Black Tears

by Woods, Karen

  The question of Steve’s crime rested on Gordon’s mind - he was dying to know what he was in for. Steve was about fifty-five and Gordon racked his brains trying to think what he could have done to end up in prison. Curiosity finally got the better of him and he casually threw it into the conversation.

  “So, what ya in for mate.” Steve looked at him and shook his head as he sat on the edge of the bed with his big belly hanging over his pants nearly touching the floor.

  “Fucking wrong place at the wrong time mate. To tell you the truth, I think I got off pretty lightly compared to my mate. He got fifteen years for what he done. I’m just fucking glad I left him before he raped her otherwise I would have got slammed for longer as well.” Gordon looked at him and wanted to know more. His story sent chills down his spine and he wanted to know exactly what kind of man he was padded up with.

  “So what were you charged with then?”

  “Me and my mate Dave were out in our local pub one Friday night. We always went out on Fridays and had done for years. Anyway, this night, a young girl comes in and is all over Dave like a fucking rash. He thought all his Christmas’s and birthdays had come at once, she was fucking gorgeous.” Gordon sat on the end of his bed rapt by Steve’s story - it was like a drama he was watching on the telly and he gasped as the story continued.

  “Dave had bought this girl drinks all night long and it was presumed by everyone he was taking her home for a good shag. I tell ya she was one dirty little bastard. Her hands were all over his cock as he stood at the bar and she didn’t care that everyone could see. Anyway, as the night went on she asked him to walk her home. I was going that way so I said I would walk with them. We had only been out of the pub about ten minutes and we seen two guys coming towards us looking like they wanted trouble. My mate tried to keep the peace when they first approached but they were having none of it and pulled baseball bats from their coats. Within minutes we were fighting with them both and once I got the bat off one of them, I let them fucking have it. I might be an old cunt but you should have seen me swing that fucking bat.” Gordon laughed and praised him for using the bat and urged him to continue.

  “Anyway, the girl who Dave thought he was shagging was now on his back. She sunk her nails into his eyes and tried to scratch his fucking eyes out. Dave threw her to the side of the road and carried on fighting with the lads. Tell ya what mate. We fucking left them for dead. They are lucky to be alive I can tell you. Anyway, I fucked off before the police came and headed home to get cleaned up. Dave stayed and I thought he was helping the girl from the road side, but apparently he dragged her to a dark alleyway nearby and fucking raped her.” Gordon shook his head, but kept from eye contact with Steve. How could he call Dave when he had been charged with rape as well in the past?

  “Wouldn’t have been that bad if he’d just shagged her, but I believe he abused her good style. He shoved things up her and shagged her up the arse, and kept her hostage for several hours. When the truth finally came out, the little slag was involved with the whole set up. Apparently, she had done it before to a few other fellas in the local pubs in the area. Her job was to get the man outside the pub and then the lads would come along and kick fuck out of them and take their money and anything else they could get their hands on. The police who investigated the incident only had to look at the CCTV near the pub to see what happened, and here I am finishing my seven year sentence. The lad who I wasted was in a coma for weeks and now he is brain damaged for what I’d done to him, so that’s why I’m here mate. What about you?” Gordon shied away from the question and told Steve he was in for a string of offences and that seemed to be enough for him, he never asked any further questions.

  Steve looked like a gentle giant and his voice was quite soft. He now pulled the photographs from the side of his bed and started to show Gordon. Steve came from quite a large family and he had five children at home himself. His wife had been devastated when he had lost his freedom but she had always stuck by him even when she had to travel all the way to Scotland to see him. The next few hours were spent talking about their life on the outside and they seemed to be getting on like a house on fire. Steve treated Gordon like he would a son. Steve’s son was a similar age to him and he always corrected Gordon when he was going over the top over some topic. Steve tried to make him look at things through other people’s eyes and once he had explained his view to him he would always say that he had ‘never thought about it like that before’ and changed his mind on a topic. Steve was wise and despite him ending up in jail, he had always lived a good, clean life. It was like he said, he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and for that he was paying the ultimate price.

  Gordon was still supplying drugs in the jail and he had lots of runners who did all his dirty work for him. All he would do was pass the stuff to the inmates and they would distribute it throughout the jail, that way Gordon never got his hands dirty. The screws had searched Gordon’s pad on lots of occasions trying to find something but each time they came away empty handed. Some of the other lads now brought the drugs in from a visit and Gordon was glad he didn’t have to go through that procedure any more. He remembered how he had to swallow the drugs and had to wait until he shit them out. This wasn’t nice as you had to shit it out onto some newspaper to retrieve the stuff. Gordon remembered how he had heaved every time he had to search through the shit and didn’t know how some people couldn’t care less about the smell as long as they got the drugs.

  Since he had moved from Strangeways the drugs had been much easier to get in. In Kirkham people could just throw things over the fence for the inmates. Gordon knew a lad, Little Joey, who went out of the jail each day to do some work and he had sorted it so that Tigger could give him the parcel of drugs to take back each week. Joey was on a good earner for this and the money he’d earned was going to take him and his family on holiday once he was out. Once Joey had collected the money from the drugs he would then take it back out and give it to Tigger. Heroin was still big in the jails and Gordon was surprised what the smack heads would do for it. They seemed ruled by it and all their self-respect went out of the window to get it. Even in the canteen, you could see them searching in the bins for tin foil left off kit-kats. The tin foil was used to toot off in the privacy of their cell. Gordon didn’t mind because at the end of the day they were putting money in his pocket and setting him up for when he was released.

  Tigger had arranged work for Gordon when he got out and promised him they would do well together. The jobs he’d planned were nothing big to start with, but he told Gordon once he was ready the big cash jobs would come up.

  Gordon slept for the last night in his pad before his release and wondered what it would be like to be a free man. The walls of his cell seemed to be looking at him all night long and he stared at each brick that had become his friend. The light blue walls had seen some tears over the last couple of months and if they could speak, they would have told a few stories that would have curled your toes. The one window in the pad was steamed up and the rain banged at it as if it needed to tell him something. Steve had been asleep for the last hour and had already said his goodbyes to Gordon before he dozed off. His snoring rattled the walls but it was something Gordon had become used to over time. Even Steve’s farts were loud. Many a night he had pissed himself laughing at the different noises that came from his arse and wondered how he ever held so much gas, it was no wonder Steve’s nickname was Mr Methane.

  Gordon closed his eyes and tried to imagine life on the out. His head spun with imagines of what he was going to do and he hoped his plans worked. Tigger was going to pick him up in the morning and his first stop was to go home and shag Francesca. He hadn’t even thought about Rico and the time they had missed together. He hadn’t even put him in his plans when he got home and never intended to in the future. He had missed a lot of years in Rico’s life and felt a stranger towards him. He knew he should have wanted to make it up to him but he had no feelings toward him an
d he had managed without him all this time so he didn’t think it really mattered.

  As the morning light shone into his pad, Steve was up out of bed whistling like a bird. Gordon had not long been asleep and his eyes barely opened as Steve started kicking at his bed.

  “Come on lad. It’s your big day, you should be up, washed, and ready to go.” He now started to sing “I Want To Break Free” by Queen at the top of his lungs and Gordon chuckled calling him ‘a fucking nobhead’.

  Once Gordon was awake he pulled back his cover and stretched as he looked out of the window. The weather had calmed down from the night before and the sun shone in the distance, even though there was still a nip in the air. Gordon put all his belonging in a large plastic bag and passed on some of his property to Steve. He gave him his radio and other gadgets he no longer needed. What was the point of taking them home, he thought - anyway it was an unwritten rule in prison that when you were released, you handed over all your goodies to your pad mate. Gordon started to get ready but this time he was wearing his own clothes. Tigger had bought him new trainers and a tracksuit weeks before and handed them in on a visit so he would be ready for his big release day. There was nothing worse than being released from prison and having to wear the clothes you started your sentence in. No one had known this more than Tigger and that’s why he sorted him with new clobber for his release.

  Gordon washed his face and brushed his teeth for the last time inside. The clothes felt good. The smell from them made him feel clean. It was a good job Tigger had got him tracksuit bottoms as a pair of jeans would have hung off him. The tracksuit hid his weight loss and as he zipped up his jacket, he felt like the dog’s bollocks. His trainers were the latest ones out and as he fastened the laces, he held them out in front of him to get a closer look. Steve was sat on his bed and felt slightly emotional. His own release date wasn’t for another three months and he envied Gordon calling him a lucky bastard.

  Everything was packed and ready. Gordon’s heart was beating ten to the dozen. He had imagined this day for so long and now it was here he didn’t know if he could cope with it. As the screw opened the door he looked at Gordon and smiled.

  “Come on mate, let’s get you out of this gaff.”

  Gordon picked up his bag and headed towards the door, just before he left he placed his bags down on the floor, he walked back to Steve. He quickly threw his arms around him and tried to pick his large frame from the floor. Gordon struggled and Steve giggled like a small child.

  “Fucking hell mate, you’ve no chance of lifting me.”

  Gordon shook his hand and told Steve to take it easy. If you looked close, enough you could have seen tears in both their eyes but they hid it well. The screw now hurried him - the prisoners were all gathered together as he walked past them. They all wished him the best on the out. They hugged him and rubbed the top of his head and it was like he was a returning war hero the way they praised him.

  The last stop for Gordon was the prison reception. Once he was there, they gave him back all the property he had first came in with. Gordon placed his gold signet ring back on his finger and he laughed as it fell off due to his weight loss. The Zippo lighter he had been given from an old friend so many years ago still looked as new as ever and as he saw that it still worked, he stood there looking chuffed. The prison gave him fifty pounds in cash on his release and he had to sign for it. Once they passed him the cash he shoved it straight into his jacket pocket. Every inmate was given money when they were released from prison and it was supposed to buy their food until they had sorted out all their benefits from the government. Once all his paper work had been completed, the screw told him he was ready to go. The two screws wished him luck and told him they hoped they wouldn’t see him again and Gordon laughed telling them not a chance in the world he would be back as he had seen the light and was going to sort his life out. The screws had heard this so many times before and hoped Gordon was one of those who had really meant what he said.

  The walk from the reception to the main gates seemed to take forever. Gordon looked at the fields that surrounded the prison grounds. His breathing was deep and he tried to calm himself because he felt like he was going to have a heart attack with all the stress he was under. As he reached the gates Tigger was there, waiting and smiling like a Cheshire cat. The music from his silver Astra car played at full volume and Gordon started to relax knowing he was nearly a free man.

  The screw opened the big metal gates and once again wished Gordon luck. Gordon didn’t reply and headed for Tigger with incredible speed thinking the screw was going to shout him back and tell him that a mistake had been made and he had to go back inside.

  Tigger shook his hand and hugged him and they both got into the car. Once they pulled away, Tigger handed him a large bottle of brandy.

  “Here, get that down ya neck soft lad. That will sort you out.” Gordon unscrewed the lid and took a big mouthful. As the brandy took effect and the music played at full volume he was on a high as they hit the motorway towards Manchester.

  The journey took about forty-five minutes and once they entered the city centre Gordon started to notice the changes. Gordon thought everything was going at incredible speed around him and felt strange. Even when Tigger spoke to him, he struggled to take in everything he was saying. The brandy was near enough finished and Gordon was pissed, he even opened the car window and shouted things to women as they passed. Tigger knew exactly what it felt like on the first day on the outside and he knew Gordon would take a few weeks to adjust. He had struggled himself when he’d been released and he hoped Gordon would bounce back to everyday life.

  The car pulled up at the block of flats where Tom and Francesca lived. The flats looked as depressing as Gordon remembered. The grey bricks were now a dirty black colour and the overall appearance of them had poverty written all over them. Tigger grabbed his bags from the boot and Gordon walked into the flats waiting for the lift to come. Once they were in the lift, the usual smell of piss was present and Gordon shook his head hoping that his time living in this shit tip would be short.

  Gordon slowly knocked at the door and he could hear Rico’s voice telling Francesca that someone was knocking at the door. Rico had been so excited that day knowing his dad was on his way home and couldn’t wait to tell him all the things he had done since he had last seen him.

  Francesca and Tom had not been looking forward to his return and if the truth was known, they were shitting themselves. Francesca and Tom’s relationship had calmed down a long time ago and they were not like rabbits anymore, in fact their relationship was nearly over. All Tom’s stuff had now been removed from Francesca’s bedroom and there wasn’t a sign left that said they had ever been together. It had all worked out pretty well for Francesca; because once Tom knew the score he had backed away from her leaving her free to spend more time with Tigger.

  Tom still loved Francesca with all his heart and Rico was like his own son. He had wished things could have been different between them but he knew Gordon would have killed them both if he had ever found out that they were together while he was in prison. Francesca had spoken to Tom several times about the circumstances between them and at the end of many talks; they decided it was best to end their time together. Tom had thought about telling Gordon his secret many times and he even thought about getting rid of his brother forever but somehow his courage failed him and he knew Francesca had to go back to the life she had led before she met him.

  The knocking at the door gradually got louder and Tom finally got up to open the door. As he opened it he forced a smile and hugged Gordon, even though he was dying inside. The smell of alcohol hit the back of his throat and he knew Gordon was already pissed before he had reached the front room. Tigger followed behind and couldn’t wait to see Francesca’s face when she saw Gordon for the first time in several months.

  Gordon walked into the front room and was flabbergasted. The place had changed so much since he was last there and it looked quite s
mart. He now met Francesca’s gaze and smiled at her as he went over to her. Rico jumped on him as soon as he sat down and he kissed him briefly as he grabbed Francesca.

  “Come here you and give us a kiss. I’ve missed you a lot.”

  Francesca kissed him but kept her eyes on Tigger. Tigger felt like a knife had been plunged into his heart and he found it hard to stay there while Gordon was all over her like a rash. Tom felt the same as Tigger and he, more than anyone, wanted to run at Gordon and make him take his arms from the woman he loved.

  Francesca felt slightly embarrassed at all the attention Gordon was showing her and pulled Rico up onto her knee.

  “Look how big he is now daddy; don’t you think he’s a big boy?” Gordon stared at him and the love a father was supposed to feel for his son just wasn’t there. He slowly grabbed at Rico’s leg and told him how big he had grown but ended the conversation there. Tom offered everyone a brew and disappeared into the kitchen feeling like his life was over. Tigger only stayed a while longer and told Gordon he would be in touch in a few days. His jealousy was hard to cover and as he left, he winked at Francesca letting her know he was still interested.

  Gordon seemed to be smoking one cig after the other and the ashtray was overflowing before long. Tom sat talking for a while and asked about his final days inside. Before long, Gordon told Tom to take Rico out for a walk while he and Francesca had a bit of time together. Tom had wanted to say, what about Rico’s time with you, but he kept it to himself and followed his brothers orders.