Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  “Baby, there’s a camera!”

  He made the groaning sound that enticed her even more. “Let them watch!” He resumed humping and groping her.

  “We can’t! We’ll be on our floor soon.”

  Once they were out of the elevator she teasingly moved down the hall in front of him toward their room. He pushed the door open, letting her enter first. Unzipping his pants and grabbing her from behind as the door slammed shut, he cupped her breasts and then raised her sundress above her hips. Being fully erect, he leaned her over the dresser, kicked her legs apart and fucked her as hard as he could. She held onto the dresser providing as much push back and swirling her hips around his dick with each powerful thrust he made.

  Withdrawing from her, he started taking off the rest of his clothes. She followed suit, unbuttoning her dress and freeing herself from her bra. Managing to undress a little ahead of him, she sat on the bed motioning seductively for him to come to her with her finger. As he approached, she took her finger and put it in her mouth, licking it as if it were his penis. She then leaned back, raised her legs and slid her finger inside watching him the entire time.

  He knelt by the side of the bed and licked her finger as it slid out. He soon replaced her finger with his tongue and fingers as she writhed beneath him. She was so wet it was as if she had already come. But he kept lapping her smooth pussy sending her into even greater waves of pleasure. The hunger was intense between them and neither had much interest in a lot of foreplay. Given the way she was feeling, it didn’t matter. It all felt glorious and free. Michael slid his penis into her and let out a moan so deep it seemed to resonate throughout her body. Their fucking became wilder and faster until a rapturous release. In the quiet that followed, they moved further up on the bed wrapping their legs and arms around each other.

  When she woke the next morning, he was already up. He started coffee in the little pot sitting on the dresser. She had no idea what time it was, but thought they should at least let their friends know they were safely in the hotel and not dead in some Belize back alley.

  She picked up the room phone to call the girls when he stopped her. “Later. Besides, I’m sure they’ve all figured it out by now.”

  She smiled at him saying, “So you want to spend the day in bed?”

  “That sounds good.” He walked over and sat by on the bed next to her. “But I’d rather spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me.”

  “What did you say?” She couldn’t quite get over the shock of what he said to her.

  “Marry me, Janine.”

  She sat up on the bed looking at him feeling all his sincerity and love for her. Overwhelmed, she couldn’t find the courage to actually say yes, even though she wanted to. Instead, she hugged him tightly and kissed him deeply. She pulled him on top of her, wrapped her legs around him and with a big smile said, “Make love to me.”

  He happily obliged her.

  CHAPTER 21

  Over the course of dinner, they talked about their jobs, current events and other former classmates they’d run across over the last few years. After finishing their meal, the catering team cleared the table and disappeared along with Morris for the remainder of the evening. With the staff’s departure, their conversation turned more personal.

  “Monica, what happened with you and Jasmine,” Dave asked.

  Having talked a few times after the invitation call, Janine already knew it was a terribly painful chapter for her. It was so much traumatic Monica hadn’t spoken to any of them for almost two years. Janine was curious just how much she’d share given all the things that happened. Hell, she was a bit tentative about how she’d deal with a similar question from any of them.

  Taking a deep breath, Monica replied, “Simple answer…she broke my heart. After ten years together, she decided she didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was in shock. I mean I really didn’t know it was coming. She literally walked into our bedroom and said she was leaving me for some other woman.”

  “You had to know something wasn’t right,” Kelly said.

  “I had no clue. I trusted her. I was a fucking idiot because in hindsight, the signs were all there.”

  Janine listened being a little surprised at how candid she chose to be explaining the whole affair. For so long Monica tried to keep her sexuality a secret from the others—even though all of them suspected. It didn’t matter to any of them because they loved her-even Jamal- the one friend who used to annoy her the most. Having been raised a strict Baptist Monica struggled with this part of herself for years. When she finally came out to her friends, she was genuinely terrified they would shun her or not welcome her partner in their activities. But that certainly wasn’t the case. Like the rest of them, whomever she was dating was always welcomed whenever significant others joined their gatherings.

  Janine spent many hours over the years listening to Monica’s adventures in dating and love—especially once she moved to California. That’s where she met Jasmine and immediately proclaimed her the love of her life. Jasmine worked as an art director in the film industry, but the work was sporadic which meant she lived frugally. That was until she met Monica. There were few things Monica denied her. Being an entertainment attorney, Monica did extremely well eventually moving Jasmine into her Burbank home.

  Monica continued sharing her loss, “When she left me, I was completely lost. I mean she was the one who really helped me live my life in the open. When I came out to my parents, she was by my side. She was there when they told me I was going straight to Hell and no longer welcome as long as I was in such an ungodly relationship.”

  “Wow…I didn’t know all that went down,” Dave said.

  “Yeah, well…it was the right thing for me to do. The worst part about being in the closet was all the lying and deception. I just loved her so much I was willing to step into the light with her by my side. Her family was fully accepting and while it made nice holidays and all that, I missed my own family a lot.”

  “How are things with your family now?” Kelly asked.

  “Still strained. The only thing that’s changed is we aren’t together. I’m still going straight to Hell according to them. I’m the demon seed.”

  Much to Janine’s surprise Michael asked, “Are you seeing anyone now?” He rarely asked those kinds of questions of anyone—friend or not.

  “No. I mean I flirt a little—but no. I’m still trying to get right with me. You know what I’m saying? That’s part of the reason I went off grid with you all for a while. I just couldn’t deal with all that pain.”

  “Well, don’t do that ‘off grid’ shit again. We got you! We’re your family.” Jamal proclaimed. They all reinforced his statement.

  “What about you Dave? What’s been going on with you since your divorce?” Kelly asked.

  It seemed as if there was little rhyme or reason regarding who might get the question next. Janine poured herself another glass of wine to keep herself from getting antsy on the subject.

  “I’m good. I have a few women I spend time with, but nothing serious. There’s no reason for me to ever get married again unless she’s something special. But you know…my divorce was mutual. We just grew apart,” he added rather casually.

  Kelly moaned, “Ughhhh! I hate when people say that shit! What does that even mean? You supposed to be growing together when you get married!”

  “It doesn’t always work out that way. I mean, I loved Amber—but after having kids and all that…things just started to change. It was like the kids always came first, then her job, then the house and I was way down on the list. We stopped being…us.”

  Janine heard this complaint before from other male friends over the years. She was a little surprised to hear this sentiment from Dave though. Among her male friends, she always found him the most communicative. He was charming but fairly traditional in a lot of his views. He seemed sensitive to others’ needs and was always the one to call when there were significant life changes occurring among the cre
w. He was also the one who’d call out of the blue simply to catch up. She loved that about him. He was always tuned in to what was going on because he genuinely cared about what was happening with other people. Janine thought this trait made him exceptional both as a caring person and lawyer. He was a managing partner for a smaller firm, but it was growing and viewed as one of the best regional firms in the country.

  On the subject of ‘growing apart,’ Janine also heard the other side from female friends. These women complained their husbands were not active in the care of children or the household. That complaint often led to resentment creating an environment of frustration and distance between partners. On the issue of sex, Janine learned some women were genuinely exhausted trying to tend to all the physical and emotional needs of their families. They were simply too tired to deal with intimacy of any kind especially if husbands were not tending to their needs aside from sex.

  Janine surmised long ago the issue was probably bigger than most would freely admit. But having talked with Dave about it when he was actually going through the divorce, she wasn’t entirely sure he would ever fully understand or appreciate a differing perspective on the issue. In his mind, if a baby is crying—it can wait for another few minutes until sex concluded. He never liked that Amber used to jump out of bed running to tend to the children no matter their need. Janine couldn’t fully relate but she certainly empathized with the emotional responses from both perspectives.

  “Man, listen.” Jamal started, “Me and Denise went through something like that after our first baby was born. She was tired all the time and the sex stopped cold. She was running the baby back and forth to day care and sitters, cooking, cleaning, and going to work every day. It was wearing her out and she was bitchy all the damn time. Nothing I said could talk that salt out of her! But then I got to thinking and really paying attention to what was going on with her. And I was like, ‘damn—of course she tired.’

  I couldn’t cook and do half of that shit she did. So, I got a maid service to come in twice a week to keep the house clean the way she likes it. I learned to cook a little—not well—but I learned. I mean damn…she out there working just as hard as I am. And you know what, the kids aint gon die if they have fast food or cereal for dinner! She needed a break too!

  Point is…we worked it out. And women appreciate that stuff. Man, I’m here to tell you. My old man used to tell me to find a woman that cooks—but my momma used to tell me, ‘happy wife makes a happy life.’ I’m proof. Your family has to come first- but that means everybody in the damn house. You take turns and share. My older kids can hang out with their friends now. We get a sitter so Denise and I can go out on dates. And all my kids know that when the bedroom door is closed, they better not call us unless somebody’s bleeding, dying or dead! They definitely know not to come in—unless they want the shock of their little lives!”

  Kelly was about to bust. “See, that’s what I’m talking about! When we got married, Jason told me I didn’t have to work anymore, but you know I couldn’t do that. I kept a few clients to stay in the game. But even being at home, you need a damn break from the kids and sometimes your man. I love my kids to death—but you’ve got to have time for yourself, your friends and most important your man. Some women forget that-trying to do it all. I have someone that helps with the kids three days a week and a weekly cleaning and laundry service. It’s great. It’s a blessing is what it is.”

  “But everyone can’t afford help, Kelly,” Janine said.

  “I know that. But if you’ve got family, they can help too. Before we hired someone, my mother and aunties were always coming in from Pittsburg to help me out until I finally found someone I was comfortable with. I mean that’s how folks used to do it back in the day.”

  Janine’s mother made a conscious choice to return to Charlotte so her parents and extended family could help her. They all took turns making sure Janine got to and from various lessons and after school activities. When her mother needed to prepare for exams, she’d spend time with her grandparents. Child rearing was an extended family affair few families practiced anymore. But for her it was a saving grace. The lessons from her family gave her a solid moral grounding and a sense of family. But her mother’s struggle reinforced another key message she learned growing up. Always have your own.

  This mantra was borne of her mother’s struggle with marrying young and having very little in terms of material possessions. With a husband in the Navy, the young family moved a lot. Her mother often lamented how finding meaningful or long-term employment was difficult. But when he died, the modest veteran’s benefit couldn’t sustain them. Her mom had to build a career and life for them both. Janine absorbed Always have your own to mean not only have her own assets and career, but never rely on a man for her well-being. As she grew older, she knew it was part of the reason she had trouble accepting gifts from or feeling vulnerable with Michael—or any man for that matter.

  “So what about you, J. What’s going on in your love life these days.” Jamal asked.

  “I’ve been dating, but nothing permanent will come out of it—that’s for sure.”

  “Why do you say that?” Monica asked as she sipped her wine.

  The moment had come and Janine was too tipsy to craft a response other than truth. “He’s a lot like Dave. Been married, the father of two great kids and he has no desire to ever marry again. It works for me...for now.”

  “For now?” Dave asked, “You’ve been married and divorced too. Do you want to get married again?”

  Janine thought for a moment. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve had my chance twice and it didn’t work out either time.”

  Before she realized what she had said, Kelly jumped right in not missing a beat.

  “What do you mean twice? Who else did you marry that we don’t know about?”

  “No, no! I didn’t get married twice, but I was asked twice.”

  “Other than Mr. Chicago—who I didn’t like anyway—who else asked you to marry him? Because I don’t remember hearing anything about this!”

  Lowering her head, she took a deep breath and simply said, “Someone that I loved very much, but it didn’t work out. I wasn’t ready, so I lost him.”

  Monica rescued her and shifted the question to Michael. “So, Mr. Josey, you’re the last one to spill his relationship guts. What’s been going on with you?”

  They all anticipated his answer because over the years they’d come to understand Michael used words sparingly. He rarely talked openly about his relationships especially in the presence of the women of the group.

  “I date but I’m not involved with anyone seriously right now,” he said.

  “I can’t believe you never got married, Mike. What happened to the one we met at Kelly’s wedding? What was her name?” Jamal asked.

  “Christine,” Janine said as she took another sip of her wine.

  “Right, Christine! That sista was fine as hell! And she could put two sentences together. What happened to her? I thought I heard y’all were getting married.”

  “Didn’t work out. We wanted different things.” Michael’s reply was as cryptic as always and in a subtle gesture, his eyes shifted to Janine.

  Looking at her watch Kelly said, “Damn, it’s midnight already! I don’t know about y’all, but I’m tired. I can’t hang until the wee hours like we used to.”

  Half joking Dave said, “What are we going to be like at fifty if we can’t hang out after midnight at forty?”

  “Oh we can hang! We just have to get some sleep and not be on a plane for seven to twelve hours!” Monica replied.

  “So, what do y’all want to do tomorrow? Take a kayaking trip again? Oh, and the last time we were here we never did get a chance to go up to the Mayan temples and ruins—let’s do that!” Kelly said.

  “We’ve got two more days. Why don’t we do the temples tomorrow? That’ll take all day because it’s what, thirty or forty miles away, right Kelly?” Janine suggested.

&nbs
p; “I’m down with that. Let’s do that and then go out on the boat or kayak Saturday,” Dave added.

  “Okay. I’ll leave a note for Morris to have a car for us in the morning and take us to the temples. Ten tomorrow morning sound good?”

  “Sounds good,” Michael said.

  Everyone got up from the table, said their goodnights and headed in different directions to their rooms. Michael and Janine headed out the expansive patio towards their bungalows. Initially there was silence between them until they reached the pool area that would send them in opposite directions.

  She stopped and asked, “So why didn’t you marry Christine?”

  Turning to her he answered, “Like I said, we wanted different things.”

  “What was so different? She seemed right for you.”

  He came in so close she could feel his breath as he spoke. “I couldn’t marry her if I was sleeping with you. Could I?”

  The moment between them was awkward for her and she didn’t know how to respond. “I don’t…I don’t even know what to….”

  “There’s really nothing for you to say. You asked me and I told you. Go to sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  “Right…okay. Good night.”

  “Good night.”

  CHAPTER 22

  Back in the bungalow, she decided to take a shower to help her sleep. Slipping out of her clothes, she didn’t realize how exhausted she was. She sat on the bench at the foot of the large bed reflecting on all the things shared between her friends over dinner. She couldn’t help but think about all that wasn’t said as well. She gathered her pajamas and headed to the shower. The openness of the space allowed her to move freely as the warm water washed over her. As she did, she thought about Kelly’s wedding seven years earlier. It was the one thing she never told any of her girlfriends about.

  Declining their invitation to join them for drinks after the wedding rehearsal dinner, Janine returned to her hotel room. Emotionally drained, there was no way she could casually go out drinking with Michael, Dave, Monica and Jamal. She was still trying to recover from meeting Christine, let alone her interaction with Michael on the dance floor. Even though she tried to conceal it, she felt rather pathetic because of the way she watched him and this new woman in his life. She couldn’t help but wonder if Christine knew all of his secrets…if she had become his…if she had been trained. The truth was she was jealous while simultaneously knowing she had absolutely no right to be. He wasn’t hers anymore and whatever he was doing with this or any woman was none of her business. As painful as it was, she had to acknowledge she left him.