Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  Lying down on the bed, she stared up at the ceiling thinking about all of it. She began to cry. She hated herself for it because it had been seven years since they were together. Getting up to wash her face, she heard a knock at her hotel door. The only person she thought it could be was Monica returning from the bar. Her room was only a few doors down the hallway.

  “Just a minute!” she shouted as she hurriedly washed her face. But as she looked in the mirror, she realized there was little she could do to hide her red swollen eyes. She opened the door without looking through the peephole. To her utter surprise, it was Michael.

  “Hey.”

  She was speechless and her breath quickened as embarrassment overwhelmed her. “Umm, hi.”

  “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m fine…really. Why are you here?”

  “May I come in?”

  “Is that really a good idea?”

  “Let me in, Janine.”

  She stepped aside letting him into the room against her better judgment.

  He walked over the chair and sat down before asking again. “Are you okay?”

  “I’ll be fine.” She knew it was a lie, but she said it anyway before asking, “Weren’t you going out for drinks with everybody?”

  “We went. And then I found out you weren’t coming. So I came to check on you.”

  “Like I said, I’m fine. I was just tired.”

  “That’s a lie,” he said calmly. “If you’re fine, why have you been crying?”

  There was no way she could answer him honestly so she clenched her teeth, folded her arms looking him in the eyes with all the strength she could muster. “Why are you here, Michael? Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend?”

  He lowered his head rubbing his hands as if he was searching for the right words. He got up walking quickly towards her taking hold of her face in his hands and kissing her hard. She initially tried to resist, but there was little use. His kiss became softer as she opened her mouth allowing his tongue to enter. As their kiss became deeper and sweeter, her tears started flowing again and she backed away from him saying, “I can’t…this is…” but he moved in kissing her again. But this time she hugged him tightly allowing his hands to move over her body. She knew what they were doing was wrong, but she wanted him— even if she only had him for the moment.

  Without saying a word, she withdrew from their kiss. Backing away, she slowly took off her clothes watching him intensely. Standing naked in front of him, she knew she’d not only exposed herself physically, but also emotionally. She was terrified…and hopeful.

  Pulling her close, he whispered, “I’ve missed you, Baby.”

  He ran his fingers along her shoulder down her arm. She closed her eyes concentrating on the sensation she thought she’d never feel again. Next she felt his tongue glide effortlessly along her neck while his hands further explored her body. Reaching around to her ass, he held it tightly before releasing it. Moving his fingers slowly along her spine, he continued kissing her neck. She titled her head back in response to his ethereal touches, being lost to him once again.

  Taking hold of his waist, she slowly lowered to her knees. Looking up at him, she unbuckled his belt, sliding it out of the loops. She nuzzled his penis with her lips and tongue before unzipping his pants sliding them along with his underwear off his hips. She gently cupped his balls in her hands while running her tongue lovingly across them. She softly took them into her mouth as he moaned his approval. Running her tongue along his inner thighs, up to his penis and down again in slow circles, she mixed her licks with gentle kisses. Fully erect, she took him into her mouth while holding his hips even tighter. She began guiding him in and out, swirling her tongue and lips around his shaft. His deep brown eyes fixed on hers the entire time, his breathing quickened as she continued loving him with her mouth.

  Eventually reaching down and guiding her back up to meet his lips, he continued kissing her while guiding her to the bed. Again they watched each other as if they were searching for some lost part of themselves. He lay on top of her rising up on his hands to slowly slide his penis inside her. She could feel every inch, every subtle pulsation, as he entered her. She let out a long sigh that was both a measure of her pleasure and relief. Taking hold of his shoulders drawing him closer and deeper, she smiled. They held each other tightly as their bodies entwined with each stroke. Carefully rolling to their sides, Janine lifted her leg and wrapped it around his upper thigh allowing the penetration to be even deeper. Each caress and kiss became more deliberate and serene.

  They savored every touch as they moved from one position to another, neither in a hurry. Taking their time as their desire came to a peak before slowing things down only to build over and over again. Under any other circumstance, this lovemaking would have been frustrating. But for them, it was as if they were holding on to one other as if it would be their last time.

  Eventually, she raised her hands over her head. Shifting her hips, she began meeting his thrusts with a faster pace than that enjoyed for what seemed like hours. She was ready and wanting desperately to come with him again. He obliged her as their sweaty bodies embraced tighter as rapturous orgasms overtook them.

  When it was all over, neither wanted to move but Janine whispered, “You should go. It’s late.”

  His eyes acknowledged she was right, but he wouldn’t say it. Instead he looked at the clock, and he let out a sigh. It was two twenty-six in the morning.

  “You should probably take a shower before heading back to your room…or at least freshen up.”

  She could smell her scent all over him and she could only presume Christine would smell it too. As she considered it, a part of her felt guilty about what happened between them. The feeling soon left her when he reached down to kiss her once again. “You should go,” she whispered.

  He sat up looking at her with such love before gathering his clothes off the floor and heading to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he emerged fully dressed. He kissed her once more and left. As she closed the door behind him, it occurred to her she never heard the water running in the bathroom. She realized he deliberately returned to Christine knowing this could be the end of his relationship with her.

  Janine’s reflection of that night brought with it a flood of mixed emotions. Things could have been so different if she had only told him how much she wanted him to stay with her…forever.

  CHAPTER 23

  She awoke the next morning around seven-thirty as the warm Belize air flowed through her room. She didn’t want to move and quickly realized she had a slight hangover from all the wine consumed the night before. Making it through the day would require taking something to clear her head. Slowly getting out of the bed, she went to the kitchenette to see if water bottles available. Not only did she find them, but also small containers of orange juice. Reaching for her purse on the nightstand, she pulled out a pill case to retrieve two ibuprophen. Taking them and gulping down the juice, she couldn’t get over how thirsty she was. She grabbed a water bottle finishing that just as quickly as the juice.

  Having showered the previous night, she simply washed her face and brushed her teeth. Deciding against flat ironing her hair, she pulled it up into a tucked bun on the top of her head. She placed a little decorative headband on and started to get dressed. Given the fact they’d be hiking the Mayan temples, she wanted to be comfortable. She wore shorts with a camisole top and a blouse tied at the waist, just in case it was much cooler at the higher elevations. Much to her surprise, she heard Morris’ voice over an intercom system she didn’t even know existed. While a bit intrusive, it was classy as hell.

  “Good morning, everyone! Mrs. Rubenstein wants me to inform you breakfast is now ready in the main house. Please join her.”

  Slipping on her socks and tennis shoes she made her way to the main house. As she entered the grand living area, Monica was making her way down the staircase. She was still in her pajamas.

  “Good morning, Moni
ca!”

  “Girl! It’s too early for all of this! Is Kelly serious? A damn intercom? At eight o’clock in the morning? What the fuck!”

  Janine just giggled. “Yeah, but you gotta admit it’s better than having someone bang on your door or having an alarm go off.”

  “If you say so.”

  Wiping her eyes, Monica joined Janine for the walk to the dining room. When they entered, Jamal and Dave were already filling their plates with eggs, bacon, fruit and pancakes.

  “Good morning!”

  “Hmmm, that smells good,” Janine said.

  “Would you like some coffee?” Kelly offered.

  “Absolutely!” Reaching for a mug she asked, “Where’s Michael?”

  “Oh, he wasn’t with you? Last we saw him, he was walking out the door with you, J!” Dave teased.

  “You’re funny! He went to his bungalow and I went to mine—alone!”

  “He went for a run about a half hour ago. The Cay’s not that big so unless he took a few laps around it, he should be getting back here pretty soon,” Kelly informed her.

  “So, we’re on for the trip out to the temples, right?” Dave asked.

  “Yes. Morris will drive us in the cart down to the mainland ferry at ten. A driver will be waiting to take us up to Caracol. I’ll tell you now, the road gets a little bumpy the further up we go, but it will be a great day trip.”

  “Cool!” Jamal said. “Is there food up there?”

  “We take it. Morris is fixing backpacks for us now with water and food. We carry our own stuff up there,” Kelly answered.

  Janine got a plate filling it with fruit and bacon before sitting at the table. Suddenly, the buzzer sounded signaling someone was at the main gate. They continued eating as Morris appeared from the kitchen to open the front door. Michael walked into the dining area, covered in sweat with his shirt clinging to him. After saying “Good morning” to everyone, he reached for a cup of coffee and a plate from the buffet table. Janine tried not to stare at him, but she couldn’t help it. He managed to stay in excellent shape over the years. His back, shoulder and arm muscles were still lean. He legs were strong and defined. He had a little extra around his waist, but nothing took away from his attractiveness. After getting his food, he sat next to her completely oblivious to the effect he was having on her. His scent was thoroughly intoxicating reminding her of many sex-filled, sweaty nights with him. She hoped her arousal and discomfort didn’t show to the others.

  Feeling a bit awkward, she said to him, “We were just talking about today’s trip to Caracol.”

  “It should be nice. I was reading up on latest discoveries there and the other Mayan sites last night. Can’t wait to see it again.”

  He started eating his croissants and fruit. The group was fairly quiet as everyone finished up their breakfasts.

  Excusing herself from the table, Monica said, “Thanks for the breakfast Kelly. I’m going to wash the funk off me. I’ll be back down in a bit.”

  Dave and Jamal finished up as well and headed back to their rooms. Janine, Kelly and Michael continued to sit enjoying their coffee.

  “Did you two sleep well last night,” Kelly asked with that sly grin on her face.

  Janine cut a sharp glance at her before responding. She knew exactly why Kelly reserved that particular question for the two of them.

  “Yes. The bed in the bungalow is very comfortable. It really is a nice space,” she said before turning to him. “What’d you think of your bungalow Michael?”

  “Yeah, I slept well—thanks.” Barely looking up, he simply spread more butter on his croissant.

  “You haven’t slept out there before, Kelly?” Janine queried.

  Taking a sip from her coffee, “No, that’s why I asked,” Her famous shit-eating grin spread across her face. She looked at Janine before glancing at Michael who was more focused on his food.

  Finishing up he said, “I’m going to shower. I’ll see you both back here at…what time again?”

  “Ten,” Kelly answered.

  “Okay, it won’t take me that long.” He left through the patio entry leaving Janine alone with Kelly.

  Certain he was out of earshot, Janine turned to Kelly. “You know you’re wrong, right? What the hell was that?”

  “I just wanted to know how you two slept.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “You know all kinds of things can happen if the setting is right. You know what I’m saying, Janine?” With that grin full of mischief, Kelly sipped more coffee waiting for Janine to respond.

  “Is that why you put us out in the bungalows instead of here in the main house? Lord knows there’s plenty of room in here.”

  Giggling devilishly she replied, “Was I wrong or presumptuous to do that?”

  “Wrong? Oh, you know damn well you’re wrong. Presumptuous? Absolutely! What is wrong with you?”

  “Girl, you can’t tell me you don’t still have feelings for that man. I mean…Fuck! Just look at him! If you hadn’t gotten to him first, I might’ve hit it!”

  Janine didn’t doubt for one minute Kelly made a pass at him at some point early in their school days. But she never concerned herself with it because as wonderful as she was, at that time in their lives Kelly likely fell into his category of women he’d fuck and that’d be about it.

  “He’ll always be special to me but that doesn’t mean I’ll be sleeping with him again.”

  “And why the hell not?”

  “Come on, Kelly! Stop being nosy and go get dressed. It’s already nine fifteen.”

  “Look, neither one of you has a ring on your finger or serious with anyone. I’m just saying, seize the damn day! Both of y’all make my damn head hurt! Handle your shit, that’s all I’m saying, Boo!”

  “Go get dressed. I’ll meet you by the pool.”

  Kelly smiled knowing how good her friend was at deflection. She patted Janine on the shoulder before heading upstairs.

  Janine got her coffee cup and headed to the pool area. There were a few magazines and newspapers sitting on the bamboo table. She sat down with a fashion magazine flipping from page to page, reading short articles passing the time. Shortly thereafter, Michael came over and sat at the table. He picked up the newspaper, folded it and began to read.

  “That was quick,” she said.

  “You know it doesn’t usually take me long to shower and get dressed,” he replied.

  Putting the magazine down and focusing her attention on him she said, “I didn’t know you still ran.”

  “I try to run at least two or three times a week. It helps clear my head.” He continued scanning the paper.

  “Hmm. My head was screaming this morning. A mild hangover, I think. I haven’t had that much to drink in a long time. But going for a run wouldn’t have helped at all.”

  “Better pace yourself. We’ve got two more days to go.”

  “Yeah. Good thing the beds are so comfortable. I had no trouble falling asleep last night.”

  “It was a long day.”

  She was a little surprised they were having a fairly normal yet mundane conversation. In the past their conversations tended to be laced with innuendos.

  “So when did you get in?” she asked.

  “A few hours before you and Jamal. I caught a five a.m. direct flight from D.C. I got here around one, so I had a couple of hours to relax. I slept on the plane too, so I was good.”

  “I napped too, but usually it’s hard for me to sleep on planes. My mind just keeps racing all the time.”

  “Still living in that head of yours, huh?”

  “I guess so. Some things don’t change.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  Janine knew it was a slight dig at her, but she wasn’t offended. He knew her well. One of the things he often said to her was she needed to ‘get out of her own head.’

  “Actually, I was thinking about the last time we were all here,” she shared.

  “And what were you thinking about?”
r />   “Everything…all of it.”

  “Really? All of it?” Finally putting his paper aside he gave her his full attention.

  “Yes. It was a great time. I mean, the kayaking, that club and especially that night in the hotel.”

  “Was that the first time you’ve thought about it?”

  “Of course not…but it was the first time in a very long time. It was fifteen years ago.”

  “Is that why you almost backed out of this trip?”

  She could only imagine who told him that, but she was candid. “Yes. I wasn’t sure I could deal with everything associated with being here.”

  “And how are you doing now?” he asked leaning a little closer.

  She lowered her eyes before smiling warmly. “Better than I thought. It’s good to see you. I’m glad I came…and I’m glad you’re here.”

  Placing his hand on her thigh he said, “I’m glad you’re here too.”

  His touch sent a pulse up her thigh and to the pit of lower abdomen. She shifted slightly in her seat.

  “What is it? What are you thinking about now?”

  Without meeting his eyes, she softly said, “I think you know.”

  “Say it. Stop thinking so much and just say what you’re thinking.”

  “I’ve missed you. More than I care to admit.”

  He removed his hand from her thigh, leaned back in his chair watching her. “I’ve missed you too.”

  CHAPTER 24

  Janine was relieved her chat with Michael was interrupted as Monica, Kelly and the guys came out of the house to join them poolside.