Alluring Promises Box Set (Books 1-3)

by Josie Bordeaux

  Unsure of what to think of what just happened between us, I stopped trying to analyze it. I inhaled deep and melted further to his chest, holding on to him as if he were the last man on earth.

  Well, maybe for me he just might be.

  THE LIGHT from the blinds seemed to twinkle on my eyelids. I blinked, attempting to shade my eyes from the bright sunlight. I felt Clark’s body pressed tight against me just as it was last night. I snuggled back down, avoiding the light and hugged him tight.

  “Morning,” he whispered as he kissed my neck.

  I hugged him tighter to my body as I sighed deeply. “Mmm, I love you,” I murmured.

  It just came out.

  I hadn’t meant to say it, but now that I had it just felt so right.

  His whole body stilled and I pulled back to see his face. He looked like he was debating something in his head.

  A small laugh escaped my lips and I quickly put my hand to my mouth, as if to stop any further laughter or excitement over the feelings that were bubbling over in me.

  I love him.

  I inhaled deeply, attempting not to smile although I imagined the expression in my eyes probably spoke volumes.

  Staring at Clark, I watched his face to see how much this tormented him. His breathing picked up and then he ran his hand through his hair. Test him, I thought to myself. See if he really does love you back.

  “You feel it too, don’t you? You love me.”

  “Don’t, Aub.” His voice was gruff and he pulled away from me. Faster than I thought possible, he flipped the sheet back and stood. He stared at me. “I don’t love you. I don’t need to love anyone.”

  “You do! Admit it!” I pushed my elbows up under me and stared right back at him. I watched him begin to pace like a lion while he fisted his hands through his hair.

  I had no idea what I was thinking. I wasn’t really thinking though, I was just feeling. Without thinking about consequences, I was determined to push it further. I sat up in bed, excited by this whole revelation between us, convinced that since I felt it so strong he should too. “You feel something you’ve never felt for another woman before. It hurts. It’s vulnerable.” I watched him as he opened drawers frantically and pulled on his sweat pants. “You ache and feel exposed like never before. Not like you’re naked, but as if I can see your thoughts and emotions. And I can. I see you. I see what you’ve been trying to hide your whole life,” I told him and then watched him start toward the door as he growled out loud in pure frustration.

  “Where are you going?” I called out as I watched him walk out the bedroom door. Then I heard him in the kitchen rifling through drawers. My heart beat faster as I heard the silverware clank against one another in the drawer.

  I sat up further unsure of what to do. Do I go in there and see what he’s doing? Shit. Shit! What do I do? I got up quickly not hearing anything else and walked into the kitchen to see Clark leaning against the counter with a beer in his hand staring out the kitchen window.

  “What are you doing?” I asked slowly.

  “Pounding a beer.”

  “Instead of pounding me, you’re pounding a beer?” I attempted to tease him, hoping to make light of the situation I’d created.

  He nodded and practically grunted as I watched him take another drink from the bottle.

  “So you do feel something for me? Something more?” I knew I was an idiot for pushing, but for some reason, I wanted to know. I wanted it out. If this wasn’t what I really believed it to be from last night, I wasn’t sure what to do. The fear of this being another Gregory revelation made me tremble.

  He took the bottle to his mouth and turned it up, downing the rest of the beer. He placed the bottle on the counter.

  This was the weirdest admission of love I’ve ever seen.

  I watched as he took a deep breath. Dropping his hands to his side, he turned his lustful gaze at me. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do so I started backing up through the kitchen archway and continued until I felt my legs press against the arm of the couch.

  He was stalking me like a lion on the prowl and I wasn’t sure what to do. Fear should kick in, but I felt anything but that. Wonder is what I felt as my heart beat furiously inside my chest. A smile crept over my face feeling as if I’d won this game we were playing.

  “Why are you smiling, Aub?” He cautiously asked.

  “Because I can see through you. I see what you want to hide, but you can’t. You’ll never be able to hide it from me. You can mask it from the world, but with me it comes off.”

  He pressed his body against mine, staring deep into my eyes. His hands grabbed my arms tightly as I watched his jaw grind, his eyes wild with anger. He was angry about his feelings for me. “Take me, Clark. Prove to me you don’t love me. Fuck me like you would any other woman. Greedy, hungry. Like an animal.”

  He swallowed and then released his grip on me. He started pacing again, fisting his hands through his hair angrily. I felt like I won. So I pushed harder. I took a step toward his pacing and touched his arm. “It’s okay to feel something more for me, Clark. I feel it too. I’ve never felt anything like this with anyone. But with you, everything is just different.”

  He stopped and stared at me. “Different from dick head? You felt this with him; I know it; I saw it, remember?”

  I shook my head as I smiled. “No. That was me, trying to force it. I wanted him to want something more with me and it really wasn’t there.”

  “You didn’t answer how you felt. You felt this with him,” he sneered as if he caught me in a lie.

  “No! I didn’t. It wasn’t this. It was just a need to fill the void. This…” I gestured between us. “This is something I’ve never felt. This has to be love. You’re there for me. He never was. You want to help me. He never did. You hurt for me when I hurt. He never did.” I watched him swallow as he stared at me, unsure of my words. “If I walk out that door right now—would you hurt? Would you want me back?”

  “No!” He shouted, startling me. “You know why? Because I don’t want to feel this for you! Or anyone. I don’t want this feeling. I never wanted this.”

  He stopped pacing and stared at me. He grabbed me, picking me up off the floor and stalked into his bedroom and threw me onto the bed. My heart beat wildly through my chest wondering what the hell he was going to do.

  He doesn’t want to love me, but he does.

  He doesn’t want to need anyone, but he needs me.

  Clark stripped his clothes all the way down, taking off his sweat pants and angrily throwing them across the room. Naked, his gorgeous body stood before me, his face completely tormented. “This. This is what you want. For me to be completely naked in front of you so you can do what you want. But you can’t have my heart. You can’t! No one can.”

  I sat up, trying so hard to conceal my smile because I knew he finally realized what we might have together. That the two most fucked up people who would never be able to care for another person, might just love each other.

  I stood on the bed completely naked and yelled at him. “Here. This is it. Same as you. We both hate this feeling, but we need and want it so badly. I’m right here with you, Clark.” I stepped off the bed and walked toward him, his eyes red and wild from rubbing them. I stood right in front of him and grabbed his hands as he looked away.

  “I’m here for you, just as you keep being there for me. We seem to be the only two people in this world that can’t admit we could possibly love. I’m just as afraid of this feeling as you are. So don’t. Don’t love me. Don’t try to care for me anymore. Don’t have your heart beat out of your chest every time you see me.” His head snapped to mine as I said those words, his eyes pleading me not to say any of this. “Don’t want to hold me every time I feel pain or happiness or any other emotion. Don’t...Just…don’t.”

  “You feel that way too? Every time?” His eyes softened as he begged me silently.

  I nodded as I put my hand to his cheek. He bent his head toward mine
, still unwilling to admit it to me. Our lips so close, wanting to touch. Wanting to taste that love that was just right there in front of us—the possibility that we could have something. “I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to need you.”

  I nodded as our lips touched. “Then don’t,” I whispered, allowing him not to have to admit it. He didn’t have to say it; I could feel it.

  His lips crashed against mine, angrily. He kissed me forcefully as his arms wrapped around my body pulling me close to his naked body. Our tongues collided and lashed against the other furiously. We made our way to the bed as our kiss softened. The fury was gone as if he were relenting. I felt the bed against the back of my legs as he continued to press against me, pulling my body tighter to his. He pulled away breaking our kiss, both of us out of breath. Breathless for each other. He stared into my eyes, unsure of his feelings or what to do with them.

  “Make love to me. Make love to me slow and hard, like you’ve never done with any woman before. Just like you did last night. You don’t have to say the words, just let me feel them. Let me feel them only for me,” I pleaded. He kissed me tenderly, soft like I had just begged for as he laid me down on the bed. His fingers sifted through my hair as his kiss told me he would do just as I asked. He pulled my body further onto the bed and then his hand roamed my body, caressing every curve. Gliding over my body with care and then they stopped. I opened my eyes wondering what was wrong. His brown eyes were staring right at me, right into my soul. “Exist only with me,” I breathed as our lips met again, his eyes staying right with mine.

  And then his hands left my body. Everything stopped as both his hands tenderly gripped my hair as his eyes searched mine. Deep orbs of cocoa rolled with questions, with hesitation, before glancing down at my lips. He brushed his mouth against mine ever so softly as his eyes began to close and his forehead met mine. We both breathed in deeply, shakily, knowing we were about to let go of all our fears and doubts.

  His cheek glided against mine and then pressed against my face. His body relaxed, melting into mine as his body shifted slightly. The tenderness of his lips against my throat coupled with his hot longing breath sent me over the edge with need. Our breaths became more rapid and needy and we hadn’t even done anything yet. It was just the feeling of needing to be with one another.

  To be one.

  He lifted himself slightly staring right into my eyes. The desire to be with me was written all over his face. His eyes scanned over my face as if he were committing this moment to memory. A slight shift of his body let me feel him. Let me feel what he really wanted, what we both really wanted. To make love with each other like we’ve never done with any other person before. Not sex, not trying to obtain some sort of release, but just the want and desire to be one with another.

  His hard shaft lay right at my sex. We both swallowed and then his eyes pleaded with me as if he were trying to talk himself out loving me. I breathed in deeply unsure if he could actually be there with me, to see if he could take this final step with me. As soon as his lips met mine and his eyes stared deeply into the depths of my soul, I knew he could be. I knew he actually really loved me.

  Pushing his tip into me, we both seemed to be holding our breath, hoping this was exactly what we both wanted. Slowly, he pushed into me. So excruciatingly slow that I wanted to drive my hips to meet his greedily. Filling me with everything he had, we both exhaled knowing we were joined like we’ve never been with anyone else. Our hearts pounding through our chests as one and feeling the rhythm between us, we both rolled our hips, pushing both our bodies, needing to be even closer than we were. Lifting my legs and locking my ankles as tight as I could, I noticed a small smile reach his lips. Neither of us moved. We both held that moment as long as we could. Our lips seemed to tremble.

  Beautiful brown eyes began to moisten as he lowered his head ever so slowly with uncertainty. His soft lips brushed mine before tasting me with his tongue. It didn’t even seem like a kiss as our mouths explored each other. As if it were the first time either of us had ever kissed. Deep wanting, desire to be one with each other as our mouths glided and melted together.

  A deep throaty moan from him and a small shift of his hips sent me into pure bliss. My lids began to flutter closed feeling the intensity of what was happening between us as our hips rolled as one, slow and hard. He barely pulled out of me before pushing harder back in. This time, our kissing was pure passion. As I felt him inside of me, our bodies pressed tightly against each other as our mouths continued to elicit every emotion we’ve felt for each other.

  All our problems and issues that we ever had fell away and it was just the two of us, just our bodies our minds, our souls feeling everything we ever desired. My hands roamed through his thick hair, pulling him closer to me as he did the same with me. My heart beat faster feeling the intensity inside of me surge. He began to grind slow and hard into me. My hips met his as his hands glided down the side of my breasts before clutching my hips and pulling me harder to him.

  I moaned into his mouth and he pulled back to stare at me again.

  It was that connection with someone else. I finally had that connection with Clark that I’ve never had with anyone else. We both tried to keep our gaze on each other as he continued to push into me. Slow and hard he drove himself into me, barely withdrawing but the intensity building as if he were slamming into me.

  Pushing me higher and higher with every undulation of his hips, I squeezed my legs tighter around him needing him to fill me. Any movement from him pressed against my perfect spot. His arms wrapped around me tighter, holding me like he never wanted to let me go.

  Right there, we were both right there as we gripped each other’s body tighter. The intense release ripped through me so much harder and quicker than I’ve ever felt any orgasm before. I cried out, “Oh, yes,” just as I felt him shudder at the same time. Both our moans were needy and low as we came down from that perfect high together.

  He held me closer than I’ve ever been held before and his grip didn’t loosen after. My lips pressed against his neck as a tear slipped down my face and into my hair. My breathing was out of control, but even his was so erratic it didn’t seem to matter. His lips pressed against my neck as his hand that was threaded through my hair gripped tighter.

  It seemed like forever we were joined like that, neither of us wanting to let go of the other. Neither wanting to end this perfect sensation that I was sure he had never felt either.

  Without a word, he pulled himself from me and rolled next to me. I wanted to look at him, I wanted to see what he was thinking, but knew that would put him back on edge.

  He had to admit it now. There was no way he couldn’t. What we just did was so intense, so powerful that I knew there was no way he had ever had that with another woman.

  The quick motion he made to sit up shot fear through me. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head hanging low as his elbows rested on his knees. My heart pumped furiously inside my chest as I reached out to touch his arm. His whole body tensed, fighting something deep within him. Even after he made love to me, he still wanted to push his feelings for me away.

  I lifted myself onto my elbow, watching his every move, wondering what he was thinking. I was too afraid to ask. This should be happiness for us, something we’ve both been searching for.

  Until I realized right then—that maybe I was the only one doing the searching. What if this wasn’t really what he wanted at all? Flashing through our whole relationship together, I realized that maybe he never even hoped for what we have between us.

  Panic set in as he stood up quickly without saying anything. I watched him as he pulled his boxers on quickly and heard him sniffle. Every action he was doing was with his back to me. As his jeans glided over his hips and he grabbed his shirt, he never once looked at me. Not once did he say anything to me. The last thing he did was grab his glasses—those frames that he finally removed for me last night. I bit my lip, fighting the tears that were welling up. D
ifferent tears than the ones I just shed out of pure love.

  What I thought would be love.

  My breath and my heart seemed to stop as I watched him walk out of his bedroom door. Hearing the front door close to the apartment was his final answer to what I really questioned. The question? Was it possible for Clark to actually truly love me? His answer was clear as I hugged the pillow close to my body and released tears. Tears that I thought were going to be shed from pure bliss were instead attempting to fill the emptiness that was rolling through me.

  He doesn’t love me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Clark

  I WALKED AROUND FOR HOURS, searching for some sort of answer. I found none. I was drifting as if I were in some sort of foggy dream where I wasn’t sure what to do or how to feel. What I experienced with Aub and how I felt with her was so overpowering, it was almost indescribable. I needed to clear my mind right now.

  I just walked out on her. I couldn’t say anything to her at all. If I had, I’d have fallen into her trap. That trap all women have—luring you in so you trust them, begin to need them. For what? So they can just leave you when they want. Fuck that.

  I left her before she could do that to me. Shouldn’t that make me feel better? Instead, I felt like shit. I fought everything in me not to turn around and beg her for forgiveness. I didn’t ask for her love. I didn’t want to love her. Or need her.

  I feel like I need her.

  Fuck.

  I feel like I don’t want to miss a day without her.

  I searched my mind for something I hated about her. Anything. Anything annoying that would help fight this feeling for her and I couldn’t come up with a fucking thing. Instead, I kept coming up with all the things I loved about her, including all the silly comments she has to my idiotic blurts.

  I looked up to where I was. The park. A gorgeous day and I’m walking around aimlessly like an idiot. I sat down on a park bench, resting my elbows on my knees and stared at the ground. Stupid ants ran around frantically. Just like me. What the hell was I doing? Is this love? I didn’t ask to fall in love. Is she trapping me? Is she lying to me?