress and pulls it up, then he finds my thigh and slides it around his waist.

  “I want you Dash, I want you so badly it burns.”

  “Slade,” I whimper.

  “You want me too, say it Dash, say you want me.”

  “Yes.”

  He slides his lips down over my neck and he nibbles a soft path from my jaw to my shoulder. His body rocks against mine, pressing in all the right paces. I come alive beneath him, feeling every hard inch of him.

  “I didn’t do this right the first time, I will d
o it right now.”

  My mind has cut out, I can’t think of anything but him. He’s all over me, he’s surrounding me. His body jerks again and the hard length of him presses into my core. I groan and shift, causing more friction.

  “Dash, stop doing that baby.”

  He grips the strap of my dress and slowly lowers it over my shoulder, revealing one breast. His mouth is hot against my skin as he works gently with his tongue and his mouth, bringing me to heights I’ve never felt before. I whimper and tighten my leg around his waist, wanting so much more. His hand slides up under my dress, caressing my skin with his fingertips and causing shivers to run through me.

  He finds my panties and he slides them down, I shift and let him move so he can drag them down over my leg. He sits, staring down at my panting form. He grips his pants and undoes the first button, jerking them down. I stare wide eyed at his beauty, his perfection.

  “Dash, I don’t have a condom.”

  “I’m protected,” I whisper.

  He leans down over me again and kisses me until I’m writhing beneath him once more. I can feel him pressing against me and oh, it feels so good. I pull his shirt free from his pants and run my hands up his back, sliding my nails over his hot skin. He makes a ragged sound and pulls my hips so I slide further down the seat. He gently probes me, as if testing the waters.

  “You want this, Dashy?”

  “Yes,” I whimper.

  “How much?”

  “Slade please…”

  He slides into me with one, quick movement and I cry out, writhing and groaning as pleasure and pain fill me. His moans fill my ears and my skin heats, going from cool and wet to hot and sweaty. He uses my hip to hold my body still as he gently moves inside me with measured, perfect strokes. I tilt my head back and his mouth finds my throat, he slides the tip of his tongue up my neck and I groan, dragging my nails down his back.

  “Slade, oh…”

  “Tell me Dash, when was the last time you came?”

  I groan, shaking my head from side to side. He stops moving his hips and I whimper, desperately tilting mine upwards to feel more of him.

  “Tell me.”

  “I haven’t…since you.”

  His eyes widen a little and his lips find my cheek, then he moves to my ear. “Well, let me change that.”

  He begins moving again, and his mouth moves all over my skin, lighting me on fire with each touch. I’m feeling that unfamiliar burn, low in my belly and I know what it is. He rocks his hips, using that perfect motion to bring me higher and higher. I can feel it, oh god, it’s so closer. Slade’s hand slides between us and gently strokes my heated flesh, I erupt and my screams fill the car, as fire roars through my veins and I feel my world spin.

  “There’s a good girl,” he murmurs into my ear.

  I’m still shaking from my release when he finds his own, with his face is buried in my shoulder. He moans long and low as he shudders. We both lay like that for long moments, unmoving. Emotions swarm me, revelation of my father’s lies, Slade and me, Lucas, everything. I shove at him and he moves, sitting up. I adjust myself, avoiding his eyes.

  “You regret it, don’t you?” he whispers.

  “I…I…Slade…”

  “Jesus.”

  I feel tears well in my eyes. “Slade, this…it’s so dangerous. I can’t get hurt again…”

  “You just don’t want to see that I can be different, do you?”

  “Slade, it’s not like that…”

  “Isn’t it?” he snarls.

  “Slade…”

  “Don’t Dash, don’t you play with me. I have been a jerk but I won’t keep apologizing for it. I can’t change the past, but I can change how I am now. I won’t hurt you, but you refuse to even try.”

  “I’m scared,” I whisper. “Can you blame me?”

  “No, but I also don’t think sitting and living in the past is doing you any good.”

  “Enough Slade.”

  “No, it’s not enough. You and I can’t change that night, we can hate each other over it, we can regret it, but we can’t change it. I’m trying Dash, I’m trying to fix what was broken but you’re not letting me!”

  “I need air!”

  I get out of the car and I straighten my dress. I breathe in the rainy scent in the air and focus on slowing my trembling hands. It’s only lightly raining now, but I shiver as soon as the first cool drop hits my skin. I am about to walk off when I hear my name being called. I stiffen. No…not now.

  “Dash?”

  I turn and see Lucas walking down the path wearing a tux. Oh no. Slade gets out of the car buttoning up his pants and I know how bad it looks. I know. Lucas’ gaze narrows and his eyes fill with pain.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Dash, are you with him?” Lucas whispers.

  Slade is staring between us, not saying a word. I don’t think he’d dare right now.

  “No, well, not exactly.”

  “Did you fuck him?” Lucas says in a steely tone, I gasp, never having heard Lucas swear before, not like that anyway. “Well?”

  I look down. “Yes.”

  Lucas makes a pained sound and walks closer. “How could you? After what he did to you?”

  “She doesn’t need to answer to you Lucas, you aren’t her boyfriend.” Slade snaps.

  “No but I love her more than you ever could!” Lucas yells.

  “Luke please, I know you’re hurt but we’re not together.” I say gently.

  “You know I love you Dash, what is it going to take? What do I have to do to get you to give me a dammed chance?”

  God, his words are crushing me.

  “I…don’t…”

  “You want him?” Lucas growls, his voice full of hurt.

  “I don’t know what I want.”

  “I was coming to be your date, I got off work and I was going to surprise you and I find you getting out of his car after you’ve just…” he points a finger at Slade and shakes his head. “Him…really?”

  It’s raining again and we’re all getting soaked. Neither of us moves though. We all just stand there, staring at one another.

  “I don’t know what’s happening here,” I cry. “I didn’t ask for any of this.”

  Lucas steps forward and cups my cheek in his hand. “Give me a chance Dash, please, I’m begging you to let me try. I will cherish you. I will spoil you. I will tell you you’re beautiful every day. I will tell you I love you every night and I’ll always make you smile. I will give you more than him, because I love you more than he ever could.”

  “You’re wrong Lucas,” Slade says, his voice low. “You won't always spoil her, or treat her like a princess. You won't tell her she's beautiful every day. You won't make her smile every night and you won't always want her the way you do now. That fades. Those giddy little stomach flutters fade and you're then left with reality. There will be days you will forget to tell her she's beautiful, even though she needs to hear it. There will be days you'll forget to say I love you. There will be days when you forget a birthday or an anniversary. There will be a time when she will walk past you, and you won't want to ravish her, the way you do now. Those things fade, and when they do, what's left is what's truly worth fighting for. Love isn't always beautiful, heck, it's not even close to being perfect half the time. Feelings change, the spark dies down and what you're left with is something you either chose to fight for or you don't. When you know that even though those things are gone, you're still willing to fight for her every breath, then you know the love is real.”

  Chapter Twenty Four

  We stand on the sidewalk in silence for long moments.

  “You have to choose Dash,” Lucas says. “I can’t keep living like this.”

  “There is no choice, Lucas,” I whisper. “I have never led you on, I’ve always been honest with you. I’ve always told you we can’t be more than friends. It hasn’t changed. I love you and you’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose you but I can’t be
with you. That’s not saying I can be with Slade either, but Slade and I are a whole different story. I can’t be caught between this.”

  Lucas looks hurt. “If that’s what you want…”

  “Lucas, come on, you know I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t give you what you want, you deserve so much better. I don’t love you, how you want me to. You have to move on from me, you have to find someone who loves you as much as you love them.”

  “I’m not good enough for you,” he whispers, then jabs a thumb at Slade. “But he is?”

  “I didn’t say that,” I cry. “Stop putting words into my mouth.”

  “That’s enough, it’s time to stop this. She said she doesn’t want you like that, move on and stop being so damned pathetic,” Slade growls at Lucas.

  Lucas spins around and before I realize what’s happening, he drives a fist into Slade’s face.

  “You’re the reason she’s fucked up. You’re the reason she won’t love. You don’t get to tell me when to move on!” Lucas roars.

  “Slade don’t!” I cry when I see Slade spin around and glare at Lucas. I know that look.

  Slade storms past me and I try to grip his hand but miss. Slade swings and hits Lucas straight in the nose, I hear the sickening crack as Lucas’ head falls backwards and he stumbles into a nearby fence. Slade leaps at him and I scream, rushing after him.

  “SLADE! LUCAS!”

  Slade drives a fist into Lucas’ face again and blood spurts out of his nose. I leap forward, trying desperately to stop them. I grip Slade’s arm but he just shakes me off and drives another punch. Shit, this is getting bad, fast.

  “STOP!” I cry.

  Lucas manages a hit and Slade’s head swings to the side.

  “You don’t deserve her, you’re nothing but gutter trash!” Lucas growls.

  “She doesn’t want you, get over it and move on. Are you so pathetic that you can’t take a hint? Face it, mate, it wasn’t you that she was just moaning for.” Slade spits.

  I reach down and grip Slade’s arm just as Lucas’ blindly swings. His fist connects with my jaw and I stumble backwards with a scream. Both men stop fighting and stare over at me, both have blood trickling from their noses and lips. I grasp my face in shock. I know Lucas didn’t mean that, and by the look on his face he’s shocked.