Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  “Janine, stop,” he whispered.

  “What?”

  “I want you to stop.”

  “Why? Have you changed your mind about this?” She was a little confused and a twinge of embarrassment was apparent in her voice.

  “No, that’s not it at all. If you are about to give me a blow job—don’t.”

  “You don’t like them? Or is it you don’t like what I’m doing?”

  “I like it very much. But I really want to know what pleases you.”

  “Everything you’ve done is very pleasing. In fact, I want to keep going,” she said with a big grin filling her face. But his face was deadly serious.

  “I want you to show me what pleases you.”

  She wasn’t entirely sure what he meant. But she offered her best explanation. “I love the way you kiss me and how you touch me and …”

  “That’s not what I mean.” Touching the side of her face, he ran his hands along her shoulders. “I want you to show me how and where you like to be touched.”

  “I like the way you’re touching me. Your hands are so…just keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll be fine.”

  “That’s just it. I don’t want you to be just fine.”

  “Then I don’t understand what you want me to say…or do.” She searched for answers in his eyes.

  “I want you to show me how you touch yourself.”

  “You want me to…?” She had to wrap her head around what he was asking of her. “I’m not comfortable with that.” Her mood was shifting to discomfort at his request.

  “Masturbating in front of me makes you uncomfortable?”

  “Yes! Yes, it does. I just don’t feel like I know you well enough to…I mean…that’s a really personal thing.”

  He tilted his head slightly, smiled and calmly said to her, “I understand that. But you’re willing to put my dick in your mouth and potentially swallow my cum. And I can assure you that I am prepared to suck and lick on your clit and pussy until you come. And after that, I’m going to put my dick as far inside of you as I can until you come so many times you lose count. And THAT, Janine, is personal.”

  “Do you have to say all of that? It sounds so…”

  “Personal. What we’re doing is as personal as you can get.” There was that damn calm tone again!

  He made it sound so…simple. So logical. And yet the feeling his request was somehow deviant wouldn’t escape her mind. She felt disgusted at how freely he used those words…how he described intimacy. A part of her felt intensely violated and she couldn’t mask it from her face.

  “Is that how you get off Michael?”

  “A little. But the truth is I get off more when I know how you get off.”

  “Well, I can’t. I’m sorry, if that’s what you need to make love to me, then I guess this isn’t happening.” Her words were far more adamant than the rising feeling inside her and the sheer eroticism of the request. The conflict in her was unwieldy so she climbed off him and sat on the bed’s edge. She felt his intense eyes on her.

  “I guess the question really is how much are you willing to trust me,” he said calmly.

  “Clearly we’re still working on that,” she replied. How can he be so damn sure of everything? She thought.

  “Yes, we are. And it can start right here. Lie back on the bed and trust me.”

  A seemingly simple request… just lie back on the bed she thought. As she looked into his eyes considering all the evidence to date, she wondered if she could she really trust him. But she knew there was nothing suggesting she couldn’t. Her head was spinning and her body on fire. Choosing to embrace the moment, she decided to lie back and see where this night would take them. A slight smile crossed his face and his eyes seemed to deepen. She felt as though she was suspended in a hypnotic state he managed to create.

  “What are you going to do?” she asked softly.

  “I want you to show me how you make yourself come.”

  She wasn’t comfortable with any of this. “I really don’t think I can.” She couldn’t discern if the words actually came from his mouth or not, but again she heard him say,

  “Show me, Janine.”

  “Michael, I told you…I’m not…”

  “Just lie back, I’ll take care of everything. Trust me.”

  He kissed her tenderly as he let his fingers trace her every curve. She felt herself relax into his touches and lay back onto the bed. He rubbed her hips and kissed her belly. With each skillful touch, she felt earlier inhibitions fade away being replaced by waves of pleasure. He managed to remove her leggings and they joined the bra on the floor. He began kissing her legs focusing on the front and back of her knees making his way up to her inner thighs, where he started licking and sliding his tongue closer to her pussy.

  She couldn’t believe how aroused she’d become by simple touches expertly applied. With eyes closed, she writhed beneath him with each kiss and lick delivered. He gently rubbed her mounds in slow circles with his middle fingers, being ever so careful not to let his fingers spread them to gain entry to the source of her wetness. Underneath her fleshy covering, she had become so erect and eager for more of his touches that she titled her hips and opened her eyes to let him know it was time. Instead, with his gaze equally fixed on hers, he drew his hand towards his face and inhaled deeply. It was as if he smelled a rare and exquisite fragrance.

  “You smell amazing. Have you ever smelled yourself before?” he whispered.

  She was so aroused that she didn’t care if he had a little “kink” to him. She admitted to herself that everything he’d done and what he’d said to her was sexy as hell.

  “No, I haven’t.” she admitted.

  “You should. I can’t wait to see if you taste as sweet as you smell. Have you ever tasted yourself before?”

  She thought, What the fuck? This shit is crazy! Why am I letting him do this to me!

  “No, you’ll have to tell me all about it,” she whispered back.

  Instead, he ran his fingers over her lips taking time to ensure she could smell her own scent on them. She was surprised at how utterly intoxicating it was. Without a word, he took hold of her hand lowering it to her vagina. He guided it in circular motions on the mound. This time, with their fingertips somewhat entwined, her labia parted and the softness of the flesh inside was enhanced by the wetness seeping from within. Over and over their fingers moved from outer circles, to inner touches.

  “Show me,” he whispered as he deftly removed his hand from hers. He lifted himself up on one elbow, watching her hand as it slowly began to move into her folds.

  With her eyes closed, she moved her fingers around her clit. She began rubbing it faster and then interspersed those touches by moving her fingers to the soft inner folds. Never once did she insert her fingers, just back and forth with circular movements on her clit and upper inner thigh. Within minutes, her back arched to give way to the most explosive orgasm she’d ever had. With it came an extraordinary pain deep within her. The intensity of it made her cry out and fold into a partial fetal position. The feeling frightened her because it was worse than any menstrual cramp she could recount.

  She tried to find a way to make the pain subside, but it wouldn’t. When he touched her abdomen, the pain intensified further until he slid his middle finger inside her stroking slowly in and out. With each stroke of his finger, the pain eased. As it eased, she opened her frightened eyes to see him taking in the entire scene with great compassion.

  And then he said to her, “You have very strong orgasms. I can’t wait to feel them.”

  His words felt like a clinical analysis and she couldn’t respond. She wasn’t sure she’d even be able to find words if she wanted. He leaned over, kissed her mouth and moved on top of her. As he moved to insert himself, she reached down to stop him and the only word that came out was, “Condom?”

  “Of course. It’s already on.”

  As she touched him, she could feel he had in fact taken further steps
to protect them both. She released her hand letting him slide inside. His penis filled her with warmth that felt as if it belonged only to her. From the first stroke to his last, he used his penis like an intricate precision tool. Throughout, his penetrating thrusts were deep and slow then grinding patterns. As she found herself coming again and again she realized just how lost she was—suspended in ecstasy that started with intense pain.

  Their tentative beginning turned into hours of feverish, yet controlled lovemaking. He had exceptional stamina, defying her previous experiences. Just when she thought he was going to come, he’d slow down, pull back in some Tantric-like posture, and begin again. Her body was tired and still he stroked in and out, taking moments to lubricate her further.

  She wasn’t exactly sure how long they had been making love when he finally withdrew from her. Although he didn’t cry out, his head went back as a loud sigh escaped his lips. He leaned over her laying his penis on her stomach and quickly removed the condom. When he came his semen seemed to cover her belly and her breasts. Under any other circumstance, she would have been eager to quickly clean up the mess. Instead she let her fingers move through all the stickiness between them. As he lay next to her, gently touching her face, neck and chin, he took her hand moving it to the source of their wetness. He then led her fingers to her mouth. She liked the way they tasted. She liked it a lot.

  CHAPTER 4

  As her workday ended, Janine reflected on just how little she had managed to accomplish. She didn’t worry about it much, knowing her staff was capable and nothing urgent required her attention. It seemed fitting since her evening would be spent with Ethan. She and Ethan Henry had been seeing each other for nearly a year after meeting at a gala hosted by one of her grant recipients. He was considered one of the most eligible bachelors in Indianapolis, having been featured as such in the local style magazine.

  He was president of a major accounting firm, which provided auditing services to many nonprofit organizations in the city. From the moment they were introduced, she found him to be ruggedly handsome with sparkling pale blue eyes. The divorced father of two young teen boys was active in a number of organizations particularly those geared towards youth sports and mentoring programs. Unlike so many other program volunteers or board members she had encountered over the years, he seemed genuine in his interests and involvement with these groups. Their relationship was comfortable, their sex fulfilling, and he placed few demands on her or her time.

  Once home, she decided to take a warm shower to freshen herself for the evening ahead. It was almost a ritual. Ethan would come over, they’d head out to dinner, attend some event and end up at either’s place for the remainder of the weekend. While seemingly boring, the reality was anything but because they cared deeply for one another. While she certainly didn’t see marriage in their future, she also knew that she could be happy continuing their relationship just the way it was. Ethan was very open with her about all manner of things especially his decision not to remarry.

  He acknowledged this had been the undoing of his relationships with other women since his divorce. His honesty was refreshing and Janine knew she could continue to enjoy everything about their relationship for as long as it lasted. Nearing forty, she realized that she didn’t need to be married again either. She knew she’d likely never have children and marriage was merely an arrangement that provided legal certainties. Having managed her financial affairs as efficiently as she had the Foundation’s, she worried little about caring for herself in old age. Ethan’s companionship was all she really wanted from him. Their time together was precious in spite of the fact they had self-imposed limits to their emotional engagement with one another. Nonetheless, she found him bright, funny and a joy to be with.

  Ethan arrived as Janine was putting final touches on her makeup in the bathroom. Having left the door unlocked for him, he simply came into the house. He called out to her then proceeded to the bathroom waiting in the doorway while she finished up.

  “You look beautiful as usual,” he said as he came in and kissed her on the neck.

  “Thank you! And you are as handsome as ever. Ooh, I love that tie!” she replied. “That’s really nice. Is it new?”

  “Yeah, I picked it up a few days ago. Glad you like it.”

  “I like it, and I’m finished. Are you ready to go?”

  “Yes. I made a reservation at Barney’s—I hope that’s okay. We haven’t been there in awhile.”

  “That’s perfect! I love their food.”

  Barney’s was a farm-to-table bistro with an eclectic blend of menu offerings. The atmosphere was intimate without being stuffy or overly trendy. Though not a large place, it was popular, which guaranteed they would run into someone that either of them knew. The restaurant’s walls featured works by regional artists as diverse as the menu. It was one of Janine’s favorites in the city.

  “We’ve been to so many chicken dinner galas lately, I thought you’d enjoy something a little different,” he said.

  Giving him a quick peck on the lips, she replied, “Ethan, it’s perfect! Really.”

  “If you’d like, we can skip the art museum event tonight and spend a not so quiet evening in.” Ethan could be wickedly playful when he wanted to be and she liked that about him.

  Taking her cue, she hugged him around his neck, kissed him longer and said, “If you are feeling that frisky, then we should skip Barney’s too.”

  “I like that idea too.” He swept her up, kissed her and sucked on her tongue as they both smiled through it all before lowering her back down.

  “Soooo...”

  “So, I’m thinking we’re likely to build up an appetite as it is and maybe we should do dinner first.”

  “Chicken shit!” she playfully replied as she turned to pick up her purse.

  He was right behind her as she turned. He grabbed hold of her waist thrusting his hardened penis against her as he walked her backwards towards the bed. Moving his hands around to her behind, he began kissing her more passionately. In one awkward movement, they both fell onto the bed, giggling at their predicament. The giggling was soon replaced by more feverish kissing as she ran her fingers through his thick brown waves that had just enough gel to control them, while keeping them soft. He moved his hands down her legs and between her thighs creating a bit of friction with the inseams of her slacks.

  Ethan was an eager and proficient lover. He knew what worked for her and was willing to deliver every time. And she had to admit that he was extraordinary when it came to eating her pussy. He had a wide, soft and very pliable tongue that he used not only to suck and lick, but to also gently pull on her clit and fuck her. When she came, he would immediately enter her with quickening thrusts that were very satisfying, sometimes resulting in at least another orgasm before he came. There were occasions when their lovemaking extended for a few hours, but that was a rarity. Instead, it tended to involve a few episodes versus a long extended version.

  “Ethan?” A groan was all she got back from him. “Ethan?”

  “What?” he said in the haze of his increasing arousal.

  “You know what? I am hungry.”

  “So am I,” he said slowly grinding his hips into hers as he tried to turn what was essentially a dry hump into a more fulfilling experience for them both.

  “Let’s go to Barney’s and then just come back to…to this.”

  “You know you’re a buzz kill, right?”

  “After I get a little something in my stomach, I’m sure I can find something that will bring the buzz back.” She displayed a sly smile implying she’d let him use a vibrator on her when they returned to her apartment.

  “You’re a tease, you know that right?” he said kissing her on the cheek.

  “And you love every minute of it!”

  “That’s my problem!” He rolled off of her and helped her up. Noting his erection, he continued, “Jeez, will you look at that? Down boy!”

  Janine giggled, “You’re so silly!” />
  “Just give me a minute.” He playfully adjusted himself. “Okay, I guess we can go now.”

  They both adjusted their clothes, and arranged their hair when he unexpectedly swatted her hard on the behind saying, “Good thing I like teases.”

  Before she could catch the words from leaving her mouth she replied, “Good thing I like spanking.”

  They momentarily stopped in their tracks, looking at the other determining if what was said and heard was actually meant. To diffuse, Janine said, “Look at you, a little freak in the making.”

  He didn’t respond, but lifting his eyebrow gave her an approving grin.

  When they arrived at Barney’s, the place was busy. Recognizing a few of their fellow diners, they simply nodded acknowledgment as the hostess led them to a nice table near the front window and handed them their menus. The waiter quickly approached to take their drink orders.

  “Screwdriver, Janine?” Ethan knew it was one of her favorites.

  “Not tonight. I think I’ll just have the house Cabernet.”

  “Then a Cabernet for the lady and I’ll take a gin and tonic, with a twist of lemon.”

  The waiter wrote the order and then said, “Very good, sir. Tonight’s special is braised lamb with a cherry and bourbon demi glaze with vegetable medley and an orzo pasta bake. We also have fresh bison steaks with sautéed spinach and onions, and a whipped, sweet potato.”

  “They both sound terrific!” Turning to Ethan she asked, “Sweetie, what do you think?”

  “I’m not sure. I had my mind set on having the poached salmon, but yeah, those both sound great.”

  Their dutiful waiter said, “Feel free to take a moment to decide and I’ll be back with your drinks shortly,” as he hurried off to fulfill their drink order.

  “I could order the bison and you could do the lamb—that way we can share.” Ethan offered.

  “No, you order the salmon—I know how much you like it. I’ll do the bison, that’s more a treat than the lamb.” She liked how accommodating Ethan could be. He liked doing nice things for her, but he never overreached.