A Change of Heart (Perfect Indiana#3)

by Barbara Longley

  “Let’s just focus on right now.” He drew an audible breath and let it out slowly. “Do you want me to take you home, or would you like to see a bunch of idiots try to ride twelve-hundred-pound bulls with bad attitudes and sharp horns?”

  She ached for him. No one could turn her around like he could, and that hurt like hell, because she knew in her soul she’d never be what he needed. Her first urge was to go home and hole up in her apartment, but she wouldn’t ruin his evening. For his sake, she’d pull herself together and act like she was having a good time. “Let’s go watch the idiots ride the big bad bulls.”

  “That’s my girl.” Ted reached for her hand and turned them around for the walk back to the entrance.

  “I’m not your girl. Did you not hear a word I said?” She tugged her hand free, her heart breaking. “You deserve a whole relationship, not one where you have to be concerned about your physical safety. I’m an ambulatory cornucopia of emotional issues and hang-ups, and that’s no good for anybody. Not even me.”

  “It’s just an expression, Cory.” He turned away, but not before she caught the flash of hurt in his eyes. “What makes you the expert on what I need or want? I don’t recall giving you the right to make that determination for me. So don’t.”

  He’d never spoken to her in an angry tone before, and it stung. The way she’d snapped at him only made her feel worse. She bit her lip. What did he get out of their relationship that kept him coming back for more? How on earth could he see her as anything but a box of nuts without the requisite bolts?

  Maybe he was one of those men who thrived on feeling needed. That must be it, because needing him was her drug of choice, and it wouldn’t be long before she became addicted. Who are you kidding? She’d been addicted since the day he put the deadbolt lock on her office door. “I’m sorry. I’m snapping at you, and you aren’t the problem.”

  “Water under the bridge. Let’s head back inside.”

  By the time they found their seats again, a cowboy was riding bareback on a horse hell-bent on throwing him off. A buzzer sounded, and two riders rode up to flank the still-bucking horse. The cowboy grabbed hold of one of the riders and slid off his mount. She saw a score light up the board above the big-screen televisions facing them. “How does this work?”

  Ryan turned to study her. “You OK?”

  “Fine. Thanks.” Oh, so far from the truth.

  “Good.” He nodded toward the score. “The rider has to stay on the bronc’s back for eight seconds. He’s judged on his form and the difficulty of the ride.”

  “I see.” The next rider came out of the chute. She watched intently, trying to figure out what to look for. Was Ted still angry? She leaned toward him. “I don’t get it. Do you?”

  “Not really.” He gave a slight shrug. “It’s beyond me why anyone would want to ride a horse that clearly doesn’t want to be ridden in the first place, but I do enjoy watching it happen.”

  She turned her attention back to the spectacle playing out before her. “Me too.”

  “Are you going to become a fan?”

  “Maybe, but in the future I’ll skip the beginning part of the show.”

  “Probably a good idea.”

  He still wouldn’t look at her. She’d hurt him and ruined his evening after all. Turning back to watch the next crazy cowboy try to hang on for an eight-second, bone-rattling ride, she pretended to watch as yet more tears blurred her vision.

  Returning to his office from their Monday morning meeting, Ted took a seat and propped his elbows on his desk. He buried his face in the palms of his hands and groaned. How long could he keep throwing himself against the brick wall of Cory’s resolve before he broke?

  I’m not your girl. I can’t be that for you.

  How many times had she told him? When the hell was he going to get it? He rubbed his face with both hands and sighed. They’d sat across from each other at the conference table a few short minutes ago. They might as well have been a million miles apart, because he couldn’t seem to get any closer no matter what he did, or how hard he tried to bridge the gap.

  “Hey, Ted, we need to get this document signed and sent out today.” Noah set a pile of papers on the corner of his desk.

  He raised his head to look at the stack, reaching to slide it in front of him. “Fine. I’ll do it right now.”

  Noah nudged the door closed. “You OK?”

  “Sure.”

  “Because OK is not what I’m getting from you this morning.” He took the seat in front of Ted’s desk. “This have anything to do with Cory?”

  Ted growled deep in his throat and leaned back to stare at the ceiling.

  “Paige told me Cory had a meltdown at the rodeo Saturday night. PTSD is a bitch with teeth, and when you’re in its grip, it’s impossible to see your way free without help. A lot of relationships have been destroyed by PTSD, and you two aren’t even really dating. Are you sure you—”

  “Thanks. Very helpful.”

  “I’m just saying I know what you’re going through. Ceejay and I are here for you if you need us. We’re pulling for you. It’s no secret Cory has a lot to work through, and it’s obvious to all of us you both have feelings for each other. If anybody can help her, you can,” he said. “But you’re our primary concern. We’ve all been worried about you this past year, and—”

  “What the hell are you talking about, and who the hell is ‘we’ve all’?” Ted straightened.

  “Yep. There it is. You’ve been irritable, short-tempered and restless for far too long.” Noah pinned him with the commander stare. “Don’t even try to deny it.”

  “And here I thought I hid it so well.” Ted snatched a pen from his top drawer and flipped through the document for places to sign. “What is this for, anyway?”

  “Liability stuff for the new retail store. You need a vacation, Ted.”

  “Right.”

  “Get away for a couple weeks, and you might gain a fresh perspective on things. Give yourself a break. Paige and I can cover for you if you’ll get the payroll ready.”

  “I wouldn’t know where to go.” The idea had taken hold, though. He did need a break. It wouldn’t hurt to think a few things through somewhere far away from everything. Things like whether or not to give up on any notion of ever having a romantic relationship with the woman currently taking up most of his thoughts. “The farthest from home I’ve ever been is Kentucky, which is right across the river.”

  “Then it’s time.” Noah shot him a pointed look. “My folks own a cabin in the Pennsylvania Appalachians. It’s on a private lake not too far from a fun little touristy town. You could do some fishing, hiking, read a book, and maybe even relax and do nothing at all. Do you want me to set you up? My parents haven’t used the place much since they’ve been on their see-the-world kick. I’m sure they’d appreciate having someone check to see that it’s still standing.”

  “You might be right. Maybe a break is exactly what I need.” His mind already made up, he started planning. He’d have to hire someone to help his dad out with the farm. They’d be bringing in another crop of hay in the next couple of weeks. “Sure. Ask your folks. If they say yes, I’ll spend the rest of the week getting things in order. I could be ready to leave by Friday.”

  Should he tell Cory he’d be gone? Part of him wanted to let her know. The hurting part didn’t see the need. They weren’t a couple, and probably never would be. She’d made that clear in excruciating detail. If that’s the way she wanted things, then maybe it was time he listened. “I’d appreciate it if you’d keep my plans to yourself.”

  “All right.” Noah’s gaze sharpened. “I won’t say a thing to anyone except Paige. She’s going to have to take up most of the slack on the administration end, and she’ll want to know that you aren’t going to make it to their housewarming party.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “I’ll give you airport information and directions once I’ve spoken to my dad. I have a set of keys for everything. S
o does Paige. One of us will pass them along to you before you leave.” Noah rose from the chair. “You’ll want to rent an SUV with four-wheel drive. The roads can get pretty rough.”

  “Thanks, Noah. I appreciate it.” A nice, isolated little cabin on a lake sounded like the perfect place to lick his wounds and reevaluate his life.

  “Just come back rested and less surly. That’ll be thanks enough.” Noah grinned. “I’ll go give my dad a call right now.”

  Once Noah left, Ted made a list of things he needed to get done before Friday. A vacation. The notion settled into him, the idea looking better and better by the minute. Other than a few trips to amusement parks nearby, he couldn’t recall ever going on a real vacation.

  He called the farmhand he and his dad hired frequently and made arrangements for him to help out for the next two weeks. Checking that item off his list, he began organizing things for Paige. He could take care of a lot of his workload beforehand, which would make it easier for Noah and his sister. What should he bring with him on his vacation? Another list took shape as he worked the morning away.

  “Hey.” Noah appeared at his door. “It’s all set. I’ll have directions and the keys ready for you by Thursday. Mom and Dad said hi, and thanks for checking on things for them.”

  “I’m looking forward to this. Thank them back for me.” He smiled for the first time since Saturday night. Maybe Noah was right, and once he put distance between himself and Perfect, he’d gain some perspective. “I’ve never booked a flight or leased a car. Any recommendations on which online site is the best?”

  “Come for dinner tonight. We’ll do it together.”

  “I will. I’d appreciate the help.”

  “Not a problem.” Noah backed up a step. “You about ready for lunch?”

  “Yeah. I could eat.” Knowing he had a break coming lightened the load he’d been carrying for years. School, farming, and L&L had consumed pretty much all of his time, and he had grown surly, like Noah said. Why hadn’t he taken a vacation before? He stood up and followed Noah down the hall, stopping at Paige and Cory’s office on the way. His heart flipped. He could handle lunch with her, right? Kyle and the rest of the day crew would be there. He’d get them talking about cars, and that’s all it would take to keep himself occupied.

  They moved as a herd, gathering up the rest of the group as they went. Sweltering heat and the blazing sun hit him once they reached the alley. What would the weather be like in the Appalachians? Probably cooler because of the elevation, and hopefully way less humid. Plus, the Langfords’ cabin was on a lake. He managed to keep himself clustered with the guys during the short walk to the diner, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from straying.

  Cory had dark circles under her eyes, and she still needed to put on a few pounds. Even so, the sight of her snared him, causing a hitch in his breath and a skip in his heartbeat. Her eyes met his. She smiled tentatively. Pretending everything was fine with him, he smiled back. Friday couldn’t come fast enough.

  Ted stowed his borrowed suitcase in the backseat of his dad’s truck. He kept the backpack holding his airline tickets, the information Noah had prepared for him, and the rental car paperwork with him as he took his place up front. Excitement thrummed through his veins as he set his pack on the floor and buckled his seat belt. “I’m going to be twenty-five next month, and this is the first time I’ve ever ridden on an airplane.” He shot his dad a grin. “It’s also the first time I’ve gone anywhere outside of Indiana and Kentucky, and Kentucky doesn’t really count.”

  “Just so you’re doing this vacation thing for the right reasons.” His dad turned the key in the ignition and backed the truck up, heading it down their lane toward the highway.

  “There’s a wrong reason to take a vacation?” Ted’s brow rose. “I’ve done nothing but work and go to school for the past five and a half years. Don’t you think I deserve a break?”

  “Absolutely.” His dad nodded slowly. “You’ve definitely been burning the candle at both ends, but…”

  “But what?” Irritation cut off the flow of excitement.

  “Are you taking this trip to run away from the problems you’re having with—”

  “Of course. I need to put some distance between me and Cory. I can’t think straight when I see her every day. This whole situation has me turned inside out, and it’s not a good feeling.” He turned a baleful eye his dad’s way. “Gaining perspective is as good a reason for getting away as any other I might make up. I need to breathe. I need some space to figure out what I want to do.”

  “OK, son. I just wanted to be sure you were clear on the matter.” He glanced at him. “This whole vacation thing has gotten your mom and me talking.”

  “What about?”

  “We need one too. Next year we’re going to retire from farming. We’ll lease the land out to someone else, and that will give us a nice little income. Your mom and I want to tour this nation’s national parks, stay at some fancy resorts and take it easy. Who knows, maybe we’ll even try out one of those hot tub spa things. We’d also like to spend more time with our grandchildren. And quite frankly, I’m sick to death of hog shit.”

  “Really?” Ted’s head spun. One more load lifted from his shoulders. If they leased their land instead of farming it themselves, that would free up so much more of his time. He might even get a life. “Sounds like a great idea to me. I’ll look after the house whenever you’re gone.”

  “We’d appreciate it.” His dad shifted, his posture relaxing. “I’ve talked to all of your brothers and sisters. We’re going to put the deed in your name sooner rather than later, so there won’t be any question about who will manage things when your mom and I are gone. We want the land to stay in the family, just as it has been for generations.” He flashed him a cockeyed grin. “Who knows? Maybe one of the grandkids will want to raise hogs one day.”

  “No hurry. You and Mom are both healthy and active.” He didn’t like even thinking about life without them. “Don’t worry about anything.”

  “I’m not worried.” His dad reached and patted Ted’s shoulder. “We couldn’t be more proud of you than we already are, Teddy. I want you to know you’re our favorite son.”

  “Wait a minute.” Ted looked askance at his dad. “When I had Roger do some legal papers for L&L a couple weeks ago, he said you told him he’s your favorite.”

  “Busted.” His dad laughed and put his hand back on the wheel. “You’re all our favorites for different reasons. All six of you children have done us proud. You’ve grown into a fine man, and things are going to turn out for you. You’ll see.”

  “I hope so.” The rest of the trip to the airport, they talked about things that needed to be done around the farm. Once that subject had been exhausted, they gossiped like a couple of old biddies about the Lovejoy relatives. His dad pulled up to the drop-off area at the airport, and Ted climbed out. He grabbed his pack from the floor and moved to the back to retrieve the suitcase. “Thanks for the ride. I’ll call you when my return flight lands.”

  “Relax and have some fun. Call your mother when you get there, otherwise she’ll worry.”

  “I will.” He waved and headed for the door. He checked in his suitcase and got in line for security. Time to himself in a mountain cabin in Pennsylvania, something he’d never had in his entire life, and he looked forward to it with every fiber of his being.

  “You gotta be kidding me!” Ted stared at the two-story, timber-frame and fieldstone structure before him. A full-length screened porch faced the pristine lake. A huge stone chimney rose past the sloping roofline on the right side of cabin, if you could call such a luxurious home a cabin. Not at all what he’d pictured in his mind. Hoisting the bags of groceries from the back of the Jeep he’d rented, he shook his head. He should’ve known. After all, it did belong to the Langfords.

  He walked up the ground limestone path to the porch door and set the groceries down. Two more trips to the Jeep, and he had all his gear and the rest of t
he items he’d picked up in town sitting by the door. Noah had given him a large manila envelope with directions on how to shut off the water when he left, where to find everything, the best places to eat in town and important telephone numbers.

  He pulled the envelope out of his backpack. The keys formed a bulge at the bottom. He fished them out and looked for the one labeled “porch” and the one for the front door and headed inside with his arms full. He found himself in a foyer with a great room to the left and a dining room to the right. A huge stone fireplace took up one end of the great room. Comfortable overstuffed couches and chairs formed a conversational U shape around the fireplace, and an Indian rug in geometric designs in black, red and white covered a large section of the wide-planked wooden floor in the center.

  Pictures along the mantel drew his attention, and once he had the groceries put away, he took a closer look at them. He recognized a much younger Paige and Noah right away, along with their parents. The older people he guessed were grandparents, and those close to their parents in age must be aunts and uncles.

  The pictures including Noah’s stepbrother reminded him of the pain his cousin Ceejay had gone through when Matt abandoned her. But if it hadn’t been for Matt, Noah never would’ve come to Perfect. He couldn’t hold onto his anger against Matt. Not a day went by that he wasn’t glad Noah had come into their lives.

  He wandered back to the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab one of the bottles of beer from his six-pack, taking it with him to the front porch. Finding his room and unpacking could wait. After all, he had all kinds of time with nothing to do but relax. He didn’t have to take care of everything right this minute. He took a seat on the rattan love seat and put his feet up on the coffee table. The vista before him truly was impressive. The lake formed a shallow crater in the midst of tree-covered rolling mountains.

  He took a swallow of his beer and sank back, shedding the stress of the past few months bit by bit. How had he not realized how badly he needed this? No hogs to feed or barn to muck out. No crops to bring in or paperwork to do for L&L. Nothing but peace and quiet for two whole weeks. Heaven. In fact, he vowed not to think about Cory until Monday. His heart wrenched at the thought of her, and he knew he was bound to break that vow.