Black Tears

by Woods, Karen

  Dominic wasn’t a mummy’s boy but Sheila had a lot to say about any choices he made. She was a cunning old fart sometimes, when she didn’t like a decision Dominic made she would take to her bed and blame it all on the worry of his choices, knowing he would change his mind to please her. Once she’d got what she wanted she would make a miraculous recovery and free herself from her sick bed.

  The day Misty moved into her new home, Sheila stood with a clipboard making sure all the furniture went into the correct place. Misty and her mother Lisa had laughed as they watched her pecking everyone’s head. Lisa had threatened to shove the clipboard right up her arse if she asked them any more questions. However as far as Misty was concerned, the move had been stress free, thanks to Sheila. She had been on a short fuse with Sheila but she knew she had a heart of gold and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Ted was there too and he held Misty and Lisa telling them to ignore his wife. As he held Lisa he squeezed her arse and smiled as he give a cheeky grin telling her how nice her arse was. The first night Misty spent in their new home felt quite weird. The house felt so lonely and empty and she missed the sound of noisy children running around. Misty had already decided she wanted lots of kids in the future.

  Misty climbed the stairs to bed the first night they stayed at their new home, and she felt like a queen walking up the long staircase. Who would have thought it, Misty Sullivan living in a house like this, she thought as she reached the last stairs to bed. Dominic was asleep when she entered the bedroom and she felt lonely as she lay beside him. Night times were her worst time of the day and once she lay in bed her mind would takeover and the torment would begin. The past years were always there to fight with her thoughts whilst she tried to find sleep. Sometimes she wondered if she would ever feel normal again. The time she had spent with Gordon had stolen the years from her. She should have had lots of good memories from her youth, but all she had was dark stories and the memory of his reign. Every time she closed her eyes, his face was there and the beatings he had given her were re-lived once again.

  Misty reached for her note pad underneath the bed and tried to write a poem for the refuge. She wanted something that would stick in the minds of the women who came there, to try and make them remember the lives they had left behind. To help them make fresh starts of their own. Once the pen was in Misty’s hand, she seemed to drift away and find peace and tranquillity in the words she wrote.

  Feeling his fist across your face

  Feeling your heart step up a pace

  Knowing the beating that lies ahead

  Knowing that this time you could be dead

  He digs his fist deep inside your chest

  Until you are beaten, he won’t rest

  Nobody to hear the tears you cry

  To cover your bruises you will lie.

  The life you’ve chosen won’t get much better

  Expect your pillow to get wetter and wetter

  Your confidence has gone and won’t return

  Look at your life, won’t you ever learn?

  Remember the days when you laughed so much

  And longed to feel your partners touch

  Those days are gone and in the past

  Let’s hope you learn your lesson fast

  You will survive without this violent man

  And with some help you can plan

  A better life filled with peace

  Self confidence returned and end your grief.

  Misty read through the words and it touched her own heart as she hoped it would touch others. Dominic opened his eyes as she turned the pages on her notepad, and saw she was restless. He looked at her face and his heart melted; he knew exactly why she could never sleep and moved closer to her, hoping to comfort her.

  “You still awake Princess?” he said as he looked at her tired eyes. “You should try and get some sleep. These late nights will catch up with you sooner or later you know, and what will happen then. When the baby comes you will need all the sleep you can.” Misty smiled and kissed his hands softly before she spoke.

  “I know you’re right but until this baby’s born, I won’t rest. You know what happened last time and it’s always in the back of my mind every day that goes by.”

  Dominic sat up, took the piece of paper from her hand and began to read the poem she had wrote. His eyes filled with tears and he knew it was more than the baby worries keeping her awake. Gordon still had a hold on her even though he was locked up. Dominic knew more than anyone the terror he had brought into her life and knew it would take some time for her to forget the life she had led. He just hoped she could get over this but deep down he knew the child she carried inside her would be a constant reminder of the bastard he hated so much.

  Dominic turned the small side light off at the side of the bed and held her tightly in his arms. He was her protector and he would fight to the death to make sure she was never hurt again, no matter what the cost would be. Misty dug her head into his chest and felt the security he offered. As she drifted off to sleep Dominic could feel the life inside her moving about. His hand moved across her stomach and he stroked the unborn child, hoping to settle it. He too had his own doubts on whether he could love this child. Everyone round him talked about the baby being born and he played his part well. His mother had already got pictures out of her attic and was hoping she could compare the unborn child to him when it was finally born. His mind tried to settle as he closed his eyes. He knew what lay ahead would be hard and he just hoped he could be the father to the child without anyone discovering their dark secret.

  *

  Misty rushed round the kitchen and tried to have everything ready for breakfast before Dominic left for work. The toast was made and as she put the milk in the coffee Dominic entered the kitchen. He always kissed Misty every morning and this morning was no different. He spoke about the day ahead and told her he wouldn’t be home till late. Misty hated the thought of coming home to an empty house and couldn’t hide her disappointment. Seeing her face Dominic stood behind her and tickled her neck as she stood buttering the toast.

  “You know I have to work late love, do you think for one minute I enjoy being sat with two boring bastards all day long. This is a big deal and if we get this land, we will earn a fortune.” Misty smiled and knew his words were wise. Everything he had done had been for them and she had to learn to take the good with the bad. Dominic helped carry the food to the table and they sat chatting as the phone rang. Dominic listened to it ring for a few minutes and couldn’t take it any longer. They both knew who was on the other end of the phone as she phoned every morning at exactly the same time.

  “Hello mum,” he said in sarcastic voice, raising his eyebrows at Misty. She watched him as he spoke to his mother and knew he was already bored with the conversation. Dominic now held the phone from his ear and made funny faces at her. Misty nearly fell off the chair with laughter as he rubbed the phone round his arse and she had to cover her mouth to stop her laughter being heard. Listening to the conversation all you could hear was Dominic saying, ‘yes mum’, ‘okay mum’ and you could tell it was another morning lecture about whatever had bothered her the night before. Dominic loved his mum to pieces and knew she could be hard work. He also knew how she felt about Misty and had hated that it had nearly made them fall out. Dominic’s dad had been so patient with Sheila over the years and Dominic couldn’t understand why he hadn’t ever strangled her, because he knew, had she been his wife he would have left her years ago. The conversation ended after five minutes and he returned to the table with a smile across his face.

  “Fucking hell, she still thinks I’m a baby you know. She is telling me to wrap up warm and the traffic news for the day.” Misty chuckled and started calling him mummy’s little soldier as he tried to tickle her. Misty had decided that today she would visit the refuge and see how things were going on. She knew nothing would be wrong as Sue had everything running smoothly but she still felt the urge to go. Anything would be better than sat in the house all day
and anyway she had her poem to take.

  Dominic left and Misty started her housework. If the truth was known, the house was spotless, but she still felt the urge to keep busy. Misty finished her brew and turned on the radio. She loved listening to the music as she cleaned and it always put her in a good mood.

  Once the housework was done, Misty got ready and headed to the car on the driveway. She had loved driving and thought it was one of the best things she’d ever achieved. The day she had passed her driving test, Dominic had bought her a new car. She remembered how he had tied a great big pink ribbon round it and covered Misty’s eyes as he took her to see it. That day would be with Misty forever, and she still drove the black Corsa he’d bought her. He was so generous towards her and she wanted for nothing. Misty twisted her wedding ring round her finger and she knew he was her life. The sacrifices he had made to be with her were enormous; he had nearly lost his mother because of her when she found out they were back together. Sheila had told him to make the choice between them both, and after days of arguing he finally told his mother that Misty was his life and there was no choice. Sheila had finally come round to the idea of them both being together weeks later, and slowly forgave Misty for breaking her son’s heart. She still held a grudge against Misty but knew her son’s happiness came first and tried her best to accept Misty back into her life.

  Misty picked up the post at the front door of the refuge as she went to find Sue. The noise from the bedroom upstairs caused Misty to stop and listen more carefully. As she listened, she could hear Sue shouting and could tell she was distressed. Misty waited a few minutes and made her way to the bedroom and as she reached the top stair she could see a middle-aged woman carrying her bags towards her. Sue looked out of her mind with worry and she could tell there had been a heated argument between them.

  “What’s going on?” Misty asked.

  “Misty please talk to her and try and make her see sense. She’s going back to her husband after all he’s done to her.” Misty tried to console the woman as she stood in front of her shaking like a leaf. Sue now joined them and placed her arms round the woman’s shoulders.

  “Please just stay for ten minutes before you go. There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t go home. Please just let’s talk for a while before you make any hasty decisions.” The woman placed her hands to her head and pulled at her hair.

  “He’s told me if I don’t come back to him he’ll kill me and the kids, so what fucking choice have I got. He’s fucking mental and I know he means what he says.” The women huddled together and finally they convinced her to have a chat before she left. Sue started to make her way downstairs to the kitchen and Misty and the woman followed slowly behind her. As they sat in a small room, Sue made a cup of tea and they all sat down to try to solve the problems in front of them. Sue spoke first and brought Misty up to date with the circumstances that had brought the woman to the refuge. Sue’s voice was calm as she started to speak and Misty held the woman’s shaking hand as she sat next to her.

  “Beverley has been staying with us for two days now Misty. She came to us in a right mess. Her husband has led her a terrible life and I can’t let her walk straight back to him without talking to her to try to make her see sense.” Misty looked into Beverley’s eyes and saw a look that told her she’d been through a lot of hardship. Looking at her wrist she noticed she had bruises around them and knew she needed to help this woman before it was too late. Misty passed Beverley her cup of tea and watched as her hands shook uncontrollably as she tried to take a sip. Both Sue and Misty looked at each other and knew they had to help her. Misty started to speak and asked Beverley to tell her what had happened for her to come to the refuge. Beverley was silent for a moment before she reached into her pocket to search for her cigs. Once she had lit one she took a deep drag and began to talk as she rocked.

  “He said he would never hurt me again. He promised and I believed him. It’s ever since he lost his job. He just snapped at the slightest thing.” Misty held her hand tightly and urged her to continue.

  “The final straw came when he came home pissed the other night. I was in bed fast asleep when I felt water or something trickling on me. As I opened my eyes, there he was stood right over me squirting lighter fuel. I didn’t realise what was going on at first until I saw the lighter in his hand, and then I jumped up as quickly as I could.” The tears streamed down her face as she continued and she wrapped her arms round her chest as she remembered every detail.

  “I told him not to be silly but he kept flicking the lighter with an evil look in his eyes. I tried to calm him down and finally got him to sit on the bed whilst we talked but he looked like he was in a world of his own and I could tell he wanted to hurt me badly. Minutes later, he left the room and I could hear him pissing in the bathroom and thought he’d calmed down, more fool me to think that, because when he came back in he had the iron in his hands and I watched as he plugged it into the wall. I didn’t know what I thought at first, but I stayed calm and watched him. I suppose I thought he was going back out to a nightclub or something and he was ironing a new set of clothes. I never dreamt in a million years what he’d planned for me.” Misty shivered as she continued and she knew exactly what the woman was going through. Beverley now asked for a tissue and wiped her eyes as a waterfall of tears landed on her lips.

  “The bastard needs locking up I tell ya. Look at my legs what he’s done.” She now rolled up her black nylon skirt and revealed the shape of the iron marks on her legs. The burns looked infected and she cringed her face as she pulled her skirt back over them.

  “He’s not a well man. He just needs some help that’s all. I’m all he has in this world and if I give up on him he will definitely do himself in.” Beverley now placed her head in her hands and looked like she had seen a ghost. Her bottom lip trembled as she stood up and picked up her bags She looked undernourished, and her shoulder length raven black hair looked in need of a good haircut.At first she just froze and didn’t move and looked towards the door. Misty and Sue looked at each other and tried one last time to make her stay. Misty stood near the exit and blocked her path as she started to speak.

  “Beverley, I’m so worried about you love. Stay for a while longer and just think things through. It’s obvious your husband needs help, but so do you. Please let’s sort this mess out together.” Beverley’s mind was already made up and she made her way passed Misty with her head hung low.

  “Thanks Sue for all you’ve done, I know I’m a fool going back to him, but he needs me right now.” Misty sighed and knew she was fighting a losing battle and looked at Beverley with sympathetic eyes. Misty felt like a ball of emotion had travelled to her throat and reached to hug Beverley. She told Beverley she could always come back if the situation got any worse but she knew deep down this woman in front of her was too much under her husband’s spell and would be at his beckon and call forever. Misty and Sue stood at the front door and watched Beverley quickly run down the road towards the bus stop. She looked so weak and her hair was stuck to her head with grease. It was so sad how life had dealt her a hand of cards that she couldn’t deal with and they knew nothing would ever change in her life because she needed her violent husband too.

  They closed the front door and felt deflated. As they walked back to the small room they’d just left, Misty held Sue and told her they had done all they could. The refuge was full of residents and Sue had helped many women on the path to recovery but it was women like Beverley that would remain in her thoughts. She would worry herself to death wondering how things would turn out for her. After a few minutes, Sue and Misty sat on the brown leather chairs and stared at the bare walls. Sue gasped a breath of air and shook her head.

  “Fucking shame it is. I can’t stand it when that happens but I know we’ve all been there haven’t we. I suppose when you’re involved in a violent relationship you don’t see the woods for the trees and look at everything with rose tinted glasses don’t you? I know I did in the pa
st.” Misty agreed and held her stomach as the baby kicked her in the side.

  “My mam once told me, once a bastard always a bastard and she were right. Very few men change once they have raised their fist to you and it’s just a matter of time before you realise that you’re not happy with them and move on. What bugs me though, is once you have left them, they realise what a twat they were with you and promise you the moon if you come back to them. Why do they always realise when it’s too late.” Misty now reached into her bag and handed Sue the poem. Sue sat back in her chair and crossed her legs as she read it as Misty carried on drinking her brew. After Sue had read it she looked at Misty and told her she should think about writing some more poetry and try to get them published. She laughed and told her it was just a hobby and didn’t think they were that good anyway.

  “Misty, you need to start believing in yourself more. You have a talent girl and you shouldn’t let it pass you by. If I had a talent like that I would most definitely do something about it.” Misty searched the drawers in the room and looked for an empty picture frame she’d seen some time ago. Once she found it, she inserted the poem inside and looked at the finished article.

  “I was thinking about putting it up in this room, what do you think?”

  Sue stood up and searched the drawers for a small nail. Lots of things were scattered in the drawers and Sue was sure she’d seen a small nail in there.

  “Is that straight Sue?” Misty shouted as she held the picture frame on the wall.

  “Up at the left a bit love then I think its straight, mind you my eyes are bent as a nine bob note, so you will have to have a look at it once it’s up.” Misty used her shoe to knock the small nail into the wall as Sue stood laughing.

  “Fucking hell Misty, what are we like? We’re right cowboys aren’t we. When Dominic comes, I’ll ask him to check its safe, just in case it falls on somebody’s head. That’s all we need a woman coming here for help from us and a picture falling on her head. She would end up with more bruises than she came in with.” They both laughed and decided it would be a good idea for Dominic to put the picture frame up next time he visited and propped it up on the side.