Chasing Hope

by Nancy Stopper

  Now that he thought about it, she had challenged him. And he’d played completely into her hands. Literally. He’d gone into this to prove that she couldn’t withstand him and she’d gotten exactly what she wanted—his hands on her. Not that he was complaining.

  He broke the kiss and chuckled against her mouth. “Well played, Madeline. Well played.”

  She rested her head on his shoulder, her chest heaving as she caught her breath.

  They sat like that, just enjoying being alone together, him having her in his arms again. After a long time, he whispered in Maddie’s ear. “I should probably go.”

  She sighed. “Yeah, I know. This feels so good, cuddling with you like this. I missed being close to you and I know I—”

  He placed his finger over her lips. “No more apologies. No more past, remember.”

  She nodded and climbed off him. His lap felt empty without her in it, but this was for the best. He meant it when he said that he didn’t intend to mess this up again. He’d just keep taking cold showers until they were ready to come back together. The right way.

  He rose to his feet and adjusted himself, tugging his shirt down to cover his crotch. He then pulled her up and linked his fingers with hers. Together they headed to the door. “Serena tells me she talked to you about the shelter this weekend.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you sure you’re going to be okay? She’ll understand if you say no.”

  “Are you asking because you’re trying to protect me or because you really want to hear my answer?”

  He deserved that but he couldn’t help but protect the woman he loved. “I can’t help that I would do anything to not see you hurting. But I really care about your answer.”

  She shook her head. “I think I’ll be okay. Alison told me she was pregnant and I handled it. Well, it was tough, but I dealt with it and eventually I was happy for her. I’m looking forward to going. Aiden can’t wait to play with the animals.”

  “I guess I’ll see you Saturday.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips and stepped back. He didn’t trust himself right now, and Maddie had proven that she didn’t have any more self-control than he did.

  “See you Saturday.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Justin’s car was parked right next to the door of the shelter when Maddie pulled up. The few days since he’d come to dinner had been torture, much like at the beginning of their relationship. They would have some time together and then spend days apart. The minutes felt like hours as she waited until she could see him again. Their relationship had been markedly different than that the past few months. Often, she would dread his coming home because she knew it meant another argument. But their talk the other night had cleared the air about a lot of things, and the kisses had reignited a spark that she thought had died a long time ago.

  But her nerves were strung tight this morning. Maddie hadn’t hesitated to accept when Serena asked for help, eager for any opportunity to see Justin, but the thought of seeing the kids had her worried.

  “There’s Daddy’s car. Daddy’s here.”

  “Don’t unbuckle or get out of this car until I’ve stopped. Got it?”

  “Yes, Mommy.” She laughed at Aiden’s deep sigh.

  Maddie was thankful that Justin was making sure his relationship with their son was strong, even if their marriage was struggling. Maddie had never known her own father, and her relationship with her mother was always strained. Strained probably wasn’t the right word. It was hard to have a mother-daughter bond when the mother was never home.

  When Maddie checked the rearview mirror, Aiden was bouncing up and down, practically vibrating out of his seat. Her little boy loved his Daddy and missed him.

  But Justin had been right to take this time apart. Maddie would never have had the guts to suggest a separation. Good or bad, and it was mostly bad, she would have stuck it out. But that was the fear talking. The fear of being alone or not being able to take care of herself and Aiden. That was how far she had fallen.

  When she was younger, her fear had made her strong. Spending so many hours alone, she’d had to learn to do things herself. But her complacency, her absolute knowledge that Justin would be there to support her, had weakened that resolve. Why had she let herself become that person?

  Regardless, after their talk the other night, she had hope that they were on track to fix their marriage. That she was again becoming the strong woman she’d been.

  The man in question stepped in front of her car. The green polo he wore was one of her favorites. It strained against the breadth of those delicious biceps and stretched across his chest. Her eyes trailed down his body to his jeans that hugged his perfect hips. Damn, how had she gotten so lucky? And despite everything, every ugly word thrown his way, he was digging in and pulling out all the stops to heal their relationship.

  “Mommy, can I get out now?”

  She been so engrossed in appreciating her husband that she’d forgotten about Aiden. “Of course, baby. You can get out.”

  By the time Aiden had unbuckled, Justin had the back door open. They’d learned last year to leave the child lock on. Their crafty son was quite the escape artist. She waited a minute, giving father and son a chance to visit. But as soon as she climbed out of the car, Justin’s eyes met hers over their son’s head. He smiled at her, that thousand-watt smile that had all the girls swooning when he was playing ball.

  But he’d only had eyes for her. She’d never once suspected him of straying. It would have been easy enough while he was on the road so much, but unlike several of his teammates who made hooking up with groupies a sport, Justin had called her every night. Shoot, their relationship had developed more over the phone than in person those first few years. Maybe that was why it had become so difficult now. They’d worked hard to solidify their relationship when they were first together but had become complacent since then, letting one bad day turn into two until there were more bad days than good.

  “Hey, Maddie.” With Aiden in his arms, he leaned over and brushed his lips over hers. Just a simple kiss, so natural and normal. But a spark shot through her from that slight touch, settling deep inside her and igniting a fire she hadn’t felt nearly enough recently.

  Then Justin pulled back, staring at her, desire swirling in the depths of those hazel eyes. “Hey.”

  He leaned closer and whispered in her ear, his hot breath sending tingles through her body. “I’ve missed you.”

  She turned so that if she leaned in, their lips would brush again. “I’ve missed you, too. It’s quiet in the house with you gone.”

  Just then Aiden let out a screech and wiggled to break free of Justin’s grasp.

  Justin chuckled. “Somehow I doubt that.”

  His arm brushed against hers as they watched Aiden rush over to Serena. Justin’s sister crouched down, her arms wide, as Aiden barreled into her. Not having siblings, Maddie hadn’t known what to expect with Justin’s big family. But his sisters always treated her like she was one of them, welcoming her wholeheartedly and loving Aiden like he was their own son. And he loved his aunts so much.

  When she’d married Justin, she’d gotten the family she’d always wanted but never had.

  Justin stared at her a moment, like he had something he wanted to say, but then he shook his head. Had he been thinking about the other night? About how it felt with her in his arms? She had gone to bed that night floating on cloud nine with a renewed confidence that they would find a way to make it work. And for the first time in a long time, she caught glimpses of what was going on in Justin’s mind. For the past few years, their conversations had been filled with Aiden, what he’d done, what was on the schedule for the week. And then more recently, the topic of choice had been having a baby. They hadn’t talked about themselves, what made them happy and what scared them. She wanted to be the place, the person, Justin turned to for support, and she hadn’t been that for him. But things were changing and he’d opened up to her in a way that gave he
r hope.

  He tilted his head “Shall we?”

  She nodded and then stepped toward the shelter. Justin fell in behind her, his hand at the base of her spine. God, she loved when he did that. It had never been possessive, even though her girlfriends had tried to argue otherwise. But Maddie had always felt protected when he rested his hand there, like he always had her back, no matter what. It was as though he’d known she’d needed that protection even before she’d told him about her past.

  She leaned into him and shot him a smile. He got that goofy grin on his face, the one that she’d fallen in love with. Probably the first day she’d met him all those years ago on the ball field.

  They walked slowly into the shelter, both of them trying to delay their alone time. He finally broke the silence. “Do you know what this event is about?”

  “Not much. Serena told me it’s about bringing foster kids and foster animals together.”

  Justin pulled her a little closer to him. Had he sensed her worry about being confronted with a roomful of kids? She’d prepared herself ahead of time but none of that mattered. Nothing Serena said could have prepared Maddie for the pandemonium in front of her when they stepped through the door.

  There were children everywhere. Of every age. It was a kind of organized chaos, with Serena in the middle of it, Aiden right by her side.

  Maddie’s stomach flipped and her heart kicked up a rapid beat. She hadn’t thought this through. How could she spend the day with all of these kids, knowing she couldn’t have another one of her own? This was too much. She wasn’t ready. Hearing Alison’s announcement the other day had been a struggle, but that was one-on-one. No such luck here. Kids darted back and forth across the shelter, dogs barked, and adults raised their voices, trying to corral the children.

  Justin’s arm slid further around her waist and pulled her to his side. “Breathe. You’ll be okay. Just show them that huge heart that you’ve hidden away.”

  How had he known exactly what she needed to hear at exactly the right time? “Don’t leave me, okay?”

  “I’ll be right beside you.”

  She took a tentative step into the melee. Serena had somehow separated the kids and animals off into groups. Some of the younger children were being shuttled into the greeting rooms, smaller rooms that afforded families a chance to meet a potential pet and assess their compatibility.

  Aiden had planted himself in a pen with a litter of puppies and their mother. The mother eyed him suspiciously, keeping close to her brood until she was sure she could trust the little boy. He might be rambunctious, but he’d gotten his gentleness from Justin. Aiden sprawled on the floor and allowed the puppies to climb all over him, his giggles filling the large room.

  Confident that Aiden would be fine, Maddie strolled down the line of kennels.

  Serena stepped up beside her. “Some animals wouldn’t do well in this environment. The chaos and noise are too much for them to bear. We leave them in their kennels where they feel safe.” She motioned to a child of six or seven, a little older than Aiden, sitting crossed legged on the floor, a book in her lap. “But they still get to visit. The older kids read to them. It’s great for the kids’ confidence, and their voices are soothing to the animals.”

  What a great idea. Maddie’s heart wanted her to cross the floor, to join the girl with curly brown hair and terra-cotta-colored skin, but her feet stayed planted right where they were.

  Justin nudged Maddie forward. “Go ahead. It’ll be fine.”

  She threw a look at Justin but was finally able to move. When Maddie approached the girl, she raised her head, her dark brown eyes wary. Maddie softened her voice. “Is it okay if I sit with you?”

  The girl hesitated for a moment and then patted the spot beside her. Maddie dropped to the floor, her legs crossed just like the girl. She didn’t say anything for a moment, giving her a chance to get comfortable.

  “What’s your name?”

  “I’m Sofia.” The girl’s voice was soft and quiet, laced with a bit of an accent. She didn’t look at Maddie again, her hands clutched tightly to the book in her lap.

  The mutt in the enclosure scooted a bit closer to the two of them, sticking his nose through the mesh. Sofia extended her hand and the dog sniffed for a minute and then snaked his tongue out, licking her fingers.

  The sweetest giggle Maddie had ever heard escaped from Sofia’s lips. “That tickles, Jasper.”

  Maddie laughed along with her, and her eyes met with Justin’s where he leaned against a nearby column, his arms crossed. An easy smile graced his lips and reached his eyes. It had been a long time since he’d smiled, really smiled, at her like that. She’d missed seeing it.

  That was all her fault, but she was taking steps to change that.

  She turned her attention back to the girl beside her. “What are you reading?”

  Sofia extended the book toward Maddie. “Paddington Bear. It’s my favorite.”

  Seeing that book took Maddie back. Reading had always been an escape for her when the rest of her life was out of control. Whenever they moved, which they’d done often, her mom had allowed her to take one backpack full of her things, along with her clothes. Her own copy of Paddington Bear had always been one of those treasures tucked safely in the bag. It was still squirreled away somewhere in her house, its cover tattered and worn.

  Maddie leaned closer to Sofia. “Can I tell you a secret?”

  Sofia’s eyes lit up and she nodded her head.

  “It’s my favorite, too. Can I sit here while you read it to him?” Maddie gestured to the pup whose eyes were locked on the girl.

  “His name’s Jasper. He’s an orphan, just like me.”

  Maddie’s heart broke. It was one thing to know these kids were in foster care, but to hear it put into words by Sofia was nearly too much to bear. She blinked away tears. “Well, then, it’s a good thing you two met, isn’t it?”

  Sofia nodded and opened the book. Her voice was hesitant and she stumbled over a couple of the words, but Maddie helped her sound them out. As Sofia was reading, Jasper laid down, his nose on his paws, his eyes locked on the girl in front of him. Dang, Serena must be on to something, having the kids read to the animals.

  The sounds of the rest of the shelter melted away and it was only Maddie and Sofia and Jasper, the three of them engrossed in the story of the little bear who got lost. Maddie inched closer to Sofia, propping her arm behind the girl’s back.

  Before long, Sofia climbed onto Maddie’s lap. Maddie’s heart kicked in, racing so fast that she got lightheaded. The fragile peace she’d found after settling in to the chaos prickled. But Sofia seemed oblivious to Maddie’s discomfort, so she drew in a couple of deep breaths and managed to calm herself. She was okay. She had this.

  By the time Sofia closed the book, Jasper’s eyes were heavy and Maddie’s arms had found their way around Sofia’s waist.

  Sofia twisted so she was looking in Maddie’s eyes. “Thanks for reading with me, Miss Maddie. Do you have any kids of your own?”

  Maddie brushed away the tear that trickled down her cheek. “I do, honey. His name is Aiden, and last I saw him, he had a pile of puppies climbing all over him.”

  Sofia hopped up from her lap. “Cool. Can I go, too?”

  “Sure.” Maddie climbed off the floor and brushed the straw from her backside. She expected Sofia to rush across the room but instead she slipped her hand into Maddie’s.

  Maddie gasped, but then she felt Justin’s hand at her back, his heated breath next to her ear. “You’re doing great.”

  His words gave her confidence and she tightened her fingers around Sofia’s hand and followed her new guide toward the puppies. But the girl’s bravado waned once she reached the puppy pen. She latched onto Maddie’s leg, reminding her of how Tanner’s daughter Hayley had been when they’d first met her.

  Maddie leaned down. “Would you like me to climb in there with you?”

  Sofia nodded almost imperceptibly.


  Maddie took her hand and stepped over the side of the pen into the pile of straw. Aiden was laying on his side, his head propped on his elbow, his hand stroking one of the blond puppies. “Hey, Aiden, this is Sofia. She came to play with the puppies.”

  “Great. I’ve named this one Pepper. That’s not his real name, just what I call him.”

  Sofia slunk down, keeping a bit of distance between herself and Aiden. But Aiden was having none of that. He scooped up Pepper, deposited the puppy on Sofia’s lap, and grabbed another one for himself.

  Within a few minutes, the two of them were chattering like they’d known each other forever. Maddie stepped back, staying where Sofia could see her, but letting the two of them play.

  Justin came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. His chin rested on her shoulder. She’d missed this, being close with him. He’d always been affectionate, much more so than she was comfortable showing in public. But that had stopped in the past few months.

  He whispered in her ear. “She’s really cute. What’s her story?”

  “I don’t know. She just told me that she was an orphan.”

  “Damn,” he whispered. “That’s too bad.”

  A woman with wavy shoulder-length dark hair and light brown skin stepped up beside them. “I’m really glad to see Sofia coming out of her shell. She’d been withdrawn recently. I’m sorry for interrupting, I’m Wanda Harrison. I run the group home where several of the kids live.”

  Maddie extended her hand. “Maddie Harper. And this is my husband, Justin.”

  “Oh, you’re Serena’s family. This is such a wonderful thing she’s doing here. The kids are having a great time. I think they relate to the animals on a level that they don’t with adults.”

  Maddie wholeheartedly agreed with that, especially considering how Sofia had warmed up to Jasper and now Pepper. She nodded toward the little girl who was half buried in the straw. “What’s her story?”

  Wanda sighed. “She was initially put into foster care when she was two. Her mother couldn’t stay clean and Sofia was found living in squalor, with her mom passed out on the couch.”