Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  “Dr. and Mrs. Josey, thank you for opening your home to me. Especially during the holidays.” Janine thought it best to get the formalities out of the way early and make her best impression on his parents. She reached in her bag and handed them the gift she’d purchased for them.

  Being ever gracious, Mrs. Josey took the gift and replied, “You’re welcome, Janine and thank you for the thoughtful gesture. Was this Michael’s idea?”

  “He said it wasn’t necessary, but I wanted to bring you something as a token of my appreciation of your generosity.”

  “Well that’s lovely. Would you like us to open it now or wait until tomorrow?”

  “Whatever you prefer is fine,” Janine replied never taking her eyes off of Mrs. Josey.

  “I’ll save it for tomorrow. Please have a seat,” she said as she gestured for Janine and Michael to sit.

  “So Janine, we understand you and Michael are classmates in law school?” Dr. Josey asked.

  “Yes, s…” before she completed the word she quickly changed to “Dr. Josey.” Michael was sitting next to her far more relaxed. He was leaning back on the couch with his ankle over his knee and his arm on the couch behind her. He touched her lightly on the shoulder in approval of her choice of salutation. Janine continued. “We’ve actually known each other since first year.”

  “And how long have you two been dating?” his mother asked.

  Michael jumped in, “Mom, I told you on the phone Janine and I have been together for about two years.”

  With a quick and acerbic tone she responded, “And yet this is the first time we’re meeting her, or even knew she existed.”

  The subsequent silence between them was deafening as tensions mounted for a variety of reasons. Janine was a bit miffed Michael hadn’t told his parents about her prior to this trip. She was certain he was angry with his mother for deliberately revealing this fact at the least opportune time. His mother clearly was asserting her control over him while his father sat taking it all in. Janine had often seen him do the same thing his father was doing—observe. However, Michael was far more tactical and swift to act especially after assessing the situation.

  He then said, “Mom, Dad, my apologies for not telling you about Janine sooner. But make no mistake; she is very special to me. I seriously doubt this will be the last time you see her. Although she thanked you, I haven’t. I really appreciate you allowing me to bring her here for the holidays.”

  Janine marveled at how skillful he was in this act of diplomacy and yet—there was that formality again. But his mother eased, his father took another sip on his cocktail and Janine couldn’t have loved him more in the moment.

  “Would you like a glass of wine Janine?” Dr. Josey offered.

  “That would be lovely! Thank you,” she replied.

  “Son, how about a bourbon? Neat or on the rocks? I think you could use it right about now.”

  Mrs. Josey shot her husband a steely look that would have slain a lesser mortal.

  “That would be great. Make it neat, please.” Shifting the conversation, Michael asked his father, “Have you bought any new cigars lately?”

  “I’ve got a few Dominican varieties you might like. Bought them last week, in fact,” Dr. Josey replied.

  It was sweet watching the two men relate to one another, but Mrs. Josey spent the better part of their conversation watching Janine. She could feel the woman’s eyes on her. Dr. Josey excused himself as he prepared the drinks at an adjoining table. After pouring, he brought them over and set them on the coffee table in front of them. Despite her ongoing nervousness, she thought it best to engage his mother.

  “Mrs. Josey, I understand you were a French professor.”

  “Yes, I was tenured but retired a few years ago.”

  “Do you miss it?” she asked.

  “Not really. I have far more time to pursue other interests.”

  “That must be nice to have time to do what you love. Are you involved in charity work?”

  “Yes. I support a number of charities right now. I also serve on the board of a women’s shelter in the city. Of course there are my clubs and sorority, that take up a great deal of time.”

  “I see.” She turned to Michael saying, “I suppose you get your sense of community service from your mom.”

  He just smiled without answering and took a sip of his bourbon.

  “What are your plans when you graduate, Janine?” Dr. Josey asked.

  “I’m not entirely sure. I’ve been so focused on my studies that I haven’t made any definitive plans. But next semester, I will.”

  “I see. Where are you from?” Mrs. Josey asked.

  “I was born in Pensacola, but my mother and her family are from Charlotte. That’s pretty much where I grew up.”

  With a raised brow and a bit of snark, Mrs. Josey asked, “And where is your father?”

  Janine recognized the insinuation, “My father passed away.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. How recently did your father pass?”

  “He was killed in a Naval training exercise when I was ten. After he died, my mom decided to move us to Charlotte.”

  “Is that where your mother is now?”

  “Yes. My mom was able to finish college knowing I was safely with family.” She proudly added, “My mother was the first one in her family to finish college.”

  “And what does your mother do for a living?” Dr. Josey asked.

  “She’s a burn unit nurse at the university medical center down there.”

  “Why aren’t you spending the holiday with her this year?” Mrs. Josey inquired.

  Janine wasn’t sure if it was just a polite query or if the question had some other meaning. She thought it best to reply candidly even though she offered far more information than necessary.

  “My mother is taking a cruise with members of her church this year. It’s the first time in a long time she’s been able to do something nice for herself. She worked so hard to get me through undergraduate school without debt. She really deserves this trip. I was prepared to stay in the city, but Michael was gracious enough to invite me to join him here.”

  “I see. Well, again welcome. We’re delighted you could join us.”

  As the evening wore on, the conversation seemed easier and less forced. They all continued to chat over a scrumptious dinner prepared by Mrs. Josey. They all seemed far more relaxed, but Janine was certain the alcohol had a lot to do with that—it certainly helped her. Several times during the course of the meal, Michael would send her visual approval of things she said and did from across the table. She wanted so much to impress them, more for him than anything else.

  She learned over dinner that the last girl he brought home to meet them was his senior prom date. His father teased that at one time he thought they never met Michael’s girlfriends because he might be gay. Janine thought, Aint nothing gay about Michael Josey! The more she listened and watched she wasn’t quite sure what to make of their family dynamic. But she figured she had at least two more days to get more insights either from them or Michael. As the meal concluded, Janine offered to clean up the kitchen. Michael agreed to help her. Mrs. Josey accepted and she and her husband left the two of them to their work. It was the first time in hours they had a moment alone.

  “Your parents are nice,” she said.

  “My parents are very polite,” he flatly replied.

  “Do you think they like me? Did I pass the test?”

  “I told you to relax. It doesn’t matter anyway. I love you.”

  “They don’t like me, do they?”

  “I didn’t say that. You need to calm down and stop worrying about shit like that. My parents have the uncanny ability to be exceptionally polite without having meaningful interactions with anyone—including each other.”

  “I think you’re being kind of hard on them. The first part of the evening was a little rough but that’s to be expected. It’s clear your mom’s still pissed you didn’t tell her about me b
efore inviting me here. But you handled it well. Thank you.” Janine paused for a moment. “I’m curious though…why didn’t you tell them about us?”

  “I told you a while ago, my relationship with my parents is nothing like what you have with your mother. My parents had children because they were supposed to. Your parents had you as an expression of their love.”

  “That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

  “I was the child that saved their marriage. That’s exactly what my mother told me. Each of us was planned. Because—according to my parents—that’s what responsible people do. My brother was born a year after my father graduated med school. My sister was born after my dad completed his surgical residency. And I was born four years later when he decided my mother wasn’t really the love of his life but the best match for his ambition and family name.”

  “That doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, or you and your brother and sister,” Janine said as she touched his shoulder.

  “I know that.”

  “So why didn’t you tell them about us?” she asked again.

  Michael set the dishcloth on the counter. “Janine, to be honest, I don’t know why. I could say I wanted to wait to see how things went with us. I could say their opinion doesn’t matter. I could say a lot of things. But the bottom line is I don’t think they’ll be able to fully appreciate you.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “All my life, there have been expectations of what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to date, where I was supposed to go to school, the list goes on.” He took a long breath and continued, “You aren’t the kind of woman my parents would choose for me. Not the right family, background, whatever. But I choose you, because to me everything about you is beautiful.”

  Janine wasn’t quite sure how to respond. What’s wrong with me? It was clear there were very complex emotions expressed behind his words. For now, his feelings took precedent over hers. She drew close to him, kissed his cheek and stroked the back of his head.

  He relaxed into her shoulder, hugged her and exhaled deeply saying, “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I know how to handle them, but to bring you into this is just…”

  “I’ll be fine. Really. As long as they’re polite—I’m good. Let’s at least get this kitchen cleaned up like we promised.”

  He looked a little sad and far less confident. Why is it parents have the capacity to reduce their adult offspring to children? It was something Janine occasionally struggled with her own mother—but they could always talk through it. She wasn’t so sure about the Joseys.

  As she washed the dishes, very little outside of their task was said. Other than just “be herself,“ there was little else she could do to impress the Joseys. But she couldn’t help but notice Michael seemed more on edge than she had ever seen him before. He was always so measured and controlled, but now he wasn’t. She considered flirting with him, but she thought better of it. Doing so could lead to something neither could pursue under the current environment and circumstance. She needed things to go well for them both.

  CHAPTER 13

  As they finished the dishes, Dr. Josey came into the kitchen. “Michael, you want to join me on the patio for one of those cigars?”

  Michael turned to Janine to gauge her sentiments before saying, “I’ll be right out. Just let me just show Janine to the guest room.”

  “Okay. Grab a sweater, it’s cold out there,” he said before walking out the back door.

  “Sure thing.” Michael turned back to her. “C’mon. Let me get you settled upstairs.”

  He entwined her fingers to his, kissed them and led her out of the kitchen towards main the stairway. As they walked up, his mother was waiting at the top stair landing startling them both.

  “I was just coming down to get Janine and show her to her room,” Mrs. Josey said.

  “I was taking her up. I presume she’s staying in the one two doors down on the left?”

  “I’ll take her, Michael. You go have that cigar with your father. There’s an extra sweater in the hallway closet downstairs.”

  It sounded more like a demand than a request. Janine was fine with it, but she could tell the way Michael squeezed her hand he wasn’t happy with this.

  “Mom...” he started.

  “We’ll be fine, won’t we Janine?”

  “Of course. Go have a cigar with your dad. Maybe when you’re done, we can meet in the family room and watch a little TV before turning in.”

  She wanted to assure him not just with her words but also with her eyes that she felt capable of handling time alone with his mother. He kissed her on the cheek and headed back down the stairs. Janine continued up the stairs. As she neared the top, Mrs. Josey directed her to follow her down the hall.

  “Janine, I hope Michael told you that you would have separate sleeping arrangements.”

  “Yes ma’am, he did.”

  “I hope it goes without saying that I prefer those arrangements are not violated.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I completely understand,” Janine knew exactly what she meant.

  “Lovely. I won’t dictate a curfew by any means, but Dr. Josey and I usually head to bed by eleven. If you need anything, feel free to let Michael know. Fresh towels, extra linens and spare toiletries are under the sink in the bathroom. You know where the kitchen is, so feel free to help yourself if you want something else to eat or drink.”

  “Thank you. That’s very kind.”

  Mrs. Josey stood for a moment as if she wanted to say something else. Janine decided to find out what it could be.

  “Is there something else you’d like me to know?” asking as politely as she knew how.

  “I’m sure we’ll have more time to talk tomorrow. But I have to ask…do you think you’re in love with my son?” Those piercing eyes were fixed on her and she wasn’t sure which answer was hoped for.

  Janine decided to give her an irrefutable answer, “I don’t think, Mrs. Josey…I know I love him with all my heart and soul.”

  Mrs. Josey drew a deep breath and slowly exhaled saying, “I see. Well goodnight. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  “Good night, Mrs. Josey and thank you again.”

  Simple. No long talk, no additional queries. Janine felt more compelled to oblige her wishes. But she also knew Michael wouldn’t be happy with any of this and she wasn’t entirely sure she should tell him.

  She surveyed the lovely room with its canopy bed, plush mattress and pillows. Janine found the intricate carvings on the bed, wardrobe and desk absolutely beautiful. The craftsmanship was superb. She wasn’t sure if the furniture was antique or just very high end. She concluded it was likely both. After taking off her shoes, she decided to lie across the bed to soak in its luxury. As she lay there, all she could think about was how much she looked forward to seeing the rest of the house and property with Michael the next day.

  Rather than be a lump on the bed, she unpacked her toiletries and set her pajamas out. She went into the bathroom and tied up her hair to take a shower. The shower stall was larger than any she’d ever been in before. It had multiple jets and each of the shower nozzles had different settings. She climbed in enjoying every minute of her heavenly experience. She mused I have got to get me one of these one day! As she finished up, she reached for the towel and stepped out. She wanted to brush her teeth before heading back downstairs to meet Michael in the family room as planned. She looked at the clock and saw that it was just shy of eleven and his parents would be heading to bed soon. Maybe they could sneak a little nooky, or at least play with their new remote toy and still end up in separate beds.

  Having forgotten her toothbrush, she went back into the room but stopped when she heard what sounded like arguing coming from outside. Still wrapped in a towel, she turned off the lamp and stood by the window’s edge to see what was going on below. She saw Michael and his father arguing as his mother stood off to the side with her arms folded and her face stern. She couldn’t make out all that w
as being said, but she could tell Michael was very upset. She wasn’t sure if she should go to him or let this family dispute play out. Against her better judgment, she put on her pajamas and stepped into the hallway.

  She quietly walked down the hallway to the stair landing and began making her way down the steps when she heard them come inside. Their discussion was heated. She considered reversing course but instead, stopped and stood in the hallway listening. As she did, she could hear them more clearly and her heart dropped.

  “You’re kidding me, right? That’s the most antiquated shit I’ve ever heard!” Michael yelled.

  His mother responded with, “Keep your voice down and watch your mouth! Do not forget to whom you are speaking! We are still your parents!”

  His father said, “All we’re saying is, what does this girl bring to the table? We can applaud the fact she seems to have raised herself above her upbringing, but she’s still not…”

  Michael cut them off before his father finished his statement, “She’s still not what?”

  “Have your fun with her, but move on!”

  “Honey, that was uncalled for,” his mother snapped.

  “What the fuck did you just say?” Michael was furious.

  “She’s not right for you Michael,” his mother interjected.

  “And what’s right for me? Huh? You’ve already said she’s not from the right family…” obviously directing his comment to his father, “What else you got old man? Oh, let me guess—a little too black for you?”

  “Michael, watch your tone! We only want what is best for you!” his mother shouted before subduing herself.