Her Love and Regrets (Book I)
Page 3
As the night progressed and the drinks flowed, they all took turns dancing with one another, but Janine and Michael never took the floor together. Kelly had managed to get the ball rolling earlier by pulling Jamal out to the dance floor. Their dance was without bounds as they rubbed against and on each other, putting on quite a show.
Monica leaned into Janine and said, “You know, I’m really starting to hate that fucker’s guts!”
Not sure how to respond given that both Michael and Dave were still at the table, Janine quietly asked, “Who?”
“Jamal. He’s a sexist and homophobic fuck. Every time we are out, more of his colors show. I meant what I said, he’s got one more time to refer to women as hoes in my presence. You and Kelly can laugh that shit off if you want to—I’m just sayin'…”
“I think he heard you and we all feel you. Just let it go and have a good time. Okay?”
It was the best Janine could muster, because she too found Jamal to be arrogant and a bit misogynistic at times. But the truth was, out of their little group, she had never spent much time with him one-on-one.
“Yeah, I’m not trying to ruin the fun—for sure. I just…he just pisses me off sometimes.”
“Understood.”
“Hey Janine, c’mon dance with me!” shouted Dave who had been pulsating to the music since the latest mix began playing. As she got up, she adjusted her dress by pulling down on the hemline and pulling up the neckline.
Michael said to her, “Your dress is fine. Relax J, you look great—trust me.”
She smiled a thank you to him and headed to the dance floor to join Dave who had just finished dancing with one of the women he had met in the club.
Dancing with Dave was truly fun as they moved around each other with an occasional touch here and there. They danced with abandon and at times they were down right goofy. But nothing they did compared to what Jamal and Kelly were doing. Janine turned back towards the table and noticed Michael watching her. As she tried to divert her gaze, his piercing eyes stayed on her even as he chatted over his shoulder with Monica. Knowing he was watching as intensely as he was, Janine felt an urge to move a bit more seductively but she knew better. She knew she was potentially playing with fire because each time their eyes met, she felt it deep in the pit of her belly—and lower. No one had ever had that kind of effect on her. No one.
CHAPTER 3
The sound of Betty’s voice startled Janine from her daydream. “Excuse me, Ms. Powell? Janine?”
Feeling a bit embarrassed, Janine turned towards her office door, “Yes, Betty. Come in. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you the first time.”
“That’s fine. I just wanted to tell you I finally rescheduled that last appointment on your calendar for your time off next week. Are you sure you don’t need me to make any other arrangements for you? Flight? Transportation? Lodging?” she dutifully asked.
“No, thank you. I’ve taken care of everything.” Janine gratefully replied.
“I haven’t seen you that deep in thought for a while. Anything else I can do for you?”
Betty was more than an assistant. Over the past five years, her friendship with the older white woman was pleasant, but there were some things Janine would never share with her. Janine knew Betty felt a sense of gratitude to her because she chose to keep her on instead of searching for a new assistant when she took over at the Foundation. In the course of their working relationship, Janine appreciated the candor shared between them about the organization’s personnel and systems and sometimes, life in general. They had worked well together. Betty tended to anticipate Janine’s needs with uncanny efficiency. It was a trait she liked.
“Oh, everything is fine. Just doing a little reminiscing in advance of my trip,” Janine said providing just enough commentary to hopefully avoid any further query on the matter.
“I’m sure you will have a great time getting together with your friends. Where are you going?”
“A little island cay in Belize we all visited together years ago. Sort of a reunion, if you will.”
She gave Betty a knowing glance signaling the discussion needed to end. Betty obliged and walked out the door closing it behind her. Janine acknowledged she was less interested in the proposals spread on her desk even though they required her attention. She had been traveling heavily in the previous weeks doing site visits to several innovative nonprofits the Remington Foundation supported. This was one of the more enjoyable aspects of her job—actually having the ability to affect change for a number of organizations.
While the foundation predominately supported social service initiatives and childhood education, it also reserved twenty-five percent of its funding for arts and culture organizations. Based on recommendations from her program officers, she would cull through proposals and make decisions about which of them would go to the board for full funding. Ultimately, all applicants were worthy recipients of the foundation’s vast resources. But today, she couldn’t focus on completing her task. Instead, she turned back to the window, watching the rain gently falling outside and letting her thoughts consume her once more.
It had been two weeks since the group’s outing to the club. With final papers and exams taking everyone’s attention, there was virtually no time for even a respite at the coffee shop with Michael. Janine was fine with that given she hadn’t fully recovered from the swirl of emotions felt during that evening out. She sat in her apartment, with textbooks spread on the small dining table in front of her. Dressed in leggings and a sweatshirt, she was braless and very cozy as her neo soul playlist filled the apartment and rain fell outside. Thinking it might help her make better sense of the tort case studies she was reading, she considered changing the music to something a little less mellow. Deciding against it, she tried to refocus on the work at hand when she heard a knock at her door.
She wasn’t expecting anyone, but assumed it was one of her friends just popping by. She hoped it was Kelly or Monica otherwise she’d have to rush to the bedroom to put on a bra. As she looked through the peephole, she was surprised to see Michael standing there. He had been to her apartment before, but never alone—always with Kelly, Dave or the others. There was no need to ask who it was since they both knew she had looked through the peephole. Without a word, she opened the door to let him in.
“Hi. This is a pleasant surprise. Come on in.”
“Hey. I didn’t catch you at a bad time did I?” he asked.
As he came in, she closed the door behind him. Turning towards him with her arms folded across her chest she said, “Not really. Have a seat or feel free to get what you want out of the fridge, I’ll be right back.”
Before he could respond, she exited to her room, closing the door to put on a bra. What in the hell is he doing here, she thought. When she returned, he was comfortably sitting on her couch, having removed his jacket and now holding a beer. Her apartment wasn’t large, so sitting back at her dining table was far from rude.
“So what brings you my way?” she asked.
“I’ve been missing our coffee chats,” he said as he leaned back on the sofa.
How sweet! She smiled and said, “I’ve missed them too. But the past two weeks have been insane. That one paper for Dr. Corbin’s class was really tough to pull together.”
“No doubt,” he said as he took a sip of his beer. His vocal tonality had an almost hypnotic effect on her. It was far from monotone, instead being calming with inflections that seemed precisely placed. His voice wasn’t deep, but resonant and he could draw in listeners with minimal effort.
Jesus!! He’s so fucking beautiful! She thought. There was a tension building within her and she didn’t know what to do with it. She felt a bit childish because she wanted to run to him in one moment and flee him the next. The change in her emotional state was alarming to her because they had been alone many times before—but never in her home—or his.
“So how do you think you did on your paper?” she asked hoping to keep things light.
“Yes. I’m just not sure what direction she’s going to go on this exam. Second-year students claim she switches up every year—so there really is no way to be sure.”
He leaned a little closer to her and said, “You know the statues, right?”
Daring not to look him in the eyes she replied, “For the most part.”
It was as if he knew she was trying to avoid eye contact with him because he dropped his chin slightly trying to catch her glance. But she kept her eyes on the sprawl of papers in front of her, randomly shuffling papers around. Without a word he got up, went to the refrigerator, and took out another beer. She couldn’t take her eyes off him.
He set it down in front of her saying, “Then you’re good. Don’t sweat it. I had a feeling you’d be here drowning in this. Have a beer with me and let it go for a little while. I promise not too stay long…unless you want me to.”
“I probably could use a break. Thanks for the beer,” she said as she took a long drink from it, hoping it would disperse her mounting nervous energy. Unable to contain it she got up saying, “Let me get some coasters. Last thing I need is wet stains on my papers.”
“No, we wouldn’t want that to happen,” he said while taking another sip of beer with a bit of a smirk on his face.
Janine realized the double entendre and managed to contain the flush that spread across her face. She couldn’t tell if he was teasing her.
“I don’t even know what to say about that Michael Josey.”
As she turned to look at him, it was clear he was enjoying her unraveling. His eyes were penetrating as the smirk on his face widened to a broad smile. She felt unsteady and simply took another drink of her beer. As she looked at the bottle she realized she’d consumed almost half of its contents in two to three sips! Slow your roll, girl she thought…just slow your roll.
“Do you want me to get you another beer? You might be a little more tense than you thought, huh?” he said teasingly.
“I’m good for now. Thanks.” But she wasn’t. This loss of control was unsettling and she hoped to recapture her composure by turning away from him to retrieve the coasters. Rather than sit back at the table, she went to the couch to put a little distance between them. Then she said, “So what’s going on with you? You’re welcome here anytime, but I’m a little surprised you popped by without calling first.”
“Sorry about not calling first. That was inconsiderate of me. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Kelly and Monica do it all the time—no matter what I say.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” he chuckled.
Recognizing the small talk was just that, she continued with “So you just wanted to hang out?”
“Is that okay with you?” he said leaning back in the chair.
“Sure, it’s okay.” Finding an escape hatch of sorts she asked, “So…the fellas weren’t available tonight?”
“I wanted to see you,” he said as he put the bottle to his lips turning his body towards her. With grace and ease, he moved his hands from their familiar place in his lap and slid his elbows to his knees giving her even more of his attention while firmly gripping the bottle as it hung between his legs.
“About what?”
“To check on you, really. I’ve missed talking to you. Being with you.”
“Oh.” While somewhat familiar, she noted that everything about his posture and manner was vastly different at the same time. “Like I said, I’ve just really been trying to get through these papers and exams. I’m sorry I haven’t been as available.”
“No problem. I assumed all of that. I’ve learned you have a tendency to stress out and fixate when things aren’t clear-cut to you. It’s charming, actually.”
“Really? Charming?”
“Yes, very charming.”
She couldn’t take it anymore and blurted out, “Okay, really? Are you really trying to do this?”
“Do what?” he asked as he scooted himself to the edge of his chair.
“This! You’re flirting, you’re…look, we have been friends for a minute now. Do you really want to mess that up with what I presume you think will turn into a…”
“I’m interested to see how you finish that question, Janine.” He set the bottle back down.
“…a ‘friends with benefits’ booty call?” she said with harshness to her voice surprising even her. Fuck! Why in the hell did I say that?
His silence in the moment was initially unrevealing. She feared he really had come to her apartment in hopes of just that—a booty call. Instead his jaw clenched.
“Let me be clear, Janine. Finding someone to fuck is VERY easy for me.” He got up from his chair, got his jacket and walked towards the door.
She immediately got up hoping to make amends for what she said to him. She had to.
“Michael, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say…except I’m sorry. I guess I’m just stressed and…” She came in close reaching out to hug him. He didn’t immediately reciprocate the embrace, and it nearly broke her heart. But she moved in closer, hugging him and placing her cheek on his chest. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally wrapped his arms tightly around her. Janine thought their embrace was a sign they might actually survive her indiscretion.
He brushed his lips against her ear and whispered, “I can find someone to fuck—finding someone to love is a little harder for me.”
His words came as a complete surprise. She could feel her heart racing against his chest, which she knew he felt too. Not knowing what else to say, she reached up to kiss him delicately on the cheek. As she gazed up at him, his eyes were closed as if he were savoring the sweetness of her kiss. Slowly opening them, he looked at her in a way she had never seen before. Then he kissed her softly on the lips. He followed it by a kiss to her forehead, then to her neck. Between each kiss, he carefully watched her face and eyes before returning to her mouth. Losing herself to the sweetness of his kisses, his tongue slid across her lips before he offered it to her.
Despite her earlier protestations against crossing the line with him, she found his kisses the most sensual she’d ever experienced. There was no denying she wanted him and she didn’t want him to leave.
“Do you want to…” taking her time to say the words she had never uttered to him before, “I want you to stay.”
“Tell me again,” he whispered.
She thought she was clear, but as she looked deeply into his eyes, she discovered he needed her to say more than just ‘stay.’
“Stay and let’s see what happens.”
It was the best she could do. When her past relationships turned sexual—things just happened. There was little to no discussion required. But this was clearly different. He was clearly different and she wasn’t entirely sure why. What he was asking of her was more than permission for sex—it was intention. It was clarity for them both that what was happening between them was not casual. It was a deliberate action to take their relationship to a place she had fought so hard to resist.
“Is that what you want?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said kissing him again.
Taking his hand, she led him to her bedroom where only the light from the living room illuminated the space. Sitting on the bed’s edge, their kisses grew deeper. Soon their mouths were exploring each other’s bodies through the confines of their clothing. Feeling she was taking the lead, she began slipping off her bra from under her sweatshirt, but he stopped her.
“Turn the lights on,” he said.
“Why?” The truth was she felt a bit insecure making love under the glare of full lights.
“Because I want to see all of you.”
She reluctantly reached over to turn on the lamp on the night table. Once she did, she slipped the swe
atshirt over her head. As she reached behind to remove her bra, he stopped her again.
“Let me.”
He slowly turned her around running his hands across her back and along the edges of her bra finding the hooks. With each hook he unfastened, he kissed the middle of her back and up to the nape of her neck. His lips and hands were like velvet on her skin and the warmth from each stroke made her ache to feel him inside. After slipping the bra from her shoulders, he dropped it on the floor by the side of the bed.
Turning her around to face him, he visually took her in while gently touching and cupping her breasts in his hands. Soon his breathing reflected her own. He seemed fascinated by them, and in response he removed his shirt. She reached out to him stroking his chest, noting its chiseled nature and smooth, hairless texture. She kissed him softly along his neck and ears making her way to his chest. She repeated the pattern, lingering a little longer at each part of him, before working his belt from his pants. Awkwardly positioning herself into a straddle position on his lap, she further explored his mouth with her tongue.
His hands found their way to her ass, which he held tightly as he drew her even closer to him. As he stroked her, it was clear she wasn’t wearing panties under her leggings and he smiled. Using her weight for additional leverage, she pushed down on his shoulders laying him flat on the bed so she could remove his jeans. He lifted his hips and she kissed his penis through his jeans before removing them. She loved his boxer briefs, which hugged him closely revealing a slight bulge in his pants. He wasn’t yet fully erect but she was intent to change the situation as quickly as she could.
As she kissed his stomach, she ran her tongue along his sides, then thighs and making her way down the length of his legs. As he moaned with approval, she continued her pattern again adding slight nudges to her prize with her lips, teeth and chin. He reached down taking hold of her shoulders.