Withholding Nothing

by Victoria Bright

  "She's such a complete bitch. I didn't even say anything to her and she just comes up and slaps me out of nowhere," I muttered, flopping down on the bed.

  "She's lucky I wasn't there. They would've had to call the police on me."

  I giggled. "Of course you would. And don’t even get me started on all the baby references she made. She was all, ‘How could you care more about her and not the mother of your child’ and blah blah blah. The bitch had a whole bottle of wine at lunch today. I seriously doubt she’s pregnant.”

  “She sounds so desperate.”

  “Tell me about it. She called herself trying to intimidate me in the bathroom. I told her I felt sorry for her because I’d probably go psycho too if I lost a guy that’s amazing in bed like him.”

  Alex cackled. “Oh my fucking goodness, what did she say to that?”

  “I think she was going to hit me,” I said with a giggle. “But O’Shea’s mom came looking for us, so I was saved that time. I guess she got her revenge when we got outside.”

  “So what's going to happen now? What's going on with you and O'Shea?" she asked. I sighed. My heart broke at the thought of letting him go, but maybe it was for the best. Keeping him around was giving myself a chance to hurt even more than I already was.

  "I think I'm going to tell him he should go back with her. If dating him would be like this while she’s trying to get back with him, I don’t want to be bothered with that drama. Bad enough I have to deal with bumping into Steve around town,” I murmured.

  "What? Why the hell would you do that? Not only do you need the money, but I'm pretty sure you have strong feelings for him, like ‘I love you’ feelings.”

  "That's exactly why, Alex. This baby situation is just going to be a permanent reason for her to be in my life as long as he's in mine. Maybe he's just better off with her anyway. I don't have anything to really offer him."

  "Oh, cut the bullshit, Ashton. You're fucking amazing, you're kind, and I see the way he looks at you and how protective he is of you. You'd be fucking blind and insane to not see that he's in love with you."

  "If he is, he's yet to say anything," I said.

  "Do you want him to buy a billboard to tell you? I swear you're impossible," she muttered. A light knock sounded on my bedroom door.

  "Ash? Can we talk?" he asked on the other side. I sighed.

  "Alex, let me call you back," I said.

  "I hope you don't do anything stupid, Ash."

  "I'm going to do what I think is best for my situation. I'll talk to you later," I said and hung up. I walked over and opened the door, meeting his sad and frustrated eyes.

  "I know you're pissed about what happened—"

  "Maybe you should go back with them," I interrupted, my heart skipping a beat as the words fell from my lips. Multiple emotions flickered across his face, ranging from confusion to hurt.

  "What? Go back with them? I don't want to go back with them," he stated firmly.

  "You have a baby on the way, O'Shea. You should be there for that."

  "Ashton...do you not want me here anymore because of what happened?" he asked, his voice eerily soft. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat as tears threatened to form in my eyes. After weeks of him knocking down my walls, my defense mechanisms were quickly activating and taking over. My heart didn't want him to leave, but my mind wouldn't allow him to have the opportunity to devastate me. So I did the only thing I thought was left.

  I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes, my heart slightly breaking. "No," I said slowly.

  He looked at me with a raised brow, a frown settling on his lips. "No...what?"

  "I don't want you here," I said, barely above a whisper. His jaw tightened as he looked at me, hurt evident in his eyes. He looked away and nodded slightly.

  "I see," he said tightly. He looked back up at me, searching my face as if he was waiting for me to change my mind. When I didn't say anything, he just sighed and walked away, entering his room and closing the door.

  I closed my door, unable to stop the sob that shook through me. If this was for the best, why did I suddenly feel empty? Why did the thought of him leaving terrify me?

  I moved over to my bed, stretching out and clutching a pillow to my chest. It was only a couple of days ago that we'd just been here together. I wished we could go back to the times were the only complicated thing was whether or not to tell him how I felt. I looked at the clock with wet eyes, watching as the numbers slowly changed until I drifted off to sleep.

  ∞∞∞

  I jumped out of my sleep when a crack of thunder sounded. Rain pelted on my bedroom window, lightning brightening the sky before another crack of thunder followed. I slowly got out of bed and felt my way through the dark, feeling along the wall until I found the light switch. O'Shea. I needed to talk to him. I'd admit that maybe I was a bit too emotional earlier and probably should've given him the chance to talk.

  Walking out of my room, I went to his door and knocked. "O'Shea?" I called out. There was no answer. Considering that nothing was on in the living room, his room was the only place he'd be. I knocked again. "O'Shea? Are you awake?" Still nothing. I pushed the door open and whispered his name again. After being met with silence once more, I turned on the light, dread filling me as I looked around the room. Everything looked as it did the night I'd set it up for him, empty and void of someone living in it.

  My heart raced in my chest as I rushed over to the dresser and opened the drawers, only to find them empty. I yanked open the closet door and saw nothing but hangers. I looked around the room that no longer contained his things, slowly lowering myself on the bed as it clearly dawned on me.

  He was gone.

  And I had no one to blame but myself.

  Chapter Eighteen

  O’Shea

  I blankly stared out of the hotel window, watching as cars sped through the rain. I hadn't spoken to Ashton since I left the apartment two days ago, suddenly feeling empty without her around. After everything that happened, I couldn't even enjoy my family because I couldn't stop thinking about Ashton and how I’d unintentionally hurt her with this situation, even if I wasn't directly at fault. I found myself checking my phone to see if she’d texted or called, but there was nothing from her. Her tearful gaze was embedded in my memory, breaking my heart each time I thought about it. I released a deep sigh. There had to be a way to fix this.

  “The only thing Kayla knows how to do is fuck shit up,” Olivia said, breaking into my thoughts. I ran a hand over my face in frustration. My mom, sisters, and I were gathered in their hotel room, going over the events of the other day. After Ashton kicked me out, I'd gotten my own hotel room and stayed in it the entire day yesterday, refusing to talk to anyone. I was angry that my family hadn’t talked to me about it first, no matter what they thought Kayla had to tell me. After fully thinking the situation over, I couldn't fully blame them. I never told my mother that Ashton and I were in a relationship. Hell, I hadn't even told Ashton I was in love with her. After everything that had happened, I didn't know if it was too late now.

  “Shea, I really am sorry I brought her—”

  “Ma, please,” I interrupted, rubbing my temples. “The damage is already done. Now I need to figure out how to fix this.”

  “Your first objective would be to make Kayla take a pregnancy test to confirm it,” Paris said. “There’s no need for you to make drastic changes to your life if she’s lying about it.”

  “She’s full of shit; of course she’s lying about it,” Olivia said, rolling her eyes. “I asked her on two different occasions how far along she was and she told me different answers. First she said she was almost three months. Then she said a few weeks. When I called her out on it, she claimed the ‘doctor made a mistake the first time.’ Bullshit.”

  “I agree. I’d get a pregnancy test first. She only told me she was pregnant. She didn’t show me a test or anything from a doctor,” my mother added.

  I frowned. “And you belie
ved her enough to still bring her here to tell me a lie?” I asked.

  She gave me a sheepish shrug. “I wanted to believe that she wouldn’t lie about something like that,” she murmured.

  I nodded. While I partly agreed with my sisters, I couldn’t see Kayla faking a pregnancy either, especially since she’d been against it before. Then again, this was the woman who’d stoop down to any level to get me back. She knew how to pull my strings and probably thought mentioning a pregnancy would cause me to have a change of heart. Unfortunately for her, I was done being her puppet. She could play all the games she wanted, but I would no longer be a player of them.

  “So if she takes the test and it’s positive, then what?” I asked. “I know for a fact that I don’t want to be with her, and she’ll just make my life a living hell if we’re not together.”

  “If we’re being completely honest here, even if it is positive, I don’t think it would be yours,” Paris mentioned. My mother snapped her fingers.

  “You know what, you’re right about that,” my mother said and looked at me. “You’ve been here, what, almost six months now? Even though Kayla changed her timeline a couple of times, neither of them matched the weeks she should be if it were your kid. She should be about five months or more if it were yours and she damn sure doesn’t look five or six months pregnant.”

  “Boy, you better just go to the pharmacy and grab a pregnancy test and get this over with because this bitch is trying to trap you.”

  “Yeah. I just don’t understand why she’s trying so hard. She can have anyone she wants, especially a man with as much money as she has. So why try so hard to get me back?”

  “Because she’s a nut job that doesn’t know what she wants,” Olivia said. I smirked at her.

  “You really hate her, don’t you?”

  “Ever since you first brought her over!” She smiled, proud of herself. I chuckled.

  “At least you’ve been consistent,” I stated, which she nodded to in response.

  My mother sighed. “Well, baby, go on to the pharmacy before they close. You need to get to the bottom of this.”

  ∞∞∞

  I sat outside of Kayla's hotel room in my truck, rotating a pregnancy test box in my hand. My arm brushed against my suitcases that were stuffed into the truck on the passenger side due to the storm outside, constantly reminding me that I was forced to have to start over if I couldn’t reverse the bullshit that happened the other day. Reminding me that Kayla came and destroyed something good. Reminding me that Ashton was gone.

  Taking in a deep breath, I rested my head on the headrest, memories of Ashton filtering through my mind. I wasn't going to leave town without fighting for her. If she still didn't want me there after I told her my feelings, then fine; at least I could leave North Carolina knowing that I tried. If she accepted my truth and reciprocated, I'd have my woman back and that would be the end of it.

  I opened my eyes and looked toward Kayla's room. After Ashton told me she didn’t want me there anymore, I packed my things and left without a fight. I couldn’t be mad at her for how she felt; that day turned into a complete disaster. I’d texted Kayla and asked if we could talk, not telling her my real motive. After having that conversation with my mom and sisters, even if she was pregnant, there was a high chance that it wasn’t mine. When I looked back up, Kayla stood at the window looking at me. Sighing inwardly, I clutched the box, got out of my truck, and dashed through the rain and into her room.

  She closed the door behind me, dressed in nothing but white lingerie. Her hands ran up my chest and finally locked behind my neck, pressing her body close to mine. "I'm glad you finally came to your senses," she purred, kissing my neck as she dropped her hand to massage my cock through my jeans.

  “We need to talk.”

  “We can talk later, baby. Right now I need you inside of me. I want you to make me scream tonight,” she whispered, her tongue tickling my earlobe. I shook my head and pushed her away.

  "That's not why I'm here," I said. She dropped to her knees in front of me, her baby doll brown eyes gazing up at me as she reached for my belt buckle.

  "Maybe not, but you looked stressed, baby. I can make that all go away," she murmured. I stepped away.

  “You’re pregnant, right?”

  She looked at me, her beautiful features twisting in confusion. “Yeah, but pregnant women have sex all the time. I don’t see what the problem—”

  “How far along are you?” I asked. She chuckled in disbelief.

  “Shea, I don’t see why that matters right now—”

  “How far along are you, Kayla?” I repeated, my voice firm. She pursed her lips together and exhaled deeply.

  “Let’s just say I found out a couple of weeks after you left.”

  “So then you should know how far along you are. How long is that?”

  “I don’t know, like three and a half months?”

  I shook my head. This woman was full of shit, but I’d play along. “Three and a half months, huh?” I mused, stroking my chin.

  “Yes. We can make an appointment with the doctor as soon as we get back home. Anything you want,” she said, her eyes searching my face for confirmation.

  “Yeah, I need you to take this to confirm, and then we’ll worry about dates later,” I stated, holding up the pregnancy test.

  Her eyes widened in surprise before quickly morphing into anger as she jumped to her feet. "Are you fucking serious right now?" she screamed.

  "As a heart attack.” I shook the box. "You want me to consider a relationship or go back to Virginia with you, then I need confirmation."

  She folded her arms across her chest, a frown settling on her full lips. Once upon a time I used to be so turned on by the woman in front of me. Her nipples were visible through the sheer material of her bra, usually enticing me to suck them on a normal day, but not now. Her curves always made me want to bury myself deep inside her, especially when she was only wearing a thong. The thought of her full lips around my cock was enough to make me hard, but not anymore. She had no effect on me anymore and I think it was becoming harder for her to accept.

  "What, you don't trust me?" she asked, her voice dripping with accusation. I rolled my eyes.

  "No, I don't. My sister told me a couple of inconsistencies earlier, but to see you go through a bottle of wine by yourself at lunch the other day, I started to have my own doubts." I tossed the box on the bed she stood next to. "If you want to prove you've changed and want to show me you want to work on us, then take that test and confirm your pregnancy."

  "And if I don't?"

  "Then you're a liar and I'm out of here," I stated firmly. She stared at me for a long while, her nostrils flaring in anger. "So are you going to take it or not?"

  She flopped down on the bed with a loud huff. "I'm not pregnant. Is that what you want to fucking hear?" she spat.

  "So what, was this a ploy to try to win me back or to piss off Ashton?" I asked, leaning against the dresser.

  She cut her eyes at me and looked away. "Imagine how it feels to know that the man you're trying to win back has a female roommate. And then to see how you treated her and came to her defense as if I mean nothing to you, as if we don't have history."

  "Kayla, you're complaining about shit that happened as a result of your decision.”

  “Yeah, and I’m trying to change that, but you’re not giving me a chance,” she spat.

  I looked at her for a long moment. “What’s the real reason you’re here, Kayla? It’s not just because you want me back. Hell, you probably don’t even really want me back, but you’re trying hard because of something else. So what is it? What do you want from me?” I asked her.

  She snorted and shook her head. “Why can’t I just miss you?”

  “It took you a month after we broke up to realize you missed me? Nah, it’s more than that.” I folded my arms across my chest and tilted my head.

  She threw her hands up in the air. “Fuck it, you want to kno
w the truth? I’m trying to repair my reputation. Apparently women can’t reject proposals without being made out to look like a bitch. And then your family spreading fucking lies about me to the news and shit—”

  “Spreading what lies?”

  “About how I dumped you because you were poor—”

  “What? You said we were pretending this would work when it wouldn’t because we were in two different income classes. You rejected me because I didn’t meet your financial standards. Those were your words.” Irritation overwhelmed me as I continued. “You never fucking take responsibility for anything you do. It’s always someone else’s fault instead of yours. You’re blaming my family for telling people shit you said to me and you can’t see how fucking selfish that is? But you know what? I had plenty of time to think about the shit you said to me before I left. Maybe you were right. Maybe we aren't right for each other. I spent years of my life blindly loving you and doing everything to make you happy and for what? You don’t appreciate shit! You’re just self absorbed and stuck in your own little world and think people are suppose to ask how high when you tell them to jump. I’m over that. I’m over you. And I know that even more now that I've met Ashton."

  She scoffed. "You're in love with her or something?"

  "I am," I answered with no hesitation. She looked at me in disbelief. "I'm in love with her, Kayla. I'm not going to lie; losing you hurt me to my soul. But why fight for someone who couldn't fight for me against her family? Who would want me to change who I am just so I won't embarrass you when you introduce me to your rich friends? I don't want to settle for that life.

  "I want the girl that's cool with getting dinner at a Sonic drive-in, one who isn't afraid to throw on sneakers to go to an arcade. Someone who isn't uptight all the time and knows how to joke and have fun. I want someone like me, someone who can appreciate me for what I have to offer and not what they can turn me into."

  Kayla looked away and wiped her eyes. "You should leave," she said, getting off the bed and rushing to the bathroom, slamming the door.