At Seventeen

by Gerri Hill

  “I want…I want to think about the future now,” Shannon continued. “I really want my future to be with you.” She took Madison’s hand and kissed her palm. “Is it too soon? These last five or six months, I feel like we’ve gotten to know each other in a different way. Not like when we were young and we just wanted to be together. I feel like I’ve gotten to know the real you and you’ve gotten to know me,” she said. “I know we’re different people now than when we were young, but the one thing that’s the same…is that I’m still insanely in love with you.”

  Madison brushed a tear from her own eye. “I’ve hurt you so much.” She put a finger across Shannon’s mouth when she would have spoken. “I promise you, I will never hurt you that way again. Because I’m in love with you too. I want to be with you. We didn’t have a life then, but we can have one now. A life, out in the open, not hiding. You want that too, don’t you?”

  Shannon leaned closer and brushed her lips with her own. “I want everything with you.”

  Madison stepped into her arms, pulling Shannon into another kiss, letting it deepen, knowing they didn’t have to hurry, knowing there were no longer any restraints on them. She felt Shannon lift her blouse, exposing her skin to the night air before Shannon’s warm hands slid around her.

  “I want to make love to you,” Shannon murmured as her lips left Madison’s mouth and moved to her neck, suckling the sensitive spot that only Shannon knew.

  “Yes,” she whispered, arching her neck and giving Shannon full access. She moaned when Shannon’s hands slid along her skin, cupping her breasts.

  “I’ve dreamed of you so many times,” Shannon whispered into her ear.

  Madison closed her eyes as Shannon’s thumbs circled her nipples. “We don’t have to dream anymore, sweetheart.” She took a deep breath, then stilled Shannon’s hands. “Let’s go to bed.”

  * * *

  Madison stood still, belying the nervousness she felt as Shannon slowly removed her clothing. It had been so long and she wasn’t a young woman any longer. Her nerves got the best of her and she stopped Shannon as she was about to undo her bra.

  “I’m not twenty-one any longer,” she said quietly.

  Shannon stared into her eyes, then leaned closer and kissed her softly. “You’re beautiful, Madison. I love the woman you’ve become.” Shannon removed her bra then, her eyes drawn to her breasts. She was pleased to see Shannon’s eyes darken. “You’re every bit as beautiful as I remembered.”

  Those words chased her nervousness away, and she reached for Shannon’s shirt, tugging it over her head. Hands fumbled together as they undressed, laughing quietly when Shannon’s bra got tangled in her shirt.

  The sheets were cool as she lay down, her gaze raking over Shannon’s body as she stood before her. Shannon had always been a little taller than she was, a little thinner. Seeing her now—naked—after all these years of only dreaming of her, she realized how truly magnificent Shannon really was. She reached for her hand, pulling her down to the bed. For a second, she had to remind herself that she wasn’t dreaming. Shannon was here, in her bed. They were about to make love. The years melted away as Shannon’s kisses became more demanding and Madison yielded to her, welcoming Shannon’s weight on top of her.

  All other coherent thoughts were lost when Shannon’s mouth brushed across her breast, her tongue flicking her nipple, turning it rock hard. She moaned quietly as Shannon teased her, lips and tongue. Shannon finally closed over her nipple fully, gently suckling, and Madison moaned again, holding Shannon to her for fear she’d stop. It had been so terribly long since they’d been together, yet she remembered it like it was yesterday. Shannon’s skin was as smooth and soft as it had always been, and she ran her hands across her back now, pulling her even closer to her body.

  Shannon nudged her legs apart, and Madison opened to her, shocked by the wetness she felt between them. It had been so long since she’d been sexually aroused that she hardly recognized it. Her hips involuntarily arched into Shannon.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” Shannon murmured as her lips trailed kisses along her neck to her mouth.

  Her kiss was slow, but oh so thorough, and Madison savored it, letting Shannon do as she wished, her body simply melting beneath her…all from only a kiss. It wasn’t the hot, fierce kisses they had shared when they were younger, kisses meant to hurry—before they got caught. There was no one to catch them this time, no need to hurry.

  But when Shannon dipped her head to her breast again, when her hand moved between them, hurry was the only thing Madison was thinking.

  “It’s been so long, Shannon,” she whispered. “Hurry.”

  Shannon lifted her head, her smile soft and lazy, her eyes clouded with desire. “Hurry? No, sweetheart. I intend to take my time,” she murmured as her fingers slipped effortlessly into her wetness, brushing across her clit, causing her hips to jerk.

  “We can go slow the second time,” Madison countered as she held her gaze. “And the third and the fourth. But right now, I want your mouth on me.”

  Shannon’s lips were gentle on her own. “Is that what you want?” she murmured.

  “God, yes,” Madison whispered.

  She heard Shannon’s breath catch at her words, saw her eyes darken even more. She barely heard Shannon’s whispered “then that’s what I want” as she moved down her body. Oh, it had been so long. She moaned as Shannon spread her thighs even further. Her eyes slammed shut when she felt Shannon’s warm breath on her, felt the first touch of her tongue.

  “Shannon…yes,” she breathed, opening herself fully as Shannon’s mouth settled over her, tongue and lips devouring her. She was gasping for breath, one hand clutching the sheet, the other Shannon’s shoulder as her hips moved wildly against Shannon’s face. No one but Shannon had ever done this to her. Memories came rushing back, memories of two young girls making excuses to kiss, to touch and, finally, to make love. Two girls, learning from each other and falling more and more in love. Now, like then, Shannon knew exactly how—and where—to touch her, bringing her just to the edge, letting it build and build until Madison exploded. But now, unlike then, she didn’t have to temper her response, she didn’t have to fear getting caught. She arched her hips again, feeling Shannon hold her down as she sucked her clit into her hot mouth. Like all those years ago, her world exploded in blinding colors, and she cried out, the sound coming from deep in her soul as Shannon drew out her orgasm, her tongue only stopping when Madison collapsed limply on the bed.

  She felt Shannon leave tiny kisses on her thighs, her belly, her breast, her face, felt her warm skin again covering her own. Her eyes fluttered open, and she managed a smile when Shannon kissed her mouth.

  “Okay?”

  “God, yes,” she murmured, reaching for Shannon and pulling her close. “I love you.”

  Shannon brushed the hair away from her face, her eyes looking into her own. “I love you, Madison. I’ve always loved you.”

  Madison nodded. “Yes. Always.” She rolled them over, resting on top of Shannon now. “It feels so incredibly good to be with you,” she said. “We have the night to ourselves,” she whispered as she kissed her. “No interruptions. No curfews. We have a lot of time to make up for.”

  “You can take all the time you want, sweetheart.”

  Madison grinned as she moved lower, capturing Shannon’s nipple with her mouth, memories again rushing in—the softness of her, her scent, her taste. Yes, all the time in the world. And she intended on using every minute of it.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Shannon had already broken the news to Jarod, and they waited now, waited for the doctor to finish. Joan and the kids had stayed at home, but Madison had wanted to come, so she’d followed in her car. She sat beside Shannon, twisting her hands together nervously. Shannon reached over and stilled them, smiling slightly.

  “Sorry,” Madison said quietly.

  Shannon leaned closer. “Are you more worried about what the doctor is going to sa
y or whether she’s going to guess what we were doing last night?” She laughed quietly as a bright blush covered Madison’s face.

  “Considering neither of us look like we’ve slept, there won’t be much guessing involved.”

  Shannon’s gaze landed on Madison’s mouth, her lips still slightly swollen from their night—and morning—together. She looked up, their eyes holding, and she suddenly wished they were anywhere but a hospital waiting room. She wished they were back in the shower where Madison had pinned her against the wall and brought her to orgasm so fast it was a blur. Madison smiled and nodded, acknowledging the direction of her thoughts.

  “Fletcher?”

  They all turned and the nurse waved them over. “You can see her now. The doctor will be right back in to visit with you.”

  “Thank you,” she said, allowing Jarod and Madison to go ahead of her.

  Her mother, thankfully, looked well rested. Shannon bent down quickly and kissed her cheek, noting that her mother already had taken a hold of Madison’s hand.

  “I’m feeling much better,” she said. “I don’t want anyone fussing over me.”

  “Mom, we know about the cancer,” Jarod said.

  Her mother flicked her eyes at Madison and smiled. “I never thought you’d keep it to yourself,” she said. She eyed Shannon and Madison, her gaze going between them. “Would it be inappropriate of me to say that you’re both glowing this morning?”

  Shannon blushed head to toe. “Really, Mom? Really? Now?”

  Jarod laughed. “So that’s why you look like you got no sleep.”

  Shannon looked at Madison helplessly, but Madison simply laughed and squeezed her mother’s hand. “I took your advice,” she said.

  “Can we please discuss your health?” Shannon said, still blushing.

  Her mother’s smile faded. “There is nothing to discuss. I already know my options.”

  “Where…where is it?”

  “My breast again. I’m going through with the surgery this time.” Her mother looked away from them. “I should have done it before, I guess, but losing one’s breasts…well, I wasn’t prepared back then.”

  “Okay, if you do a total mastectomy, will you still have to do chemo or radiation?” she asked.

  “The doctor said they would see how invasive the cancer is. That will determine whether I’ll need additional treatment.” Her mother laid back against the pillow. “The thought of going through chemo again…well, I don’t know if I can handle it.”

  “But—”

  “No. I’m tired of thinking about it. We’ll take it one step at a time.” She took a deep breath. “Now, let’s talk about something else.” She turned to Madison. “Isn’t Ashton coming home this weekend?”

  Madison nodded. “Yes, I’ll get to see him tomorrow evening.”

  Shannon had forgotten that Ashton was coming home. “That’s right. He’s staying with you tomorrow night,” she said. Now that she and Madison had, well, reconnected, she didn’t want to spend even one night apart. Madison seemed to read her mind.

  “He’s leaving Saturday afternoon to go with Stephen.”

  Her mother laughed. “Isn’t love grand when you just want to be together constantly?”

  “Mom, please,” Shannon groaned, blushing yet again.

  Madison bent down and kissed her mother’s cheek, a smile still playing on her mouth. “I’ll tell you all about it later,” Madison said, just loud enough for Shannon to hear. Her mother laughed delightfully. Madison stood, her gaze meeting Shannon’s. “I should get going. The doctor will be in here soon. I haven’t even begun to get ready for Ashton.”

  Shannon nodded. “I’ll call you later.”

  Madison squeezed her arm affectionately as she passed, and Shannon watched her go, feeling her mother’s and Jarod’s gaze on her. She turned to them with a sheepish smile.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Madison hugged Ashton tightly, swearing he’d grown another four inches since she’d seen him.

  “You’re taller than I am,” she said.

  “Yeah. How about that?”

  She held him at arm’s length. “God, you’re all grown up. When did that happen?”

  “I’m almost sixteen,” he reminded her. It was his turn to study her, and she very nearly blushed at his scrutiny. “You look different.”

  “Different?” Could he really know what she’d been doing the last two nights? Surely not.

  “So it’s official? The divorce?”

  “Yes. I suppose your father told you?”

  He nodded. “We talk more now than when I lived here.”

  She didn’t say anything as she led him into the kitchen. While Stephen was a good enough father, he was absent a lot in Ashton’s young life. Something she could relate to as her own father had rarely been around when she was growing up.

  She had the small table set for their dinner, but she hadn’t dared to attempt to cook anything. She decided to get his favorite.

  “Bruno’s pizza okay?”

  “Oh, yeah. I haven’t found anything up there that I like as well.”

  She eyed the neat black iPad that he set down beside him. It was rare if she saw him without either it or his laptop. She was sometimes still amazed by his intelligence, wondering once again how she and Stephen could have produced a “whiz kid,” as Shannon called him.

  She took the pizza out of the oven where it had been warming and put the box on the table. He pulled out a piece and had it in his mouth even before she sat down.

  “Thanks, Mom,” he mumbled as he chewed.

  “Sure. So tell me about school.”

  He rolled his eyes. “We talk almost every day. You know everything.”

  That was true, but she needed some filler before she broached the subject of Shannon. Apparently, Ashton was not only book smart. His gaze settled on her almost uncomfortably.

  “Tell me what you’ve been up to,” he said instead. “When we talk, it’s always about me. Dad says he never sees you and you won’t take his calls.”

  While his tone was only slightly accusing, it did make her wonder what all Stephen had been telling him. She wasn’t going to hide things from him.

  “I stopped taking his calls because he didn’t want to discuss the divorce, he wanted to discuss reconciling. When I wasn’t receptive to that, he resorted to anger or he tried to make me feel guilty, mostly because of you. So yes, I stopped taking his calls.”

  “Grandmother too?”

  She shook her head. “Your grandmother and I had a…conversation that didn’t go her way. She stormed out of here and hasn’t spoken to me since.” She put her pizza down. “And please tell me your grandmother has not been calling you.”

  Ashton, too, put his pizza down. “She did call me. She said you were having a crisis or something.”

  Madison stared at him in disbelief. “You’re sixteen. Surely they’re not trying to drag you into these games they’re playing,” she said bluntly.

  “Mom, I don’t really understand everything that’s going on. I know you weren’t happy. And I told you I would be okay with a divorce. And I am. But they’re acting like you’re having a midlife crisis and that you’re not making sound decisions.”

  “And you’re supposed to intervene? You’re my son, Ashton. My very, very intelligent son and I love you, but I’m not having a crisis.” She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I don’t know what all your grandmother has told you, but I do have something to tell you.” He looked almost frightened, and she took his hand, holding it tightly.

  “Is it about Shannon?”

  She nodded. “Yes. It is about Shannon.” God, how did she say this without just blurting it out? She swallowed down her nervousness. She needed to tell him. “Everything I was supposed to feel with your father…I feel with her.” She paused. “Do you understand?”

  He tilted his head slightly. “So…you’re gay?”

  She held his eyes. “Yes.”

  His expres
sion was unchanged for a long moment, then he smiled. “Okay.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Okay? That’s it?”

  He shrugged. “What do you want me to say?”

  “Well, I don’t know, but shouldn’t we discuss this? Don’t you have questions?”

  He picked up his pizza again. “I’ve had a week to digest this, Mom.”

  “Oh my God. She actually told you? Did she tell Stephen too?”

  “Remember this summer when you told me about you and Shannon and when you were younger? That she was your first love? I guess maybe I kinda knew then. When she came over for your birthday, when I saw you hugging.” He shrugged almost apologetically. “I never once saw you hug Dad like that.”

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.”

  “So when she called me and said you had ‘lost your mind’ and that I needed to try to reason with you before it got out, I knew that…well, that you and Shannon had…”

  Madison smiled at his attempt to explain. “If it makes any difference, I’m madly in love with her,” she said easily, not wanting to hide anything from him.

  “Something you never were with Dad?”

  She shook her head. “No. Never.”

  “But then why did you—”

  “Get married? I told you, your grandmothers had our marriage arranged by the time we were twelve. When someone tells you something long enough, you eventually believe it. And I believed what she said, that Stephen was perfect for me and we’d make a most excellent couple.”

  “But Shannon was the one—”

  “That I was in love with? Yes.” She reached out and touched his face. “I won’t lie. I’ve regretted it many times. But I wouldn’t have you. And I love you very much.”

  He smiled sweetly at her. “I love you too.” He studied her. “Did you think I was going to freak out?”

  “Freak out like your grandmother did? No. But I didn’t know how accepting you would be,” she said honestly. “And I need you to be accepting.”

  He continued eating his pizza. “In my generation, well, it’s everywhere. TV, movies, music. Kids are more open about it. It’s not that big of a deal.” He shrugged. “I have two professors who are gay. No big deal.” Then he did what he’d been doing all of his young life—jumping from the boy he was to the adult within. “I want you to be happy, Mom. You can’t please everyone—Grandmother least of all. If Shannon is who you want to be with and if she’s the person who makes you happy, then all of us who love you should support you.” Then he grinned, his boy-like features returning. “How’s that?”