At Seventeen

by Gerri Hill

  “No, don’t cry,” Shannon said softly. “Right here, right now…nothing is wasted.” She squeezed her tighter, then released her, tipping up her chin with her hand. “We were just kids back then. What were we supposed to do? Run away? Like you said then, we knew your parents would never allow that.”

  “I should have told them.”

  “About us?” Shannon shook her head. “No. Your mother would have probably had me thrown in jail,” she said with a smile. “And my mother would have been out on the street.” She paused. “Things would be different. I wouldn’t have my stores. You wouldn’t have the Whiz Kid,” she added. “Maybe things were supposed to happen this way.”

  Madison’s hand brushed across Shannon’s face and into her hair. “I want to be with you,” she whispered. “I want to make love with you.”

  As always, Shannon’s heart raced, but she shook her head. “I told you, I won’t have an…”

  “I…I signed the papers,” Madison said. “And I told my mother.”

  Shannon frowned. “You signed the divorce papers?”

  “Yes.”

  She let out a deep breath. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t go through with it,” she admitted. Then she raised her eyebrows. “You told your mother what?”

  “I told her…that I was gay.”

  Shannon’s heart nearly stopped beating and she stared at her in disbelief. Madison smiled at her.

  “Are you shocked?”

  “God, yes,” she said. “You never could admit that to me.”

  “I couldn’t admit it to myself,” Madison corrected her. “The other night when you came by, it was all so crystal clear. I hated that you were with Ally and what you might be doing. And when you showed up, the look in your eyes…it was all so clear. That’s the look I want to see for the rest of my life.”

  “God…Madison.” Shannon reached for her, pulling her close again, feeling Madison’s arms snake around her waist. “I want this to be real.”

  “It is real. This time it’s real.”

  Shannon kissed her slowly but pulled back when she felt Madison’s hands move up her body. For everything she wanted with Madison, the store was no place to start it.

  “And your mother? She freaked out?”

  Madison nodded, stepping away from Shannon. “To say the least. Her last words to me were ‘I think you need psychiatric help.’”

  Shannon smiled. “I can’t believe you told her. God, I wish I could have been there.”

  “You were there in spirit. Don’t think she didn’t blame you.”

  “If I only had that power,” she murmured as she pulled Madison close again, unable to resist her.

  “Come home with me,” Madison whispered into her ear. “It’s been so long, Shannon. I want to make love with you. Tonight.”

  Shannon kissed her hard. “Yes. God, yes.”

  She took her hand, leading her quickly through the store. She was about to lock up when her phone rang. It was Jarod. She had every intention of ignoring it, but Madison nodded at her.

  “It’s okay. Answer it.”

  She nodded. “Hey, what’s up?” she asked.

  “It’s Mom. We’re on the way to the hospital.”

  Shannon froze. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. We found her on the floor. She was groggy, unresponsive.”

  Shannon grabbed Madison’s hand and squeezed. “I was just there, not even an hour ago,” she said.

  “Hell, I don’t know, Shannon. Maybe she had a stroke or something.”

  “Okay. I’m on my way.” She glanced at Madison, seeing the fear in her eyes.

  “Alice?”

  “Yeah. Jarod found her on the floor. He thinks she may have had a stroke or something.”

  Madison squeezed her hand tightly. “Let’s go.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Madison stared across the waiting room at Joan, Jarod’s wife. Crissy and Kenny sat beside her, all three with solemn looks on their faces. Madison sat still, refusing to believe the worst. Over the years, Alice had become so much more than a friend to her. Madison was closer to Alice than she was to her own mother.

  She closed her eyes for a second, wishing she had the right to be with Shannon. Shannon had looked so scared. Madison had wanted to comfort her, but, well, she didn’t know how much—if anything—Jarod and Joan knew of their past relationship. She wondered if they thought it odd that she was even here in the first place.

  “You know Alice thinks of you as a daughter, don’t you?”

  Madison was startled by Joan’s voice. She smiled slightly. “I appreciate that. I’ve known Alice my whole life. Over the years, she’s been more of a mother to me than my own.”

  Joan opened her purse and took out some bills, handing them to Kenny and Crissy. “Why don’t you go get us something to drink?” She looked at Madison with raised eyebrows, but Madison shook her head. As soon as the kids were gone, Joan got up, joining Madison on her side of the waiting room. “May I sit with you?”

  “Of course.”

  Joan folded her hands together, letting out a deep sigh. “Jarod has been so excited to be back here, with his mom and with Shannon. He feels like he missed out on so much while he was in the military. He wanted some time with them. As a family.”

  “Alice is a very strong woman,” Madison reminded her.

  “She’s just been through so much.” Joan surprised her by reaching out and taking her hand. “I know you and I aren’t exactly friends, but over the years, Alice has spoken of you often. I hope I’m not out of line by saying this, but her greatest wish has always been for you and Shannon to find each other again.”

  Madison was shocked by her words. “And here I thought you and Jarod had no idea of our past,” she said, feeling a bit embarrassed to know that they did.

  “Yes. We’ve tried to include you in our family.” She squeezed her hand then released it. “Shannon thinks she hides things so well, but when she looks at you, well, you’d have to be a fool not to see how she feels.”

  “Do the kids know?”

  “They know their Aunt Shannon is gay, yes. I don’t know whether they’ve linked you two together yet.” She smiled. “Or am I being presumptuous?”

  This time Madison blushed freely. “No,” she said. Thankfully the kids came back, ending the conversation. They sat down beside their mother after handing her a Coke. Madison leaned her head back against the wall, waiting for Shannon to return.

  She didn’t have to wait long before Shannon and Jarod walked back into the waiting room. Her eyes flew to Shannon’s, pleased to see some of the anguish gone. She stood when Joan did, waiting for the news.

  “We don’t know much,” Jarod said, “but they’ve ruled out a stroke.”

  “That’s good news, right?” Joan asked.

  “I guess,” Shannon said. “They’re going to keep her. Do some more tests tomorrow. She doesn’t remember what happened. She said she was watching TV, then the next thing she knew, Jarod was there, helping her up.”

  “How is she now?” Madison asked. “Is she focused? Alert?”

  “Yeah, she seems fine,” Shannon said. “She wants to see you.” Shannon glanced at Joan. “And then she wants to see you and the grandkids,” she added. “Room 2118.”

  Madison was thankful Alice had asked to see her, and she smiled quickly at Joan. “I won’t be long. I know you and the kids are anxious to see her.”

  Madison squeezed Shannon’s hand as she walked past her and into the hallway. She turned right, following the signs for the range of rooms. The door was cracked open, but she knocked softly.

  “Alice?”

  “Come in, Madison.”

  Alice was sitting upright, looking no worse for wear. She smiled and patted the bed, beckoning Madison to join her.

  “You gave everyone a fright,” Madison said.

  “Apparently. They’ve been fussing over me. I just had a little mishap,” she said as she took Madison’s hand.

/>   Madison sat on the edge of the bed beside her, smiling as Alice engulfed her hand with hers. “You fainted. More than a mishap,” she said. “But they were afraid you had a stroke.”

  Alice shook her head. “I doubt when I leave this world it will be because of a stroke,” she said.

  It was then Madison saw it—how tired Alice looked, how drawn her face was. She met her eyes and held them. “Is the cancer back?” she whispered.

  Alice squeezed her hands almost painfully hard. “Yes.”

  Madison’s shoulders sagged as she squeezed back. “How long have you known?”

  “A couple of weeks. It’s been exhausting trying to hide it from Shannon and Jarod, trying to put on a happy face whenever they’re around,” she said. “I think I was just mentally done in by it all, with worry, with trying to keep it to myself.”

  Madison bent down and hugged her. “You could have told me,” she said.

  “You’ve got enough going on in your life. I didn’t want to burden you.”

  “Oh, Alice, you’ve been there for me so many times. You would never be a burden.”

  Alice looked away. “I don’t know that I’m strong enough to go through all of this again. The treatments take so much out of you; I don’t know how much I have left.”

  “You’re strong. You’re a fighter. You’ve beaten it twice,” Madison reminded her.

  “Yes, but maybe the third time is not the charm,” she said with a sigh. “But enough of that. They’ll all know soon enough so I’m sure we’ll talk it out to death.” She sighed again. “It’s you I want to talk about. You and Shannon,” Alice said.

  Madison nodded. “We’re…we’re good,” she said.

  “Don’t let Shannon be alone tonight. Take her with you. To your home. When I go to sleep tonight, I want to know that my girls are together.”

  Madison felt a tear trickle down her cheek, and she nodded. “I’ll take care of her,” she whispered.

  “Good. And she’ll take care of you. That’s how it should be.” Alice leaned back against the pillows. “I’m suddenly very tired. You best send in Joan and my grandkids.”

  Madison stood, then bent down and kissed her cheek. “You’re not planning on leaving us tonight, are you?”

  Alice smiled weakly. “Not just yet. Like you said, I’m a fighter.”

  “Okay. Then I’ll see you tomorrow.” She turned to go, then stopped. “I love you.”

  She was surprised to see tears in Alice’s eyes. “I love you too.”

  Madison left quickly, afraid her own tears would spill. Those were three words she’d never said to her own mother. And three words her mother had never uttered to her.

  She stopped at the waiting room door, knowing the burden was now hers. Should she tell Shannon? Could she keep it from her? No, Shannon deserved to know. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, finally pushing open the door. She smiled, hoping it reached her eyes as she glanced at Joan.

  “She’s asking for you.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “Hell of a way to end the day,” Shannon said as she drove them back to the store and Madison’s car.

  Madison reached across the console and rested her hand on Shannon’s thigh. “Alice gave me some instructions,” she said.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “You’re to come home with me.”

  Shannon laughed. “She said that, huh?”

  “Among other things, yes.” Madison bit her lip, knowing now wasn’t the time to tell her. “We haven’t eaten dinner. How about we pick up something and take it home?”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes. We should talk,” she said vaguely. Shannon stared at her for a long moment, and Madison saw questions in her eyes. She offered a quick smile. “I want to sleep with you tonight,” she said. “We don’t have to make love. I just want to be with you.”

  Shannon covered her hand with one of her own, pressing it down hard into her thigh. “I haven’t forgotten our conversation from earlier,” she said.

  Madison nodded, relaxing her hand, letting Shannon’s warmth seep into her.

  After Shannon assured her veggie burgers were on the menu at a local fast-food restaurant, they decided on burgers and fries and large Cokes, something Madison rarely had. She went ahead to her house as Shannon went to pick up their dinner. It was a pleasant evening, not too warm. She went out to the patio and turned on the ceiling fan, deciding they would eat outside by the pool. She only wished the conversation was going to be lighter, but she wouldn’t keep Alice’s cancer news from Shannon.

  Ten minutes later Shannon came in carrying two bags. Madison took one from her, smelling the addicting aroma of fast-food fries. She snatched one out of the bag, chewing with a smile.

  “This is so good,” she said. “Wonder why I don’t get them more often?”

  “Because they’re not good for you,” Shannon said as she too stole one from the bag. She glanced to the patio, which was lit up. “You want to eat outside?”

  “Do you mind?”

  “Of course not. The pool looks inviting,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

  Madison smiled, wishing they could forget everything and…and get naked already. She could imagine Shannon’s glistening skin with the water cascading off of it.

  “What naughty thoughts are going through your mind?”

  At that, Madison laughed. “Skinny-dipping.”

  Shannon’s gaze held hers. “Then why don’t we?” she suggested.

  “Tempting…but we should talk,” she said, leading Shannon outside.

  Madison was afraid her appetite would leave her, but one bite into the burger brought it back in full force. “This is delicious,” she murmured with a nearly full mouth.

  “Again, not good for you,” Shannon said as she bit into her veggie burger. “Not bad,” she said before dipping a french fry in ketchup. “Now, what is it you want to talk about?”

  Madison wiped her mouth with her napkin, then took a sip of her drink. No sense putting it off. “It’s Alice,” she said.

  Shannon put her burger down, eyebrows raised. “Something she told you?”

  Madison nodded.

  Shannon stared at her, slowly shaking her head. “The cancer is back?” she guessed.

  “I’m sorry,” Madison said quietly. “She said she’s known for a couple of weeks, but she didn’t want to tell you.”

  “Shit,” Shannon whispered as she leaned back, running her hands through her hair.

  “I hadn’t noticed before how tired she looked,” Madison said. “Lying there in the hospital bed, she looked almost frail. She didn’t exactly tell me,” she said. “I asked her.”

  Shannon nodded. “Yes, now that you mention it, she has looked tired lately.” She let out a heavy breath. “So when is she planning on breaking this to us?”

  “I would imagine tomorrow. I don’t think she was ready to deal with it tonight.” She reached across the table and took Shannon’s hand. “I’m sorry, Shannon. But your mother is a strong woman. We’ve just got to be there for her and make sure she doesn’t give up.”

  “She’s been through so much already,” Shannon said. “Now that Jarod and I are here, well, I’d hoped we could have some time with her.”

  “Shannon, this isn’t a death sentence. She’s beaten it twice before,” Madison reminded her.

  “Yeah, I know. But she was younger then. She’s over seventy now. Is she still strong enough?”

  “If her spirit is willing, then yes.” Madison looked at her burger, then folded the paper around it. “I suppose I should have waited until after we ate,” she said.

  Shannon grabbed a fry and nibbled it slowly. “Did she want you to tell me?”

  “No, but I wasn’t going to keep it from you.”

  “Thank you. I would hate to be blindsided by it tomorrow. I suppose I should let Jarod know,” Shannon said as she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

  “Why don’t you wait until the morning?” Madiso
n suggested. “There’s not anything he can do tonight.”

  Shannon hesitated, then put her phone back. “You’re right.” She smiled slightly. “Is this why she told you I was to come home with you?”

  “Her words were, ‘When I go to sleep tonight, I want to know that my girls are together.’” She was surprised to see a misting of tears in Shannon’s eyes.

  “She thinks of you as family, you know.”

  Madison nodded. “Yes. The feeling is mutual. When we were growing up, I often wished she was my mother,” Madison admitted. “She was always so warm and caring, something my mother never was.”

  “Affectionate,” Shannon said. “She was always affectionate with me. Even now.”

  Madison stared at the pool, the water moving ever so slightly, causing the lights to twinkle below the surface. “Do you know my mother has never hugged me?” She felt Shannon’s eyes on her and she turned to her. “Not even when I was a kid. I have no recollection of her ever hugging me.”

  “Your father?”

  Madison shook her head. “No. In fact, now—going through the divorce—is the closest I’ve been to him. For the first time, we actually talk.” She let their fingers entwine when Shannon’s hand covered hers. Madison met her eyes. “You taught me how to be affectionate.” She watched as Shannon swallowed, apparently gathering her thoughts.

  “I…I was insanely in love with you,” Shannon said. “Almost to the point of desperation. Back then, I was consumed by it…by you.” Shannon’s thumb slowly caressed her hand, mesmerizing her. “I could never make love with anyone…there was never a time I didn’t think of you, wish it was you I was touching. I wanted it to be you. I always wanted it to be you.”

  Shannon had tears in her eyes. Madison got up and went to her, pulling her up as well. Shannon had always been the strong one. She wondered how much the news about her mother was affecting her emotions now. She cupped her face, looking into her eyes.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Shannon shook her head. “No. Let’s don’t say we’re sorry. It’s over with. In the past. Let’s don’t ever say we’re sorry again.”

  Madison brushed at the corner of her eye, wiping a tear away.