Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  “Now, how are you feeling?“

  “A little hungry.”

  “I thought we took care of that,” she teased.

  He faintly smiled and got up, reaching for his briefs before heading over to the kitchen. He washed his hands and opened the refrigerator taking out fruit, smoked sausages and yogurt. Arranging them nicely on the plate, he brought it over to the coffee table. Far hungrier than she expected, she ate far more than she expected. They went through two plates of food, before feeling replenished. Janine helped him clean up the few dishes and glasses they used. He was still fairly pensive and she wasn’t sure what had brought about his change in mood.

  “Baby? Are you okay?”

  He took a deep breath as if he was going to say something, but he didn’t and continued putting the dishes away.

  “Michael, what is it? If we’re going to do this, you need to tell me when something’s wrong. I can tell you’ve got something on your mind.”

  “I don’t want you fucking him anymore,“ he said emphatically.

  She was completely stunned. It never occurred to her he’d be thinking anything close to what he said.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. I don’t give a shit who he is or how long you’ve been seeing him. I don’t want you fucking him anymore. You belong to me. Do you understand?”

  His face was stern and his jaw twitched with his eyes searing into hers. A part of her recoiled because whomever she chose to sleep with was her choice alone. But she loved him and she’d already made that decision before she took this trip to be with him. Rather than let her temper take hold, she studied him more closely. She saw in his eyes the demand was really more of a plea.

  “I understand,” she said before continuing, “but you need to understand that works both ways.”

  The mere fact he had restraining devices on practically every surface of his bedroom furniture left little doubt in her mind he was having sex regularly enough to warrant the design of the space.

  “Understood.”

  Drawing her close, he held her at the waist and kissed her again. His hands began to move over her still naked body. She felt him growing erect again and she was ready for him. Leading with his lips he pressed against her, moving her back to the bedroom. Placing her on the edge of the large bed, he raised her legs wrapping them around him. He took hold of the back of her thighs pushing her bent legs towards her torso. In one swift movement, he took hold of her throat and penetrated her ass with tremendous force. He fucked her with every bit of strength in his body. She matched his stroke for stroke. It was hard, fast and rough but Janine found it divine as their bodies made clear what their words had expressed. You belong to me.

  Breathless, exhausted and exhilarated all at once, she got up to shower while he dozed off to sleep. She washed herself from head to toe lingering in the warm water. Surprised by the stall door opening, he joined her in the shower. He took the soap and began rubbing her body with it. The effect was calming as well as stimulating. He ran his slippery hands across her shoulders offering a gentle massage before moving along her arms, to her torso and then legs and feet. With the water splashing and spraying them both, she closed her eyes as he continued touching her. Jesus, we’re going to be fucking all day!

  Soon he was kissing and licking the back of her neck running his tongue and fingers down her spine. He knew what those delicate touches did to her. Her spine was the one place he knew exactly how to touch in ways that brought her to a full orgasm without ever penetrating or making contact with the traditionally sexual parts of her body. It didn’t take long for the less explosive yet deeply serene orgasm to wash over her entire body. She was in heaven and could think of no place else she’d rather be.

  As they exited the shower, he toweled her off before leaving her to tend to her own affairs. She wrapped the towel around herself and headed back into the bedroom.

  “So are we staying in all weekend?” She was happy with whatever answer he gave.

  “Actually, there is a photographic exhibit I thought you might like to see. Interested?”

  “Sure.”

  “Good, we can do that, have dinner and then come back here to change before going out later tonight.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.“

  They both dressed casually for the stop at the Georgetown art gallery. The show was completely unexpected. The collection of bondage and body adornment photographs was dark, haunting and yet among the most beautiful she’d ever seen. Some were as small as standard eight by ten inches, while others were easily three by five feet tall. The imagery elicited a range of emotions. Some of the images were shocking and violent. Others were fairly standard images of the BDSM world with various depictions of restraints and devices. Still others were more gothic in nature. They talked about a few as they made their way through the fifty or so images making up the show.

  As they neared the end of the exhibition, one photograph in particular caught her attention. The primarily black and white image was of a strikingly beautiful nude woman with a sheer veil covering her face. The veil was held in place by a bondage collar allowing the veil to drape over her shoulders and down her back. The most provocative element of the photograph was the vibrant splash of red found in the large bleeding heart painted on her chest. The bleeding heart dripped blood down all of her appendages leaking into pools below her feet and hands. In the background, a nude male stood with his back to her. He was looking over his shoulder towards her as he loosely held a leash. Both figures looked lost and despondent. Janine was transfixed by the haunting image. Observing how overwhelmed she had become with it, Michael wrapped his arm around her pulling her close.

  “It’s called Love and Regret,” he whispered.

  Clearing her throat she replied, “It’s beautiful. I don’t know why I love this so much.”

  “Are you ready to go or do you want more time?”

  “No, I’m fine. We can go.”

  “Okay, let’s get some dinner.”

  Wiping away tears that had managed to escape, she couldn’t believe how much the image impacted her.

  They left the gallery for a new restaurant Michael wanted to try. After having lovely meal in Adam’s Morgan, they went back to his condo to prepare for the rest of their evening. Since it had only been about six hours since her shower, she did a light wash up. Even as she flat ironed her hair, she couldn’t get the haunting image out of her head. She kept thinking about how at any point, either figure could be considered the primary focus. She’d never seen anything quite like it before. It resonated with her on such a visceral level it surprised her. But she had to let it go and figure out what she was going to wear for her night out with Michael.

  When she came out of the bathroom, she heard him on the phone. She had no idea who he was talking to this late on a Saturday night. It was already close to ten o’clock.

  “Yes...eleven. Thank you,” he said before hanging up.

  “Making reservations?”

  “It’s not polite to eavesdrop, Janine.”

  “Wasn’t really eavesdropping. I came out and you were on the phone. That’s all.”

  He didn’t say anything else on the subject. She was a little embarrassed he was already dressed in a nice pair of slacks with a French cuffed shirt and a very nice jacket. He looked luscious. Based on his attire, she thought her red dress would work very nicely. But she wanted to ask just to be sure.

  “Baby, you look great. I brought a dress to wear in case we went out tonight, but I want to make sure it works with what you have in mind. Wanna take a look?”

  “I’m sure whatever you brought will be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. Now go get dressed. It’s going to take us a while to get there.”

  Janine hurried and put on her matching red silk panties and bra. She decided against the stockings and went bare legged. Applying more makeup than she normally wore, she was ple
ased with the effect. She fluffed her hair giving it a more tossed look. As a finishing touch, she put on the bright red lipstick that went perfectly with the dress she planned to wear. Slipping into the dress she called Michael to the bedroom to help her zip it up. Since their destination was still a mystery, she simply wanted him to see how she looked. She was perfectly capable of zipping it up herself.

  “Well…how do I look?”

  He stood for a moment taking her all in and smiled broadly. “God, you’re beautiful.”

  CHAPTER 35

  They drove for about an hour before arriving in an area she could only describe as a warehouse district. There were many parked cars in the area but it was difficult to determine which of these buildings was their destination. Janine assumed Michael was taking her to a new nightclub. She couldn’t be sure even when they got out of the car because she didn’t hear any music or see people milling about. They walked a short distance to a large metal door and walked in. Michael handed a card to the attendant before moving through a narrow dark corridor. She began to hear voices and pounding bass music.

  Michael stopped at a side door, pulled out a key and entered the room. Inside were a series of small lockers. He reached inside and pulled out a black mask with purple accents and large eyelashes over the eye openings.

  “Put this on,” he instructed to her.

  “Why?”

  “Because anonymity is very important here. You’re new. Trust me.”

  “Where are we? What kind of place is this?”

  “You’ll see.”

  She put the mask over her face and followed him back out into the corridor and through a padded door. They entered a cavernous room full of people. The bar was to the left and above her was a loft area with people standing around looking down into what looked to be a large box. She couldn’t see what had their rapt attention but assumed she’d learn later. People were dancing to the hypnotic rhythms on the dance floor ahead of her. Michael reached for her hand holding it tightly as he walked her over to a small booth adjacent to the dance floor. They sat as a server dressed only in black leather chaps and a codpiece approached them.

  “Hello, sir. Can I get you anything?”

  “Two sparkling waters and a fruit plate please.”

  “I’ll have a cabernet please,” Janine said.

  Michael leaned to her saying, “They don’t serve alcohol here. Just juices, waters and soft drinks.”

  “Oh, then I guess I’d like some lime with the sparkling water, please.”

  “Certainly. Would you like that on your tab, sir?”

  “Yes.”

  Janine looked around quickly realizing this was a fetish club. She had heard about these places but she had never been to one before. She became very uncomfortable wondering why he brought her here. In a short while, the server returned with their refreshments. As they sipped on their waters, an older woman approached their table. She was donned in latex from head to toe and she held a studded leash in one hand and a large riding crop in the other. As Janine looked more carefully, she saw the leash was attached to something-or someone- but she couldn’t quite tell due to the table height.

  “Good evening, M” the woman said to Michael.

  “Mistress Spectra.”

  Janine watched their interaction not wanting to appear too green, but she was growing more anxious by the minute.

  “You have my permission to greet M,” Mistress Spectra said. A partially naked woman stood up but kept her head down and eyes lowered.

  “Master M,“ she said.

  Spectra smiled broadly, looked at Janine and then pulled hard on the leash. The woman dropped back to her knees. Spectra then slid a small black card with a gold-foiled S onto the table towards Michael. He picked it up, hesitated slightly, then shook his head and handed it back to her without saying a word.

  “Enjoy your evening, M.” Mistress Spectra left the table with the woman in tow, crawling on her hands and knees behind her.

  When they were out of earshot, Janine asked, “Who is that woman?”

  “The proprietress of this club.”

  “How does she know you?”

  “It’s her job to know her members. The success of this place depends on it.”

  “You’re a member? Here?”

  She was unsettled by this information. It was one thing for this to be an occasional outing, but membership implied something completely different.

  “Yes, I’m a member.”

  “How often do you come here?”

  He looked at her clearly annoyed by her tone and level of questioning. “Enough to be a member.”

  Janine sat silently, paying close attention to the things happening around her. In terms of behavior, things appeared fairly normal. People were laughing and greeting each other warmly. Others danced as the pierced and nipple-clamped DJ played a pulsating dance mix that seemed to reverberate through every surface. But the distinguishing characteristic was many people were in various states of undress, Goth and fetish gear. It was an eclectic gathering unlike any she’d seen before and it made her uneasy.

  She desperately wanted some liquor to calm her nerves, but there was none to be found. She couldn’t understand why in the world alcohol wasn’t served.

  “Michael?”

  “Yes?”

  “Why no liquor? I could really use a drink!”

  “Because someone could get hurt if drinking were allowed,” he said rather matter-of-factly.

  “How in the world could someone get hurt?”

  “Follow me.”

  He took her hand leading her away from the booth towards the stairs that led to the loft where she had seen people watching something below. They ascended the stairs and once at the top, he placed her against the rail in front of him. As she looked down, she saw several rooms with open-grated ceilings.

  In each room various acts were taking place. In one, she saw a woman lying on a gynecological bed with her feet in stirrups as a man with long black gloves began placing one finger after another inside her vagina until his entire fist was inside her. Then with tremendous force he moved his fist in and out of her as she wailed in pain and apparent delight. In another room, she saw a man chained to a large X as his male partner flogged him across his back and ass. His skin was flaming red, but the flogging continued with wild abandon.

  From room to room, Janine watched BDSM scenes more extreme than the last. In the last room, she saw two people cleaning the space as if it were being prepared for someone else. She never imagined the play she had engaged in could reach such levels. But in all that she saw, not one couple could be described as actually having sex. She was mortified, a little sick to her stomach and absolutely speechless.

  She turned to Michael. “I’ve seen enough. Can we leave, please?”

  “Sure.” He led her back down the stairs towards their table.

  “No. I mean I want to leave here. Please!”

  He nodded and led her out of the club. Once they were back to the car, Janine removed the mask handing it to him.

  “I don’t understand what I just saw. Why did you bring me to a place like this?”

  “I wanted you to see it,” he said opening the car door her helping her in.

  Joining her inside the car she asked him, “But why? Why did you want me to see that? Is this what you’re into now? Is that what you want to do to me?” Although she asked the question, she was terrified of his answer.

  “Janine, I told you a long time ago I would never push you beyond your boundaries.”

  “That’s not what I asked you, Michael! Is that what you want to do to me?”

  From his mouth a slow flow of air escaped before he said, “I’ve thought about it…but I’d never do it. That’s not who you are.”

  “But is that who you are now?”

  “Sometimes.”

  Janine gasped. “Wow…I don’t even…”

  “Baby, listen to me…what you saw was just the first part and yes, it’s v
ery…intense. It’s theater really. But they do take care of each other through all of it. It’s important to bring Doms and Subs back from the high of something like that.”

  “There was nothing caring or loving about any of that. It was barbaric! It was…” She didn’t know what else to say.

  The images kept running through her head as she tried to reconcile what she considered a duality of the man she loved. The fact he was a member of this club suggested two things. He either liked to watch those kinds of acts, or he liked engaging in them. She wasn’t sure which consideration was more disturbing or how it might manifest as their relationship moved forward.

  “Are you disappointed that I didn’t like it?” she asked solemnly.

  “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “But you hoped I would,” she said turning to the window. She couldn’t face him because she was feeling terribly conflicted.

  “I had no expectations of how you’d respond. Now I know.” He started the car and pulled away.

  Janine hoped he was being honest with her. She couldn’t explain why she needed to understand why he found this world appealing, but she did. She was growing concerned her rejection of what she’d seen would prove problematic in the long run. She wasn’t sure she’d feel comfortable with him going to Club Spectra even if all he did was watch. She just didn’t know. But what she did know is they needed to talk more about it because more questions were filling her head.

  When they got back to his condo they went straight to the bedroom and undressed. It was after one o’clock in the morning and she was genuinely tired. She washed the makeup off her face and put on sleepwear before climbing into bed with him. She looked around the room and for the first time really understood the purpose of the furniture.