Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  “We didn’t do too badly the last time we were here,” Monica said.

  “Yeah, that hotel was nice,” Dave noted.

  “Maybe we should go over there for drinks…you know for old times sake,” Monica said.

  “Or maybe that club we went to. That place was jumping!” Jamal said.

  Janine looked at Michael and they both smiled at their own remembrance.

  CHAPTER 18

  Spring break of their final year, Dave suggested the friends should have one last, big blast together before graduation. He found a four-day, three-night hotel and flight package to Belize City under six hundred dollars. Given all she and Michael had been through since the Christmas holiday period, Janine wasn’t as enthusiastic about taking the trip. She had the additional issue of coming up with the money without throwing her limited budget out of whack. She expressed her concern to Dave, who told her he was sure they could all help out if needed, but Janine knew better.

  Her friends were relentless urging her to take the trip with them. She carefully reviewed her budget knowing she had just enough money to support herself through September. She was too practical for “what ifs.“ She knew if she managed to land a position with a law firm before September, she’d be fine. But she also knew without additional income from at least a part time job, things could get very dicey financially.

  There wasn’t much time for her to decide. She broached the subject with Michael one evening as they were having dinner at his apartment.

  “So, what do you think about this trip to Belize?”

  “I think it could be a good time,” he replied.

  “Are you planning on going?”

  “Yes. I’ve bought the tickets.”

  “Tickets. So, paid for my ticket too?”

  “Yes.”

  As much as she was grateful for the gesture, she was also a bit irritated he did it without first discussing it with her.

  “Thank you. But I really wish you talked to me about it. It’s going to be pretty tight for me. I’m not sure I can pay you back right away.”

  “I didn’t ask you to pay me back,” he snapped. There was a long pause between them until he said, “Janine, I don’t know why you have hang ups about money.”

  “I don’t have hang ups about money!”

  “Yes, you do! Or is just my money?”

  “I can’t spend money I don’t have. Bottom line.”

  “But if I choose to do something special for you, why is there always some drama?” His irritation with the course of their conversation was becoming more apparent on his face.

  She wasn’t sure she had a logical answer to his question. “There’s no drama.”

  “There’s no drama when its something small like paying for coffee or dinner—something you can reciprocate…that’s it, right? If you can’t afford it you don’t want it given to you.”

  She looked sheepishly at him. “I don’t know. It just makes me a little uncomfortable. I don’t really know why.”

  His demeanor and tone shifted as he put his hand on top of hers. “Baby, I love you. I want to do things for you. Let me do that. Okay? I won’t go overboard if it makes you uncomfortable.”

  It sounded like a reasonable compromise for an emotion far from reasonable or logical. And he clearly could afford it. She’d learned Michael had a trust fund that had been given to him by his grandfather. In addition, he and his siblings received dividends from their substantial shares in their father’s medical inventions company. Janine didn’t know exactly how much money he personally had, but the interest alone at least allowed him to live comfortably. Without having to pay law school tuition, she presumed he had enough to live well even if he never earned a dime of his own.

  She responded with a simple, “Okay.”

  Finishing their meal, they cleaned the kitchen and with their work complete, Janine gathered her things preparing to leave.

  “Why are you leaving? I thought you were going to spend the night.”

  “Maybe tomorrow night. I’m just really tired and I’m not up for…” she paused, “I’m tired and I really need some sleep.” It wasn’t entirely true, but it sounded good.

  He let out a deep sigh. “Okay, I’ll drop by tomorrow after class, if you’re up for it. I call first just to be sure.”

  “Okay.”

  She gave him a peck on the cheek and headed out the door. As she made her way to her car, she couldn’t shake the discomfort knowing he purchased the ticket for her. She admitted it was a generous gesture, but she had trouble rooting out the source of her feelings. It wasn’t solely about her inability to reciprocate such generosity. She acknowledged another part of this was feeling she wasn’t bringing equal assets to the relationship—that she was the lesser his parents said.

  She was mildly ashamed for feeling that way because Michael never made her feel as if she was anything but his equal—in all things. His gift giving in the past was very specific and directly related to their lovemaking and play. Outside of that, he seemed intuitively sensitive to her “money issues.“ But she also knew it was wearing on him and he was increasingly frustrated by her behavior whenever the subject came up. She also knew—even though she couldn’t explain it—she did not want to discuss it with him because she considered it her issue. She wanted to address it alone, not be talked through or counseled on it by him. It wasn’t his place or his responsibility she reasoned.

  The next day, he called to see if it was still good for him to come over to see her. She wanted to see him. Hoping to avoid any additional conversation about money or the myriad of other issues that had risen to the surface, she just wanted to be with him. When he arrived, she greeted him at the door with a loving kiss. He held her tightly wrapping himself as much as possible around her.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” She kissed him again, this time deeper, exploring his mouth with her tongue. He brought his hands to her face and stroked her lightly during the kiss.

  Pulling away from her he asked, “Are we okay?”

  She wasn’t sure exactly how to answer so she just smiled, took him by the hand leading him to her bedroom. They spent the next few hours making love and holding each other—with neither saying much. Janine broke their silence with the unlikeliest of questions.

  “Michael, why me?”

  “What?”

  “Why do you love me?”

  “You’re kidding, right?” He looked at her as if trying to figure out where this question had come from. “Why would you ask me a question like that?”

  Initially she didn’t answer him, but instead looked deeply into his eyes searching with uncertainty and insecurity. From the first time he uttered those three words to her, she never questioned him about it because she knew she loved him desperately.

  “I just…I don’t know. I mean look at you. You’re fucking brilliant and handsome as hell. You have…everything. You could have anyone.”

  “I love everything about you…all your quirks, your brilliance, your humor. Everything about you is beautiful to me...inside and out. I’m blessed you’re in my life.”

  “But am I enough for you? Or is this about now?”

  He sat up on the bed looking deeply into her eyes. He wanted to make sure she understood. “I love you, Janine. So yes, you’re more than enough. You’re everything.”

  CHAPTER 19

  When the Spring Break trip finally arrived, the six friends were filled with excitement. Janine was actually looking forward to it as well. She resolved to enjoy their time together because she knew it was unlikely to happen again. After an eight-hour excursion, they finally landed in Belize City taking the airport shuttle to the hotel. With six instead of four people, the two rooms were certainly crowded and far from private. But everyone seemed just fine with it. They settled in deciding to hit the pool bar first.

  When they got there, a cover band was playing and people were drinking, dancing and splashing about in the lit pool. Michael and
Janine sat together on a lounge chair sipping their drinks while the others hit the dance floor.

  “This place is beautiful!” she whispered to him.

  “It’s one of my favorite places. I can’t wait to show you some of the island cays. There’s great snorkeling too. Have you ever been snorkeling?”

  “No. The only beach I’ve ever been to is Myrtle Beach. Our family used to go at least once every summer. That was the extent of our vacations.”

  “Then you will love the beaches here. Some are rough and not the best for swimming because of all the underwater plant life and reefs. But others are white sand and you can be in water up to your neck and still see your feet.”

  “Wow, really?”

  “You’ll see for yourself.” He smiled rubbing her legs.

  She returned his smile and once again pushed down her feelings of provinciality having never been to all the places he clearly had. She queried him further, “So how long ago did you come here?”

  “My family came twice when I was a teenager. With my father’s schedule, we took one family vacation a year. He only took two weeks off so we traveled a lot during those times.”

  “Hmmm.” How nice she thought.

  “Come on, let’s go swimming.”

  “I don’t want to get my hair wet yet.”

  “Too bad!”

  He set his drink down before taking hers. He then picked her up putting her over his shoulder. She playfully fought him shouting for him to put her down but he refused. He threw her in the water jumping in after her. She was too shocked to be angry and the others heartily laughed as they watched the scene. She splashed him in retaliation, but he grabbed her tightly, lifting her up and again throwing her back into the water. It was a great night for all. After the bar closed for the night, they stayed poolside talking and laughing until the sun came up. Dragging from exhaustion, they finally returned to their rooms before tackling the next adventure.

  After a few hours of sleep, they all decided to kayak the small cays off the coast of the city. Janine had never been kayaking before and she was a little nervous about it. Their guide assured her she’d be fine due to the calm waters. The life jacket would keep her afloat if she tipped over. Paddling out to a sanctuary called Laughing Bird Caye National Park, she’d never seen ocean water so blue and clear. It was a far cry from the murky brown waters off the North and South Carolina coasts. Below her was an array of plant life and reefs with blooming flowers and what looked to be sponges. As she paddled further, she looked down and saw fish of every description including what she thought was some kind of shark. She shrieked and her friends, including Michael laughed at her. He told her they were whale sharks and assured her they were perfectly harmless.

  As the tour group drew closer to the small island, some people got out of their kayaks pulling them onto shore. Janine decided to paddle as far as she could to the beach line before getting out of hers. The sand was almost white, very fine and blazing hot from the midday sun. Situated near the shore was a thatched covered structure where tourists found relief from the sun. The tour company also provided light snacks and drinks for the kayakers to enjoy. It was a glorious afternoon. Taking her cue from the others, she took pieces of fruit and went back to the beach to simply soak in the site and its stunning scenery. Monica made her way to her while the others drank beer under the hut.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

  “This place is amazing,” Janine replied.

  “Listen, I don’t mean to pry, but is everything cool with you and Michael?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Are you sure? Because we were talking last night and it just seems y’all aint vibing like you usually do. I mean it’s not like y’all be all on each other, but something seems, I don’t know…off lately.”

  Janine couldn’t lie to her. They shared a lot together the others were not aware of.

  “We’re going through a rough patch. I don’t know. It’s a little hard to explain. Hell, I don’t get it all myself.”

  “This isn’t really the time, but you know I’m here if you want to talk it through later, right?”

  Janine hugged her tightly whispering “Thank you. But I have to figure this out on my own.”

  “You love him, right?”

  Janine didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

  “Then work it out, if you can.” Monica turned back and saw the others approaching. Looking Janine squarely in the eyes, she said, “Work it out.”

  She just nodded hoping she could in fact work it out. She understood all too well the issue was hers, not Michael’s. “I’m trying, Monica.”

  CHAPTER 20

  After hours of swimming and kayaking, they finally arrived back at the hotel. Janine couldn’t believe how exhausted she was. The paddling alone made her arms a bit sore and the sun had drained energy from her body. With everyone agreeing to meet at seven for dinner in town, she wasn’t sure she could muster the strength to make it. But it was officially their second night in the city so she wanted to make the most of it. Back in the room, Monica had already managed to snag the first shower spot as Janine and Kelly sprawled across the beds waiting their turns.

  Kelly blurted out, “Hurry up, Monica!! And don’t use up all the hot water!”

  “How is she going to use up all the hot water? We’re in a hotel,” Janine quipped.

  “You know how she is, she’ll stay in the shower all damn day if you let her! You know she’s in there smacking the kitty!”

  “You’re wrong for that Kelly! Just wrong!”

  The two giggled.

  By the time all three women had showered and changed clothes it was almost seven-thirty. They knew there’d be nothing but grief from the guys who’d certainly complain about having to wait on them. Sure enough when they met them in the hotel lobby, they had beers in hand and were talking trash.

  “I appreciate you ladies want to look good being out with us, but that extra half hour was not well spent,” Dave said.

  “Fuck you, Dave!” Kelly said with a wide grin on her face.

  “So where are we going for dinner?” Jamal asked, “I’m way past hungry. If we don’t get something soon, I’m gonna keep my black ass right here and order something in the hotel restaurant!”

  “That might not be a bad idea,” Dave added.

  “Ah come on, y’all! Let’s go someplace else to eat, actually get out in the city. I’m sure we can find something close by that won’t be too expensive.” Monica said.

  They agreed to stick to plan and left the hotel to find a local eatery. Walking the city streets near the beach, they found a bistro with a variety of Central American foods from tamales to corn and meat or seafood dishes. Being fairly adventurous eaters, each ordered different items to share along with a few bottles of wine. Michael encouraged Janine to try an octopus dish she found quite tasty. As she enjoyed the buttered delicacy, she couldn’t help but marvel at how easily she was willing to explore virtually anything he suggested, no matter how exotic or out of the norm.

  Well-fed and feeling good, the group left the restaurant heading further into the city. As they walked, music was blaring from several locations. They decided to follow the music ending up in a small local club where Latin and World Beat music pounded synchronous rhythms. The place was filled with young tourists and locals alike. Because of the cramped space, people were dancing very closely and into the streets. Squeezing into the club, they danced together, but it didn’t take long before each found other partners, even Monica.

  The place was hot, cramped and people were sweaty as the musk of their bodies filled the night air. Keeping pace with the frenetic rhythms of the music, Janine and Michael let loose not seeming to care if their friends saw their intimacy play out as they danced together. Michael dangled his arms over her shoulders moving his hands down to her waist and hips before gripping her ass. He pulled her closer allowing her to feel his arousal. Looking deeply into each other’s eyes, Janine knew it wouldn’t be long be
fore she felt him inside her and she was hungry for him. She kissed him and then threw her head back allowing him to kiss her neck as they continued to grind against each other to the music.

  After an hour or so of their eroticism, she took him by the hand leading him through the throngs of people to the dark alley adjacent to the club. The music was still loud and the alley smelled of trash, but neither seemed to care. With her back against the wood-framed building, she pulled him to her and their embrace turned to greater passion. He raised her arms over her head and buried his face into her neck kissing and licking until whatever self-control he had left him.

  He reached under her sundress and ripped the panties off her with tremendous force. He rubbed her folds and let his fingers slide inside her pussy as she let out a deep groan. Freeing her arms from him, she frantically unzipped his pants reaching inside his jeans stroking and rubbing his penis. He spun her around in the tight space and immediately entered her. Just as they were getting the rhythm of their spontaneous fuck, a policeman shined a flashlight on them. Michael covered her by turning his back to the officer even though he was exposing his own ass.

  The amused policeman said to them, “I can arrest you for that! Take it someplace else!”

  He quickly replied, “Yes, officer! Just give us a minute, please!” He grinned at Janine who couldn’t contain her giggles. The officer removed his flashlight giving them privacy to straighten themselves up before exiting the alley. She didn’t worry about finding her torn panties instead she followed him out of the alley past the officer.

  Still tipsy, she giggled at the officer saying, “Thank you for not arresting us!”

  Without notifying the others they left the club, making their way back to the hotel assuming the others would figure out what happened. Rather than go back to their rooms, Michael paid for another room for the night. Once on the elevator their kissing and groping resumed as if they were two horny teenagers. As he pressed against her on the walls of the elevator, she looked up noticing a security camera.