Withholding Nothing

by Victoria Bright

I sighed, walking over to the bathroom door, but paused when I touched the knob. This was typical of her. Anytime she disagreed with what I’d said, she’d run off, attempting to make me feel guilty about it and to settle for whatever made her happy. My days of running after her were over. I’d made it perfectly clear that I didn’t want to be with her and I wouldn’t allow her to guilt trip me into going back on anything I’d said. Instead, I put my hands in my pockets.

  “Goodbye, Kayla,” I said, loud enough for her to hear me through the door. When she didn’t respond, I turned on my heels and left her room, officially closing that chapter of my life.

  ∞∞∞

  I walked a few doors down and knocked on the door of the room my mom and sisters shared. “Come in, baby,” my mom said, looking around me at the rain pouring down outside. “It’s raining cats and dogs out there.”

  I flopped down in a chair and rubbed my forehead. “This has been the absolute longest few days of my life,” I muttered.

  My mother rubbed my shoulder. “I’m sorry, baby. So how’d it go with Kayla? Did she take the test?”

  “No. She finally just told me she wasn’t pregnant.”

  “Then what was the point of doing all that then?” Paris asked.

  “Pretty sure she only made it up to trick Mama into letting her come with us,” Olivia mentioned.

  “It wasn’t that simple. She claimed she needed me back to repair her reputation,” I muttered. “What’s this I hear about our breakup being in the news and shit?”

  “Oh yeah…people heard that you ran off and no one knew where you were, so there was a lot of shit in the news and the papers about Kayla being the girlfriend from hell, a heartless woman, and that she ran you out of town with a broken heart. All the stories were in your favor though.”

  I shook my head. “Then I’m glad I didn’t stick around,” I said with a light chuckle.

  “So what happens now? Your roommate kicked you out and you don’t have money saved for a place,” Paris said.

  I sat quiet for a moment. “I’m going to go back to the apartment and talk to her.” Everyone looked at me without saying anything. “And I’m finally going to tell her how I feel about her.”

  “Good. I’m glad you’re actually admitting you love that girl. All of us could see that and we’d only been around you two for a few hours that day,” my mom said with a light laugh.

  I looked over at her. “What do you mean you saw it?”

  “Shea, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know you’re smitten with her. You do remember I sat next to you at Olive Garden, right? I saw how you held her hand under the table to keep her calm and how protective you were of her when Kayla got a bit rowdy. Not to mention the look on that poor girl’s face when Kayla kept going on and on about fiancée this and fiancée that. I knew then that whatever you two had going on was much more than a roommate situation.”

  I sighed, unable to deny it and no longer wanting to. She touched parts of my heart from the moment I spoke with her as Natasha, even more so when we moved in together and I slowly got to know her. Unlike Kayla, I couldn’t imagine a life without Ashton even though we weren’t officially together. Even now I felt weird not sitting on the couch and cuddling through this storm while watching a movie. An unshakeable chill always covered my body, missing her warmth. I missed the way she looked at me when she was amused, her blue eyes twinkling as she laughed. I missed our meals on the couch. At this point, I’d happily eat TV dinners or Hot Pockets on the couch with her with no complaints. I just wanted to be close to her; I needed to be close to her.

  After a while, Paris clapped her hands together. “So, are you going to sit and mope in the chair all night or are you gonna go get your woman?” she asked. I looked at the three women who smiled at me, signaling their stamp of approval.

  “I guess I need to go get her,” I said and stood. They all walked over and gave me a tight hug.

  “We’ll see you in the morning. If things don’t work out, you can always come back and crash with us. I think the couch has a pull-out bed,” my mother said.

  “Let’s hope everything works out,” I murmured, hugging her once more before leaving their room. Lightning illuminated the sky as I ran to my truck in the rain, which came down harder than it was a few minutes ago. I started my truck and pulled my phone from my pocket, finding the number I was looking for. My heart beat a little faster as I stared at the number, my insecurities swirling in my mind. What if she hangs up? What if she doesn’t feel the same way? After everything that happened the other day, what if it’s too late?

  “It’s better to try than to spend the rest of my life wondering what if,” I said to myself and pressed the number to call. I put the phone to my ear, eased out of the parking lot of the hotel, and headed for the highway.

  “Thank you for calling Erotic Fantasies. This is Natasha, what’s your fantasy tonight?” she asked. My heart ached to hold her. Even her voice sounded as sad as I felt. I took a deep breath, hoping this plan wouldn’t backfire on me.

  “Hey there, sex kitten.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ashton

  “Thank you for calling Erotic Fantasies. This is Natasha; what’s your fantasy tonight?”

  Even though my heart ached, the world still turned and bills still needed to be paid. Just when I thought things were finally looking up, I was back to square one, broke, alone, and sad. My eyes were sore from spending the last couple of days crying over my own stupidity, yet too ashamed to call him and try to reconcile. I silently prayed that he’d at least call me on my line, but why would he? He was probably mad at me in a hotel room for all I knew; that was if he was still in town.

  “Hey there, sex kitten,” a deep, husky voice said on the other end. That was a quickly answered prayer. My breath caught in my throat. My heart swelled with love and happiness and ached with loneliness. He was so close, yet so far away. The heavy rain outside came through his end of the phone, reminding me that he was outside somewhere and not down the hall in his room.

  “O’Shea?” I said, my voice cracking on his name.

  “You okay?”

  “I…” No, I wasn’t okay. The apartment felt empty without his presence. The silence bothered me too much, and I could still faintly smell the notes of his cologne, trying to imprint it in my memory before it completely faded away. I missed him, I needed him, I loved him, and I knew if I didn’t tell him while I had the chance, I’d lose him forever.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally said, tears burning my eyes again.

  “I know, babe,” he said, his voice comforting. “That day was a difficult one. I don’t blame you.”

  “I know, but…I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It wasn’t your fault that things happened the way they did.”

  “Shit happens, right?” he joked with a light chuckle. “You know…I’ve gotten so used to being around you that it feels weird not having you close to me.”

  I smiled at his words. It was comforting to know that the feeling was mutual. “Yeah. It’s weird being in the apartment by myself now. It’s too quiet.”

  “It’s not like you didn’t live there alone before me though.”

  “I know, it’s just…you being here made everything better,” I said. He sighed.

  “You remember when we were in the barn loft that night? The things we talked about?”

  I thought back to that night, thinking of when I thought my life with him was a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing because I was in love with him and the way he made me feel, but a curse because I was too afraid to tell him and was scared of being hurt again.

  “I remember.”

  “I’d said that my mom told me that sometimes things fell apart for better things to come together.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, you did. But you said you wanted to believe it, not that you did.”

  “Then I guess I had a change of heart,” he murmured. “Had Kayla said yes, I’d still be in Virginia right now. There was n
o guarantee that I’d live a happy life with her. What you also said hit home for me. Maybe I’d stayed with Kayla out of comfort, too. I had my own insecurities when it came to being with her, but I ignored them and continued to stay. So I believe my mom was right. If Kayla had said yes…I wouldn’t have met you.”

  My heart quickened in my chest. Was he going to say what I thought he was?

  “O’Shea, I—”

  A solid knock at my front door startled me. “Someone’s at your house this late?” he asked.

  I got out of the bed and quickly made my way down the hall. “I’d called Alex and Ava to come over. Kind of didn’t want to be alone right now.” I paused for a moment with a sigh. “Can you call me back on my cell phone a little later?”

  “I’m probably going to be heading to bed soon. I think we’re leaving in the morning,” he said, his voice laced with sadness. The knocking continued as my heart dropped.

  “Oh.” The five-minute warning on the call went through. “Well, um, have a safe trip back. For what it’s worth, I’ll miss you.” Tears burned my eyes. “And um…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I loved you while you were here.”

  Quickly wiping my eyes, I opened the door and screamed. O’Shea looked at me with a playful grin on his lips, his phone to his ear.

  “Why don’t you tell me that now, sex kitten?” he said. I flew into his arms, wrapping my arms tight around his neck. He hugged me tight to his body as I sobbed against him, so many emotions flowing through me that I couldn’t process them all. I’d thought I’d lost him, that I’d sabotaged my own chance at happiness, but yet he came back for me. He could’ve walked away and never looked back, but he didn’t. That had to mean something more than sex and each other’s company. He looked into my tearful eyes, brushing away a few tears with this thumbs.

  “Maybe it was fate that allowed two broken hearts to find each other after having devastating breakups. My life’s puzzle was almost complete, but it looks like Kayla wasn’t the piece that fit. You are.” He kissed my lips gently. “I love you, Ashton.”

  “I love you, too,” I whispered, hugging him again. A crack of thunder tore through the sky. “Come on.” I stepped aside to let him in. Before I could even fully close the door, he was all over me, his lips devouring mine as if he hadn’t seen me in ages. He reached behind me and pushed the door closed, pressing me up against it as his tongue caressed mine. I ended the call on the phone and dropped it on the floor, him doing the same before his hands went on a tour of my body.

  “Those were the longest two days of my life,” he murmured against my skin as he kissed my neck.

  “I missed you,” I breathed, completely honest about my admission. The void that had filled my heart was now replaced with the love I felt before, though now it was stronger.

  “You know what this means, right?” he asked in between kisses.

  “What’s that?”

  “That you’re officially mine.”

  “Wasn’t I already yours?” I teased, giggling as his growing beard tickled my face as he nuzzled against me.

  “We weren’t using titles back then. But you’re my woman now and I think we should call it a night so I can officially claim you,” he said. I blushed and bit my lip.

  “Then what are you waiting for? Claim me.”

  I squealed in delight as he swept me off my feet and carried me to the bedroom, tossing me onto my pillows. He snaked up my body and between my legs, kissing me deeply as his hands roamed my body. Everything he did that night was sensual and sweet. The passion between us was so strong that I shed a couple of tears, only to have him kiss them away and reiterate that he loved me. We didn’t just have sex; we made love for the first time.

  I’d almost forgotten how good it felt to intimately be with someone and truly love them as much as they did me. The emotions flowing through the both of us overwhelmed me, but it was beautiful. Every stroke, kiss, and lick that he put upon my body felt different, more meaningful. It wasn’t just our usual wild, intense sex that we’d engaged in to satisfy the carnal hunger we had for each other. It was something we’d both wanted all along but was too afraid to admit it.

  Love.

  “Right there, baby,” I whispered as he pummeled into me. “I’m so close.”

  “I want you to come all over my cock, baby,” he murmured, releasing a deep moan in my ear. I held him tight to me, pleasure overwhelming me as he pumped deep inside me, taking his time. The muscles in his back flexed beneath my hands, his hips moving in a slow, steady rhythm against me.

  “I love you,” he whispered, kissing my lips.

  I looked up into his hazel eyes and smiled. “I love you, too.”

  His strokes became faster, harder, and deeper, increasing the tingling slowly taking over my body.

  “Oh God,” I whimpered, holding him tighter as he thrust like a madman. “O’Shea!” My body jerked as I climaxed, jolts of pleasure shocking me as he continued to pump inside of me.

  He released a deep groan. “Fuck, baby,” he moaned, thrusting into me a couple more times before slowing down to a stop. “Damn, that was good.”

  I ran my hands up and down his back, a smile on my face. “Yeah?”

  “Hell yeah,” he said and kissed me. He finally rolled off of me and pulled me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest, closing my eyes as I listened to his strong heartbeat.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked.

  “What’s up, babe?”

  I looked up at him. “Was there a particular time when you knew how you felt about me?”

  He was quiet for a moment. We’d only known each other for a couple of months. It wasn’t really a long time to fall in love, but some people just clicked differently than others. I’d known Steve nearly my whole life, so it didn’t take long to actually fall in love with him. O’Shea kind of came out of nowhere, yet here I was, laying in his arms after finally admitting my feelings to him.

  “It gradually came on, but I think it was one night when we were cuddling on the couch together. I could see myself coming home from work and being perfectly fine with holding you and watching Netflix and I’d be happy with that. I realized that I didn’t want to lose that.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I gave him a small smile. “You turned my world upside down and you being here has made things even more exciting. Not to mention my dad is in love with you. That’s not an easy feat to come by,” I said with a giggle.

  “That’s a plus,” he said with a smile. “You’re fun to be with and you’re always down to try new things. I can honestly say I don’t think I’ll ever have a chance to get bored with you,” he teased, giving me a gentle squeeze.

  I hesitated a bit. “So um…what’s going to happen with Kayla?”

  He turned to face me, gazing into my eyes and stroking my cheek. “She’s no longer a problem.”

  “But the baby—”

  “She finally confessed that she wasn’t pregnant. After I told her I needed a pregnancy test before I left, she wouldn’t do it and finally told me that she wasn’t really pregnant.”

  I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m sure that was hard.”

  He scoffed. “Like hell it was. That was dodging a major bullet. Now she has no reason to be in my life. She’s the past. Kayla who?”

  I smiled and snuggled closer to him, closing my eyes. Things couldn’t get any better than this.

  ∞∞∞

  “Wake up, sleepy head,” he murmured in my ear the next morning, placing soft kisses on my cheek as his finger trailed up and down my sex. I groaned and bit my lip, embracing the tingling sensation that filled me. Opening my eyes, my heart fluttered at the sight of his mesmerizing eyes and beautiful smile.

  “Good morning,” I whispered. Everything still felt a bit surreal. Last night was real and the fact that he was in bed with me proved that. I was in love. We were in love. It was still hard to believe the disastrous day with Kayla ended with me being with the guy I loved. I definitely had no regrets.<
br />
  He grinned and nodded toward my core. “Do you always wake up wet?” he asked, kissing me. I licked my lips and shook my head.

  “No, but it’s a bit inevitable if I wake up to you caressing me. Besides, I usually don’t have the man of my dreams in bed with me.”

  “Man of your dreams, huh?”

  “Yes. Can you guess what my dream was about?”

  “Hmm…” I gasped as he slipped two fingers inside of me, pumping them in and out in a slow rhythm. “If I’m going by how wet you are right now, I would like to believe that you dreamt of how sexy I am and how horny I make you just by looking at me. And you were probably saying, ‘Oh, Shea, me so horny for your large cock. I want it in my mouth,’” he said. I snorted.

  “I love you, you asshole,” I said kissing him. “But that’s not what I dreamed. Try again.”

  “Then I think you dreamed of me making sweet, passionate love to you over and over, completely wearing you out,” he breathed, moving his fingers quicker.

  “You’re right,” I moaned, guiding his hand. His lips trailed along my neck as he fingered me, caressing my most sensitive spot.

  “I love you,” he whispered in my ear before nibbling my earlobe. God, I love hearing that. The smile that appeared on my face was impossible to hide as I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him hard. In a swift movement, his fingers were out and he hovered over me, his hardness pressing against my entrance.

  “I love you, too,” I said between kisses, raising my hips to grind my throbbing core against him.

  “No regrets?” he asked. For the first time in a while, I was sure about something. I had no regrets about sharing my true feelings for him and letting him into my heart. As hard as it was, I had faith that he would be good for me and would continue giving me reasons to love.

  “None at all.” I smiled, kissing him once more. He rubbed his cock up and down my wet folds as he gazed into my eyes, slowly easing into me. As soon as he was deep inside of me, his phone rang. “Bad timing much?” I breathed.

  He sighed and pulled out, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. “It’s work,” he said, looking at his screen.