Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  Monica was far livelier than she’d been over breakfast. “I’m really looking forward to going up to Caracol today. I’ve heard it’s an amazing site. Friends of mine who’ve been there told me you feel the history and culture all around you. That it’s almost a spiritual experience.”

  “It is an amazing place…and yes, it’s very spiritual if you open yourself to it,” Kelly replied.

  Adding his two cents Jamal said, “I aint down with no ancient spirit shit, but let’s do this thang anyway!”

  Precisely at ten, Morris announced it was time to go. Following him out, they squeezed into the golf cart. Since it only designed for five passengers including the driver, Kelly sat next to Morris in the front passenger seat. Monica, Janine and Dave sat in the front-facing rear seat, and Jamal and Michael sat in the rear facing back seat. It was very tight, but they all held on to the roof supports as they made their way the short half-mile to the ferry landing. Morris had already driven their supplies ahead. When they arrived, the backpacks were being carefully guarded by one of the ferryman for a sizeable tip. They each took a one and boarded the ferry.

  The trip to the mainland was only fifteen minutes and when they disembarked, a driver was waiting with a sign that read ‘Rubenstein’ party. Janine was amused at the curious on-looker who had difficulty reconciling the name with the appearance of the passengers. Fortunately, the van provided was spacious enough to make their trek up the mountain more comfortable.

  On their way, Janine looked inside her backpack to see what had been prepared. She was pleased to find water bottles, several pieces of fruit, nuts and a frozen box containing sandwiches and cheeses. After a two-hour drive on paved and then very rough dirt roads through dense rainforests, they finally arrived. Sitting in the middle of a clearing in the rainforest, Caracol was a stunning sight.

  The six friends walked towards the Southern Acropolis, a stone pyramid structure that seemed to be over a hundred feet or more high. Other tourists were milling around the site with cameras and cell phones clicking away. They arrived just in time for the next scheduled tour. Greeted warmly by a young man with a strong British accent, they began their adventure. In addition to the massive pyramids, he pointed out that this Mayan city had ball courts and plazas that once provided recreation, markets and religious activities for over one hundred fifty-thousand people over a millennium ago. It was stunning to learn a city this large had thrived so long ago especially given how far up the mountain it was.

  After an hour with the guide, they scattered to further explore the site on their own. Fascinated by this remarkable place, Janine and Monica made their way into the narrow passages marveling at the intricate carvings. Dave and Jamal challenged each other to climb the two Acropolis structures. Michael and Kelly made their way to the active archaeology sites and then to the museum exploring the artifacts found during excavations.

  After two hours or so she and Monica took shade under a row of trees to eat. Michael and Kelly soon joined them. In the distance the four of them saw Dave and Jamal with a group of other tourists reaching the top of the Northern Acropolis. It was a challenging climb for the less fit and some tourists were sitting midway up the structure trying to catch their breaths. While she didn’t fit in that category, she hadn’t yet decided to make the climb given all the other things there were to see and do at the site.

  “So what do you think?” Kelly asked.

  “There is still so much to see. I’m overwhelmed at just how beautiful it is,” Janine said before turning to Michael. “You’ve been here before, right?”

  “Yes, but it was a long time ago.”

  “Every time I come here, the archaeologists are working in a new location and uncovering the coolest things,” Kelly said adding, “There are at least eight other Mayan sites scattered within a few hundred kilometers of Belize City. I want to see them all.”

  When Dave and Jamal finished their climb they made their way over to where their friends were chatting and enjoying lunches.

  As Dave approached he called out to them. “Hey!”

  Jamal followed behind him, limping slightly. “What’s up?”

  Noticing blood on his lower leg, Janine asked with concern, “Jamal? What happened to your leg? You’re bleeding!”

  “Oh yeah, that. I slipped on one of the steps and scraped up my leg. Nothing too serious. I think the Mayans had little damn feet!”

  “You’re a fool!” Kelly joked. “Look in your backpack. There’s a small First Aid Kit in there. There should be wipes, some wound care and a bandage that should be large enough to cover that.”

  “Girl, you think of everything!”

  “I know Denise has a purse full of every little thing too. Especially since y’all got kids,” Kelly replied.

  “Yeah, she does,” he chuckled as he began tending to his wound. “You guys should climb up. You can see over the trees and the views up there make you feel like you’re on top of the world.”

  “He’s right, you should go up there,“ Dave added.

  “I still want to check out more of the carvings,” Monica said. “Kelly, where’s the path that leads to the other smaller altars?”

  Kelly pointed to the right saying, “They’re over there. Do you want to go?”

  “Yes!”

  “I’ll go with you. Anybody else want to go?”

  “I’m gonna finish eating, but yeah. I want to go,” Dave said.

  “Me too,” Jamal chimed in.

  Janine thought it sounded like a good idea too, but she was now more intrigued by the climb up the Acropolis. She turned to Michael asking, “Do you want to climb to the top with me?”

  He smiled at her. “Sure, I’ll go with you.”

  “Okay, why don’t we all meet up here at four-thirty? The van will be back to pick us up at five,” Kelly said.

  They finished eating, cleaned up their messes and resumed their adventure. Janine and Michael walked the few hundred yards towards the Northern Acropolis to begin their climb. She turned to him half joking, “I hope I don’t get a cramp!”

  “You shouldn’t. And if you do, just stop until it passes.”

  “Thanks for coming with me, by the way.”

  “No problem. I want to do it too.”

  They began their climb slowly up. With each step, Janine noticed the small amounts of moss covering some of the stairs. The stone had grayed and there were fine cracks in some of them. As they approached the first landing, she noticed there were at least three other areas where a person could step off the main stair to the platform areas. She decided to step off on one of them to take in the view. Michael joined her.

  “I haven’t done anything like this in years,” she said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know the last time I actually just took in the sites. I travel so much with work that when I do take a vacation, I’m usually heading to Charlotte to visit my mom. Even then, I’m still connected to the office.”

  “That doesn’t sound like a vacation.”

  “It’s not, really.”

  “Then change it. “

  “Hmph. I guess.”

  “You guess? What’s stopping you?”

  She thought for a moment about the question before replying. “Habit, more than anything else, I guess.” After she said it, she noticed he was looking at her with concern. He was studying her. “What?”

  He paused as if trying to find the right words and then simply said, “Nothing. Let’s finish the climb.”

  They made their way to the top without stopping the rest of the way. Neither said much until they reached the top.

  “Listen,” he said.

  “To what? I don’t hear anything.”

  “Just listen.”

  Janine walked to the edge looking out on the expanse before her and listened. The quiet she observed was replaced by a cacophony of chirps, screeches and other sounds likely made by birds, insects and other creatures she couldn’t begin to identify. It was a
s if there was a swell of sound and then things would get very quiet again. This pattern continued until there was a return to the normalcy of random animal sounds. She hadn’t noticed it before. She didn’t think they were so high it would make such a difference in what she heard on the ground. But as she looked at the people below, she realized their walking and talking, vehicles coming and going and the clicks of devices managed to reduce nature’s sounds to background noise. But up here, she could hear nature and the intrusive sounds of people fell to the background.

  “Did you hear all this down there?” she asked.

  “It’s all about what you choose to focus on.” He looked into her eyes hoping she would understand his deeper meaning.

  She sat down on the platform, pulled out her water bottle and listened.

  “What are you thinking about now?” He asked sitting next to her.

  “You.”

  “What about me?”

  Without looking at him she said, “I’m thinking about who I am, when I’m around you.”

  “You’re the same person whether I’m here or not.”

  Looking deep into his eyes for the first time she was far more pensive. “It’s just what I choose to focus on, right?”

  “I can’t answer that for you.”

  “But you did.” She sighed heavily. “You know how I feel about you, right? No matter what time or life has done to us.”

  “Say it,” he said gazing intently at her.

  “Say it…right.” After a long pause she finally said, “I’ll always love you.”

  “I know. I’ve never doubted it. I feel the same way about you.”

  “Then why did I have to say it?”

  “Because you needed to.”

  As she looked into his eyes, she couldn’t help but smile because he knew her so well. Her smile also reflected her pleasure at hearing him say he loved her too. With the confession came a sense of ease as they talked further.

  “You know what’s so strange?”

  “No. What’s so strange?”

  “We never had trouble expressing ourselves until…”

  “Christmas at my parents’ house,” he said continuing her thought.

  “I’m sorry I never told you this, but I heard part of the argument you had with them. I was listening at the top of the stairs. You were so angry and rightfully so. I’d never seen you like that.”

  “Wow!” His struggle for words was apparent on his face.

  “And then you came to my room. You didn’t want to talk about it. Instead you just…tried to use me.” Her voice trailed off.

  “Use you?” His tone shifted to incredulous. ”What are you talking about?”

  “You were so angry. When you grabbed me, it was like you were using me as a vessel for all your rage against them. I didn’t like it at all. Frankly, it scared the shit of me.”

  His jaw clenched as his eyes moved back and forth mentally recalling the scene. Then his face softened.

  “I was very angry, but Janine…Baby, I wasn’t using you as a vessel. You were my harbor.”

  He got up without another word making his way back down the Acropolis. The power of his words struck her with a force that rocked her very soul.

  CHAPTER 25

  The two-hour ride back from Caracol was fairly quiet with an occasional comment about the visit. Janine plugged her earpiece into her phone listening to music while trying to reconcile Michael’s words at the top of the Acropolis. ‘You were my harbor’ kept running through her mind. With it came the aching realization she had failed him when he needed her. She understood neither was fully capable of appropriately expressing the myriad of emotions the incident raised at that time in their lives, especially her. Yet on a deeper level, she also knew she let one moment define the course of their relationship. The Christmas visit with his parents served as a vehicle for her fears and insecurities to invade their love. But in spite of it all—against all logic—they still loved each other after all these years.

  The group got back to the ferry landing a little after seven. As expected, Morris was waiting for them with the golf cart. Making the brief trip back to the house, Morris informed them dinner was prepared and could be served as soon as they liked. By mutual agreement, everyone wanted to clean up first and then gather poolside for dinner.

  She couldn’t believe how dirty she had gotten during the treks through the ruins. After showering and dressing, she opened the bungalow’s windows and shutters to let in a little fresh, cool night air. As the gentle breezes blew through the room, she closed her eyes listening to the night sounds. The effect was soothing. She began to relax, finally letting go of the introspective mood that consumed her.

  Hearing the others coming out to the patio, she slipped on her sandals to join them. Suddenly old music favorites began playing soon accompanied by very bad off-key singing. She chuckled and headed out to join in the festivities. When she arrived, everyone was dancing. Communally, their hands were raised while swaying back and forth to the funky grooves. Dave extended his hand to her and she readily accepted joining the revelry. She couldn’t remember the last time she danced like this.

  Jamal did a few spins and then dipped, Monica bopped and danced. Raising the side of her sundress, Kelly danced a little more seductively swaying her ample hips. Janine embraced it all. Turning to Michael, she backed up to him as he came in close, placing his hands on her hips moving with her. The neo soul had them all in a rhythmic sway moving from one partner to another. They were having their own little party and it was the most fun Janine had in a very long time.

  The staff delivered the last dish to the table, but hunger didn’t stop the group from dancing until the song ended. When it was over, they hugged and laughed. Kelly turned the volume down as each took seats at the table. Enjoying another scrumptious meal outside with gentle breezes and the faint crescent moon in the eastern sky, Janine felt at peace and blissful.

  “This is delicious, Kelly,” Monica said scooping up more of the freshly steamed vegetables and grilled fish.

  “Sometimes I wish I could bring this catering team to Manhattan,” she replied.

  With plates filled, Morris poured glasses of white wine. It was mildly sweet complimenting the meal perfectly. Kelly quietly excused him once they were all set.

  “So what are we doing after dinner?” Jamal asked while piling food on his already overflowing plate.

  “The dancing is cool. Is there someplace we can go, Kelly?” Janine asked.

  “Well, believe it or not that club we went to years ago is still around. A few other joints have opened up too.”

  “What are they like? Same kind of vibe?” Michael asked.

  “Pretty much, but most of them are full of college kids and tourists this time of year,” Kelly said with a hint of derision.

  “Any spots for the locals?” Monica asked.

  “Here I was thinking my little set up was good enough,” she joked, “but there are a few and they do have a more mixed crowd.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, your little groove was a good appetizer, but we might need a little something else,“ Jamal mused.

  “Is everybody up for that?”

  They all nodded in agreement while taking bites of their meal.

  “Well, here’s the deal. The public water taxis don’t run past ten or eleven each night. We might get stuck on the mainland until the morning.”

  “That doesn’t sound cool at all,“ Monica said.

  “Well, Cay residents can usually work something out with the hotels to ride their water taxis. Let me ask Morris to check for us. I’ll be right back.” Kelly got up and headed into the house while the others continued to eat.

  “That might be too much. What do y’all think? I mean, it’s almost eight now,” Dave remarked.

  “What if we just head over to the hotel? I’m sure they’ve got some music, right?” Monica said.

  “Might be one of those tourist-y island bands. No telling,” Jamal added.
/>   “That’s better than getting stuck on the mainland though,” Janine observed.

  “True. Whatever is easiest…I’m good with it,“ Michael said.

  Reaching for the wine and pouring herself another glass, she offered it to the others. “Anybody want some more wine?”

  Kelly soon returned informing them Morris suggested they try a new place on the Cay. Supposedly it had one of the best cover bands in Belize. After a little more discussion, they chose the hotel bar before venturing to the club. The hotel was in walking distance. The club was on the other side of the Cay. With everyone happy with the option, Kelly turned the music volume up. They grooved in their seats while finishing their meal and the last bottles of wine.

  “I need to get some money before we go,” Kelly said.

  “Are you kidding? After all you’ve done for us? We got you, Kelly. You don’t need a cent!” Dave offered.

  “Well, I need to get my wallet,” Janine added.

  “I got you,” Michael whispered to her.

  She smiled, leaned a little closer to him and whispered, “Thank you. I wasn’t sure you were still talking to me.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be talking to you?”

  “What y’all whispering about over there?” Dave asked.

  “They probably trying to see how they gonna ditch us again, like they did that night during Spring Break!” Jamal said. He let out a hearty laugh while the others sat shocked and equally amused. “Ah, see? Y’all thought nobody was going to bring that shit up!”

  Monica blurted out, “Damn, Jamal! Didn’t Denise teach your monkey ass anything about being cool?”

  They all laughed in spite of the slight embarrassment Jamal may have caused.

  “No problem. Just letting the ladies know we got them for the evening,” Michael said as he glanced back at Janine.

  “I bet you do, playa! Play on, is all I’m saying! And I aint mad at ya! Y’all single and shit…do you!” Jamal just couldn’t help himself, especially with a little alcohol in him.

  “I might have to cut you off, Jamal,” Kelly said. “We need to go soon anyway.”