Chasing Hope

by Nancy Stopper

  Justin chuckled. “Yes, that’s all. You can go back to your fiancé now.”

  “Thanks, big brother.” She rushed over and threw her arms around him and was out the door before he could even catch his breath.

  “I’m going, too. See you later, Serena.” Alexis scooted out the door before either of them could say anything. Serena stared at her twin’s departing backside until the door closed behind her. She just shook her head.

  His concern grew. “What’s going on with her?”

  “I don’t exactly know. For once, she’s being secretive. Even with me. That’s what worries me. At least she’s visiting with Mom a lot. Hopefully she can get Alexis to open up and tell her what’s going on.”

  “I hope so, too. So, what’s this favor you need from me?”

  Serena tucked her hands between her knees and waggled on the couch. “I’m having an event at the shelter and I could use your help. Well, honestly, I’m hoping that both you and Maddie can come.”

  “Serena, don’t meddle.”

  She raised her right hand. “I’m not meddling. I promise. I just need more adults for my foster day.”

  “You’re having an adoption open house again?” As best as he could tell, Serena’s burden was always lighter after she invited the town out to the shelter to visit with the animals. But it never took long before her kennels and stalls were full again.

  “Not exactly. This event’s a little different. We’re calling it Foster to Foster. Tanner hooked me up with an agency in Philadelphia. They’re bringing out some of their foster kids to play with the animals.”

  “I don’t know, Serena. I’m not sure Maddie will be up to it.” The last thing he wanted was for Maddie to be pressured into something she wasn’t ready for. Not after they had made so much progress already.

  “No worries. I’ve already texted her. She’s in.”

  “Hold on, Maddie’s okay with it? She hasn’t been able to handle being around other kids recently.” And given how she teared up at the mere thought of them not trying to get pregnant while they were separated, he was surprised she hadn’t put up more of a fight.

  “She said she’s fine. That she’s excited.”

  “Then you should have just told me when and where to show up.”

  “What do you think I’m doing now?” The grin on her face grew.

  He had another opportunity to spend time with Maddie. It wasn’t exactly a date, but he would take it. The more time they spent together doing normal things, just being a couple, or as close to a couple as they could, given the circumstances, the better chance they had of healing their marriage.

  Serena threw her arms around him. Again. “Thanks, Justin. I knew I could count on you. This is going to be great. And you watch. You and Maddie will be back together in no time.”

  “I told you, no meddling.” He had trouble adding rebuke to his tone. His family might be all up in his business, but at times like this, who else could you count on?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Where was Justin? He’d said he was coming for dinner tonight. She hadn’t texted him today to remind him, hadn’t wanted him to feel pressured. Like he did when you were trying to get pregnant.

  Now that she’d had a little time to think back over the past couple of months, she wasn’t surprised Justin had moved out. She had become a shrew, barking at him when he wasn’t home at exactly the time she needed. It was no wonder she wasn’t getting pregnant—she’d read about the effects of stress on fertility and god knows, she’d been stressed.

  She snuck a glance at the meatloaf warming in the oven. Justin wasn’t technically that late—she’d just started dinner early because she was too nervous to do anything else.

  The sound of the doorbell jolted her attention from the food.

  A huge thump followed by heavy footsteps down the hall told her Aiden had heard the bell. He rushed around the corner into the kitchen. “Who’s at the door, Mommy?”

  “Why don’t you find out?” Butterflies took up residence in her stomach. She’d had dinner with Justin a thousand times, but this meal seemed to have more significance. At least to her.

  “Yippee.” He rushed across the living room. Dang, that kid only had one speed—fast. She loved seeing him excited about something. As much as she and Justin had tried not to argue in front of their son, their issues had clearly impacted him. But kids were resilient and since things were less tense in the house—since she was less tense—he had been back to his normal self.

  She hung back while Aiden flung open the door.

  “Daddy!” Aiden practically leapt into Justin’s arms.

  He laughed and held his son, their son, tight. “Hey there, buddy. That’s quite a punch you’re packing.”

  “Mommy, look, it’s Daddy.”

  Maddie leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed, giving Justin and Aiden their time together. But Justin didn’t let her stay there. He stalked across the room with Aiden in his arms and leaned forward. She expected a quick peck on the cheek, but instead, Justin brushed his lips across hers. It was just for a moment, but it had her wanting more.

  “Eww, Daddy, you kissed Mommy on the lips.”

  “I sure did. That’s because I love Mommy.” He may have been talking to Aiden, but his gaze was fixed on her. She rested her hand over her heart. Why had she allowed herself to drive him away?

  Aiden leaned toward her, practically falling out of Justin’s arms. Instead of grabbing Aiden tighter, Justin moved in closer, crowding her against the wall, Aiden between them.

  “I love Mommy, too.” He smacked his lips over hers.

  Justin mouthed to her, “I’m sorry I’m late.”

  She nodded. “It’s okay.”

  Justin boomed, “What’s that I smell?”

  “It’s dinner. I’m so hungry.” Aiden wriggled to the floor and rushed into the kitchen.

  Maddie started to follow Aiden but Justin laid his hand on her arm. She turned back. “What?”

  “I wanted a proper greeting.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. It was like coming home, the feel of his body against hers, the way his breathing shallowed just before he kissed her. What the hell was she doing taking this for granted? She tried to analyze what had happened, but once Justin’s lips touched hers, his tongue darting out to tangle with hers, she couldn’t think anymore. All she could do was feel.

  Justin pulled back way too soon. “I think it’s time for dinner.”

  She knew why he had stopped. There were still so many things for them to discuss, to settle in their marriage and their family. But that didn’t stop her from wanting the kiss to last just a bit longer.

  He brushed his lips across her cheek. “We’ll talk more after dinner.”

  “I’d like that.”

  Dinner with the three of them reminded Maddie of when they had first gotten married, with one very chatty addition. There was no talk of babies or their marriage, and there was very little stress. Aiden rattled on about what he was doing in school, Justin listening attentively and responding accordingly.

  She felt his foot slide along the back of her calf. She almost didn’t know what had brushed against her, but one look at Justin told her he was up to no good. He waggled his eyebrows but didn’t take his foot away. A minute later, his hand landed on her thigh and squeezed. He kept eating like nothing was happening, but he didn’t remove his hand. He slid his fingers back and forth across her knee and up the inside of her thigh, each caress of her leg just like a stroke in her core, the ache growing heavy in her belly.

  He had her so wound up that she could hardly focus.

  “Mommy, did you hear me?”

  “I’m sorry, honey. I guess my mind wandered.” Justin raised his eyebrows and shot her a look. That stinker. She grabbed his hand and placed it on his own thigh and turned her attention to her son. “What did you say?”

  “I was asking if I could be done.”

  His plate was empty. So was Justin’s. On
the other hand, she had barely eaten a bite. “Sure, honey.”

  “Brush your teeth and put on your pajamas. I’ll be up in a minute to tuck you in,” Justin yelled behind Aiden as he headed down the hall.

  Maddie grabbed hers and Aiden’s plates from the table and headed to the sink. A minute later, Justin was behind her, resting his hands on her hips.

  She laughed and smacked them away. “I’m trying to rinse the dishes.”

  Justin took the plate from her hand and set it in the sink before turning her to face him. “That can wait. This is more important.”

  He was right. Who cares if the dishes were washed right away? Their marriage, their relationship, was more important than a clean house. Or even a baby. She stilled.

  “What?” Justin’s gaze turned inquisitive.

  She shook her head. No way was she ready to discuss this with him. She had to figure out what it meant for herself first. “It was nothing. Just thinking about priorities. Being with you is definitely more important.”

  The smile that lit up his face warmed her. But that look quickly turned into a heated gaze as he took her mouth in a kiss. And this was no peck on the lips; this was full on lips and teeth and tongue. A possession. Justin was claiming her and she was ready to be claimed.

  “Daddy!” Aiden’s voice broke through the aroused haze in her mind.

  But Justin didn’t stop. He tilted his head and slipped his tongue into her mouth, the flavor of sweet tomatoes filling her senses.

  She broke the kiss and whispered against his mouth. “Justin.”

  He moved to kiss her again. “Huh?”

  She pressed her hands on his chest, resisting the urge to dig her fingers into the muscles and hold on. “Aiden. He’s ready for you to tuck him in.”

  Justin sucked in a breath and rested his forehead on hers. That move, that little intimacy, the connection between the two of them, was what she had missed. She wanted to immerse herself in it, let the feeling take her over. “Yeah, okay. Don’t move from this spot.”

  When Justin stepped back, she clenched her fists to keep from reaching for him. From holding him to her and never letting him go. He kept his gaze locked on hers as he backed out of the kitchen. “Coming, Aiden.”

  Maddie let out a big breath. Damn, it had been a long time since she’d been swept off her feet, her heart racing and her breathing shallow.

  If she knew Aiden, he’d demand at least two books before Justin could tuck him in and shut off the light. She rushed through the dishes and pulled out a bottle of wine. A minute later, with two full glasses in her hands, she headed into the living room, turning down the lights. She was determined to spend some quality time with her husband. And if she had her way, it would involve a lot more of what had just happened.

  * * *

  Justin finally flipped off Aiden’s light and pulled his door closed after two books, two cups of water, and one trip to the bathroom. Justin knew that his son just wanted to spend time with his dad, and he was more than willing to indulge. Aiden shouldn’t have to suffer because his parents had some things to work out.

  No time like the present.

  He sucked in a deep breath and headed down the hall. When he turned the corner into the living room, he found the lights dimmed and Maddie on the couch, wine glass in her hand, deep in thought. He stood there for a minute and watched her. She had changed a lot in the short time he’d been gone. He wasn’t even sure she realized it herself, but he had noticed the subtle but important improvements.

  Her shoulders were relaxed and her jaw was no longer in a permanent clench. The shadows had lifted from her eyes and her smiles came easier. She was becoming a better version of herself, practically before his eyes. Becoming the woman he had married, the one he had fallen in love with, all over again. He only hoped he could become the man she’d fallen in love with, too.

  He wasn’t naïve enough to think she was the sole cause of their problems. No way. If anything, he was more to blame, unable or unwilling to support her in the way that she needed. To talk to her before things got too bad.

  She lifted her head then and her gaze landed on him. Her face transformed as she smiled.

  He slid onto the couch beside her. She handed him his own glass of wine and he took a sip, allowing the smooth liquid to slide down his throat and calm his racing heart.

  “How many stories was it tonight?”

  He appreciated that she was giving him a moment to collect his thoughts. He took another sip of wine. “Two books. And, of course, water and bathroom. But I think he’s down for the count.”

  She nodded.

  “Maddie—”

  “Justin—”

  He laughed. Good to know that she was as nervous as he was. But they shouldn’t be. Maddie knew him better than anyone else. And he hoped he knew the same about her. It shouldn’t be this difficult to talk about what was wrong in their marriage. But in order to get to the happiness on the other side, it had to be done. “Go ahead.”

  “I just… I, um. This is so hard.”

  He curled his fingers around hers and squeezed. “You can say anything to me. You know that.”

  She raised her eyebrows.

  He sighed. She had a point. “You’re right, that wasn’t always the case, and I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me to be.”

  She shook her head. “No more apologies. Both of us contributed to where we are now. I’d rather focus on the future than the past.”

  “I agree.”

  “What I wanted to say was… I talked to Dr. Anderson last week.”

  He gritted his teeth. He was determined to be here for her, and if she needed to talk about getting pregnant, then he would support her in that.

  “We didn’t discuss my health at all. We talked about our relationship. Well, not my relationship with her, my relationship with you.” She chuckled, her nerves getting the best of her.

  He squeezed her hand. A simple gesture but one he hoped would convey the depth of his support for her.

  “She suggested that I see a counselor. That what we’re going through is very common, especially for couples struggling to get pregnant.” Maddie fiddled with her fingers, not looking at him. “I made an appointment for next week.”

  He took another sip of wine. He didn’t want to say something wrong here. This was a positive move. He had suggested counseling in the past, but Maddie had always sworn that things would be better when they got pregnant. But their problems weren’t because she couldn’t get pregnant. They had stopped talking… and more importantly, stopped listening. Maybe he should see a counselor too. He refused to let his marriage get to this point again. “That’s great, Maddie. I’m so proud of you. I can tell you’re working hard.”

  “You are too, Justin. A few weeks ago, we never would have been sitting here, talking rationally. But you’re here now, and you’re listening to me. I missed that.”

  He bit back another apology. Maddie was right. They needed to focus on the future, not the past. “Did you want me to go with you?”

  “Not yet. This is something I need to do for me. Dr. Bryson may suggest that we come together in the future, but right now, I want to work on me. I need to find a way to be happy with my life and thankful for what I have, instead of focusing on what I want that may or may not happen.”

  She shrank into herself. He knew that was a hard thing for her to admit, to give up the hope of something that was so important to her. He reached for her, pulling her into his arms and settling her against his chest. Exactly where she belonged—with him. If only they could capture this moment and make it last forever.

  Her arms came around him, burrowing under his shirt and settling on his back. The heat of her touch spread through him, settling deep in his gut. Damn, a simple touch had him ready to go.

  But they couldn’t take this any further. Until they fixed them as a couple, it would be too easy to fall back into a pattern that had led them here in the first place. He rel
axed his embrace and nudged her away.

  She looked up at him with confusion swirling in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to send you mixed signals. It’s all I can do to not lay you down on this couch right now and make love to you. I want that more than anything else.”

  She tilted her head. “But…”

  “But we’re not ready. Not yet. Our problems may have started when you couldn’t get pregnant, but that wasn’t the reason they got so bad. We stopped talking to each other, we stopped listening to each other. I wasn’t supporting you—”

  “And I wasn’t supporting you.”

  “Right. If we don’t fix that part of our relationship, I’m afraid we could get there again. I don’t want to be that man anymore. I was finding excuses to not come home, and I was resenting when you wanted to have sex. That was wrong and I hate it. So I can’t make love with you until I know that we have something we can build on. That when we get back together, it’s for good.”

  “I want that, too. And I understand. It’s hard to be around you and not want more.” She threw him that saucy grin that always had him sucking in a breath. "But I think I can resist you.”

  He waggled his eyebrows. Neither one of them had been able to resist the other from the day they’d met. Once he had seen her, gotten to know her, he was certain that she was it for him. There would be no one else. “I can be pretty convincing.”

  He kissed her then. Her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him to her. Her breasts pillowed against his chest and he could feel her nipples hardening. She was as aroused as he was.

  He pulled her onto his lap, her legs straddling him, and pressed his erection into her core. The heat of her surrounded him as he squeezed her ass.

  She gasped and her hands roamed down his back, digging in, looking for somewhere to hold on.

  He slid his hands up her sides, brushing the underside of her breasts. She thanked him with the arch of her back. He skimmed her breasts, cupping the soft mounds, whispering his thumbs over her taut nipples.

  She threw her head back, her breaths coming in spurts, as he caressed and fondled. Yeah, she could resist him, all right.