Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  They all got up leaving the table to be cleared by the staff waiting inside. Walking through the house to exit the property, Michael placed his hand in the small of Janine’s back, came in close behind her neck. “Just to be clear…you’re usually the one who stops talking to me. We’re good as far as I’m concerned.”

  The warmth of his breath on the back of her neck combined with the touch in her lower back caused her heart to race and her breath to quicken for a moment. Her face became slightly flushed and she took a deep breath hoping she could keep it together. Otherwise, this night could very well end up very similar to the one they shared years before.

  CHAPTER 26

  When they arrived at the hotel bar, it was full but not overly crowded. Janine couldn’t help but chuckle at the mirrored balls and colored lights in the ceiling. They were able to find a place to sit near the small, elevated stage where the band performed. They quickly ordered their drinks listening to the music while engaging in light chitchat. Playing a dance hall cover, the lead singer danced with a woman he brought to the front. The band continued to play a mix of music appealing to the diverse crowd that included Brits, Americans, a few Mexicans, Europeans and a handful of locals. The music was an eclectic mix of popular U.S. and Brit pop music interspersed with Reggae and world beats.

  The band started playing a reggae medley that got everyone on their feet heading to the dance floor. Janine tapped Monica on the shoulder and asked her to dance. The two women grooved to the music and were soon joined by Kelly. Lost to the music, they didn’t initially notice Dave and Michael went off to dance with other women. As the set ended, Janine, Monica and Kelly returned to the table but Michael and Dave continued dancing.

  “Thanks for watching the drinks, Jamal,” Monica said.

  “No problem, no problem,” he replied as he bobbed his head to the music.

  “Do you wanna dance?” Monica asked him.

  “No, I’m good right now. Just enjoying my cognac and doing a little people watching. Looks like Dave still got a little game in him. But check out MoJo over there. I swear Mike is the best pussy whisperer I’ve ever seen!”

  As Janine scanned the dancers, she saw Dave with an attractive white woman. She was moving around him being quite flirtatious. Dave was being attentive but not fully reciprocating her obvious advances. Janine could tell by the way the woman talked to and looked at him she was offering more than a dance. But Janine also knew Dave. Having witnessed his technique with women before, she knew he relied heavily on reeling them in with politeness, chivalrous behavior and a little flirty conversation.

  He was never overtly sexual, preferring instead to engage women with a little witty conversation and then leave them wanting. Without fail, these women would seek him out for the remainder of the evening. Having spent time with him over the years, Janine also knew when it came casual sex Dave didn’t suffer stupid women. At the end of the day he’d say, ‘they weren’t much fun.’

  Looking around she saw Michael walking with a younger black woman to the bar. They were talking and he ordered her a drink. Janine was fascinated rather than jealous initially because it occurred to her she’d never seen his ‘game.’ Their relationship started earnestly enough as friendship. They didn’t court each other or participate in all the other dating rituals couples often do. As with all things, he appeared measured while the young woman touched his arm then his shoulder before leaning into him.

  Janine could tell he was studying her. As the bartender placed the drinks in front of them, Michael handed the drink to her then raised his glass to her. At that point, he leaned in and whispered something in her ear that made her smile broadly, bite her lip and cross her legs. Jamal’s nickname for him popped into her head, The Pussy Whisperer. She could only imagine what he said to her, but she certainly knew how he must have said it to elicit such a response. As he walked back to the table with his drink, the young woman was clearly taken with him because she couldn’t take her eyes off him. The two women’s eyes met briefly before Janine looked away, returning her gaze to the dance floor.

  She considered her own dating habits after moving to Chicago following their split. The first year she didn’t get out much even though she was beginning to make friends. Some of the younger lawyers at the firm occasionally got together after work for drinks but rarely dancing. Drinking oneself into oblivion was never appealing, but it was one trait far too many of her white friends engaged in—both in college and at work. She soon weeded out the binge drinkers forming friendships with others who also enjoyed dancing without getting wasted in the process. In time, she began venturing out to some of the trendier dance spots in the city on her own.

  In the beginning, she only danced when asked and that wasn’t often. As much as she loved people watching, she began to understand this gave the impression she was a wallflower. As her comfort increased, she began approaching men for dances and eventually more. In comparison to what she was now witnessing, Janine knew her ‘game’ was somewhat different from the majority of women she observed. Whenever she went to clubs, she knew going in what she wanted. If she just wanted to dance, she would do so with whoever asked. She was always pleasant to the men who approached her, never shooting them down or making snide remarks. On a dancing night, she was careful not to give one man too much attention making sure he didn’t confuse her intentions.

  However if her intention was sex, she was far more calculating. She’d engage in conversation making clear she was highly intelligent. This tactic tended to weed out those easily intimidated. She liked emotionally secure men with compatible intellectual capacity. She’d flirt just enough and then move on. If a man was interested, she made him come to her and she’d up her game. But thinking about all of this, she realized there was another ritual she engaged in when seeking out sexual partners. On some subconscious level, she tended to watch their hands and other less prominent gesturing. She thought the way a man moved—not just danced or he carried himself—but how he moved said far more than the clothes he wore or the accessories he sported.

  But her upbringing suggested women who were overtly sexual were viewed as less desirable for more discerning men. So she learned how to project her strength and desires in a way that was provocative without being threatening or trashy. As she pursued sexual partners, she was always careful to choose men with whom she’d unlikely cross paths with in her professional life. By doing so, she could be whomever she wanted with any given encounter.

  She could play the nubile innocent when she connected with older men. She could be the aggressor while managing the pace of her pursuits. She could also the seductress, the mix between aggression and submission. She tended to reserve that role for men who were confident and a bit arrogant. Those types always seemed more interested in displaying their sexual prowess. Inevitably, she’d seize their power leaving them longing for her. Without fail, they were the ones that tried to track her down wanting to pursue a relationship. But she was never interested because that wasn’t their purpose—or her intent.

  What she learned about herself with Michael seemed to greatly expand her ideas about men in general. But mostly what she learned about herself as she tested the waters with others helped her define new boundaries. It was during this period in her life that she fully embraced elements of her own sexuality. Unfortunately she also learned her less conventional desires were best kept hidden. Play was one thing, but submission was something entirely different. She didn’t think any man could come close to creating that level of trust and intimacy in her the way Michael had.

  In the end she resolved it was all a game. Occasionally she’d derive a measure of sexual pleasure from it, but in time, the exploits were less satisfying. She resolved she could do better on her own. Finding more ‘respectable’ sex shops in the city, she purchased a few vibrators and toys for self-pleasuring. The only device she had was the remote device Michael gave her that Christmas and ironically, he kept the controller. By the time she met her ex-husban
d Vincent, she felt ready to pursue more meaningful relationships.

  With Dave and Michael back at the table, the friends started dancing with each other again. Occasionally, the other women came to the table to engage Dave or Michael but Janine tried not to let it faze her. Eventually, Michael asked Janine to join him on the dance floor.

  As they danced she said, “I hope I’m not messing up anything for you with the young lady.”

  He didn’t respond but merely smiled at her. They continued dancing before returning to the table. Having consumed a few cocktails, she had less of a filter and returned to the subject.

  “She’s a pretty girl. Seems a little young though. Is that what you’re into now?”

  Before responding, Michael looked at her with a hint of amusement. Then bringing his hand to his mouth and lightly running his finger across his lips, he replied, “It depends on what I’m after.”

  Fuck!! Why is he doing that ‘thing!’ “And what are you after these days?” she asked knowing he was also taunting her.

  He looked at her intensely before calmly saying, “I’m not doing this with you, Janine. Let’s just have a good time, okay?”

  She nodded knowing whatever he chose to do and whomever he chose to do it with, was really none of her business. “That was way out of line. I’m sorry.”

  They stayed until the band’s final set and last call was announced. It was very late and the group finally headed back to the house after a great night out. Back in her bungalow, Janine found it very difficult to sleep as images of Michael with the young woman invaded her dreams. The inquisitiveness of the evening was replaced with a raging jealously in her dreams. In her dreams, he belonged to her. Period.

  CHAPTER 27

  It was almost nine thirty when Janine finally woke from her deep slumber. She wasn’t sure if she missed it, but she didn’t recall hearing Morris announce breakfast. She relished the opportunity to leisurely ease into her day. She eventually got out of bed and went to the kitchenette to make some coffee and have a piece of fruit. She opened the shutters looking out at the beautiful morning. The slight breeze was ever present and it felt wonderful on her skin. She didn’t have as much of a hangover as she thought given how much she drank at the club. She sat on the window seat enjoying her coffee and taking in the breathtaking views.

  Gazing out the window, she decided to wash up and go for a swim in the beautiful cascading pool before the day’s adventures began. This was their last full day together but nothing was planned yet. After putting on her swimsuit, she searched the closet for a towel and headed out to the pool. Even with the breeze, the air was warm and the water looked inviting. Rather than dive in, she slowly eased into the water. Much to her surprise, it was very comfortable. She waded a bit, cupping some of the water in her hands and running it over her face and shoulders before going for a full swim. She wasn’t sure how many laps she swam before she heard voices on the patio.

  “Good morning!” It was Kelly and Jamal. Kelly was carrying a newspaper and a cup of coffee. He had a plate of food. They both sat at the table.

  Janine came to the pool’s edge to greet them. “Good morning! How long have you guys been up?”

  “Not long. How ‘bout you?” Kelly asked.

  “I got up around nine-thirty and just chilled a bit before taking a swim. I assume everyone else is still sleeping?”

  “You know Monica is. I thought I heard Dave and Michael head out this morning. I think they went out for a run.”

  “Hmm,” Janine dipped under the water and took a few more laps in the pool. When she got out, she dried herself and wrapped the towel around her waist before joining her friends at the table. “So, what’s on tap today?”

  “I thought we’d keep it open. There’s some nice shopping on the mainland if you want to do that. Or we could go out on the boat. Honestly, just hanging here for the day is fine too. I’m good with whatever y’all want to do.”

  “I might head out and pick up a few souvenirs for the wife and kids,” Jamal said.

  “Well, if you want to do that, you can pick up some things right here on the Cay. You don’t really have to go to the mainland for that—unless you just want to go.”

  “The Cay’s fine. Where are the shops?” he said with a mouth full of food.

  “Over by the hotel. There are a number of shops to choose from. You should be able to find what you want unless you’re looking for more than a simple souvenir.” She turned to Janine. “So what do you want to do today?”

  “Actually, hanging out here sounds good but I’m also open to whatever everyone else wants to do.”

  “Okay.”

  Monica soon joined them and she was definitely dragging. She certainly wasn’t a morning person. “Good morning!” she said rubbing her eyes. “I hate to say it, but I might be getting too old to be hanging out that late. But it was a damn good time!”

  “Yeah, it was fun. But I’m not going to call myself old, though! I think it’s more that we don’t hang like that the way we used to,” Janine said.

  Jamal chimed in, “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

  Michael and Dave emerged from the house. It was clear they had been running. They were both sweaty and Dave seemed a bit winded. After they greeted everyone, Dave excused himself to clean up. Michael stood by the side of the pool. “How’s the water?”

  “It was great! Just the right temperature.”

  “Cool.” He turned to Kelly. “I’m going hit the shower and go for a swim before getting something to eat.”

  “Do you, Baby!” Kelly replied as he went into his bungalow.

  Monica got up, grabbed a croissant. “You know what? I think I’m going back to bed. If y’all do decide to do something, just let me know.”

  “Poor Baby! All right, enjoy!” Kelly said.

  “Hey Janine, you wanna go shopping with me?” Jamal asked as he finished the last of his breakfast.

  “Naw. Thanks though. I’m gonna hang around the house for now. Maybe shoot some pool later.”

  “Ah, that’s right, you play pool. You still good at it?”

  “Not as good as I used to be, but I still got a few bank shots in me.”

  “All right, Boo! I’ll catch you later.” He went into the house before heading off on his souvenir hunt.

  “Do you want some more coffee?” Kelly asked as she sipped her own.

  “Sure.”

  Refilling her cup she said, “I’m really glad we decided to do this.”

  “Me too.”

  “I can’t believe the last time we were all together was at my wedding. That’s too long ago! We can’t do that shit. I mean we always have such a good time when we’re together.”

  “Yeah, we do. It’s too easy to get caught up in the day to day. I mean with families, let alone dealing with work…it’s hard to get away.”

  “You make time for what’s important to you, Janine,” Kelly stated with such sincerity.

  Janine caressed her hand. “You’re right. This trip has been so good for me…for so many reasons.”

  “I can tell. You seem so much more relaxed than when you first got here.”

  “Yeah…well. Coming here has helped me face some things I haven’t had to in a long time.”

  “Some things or someone?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  “It’s really one and the same, right?”

  Kelly paused for a moment. “I know I make jokes sometimes, but here’s the thing. Some folks never find the love of their lives and end up settling for the next best thing. Some folk get lucky and find it right out the gate. And then there are people like you and Michael. I’ve watched you two over the years and it seems to me you found it—but neither of you knew what the hell to do with it.”

  Janine knew that Kelly’s assessment was fairly accurate. “At least we’re talking again. And I’m good with that—even if it means we’re just friends.”

  “Is that all you want, J?”

  “It’s all I can a
sk for. I’m happy with that.” She wanted to believe her own words.

  Still wet from his shower, Michael came out of the bungalow and jumped right into the pool. Janine and Kelly looked at each other with knowing eyes. Even if he was ‘just a friend,’ he was still a fine specimen to watch. They shared a giggle knowing they had read each other’s minds.

  Kelly finished up her coffee and whispered mischievously, “I’m going to get into my swimsuit. I’ll be back in…oh…I don’t know… fifteen minutes. Is that enough time?”

  Janine raised her eyebrow. “For what? Girl, you just don’t know!”

  “Well damn, if it’s like that you need to stop wasting time. So I’ll be back in thirty minutes.” They both laughed. Kelly went into the house leaving Janine alone at the table.

  She watched him swim a few laps before deciding to get back into the water. She started swimming in the opposite direction of him. She loved swimming, finding it equally relaxing and exhilarating. She eventually stopped, dipped below the water and came up before gently floating on her back looking up at the sky. To her surprise, he swam under her causing her to slip under the water.

  She came up shouting, “What the hell? Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!”

  He had a big playful grin on his face. “You knew I was in the water. See what happens when you’re stuck in your head?”

  He swam to the other side of the pool and Janine decided to follow him. As she got closer, she overlapped her hands and sent a large splash of water towards him. He turned to her and made an even bigger splash. They were soon carefree while laughing, splashing and playing. He came over and grabbed her, holding her tightly with her arms trapped against her own body. He began dunking her repeatedly.

  “You wanna play?” he teased.

  “You got nothing!” she said squirming in his grasp and giggling while carefully catching her breath as he dunked her again.

  “Still wanna play?”

  “Is that all you got?”