Wall of Silence

by Dorey Whittaker

  Susan finally broke the silence. “I think I’d better talk to her alone first. I need to see what kind of mood she’s in before we come walking in and drop this bomb on her.”

  Scott had witnessed Marjorie Miller in action a few times. Once, when the building superintendent refused one of her requests, she struck back with a venomous verbal attack that had Scott upset for hours. He couldn’t forget the image of that hateful face screaming at the super. It hurt him to think how many times that bitter face must have screamed into Susan’s face as a child.

  Scott detested Mrs. Miller, but he knew Susan wanted to love her and was trying, in spite of her mother, to be a good daughter. Scott knew she was dreading this meeting and was just trying to spare him her mother’s verbal assault.

  He said, “I know this is bothering you, but please let me be with you when you tell her. I don’t want you to face her by yourself. I don’t care how ugly she might get. I promise I won’t lose my temper with her. I can handle it. Please, I want to be there with you.”

  “All right, but let me go in first. If she’s already in a terrible mood, we’ll postpone telling her. If she’s civil, I’ll call you to come up, and we’ll tell her together.”

  Scott gave her a kiss as they reached her floor and then took off to his apartment to wait for her call.

  Susan walked into the apartment, trying to look nonchalant. She wished she didn’t have to tell her mother her news. She knew her mother well, and this was not going to be pleasant. Susan’s habit, for the past several years, had been to slip in at the very end of the evening and immediately turning in for the night.

  Actually, her mother had come to enjoy Susan’s absence; Susan knew she liked being alone. Her mother had often stated that if it had not been for the money Susan contributed, she would have tossed her out as soon as she got out of high school. But she needed the money, and Susan knew she resented her for it.

  As Susan entered the kitchen, her mother turned, clearly surprised at how early she had come home. Snarling, her mother said, “What are you doing home so early?”

  Susan smiled, but as usual, her mother didn’t respond. This was no indication of a bad mood; she never responded to a smile.

  Her mother walked into the living room, not waiting for a response because she really didn’t care what the answer was. Nonetheless, Susan followed her into the living room and took a seat next to the television, placing herself in full view of her mother. Without acknowledging her daughter, Marjorie turned on her favorite program and acted as if her daughter wasn’t even there.

  After a few minutes, Susan slipped out of the room and went into her bedroom to call Scott.

  He picked up the phone on the first ring. “Well, do I come up?”

  “Yes. It’s not going to get any easier. I can’t believe something as wonderful as this is going to be so painful. Let’s get it over with. Don’t ring the bell. I’ll meet you at the door in two minutes.” Scott took the stairs two at a time and was standing outside her door when she opened it. He gave her a big, forced silly grin and then bent down and kissed her. “Honey, it’s you and me from now on. Just keep remembering that.”

  With that, they walked into the living room feeling as if they were walking into the lion’s den.

  Marjorie was still watching television. Scott was smiling, and Susan immediately knew that familiar look on her mother’s face probably meant she was thinking, I’d like to slap that stupid grin off your face.

  Marjorie knew who he was. She’d been introduced to him a few times around the building and knew he was part of that Thomas clan, as she put it. She had resented the whole bunch of them, especially Scott’s mother. While Susan was still in high school, Marjorie had run into Mrs. Thomas downtown, and for months afterward, Susan was peppered with her mother’s hateful recounting of the meeting. Mrs. Thomas had dared to be polite, but Marjorie took it as uppity, feeling as if she was being talked down to; but then, according to Marjorie, everyone talked down to her. It didn’t matter that Mrs. Thomas was trying to be gracious. That was just a cover as far as Marjorie was concerned, and she took every opportunity to repeat her opinion. “Her in her fancy clothes and phony chat, talking as if the two of us were the best of friends.” Marjorie hated Scott’s mother. She had long since stopped caring how she sounded or what she said. Her attitude was, “If you don’t like it, tough. They all think they’re so much better than me. I don’t have to kiss up to anyone.”

  Marjorie glared at Scott as he took a seat across from her. With a voice that reminded Scott of a growling dog, she said, “What are you doing here?”

  Susan would have liked to offer Scott some iced tea but didn’t dare leave the room. Mrs. Miller sat there glaring at the two of them, waiting for an answer. She detested uninvited guests, and since she hadn’t invited him, she was seething. Susan never brought friends home.

  Glaring at Scott, Marjorie said to Susan, “So, what’s he doing here, and when is he leaving?”

  Scott reached over and took Susan’s hand and looked directly at Mrs. Miller. Without smiling, Scott simply stated the facts. “Mrs. Miller, I’m not asking your permission or your blessing. I have loved your daughter for two years now, and last night I asked her to marry me. We have set our wedding date for the twelfth of April. We plan on getting married out at the old plantation on Highway 19, and we would both like you to come.”

  Marjorie sat stone-faced. Her eyes were cold and unresponsive.

  Susan, on the other hand, glowed with admiration. She had not expected Scott to be the one to tell her mother, but now that he had, she was relieved and so proud of him. He had not even paused to allow her mother to comment. He wasn’t rude, but he was certainly not asking for her mother’s opinion either.

  When he finished, Susan nervously smiled and said, “I love him, and we’re getting married. Mother, I would love for you to be part of my wedding.”

  Marjorie barked back, “And just who do you think is going to pay for this wedding? Certainly not me!”

  Before they could answer, she turned to her daughter, as if Scott no longer existed, and said, “You are a stupid, stupid girl. Do you really think those people are going to accept a poor white trash girl with a father in prison and a sister who’s a prostitute? As soon as they find out, those snobs will throw you out on your ear.” Certain her daughter had not told this fancy guy about her family, Marjorie took great pleasure in filling him in on these tidbits. She sat there smirking, waiting for the news to sink in, and expecting him to run for the door.

  Scott gave Susan’s hand a reassuring squeeze before addressing Mrs. Miller. “I know all about your family situation. I have for years. I love Susan, and so does my whole family. As for being poor white trash, Susan may have grown up poor, but she has never been white trash, as you put it. She is anything but stupid, and I want Susan for my wife.”

  Susan marveled that Scott could sound so determined and absolute without showing anger. His manner was resolute without being haughty. A strange sense of safety flooded her. She realized this was the first time she was not having to face her mother’s anger alone. Scott was not only there, he was stepping forward and taking the heat meant for her. She listened as Scott declared his love and admiration for her.

  Scott leaned forward as if to soften his final statement. “I love Susan, and because she loves you, I want to try to have some kind of amicable relationship with you, if you will allow it. As for the wedding, Susan and I will be paying for it, so you need not worry about that.”

  Marjorie was furious at Scott for talking to her that way, and Susan recognized that all-too-familiar look on her mother’s face. Marjorie had taken so much abuse for all those years with Chuck, but when he left, she was determined no one would ever again have the upper hand with her. She no longer took anything from anyone. She considered any disagreement with her a personal attack and would attack right back. Whenever anyone dared get in her face, as Scott was doing, she could turn very ugly.

 
; “So! You two are getting married next April. I guess I can’t stop you from making a stupid mistake like that, and I certainly don’t intend on being there.” She glared at Scott while she spit out her words. “I don’t want to hear about your plans, nor do I want you coming in here ever again. This is my apartment, and you’re not welcome here. Do you understand me?”

  Scott simply nodded and said, “I understand.”

  Then she turned to her daughter and said, “When they get tired of you, and believe me they will, don’t bother trying to come back here. When you leave, you’re gone. Do you get that?”

  Susan simply nodded. There wasn’t anything more to say. Her mother had made up her mind, and that was that.

  Mrs. Miller dismissed them as she focused on the television. As far as she was concerned, they were finished.

  The couple quietly left the apartment and went up to Scott’s place. Neither spoke until they were in his living room. Only then did Susan allow her feelings to surface, and the tears flowed freely. She felt so humiliated by her mother’s behavior. But then, sitting there, so proud of Scott and so ashamed of her mother, all kinds of emotions flooded her.

  Feeling the need to say something, Susan finally looked at Scott. “You would think I would be used to her by now. Her response was exactly as I thought it would be. Somewhere deep inside I must still be holding onto a thread of hope that she might change and that this time she might behave differently. She is so bitter, there’s no room for love, not for herself or for anyone. Scott, I really do pity her. She is such a lonely, miserable person.”

  Although having handled the confrontation well, Scott was now struggling with some strong emotions of his own. He hated how this woman could hurt Susan so deeply and not even care. He saw it in Mrs. Miller’s eyes. She actually seemed to enjoy inflicting pain on her. It was hard for him to imagine that this woman could actually be Susan’s mother. They were so very different. It was hard to imagine what this woman could have been like had she made different choices in her life. He thought about Susan and the millions of others who have also had really hard lives. Why does her mother think her hard life gives her the right to behave that way? How does a mother become so hardened that she has no feelings, even for her own children?

  Susan recovered her emotions in a few minutes and began talking about the wedding plans. She decided her mother could only ruin her wedding if she let her, and she was not going to let her. She sat at Scott’s dining room table and started writing out a list of things they needed to start doing. After a few minutes, they realized it had been hours since they had eaten, and they were starving.

  Laying the pencil down, Susan started giggling. “You know, I don’t have any idea about how to plan a wedding. I’ve never even been in one. What we need is one of those wedding organizers they sell in the bookstores downtown.”

  Scott beamed with pride at her strength. She was not going to allow her mother to spoil their excitement. Kissing her tenderly, he suggested, “Great idea! We can go down to the bookstore, and then, how about some pizza? It’s right next door.”

  Susan jumped to her feet and headed for the door. “You know, you’ve proposed to a woman who really likes to eat. You might want to consider what an expensive venture this may be for you.”

  As Scott opened the door for her, he said with a huge grin, “I think I can handle it. Besides, this expensive venture is going to be the greatest adventure of our lives, and you and I are going to enjoy every minute of it starting right now.”

  Chapter 10

  It was a busy week for Scott and Susan. They made his parents and sister promise to keep their secret until they could officially announce their engagement the next weekend. Besides, Scott had another reason. He wanted his ring on Susan’s finger when they made their announcement. She had seminars scheduled every night, and he was booked for business lunches every day except Wednesday. So they agreed they would go shopping during their lunch hour on Wednesday. He thought about picking a ring out himself and surprising her but knew it would be better if he let her choose the one she wanted. On Wednesday, they slipped away and went downtown to pick out their rings.

  One of Scott’s high school friends had become a jeweler in town. Whenever Scott needed to purchase a gift for his mother or sister, Tim Butler had helped him. Scott quickly placed a called to him. “Hey, Tim. I need a favor. I’m bringing my future bride into your store today to pick out a ring.”

  Without letting his old buddy finish, Tim bellowed into the phone, “Congratulations, Scott. She must be pretty special to snag the likes of you, old buddy.”

  Scott smiled into the phone. “Tim, it really is the other way around. I’m the lucky one. Susan is so beautiful and charming, I want to get her the perfect ring. Can you help me?”

  “Sure. We have a great selection. When are you coming in? I want to be sure I’ll be here to wait on you.”

  Quickly realizing Susan might be a problem, Scott suggested, “Could you do me a favor? When I bring Susan in today, could you have a tray of rings without price tags? Unlike most women, Susan would make her choice based on the least expensive, and I want her to pick the one she loves.”

  “No problem. Boy, she sounds like a keeper. I can’t wait to meet this girl.”

  “Another thing,” Scott quickly added. “When we come in, please don’t let on that we talked. I don’t want her to know I arranged this.”

  “You’ve got it, buddy. I’ll pick out some beauties for you.” Then, needing a little more information, Tim asked, “What price range are you thinking about?”

  “I guess I’ll have to trust you there. All I know is I want something special. I’ve never done this before, remember?”

  Tim’s famous belly laugh thundered through the phone. “Okay, leave it to me.”

  As Scott placed the receiver back on the phone, he thought about the plan for today. His friend Tim was going to be the first person outside the family Scott was going to tell about Susan. He suddenly couldn’t wait for the lunch hour. Several times that morning he found himself practicing the exact words he would use to introduce Susan to Tim, and every time it made him smile.

  Tim was standing behind the ring counter as they entered. As agreed, Tim acted as if this visit was a complete surprise. Stepping up to the counter, Scott placed his arm around Susan’s waist and announced, “Hi, Tim. I’d like to introduce my bride-to-be, Miss Susan Miller. Susan, this is a life-long friend of mine, Tim Butler. Tim, we’re here to buy a ring. Can you help us?”

  Tim played along, acting as if this was the first time he had heard the news, and then, after congratulating them, he pulled out a tray of pretty rings.

  There were twelve different styles on the black velvet display tray, and Susan quickly noticed none of them were priced. Scott studied her face as she lifted them out, one by one, and placed them on her finger and then held it out for both of them to see. They all were pretty, but there was something about them that was bothering Scott.

  While Susan continued trying different rings, Scott asked Tim if he had any special rings available.

  “These are all pretty, but you probably have a dozen of each of these behind the counter. Unless she really loves one of these, I was wondering if you might have any one-of-a-kind rings?”

  Tim knew exactly what Scott was looking for, and he had it. He excused himself and went to another counter and pulled out a pretty blue velvet ring box on display. As he set it down in front of them, he explained, “Once in a while, jewelers are offered antique jewelry from estate sales. I purchased this ring from one about a week ago. I doubt you’ll find another ring like this one anywhere. I estimate the age of it to be about a hundred years old. The diamond’s color and clarity are almost perfect, and the cut is magnificent. The craftsman’s mark indicates it was designed by Himple and Himple here in Atlanta. They were the best in the business at that time.”

  He started to mention its investment quality but stopped. He remembered that Scott didn’t wa
nt money to be discussed in front of Susan.

  Susan stared at the ring. She wasn’t sure she wanted to try it on because it must have been very expensive. Then Scott reached over, pulled the ring out of the box, and slipped it on her finger. He never looked down at it; he was watching her face. When he saw the look in her eyes as she lifted her hand, Scott said, “Sold!”

  Embarrassed, Susan quickly removed the ring. “Scott, this is too much ring for me. I don’t need something so expensive. Please, let’s keep looking.”

  Scott knew this was the ring she loved, and he had no intention of letting her settle for anything less. She placed it in its box and handed it back to Tim.

  Scott didn’t argue; he shook Tim’s hand as they left, and whispered, “Hold onto that one for me, will you?”

  With that, they thanked him for his time and agreed to look around before making a decision. Scott then suggested they grab some lunch before going back to the office.

  They walked two doors down to a deli and were back at the office well before one o’clock. They agreed to announce their engagement to everyone at the office on Friday afternoon. They ordered a large sheet cake for the occasion, to be delivered around three o’clock and would make a company party out of it. His parents had also agreed to host an engagement party at their home on Saturday evening for all their church friends. Then, on Sunday, the official announcement would appear in the Atlanta newspaper.

  ***

  Susan changed her outfit three times Friday morning before settling on a cream-colored linen suit with a royal-blue silk blouse. She wanted to look as grownup as possible. As she was dressing, she could hear her mother in the bathroom also getting ready for work. She wished she could tell her mother what she and Scott had planned for today. She also wished she could have a mother who would want to be there when they made their announcement, but she didn’t, so when she was finally satisfied she had put together the very best outfit, she walked into the living room.