Faith In Love

by Liann Snow

  ~ ~ ~

  "Eva, why aren't I angry at you?"

  "Because you're crazy about me."

  "I'm not so sure."

  "I'll show you."

  ~ ~ ~

  "I should have chosen Don."

  "That's funny. I always thought, perhaps Phil would have been better for me. I know he thought that, too, at one time."

  "Before he met me, I trust. Still, whichever way round, we would have found each other."

  "Do you think we are fated to be together?"

  "It is written in the stars."

  "I'm Pisces and you're a Gemini. Is that a good match?"

  "Of course! We can dream impossible dreams together."

  "I've had enough of impossible dreams. Anyway, I'm not the only Pisces you know, am I?"

  "We're talking dreams here, Faith – dreams that can come true! Quick, merge your imagination with mine! Dream! We can go to Spain together and be nuns."

  "Nuns. Why nuns? I can't imagine that."

  "Let yourself go! Step into the swift-running river of your own subconscious. Dare to dream it! It can come true. We could be erotic, dangerous nuns, flashing our garters at celibate priests."

  "I don't want to be a nun."

  "In a harem, then. We can be beloved sister-wives, dreaming and idling away the days in perfumed languors and silken gowns."

  "Can't we just get a flat, like this one, perhaps?"

  "My little dove, you are afraid to dream. You are like a butterfly whose beautiful wings have been crushed. All right, we can get a flat with whitewashed walls and green shutters and the sun will blaze all day and we'll toast our naked bodies and drink Ouzo and eat olives and goats' cheese and plum tomatoes and fresh bread from the market."

  "Is this flat by the Med?"

  "You guessed it. If it's anywhere, that's where it is."

  "Spain?"

  "No, it's most like a villa I stayed in for a week when I went to Crete a few years back."

  "With Phil?"

  "No chance."

  "Who then?"

  "I never went anywhere with Phil."

  "Who were you with, then? I want to know who you toasted your body with."

  "Oh, no one. You take me too literally. It was a little fantasy I made for you. To amuse you."

  "I bet. You've decided not to tell me; that's what it is. You can't fool me! Still, it doesn't matter. I don't need to know. Just the here and now, that's quite enough for me."

  "I hope so."

  ~ ~ ~

  "Eva, I have to go home."

  "I don't want you to."

  "I have to. I think Don was suspicious on Tuesday. I was so late back. I said I was in the library. I forgot the time. But I didn't have any books."

  "What did he say?"

  "Oh, I don't know. I got out of it somehow. How's Joan, by the way?"

  "Don't let's talk about Joan. Quick! Let's leave! Guilt is setting in, I can feel it."

  "You're the expert."

  "Cattiness becomes you Faith. Quick give us a kiss! I'll drive you back."

  "Okay."

  ~ ~ ~

  "Faith, can you take tomorrow off?"

  "Can you?"

  Friday, April 1

  "What a wonderful way to spend April Fool's Day."

  "What did your boss say? Was he alright?"

  "Not really. He'll get over it. Pearl'll manage, just this once. I'll have to be doing it on my own for weeks soon."

  "He's agreed she can go?"

  "Yes."

  "That's nice."

  "He's not so bad."

  "Maybe you can have a holiday when she gets back."

  "We'll see."

  ~ ~ ~

  "I've been worried about Carol for a long time now. She's getting thinner. She just pecks at her food. I think she may be anorexic."

  "My little dove's baby chick. She may be in love. Who with though, we cannot guess."

  "She never sees anyone."

  "The mother is always the last to know. Perhaps it's someone at school."

  "They're all girls."

  "Faith, it's not unknown for a lesbian mother to have a daughter with similar tastes. She's a vegetarian, too, which is of course, conclusive evidence. No, I'm joking, you're not a veggie, are you? I'm sorry, Faith, naturally you are concerned about the welfare of your one and only. But, there's no need to worry. I'm sure you will find her problems are located in her heart rather than her stomach. It's normal. It's love. It's life. But don't expect her to confide in you, she's exactly the wrong age for that. Be patient and in a year or two you'll be bosom buddies, sharing secrets that you can only guess at right now."

  "I hope you're right, Eva. You're certainly very persuasive."

  "I don't want you to worry needlessly. Worry is the enemy of beauty!"

  "Frown lines are aging, you're right, I read about that. What about smiles though, do you recommend them?"

  "Highly recommended! Only one thing more rejuvenating than smiling, and I'm sure you can guess what that might be!"

  "Well, I hope it doesn't entail doing any exercise. That would not suit me at all."

  "I'll let you guess. But to help you, here's a little practical demonstration and a visual aid, too!"

  ~ ~ ~

  "Tell me though, what did you think when Donald put that photo of me by the marital bed. Weren't you jealous?"

  "I didn't think of it like that. I honestly didn't see it as a photo of you as such. I thought it was a photo of his brother and his brother's wife. I did think it a bit odd when he kept it there after you left Phil, though."

  "Did you? What did you think?"

  "I thought he was being sentimental and nostalgic. I thought he couldn't face the fact of the breakup and wanted to keep the memory intact, in his own mind at least."

  "Why should he care so much? It wasn't his relationship."

  "I thought he cared about his brother. I thought he wanted his happiness."

  "You thought he was as unselfish as you, Faith. No one is. You are definitely one in a million."

  "I think you've got me wrong, Eva. I'm here with you now, aren't I? That's selfish. I'm not thinking at all about who I might hurt. And Don, I'm sure he had feelings about the breakup! He even used to sit on the side of the bed sometimes staring at the photo, I thought he looked so sad –"

  "He was looking at my tits."

  "Eva! You can't even see your tits in the photo, you've got a high-necked dress on."

  "I know. Nice isn't it? I had to leave it behind. Phil probably drags up in it."

  "Does he do that?"

  "I don't know. Probably. Can you see my tits?"

  "What, in the photo?"

  "No, in real life. They're right here."

  "I can't see them. They're under the duvet."

  "Pull the duvet down, then."

  "Okay."

  ~ ~ ~

  "There's something about you Faith, that I find irresistible. Almost magnetically attractive."

  "I'm a gypsy, that's why. Romany blood in my veins."

  "Is that why you have such dark hair, and beautiful dark eyes too?"

  "Might be. And you? You're dark too."

  "I think there's some Spanish, way back. Came over with the Armada."

  "I thought they all got sunk. Francis Drake and all that."

  "A lot of them sailed away, got caught up in storms. God on the side of the Brits, as usual. Shipwrecked off the Northwest coast. And that's where we come from. Well, that's the family myth, anyway."

  "Spanish, romantic."

  "Gypsy, hypnotic."

  "That's no myth."

  ~ ~ ~

  "Eva, will you drive me home, please?"

  "What have I done?"

  "Silly. It's time."

  "Oh, was I asleep?"

  "We both were."

  "I love you."

  "Hush. You're dreaming."

  ~ ~ ~

  Faith is home. Don is home. Faith sets the table for tea. Don has the ev
ening paper in his hands. He is scanning the sports pages. Faith pours the tea and sits down. Carol is absent.

  "Don, I know about Eva."

  "Well, of course you do, girl. I told you. Left my useless brother and good thing, too. Better for both of them I should say, in the long run."

  "Don, I know what you didn't tell me."

  "Well, what that is I can't imagine. If you've got something to say Faith, spit it out!"

  "You and her have been having an affair. That's what I know."

  "Been having an affair, have we? I'd like to hear your evidence for that, if you're going to be judge and jury in this case. That's a very serious accusation you're making, old girl."

  "I don't know if you're trying to be sarcastic, Don. Somehow trying to put me off."

  "I'm not sure myself, Faith. I certainly would like to hear what you have to say. Even murderers have their day in court."

  "As defendants."

  "My point exactly."

  "I see that you're more or less admitting it, Don. Still, I'll play it your way. I've got nothing to lose. I have heard from an impeccable source that you and her have been having it off. That's to put it bluntly, Don."

  "Rather blunt, yes. But what's your source, Faith? That's the main point in question."

  "From the horse's mouth, Don. The best possible source, I should think."

  "Eva! But she's a liar. Can't trust that one. Anyway, I don't know her, do I? Any more than you do. Lost touch years ago, as well you know. It was the funeral that gave us our last sight of her. Standing by her mother's open grave. Two years ago almost. Shortly after, left her husband high and dry, ran off, no explanation. Thorough bad lot I'd say."

  "That's true enough, Don, as far as it goes. Someone certainly fits that description, but I'm not sure it's Eva, or if it is, then I'm not sure she should bear the brunt of it all alone. You saw her, Don, and more than saw her. At the funeral, before the funeral, before she left Phil, and after, up to the present day more or less."

  "I hardly think so, love. You're raving. Perhaps it's the time of the month."

  "Time of the month, Don? Sorry, it just won't do. You've been having the time of your life and now you've got to pay for it. I know the worst there is to know, that you're a liar and a cheat. Betraying me with your brother's wife. That's almost incest, that is."

  "Don't upset yourself, love, I'll make some tea."

  "Don't you leave this room, Don. Carol will be back soon and I want to get this sorted before she arrives."

  "What can I do to help?"

  "You can be truthful with me, your wife of seventeen years."

  "Just."

  "Seventeen years and two weeks, Don. I am also, as far as I know, the mother of your only child, and therefore deserve more respect than you've shown me. You won't contradict me on that point I hope, Don?"

  "I will not."

  "Then be candid. Get it off your chest. Don't you know it's all over?"

  "Is it?"

  "She told me so. Confess! Why lie any longer?"

  "She said that? When?"

  "Just today. An hour ago."

  "I can't believe you. She loves me."

  "Ah, admissions now – come on now – let it go. Tell me! Tell me!"

  "She loves me, if you have to know. I've said it. And I love her. And have done for years. Ever since I saw her, to be exact. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but not at all sorry that it's true. We will have to go away together now, like she wanted. It was only the fear of telling you that held me back."

  "And concern for your daughter too, I hope."

  "I hadn't thought of that. I can't think of it now."

  "And what about your brother, can you think of him? You destroyed his marriage."

  "I'll talk to him. I'll have to face him. I couldn't do it before, but now that you know I'll find the strength somehow to tell him."

  "There's nothing to tell, Don. I've said, it's history. Over and done."

  "That's not my understanding."

  "I'm here to change your understanding. She doesn't want you anymore. She doesn't want any man. It's women for her now, exclusively."

  "No, no. She's finished with all that."

  "It's you she's finished with."

  "You're harsh to me, Faith. I hardly know you."

  "You've hurt me Don, and hurt yourself."

  "I'm not hurt. I'm strong, I'm happy, I'm at peace. I am able to be honest in the face of your lies."

  "She's left you, Don. You're on your own. Face that!"

  "No, wait! There's a key in the door! Carol! I'm going upstairs. Don't follow! Leave me be!"

  Faith sits down at the kitchen table. The table is bare. There is no dinner in the oven. Carol comes in.

  "Hi. You're early," says Faith.

  "No, I'm not. I just came straight home. Usually I don't come straight home."

  "Oh."

  "Anything to eat?"

  "Nothing particularly veggie, I'm afraid. I haven't been up the shop."

  "Mum, you work practically next door to Tesco's."

  "Well, I wasn't in work today, so... Anyway, there's mushrooms from yesterday or cheese. You could have cheese on toast."

  "Mum, it's not veggie cheese, I told you."

  "I don't know. Isn't it? What's the difference?"

  "Rennet. I told you. Anyway, I'm not that hungry. I'm going up to my room. Okay? See you later."

  "Okay." Faith sits at the kitchen table. The table is bare. There is no dinner in the oven.

  = CHAPTER 9 =

  Saturday, April 2

  It is very early in the morning. Faith and Don are in the kitchen. Sitting at the table. They are both in their nightclothes. There is a teapot and a milk bottle on the table. Each of them is holding a mug, perhaps for comfort.

  Don says: "Well of course I took her up there, poor kid. I had to. She's a Northerner for one thing, and a country girl. London's not for her, not at all. But also, she hated having to share a room with that woman. She was scared of her – didn't you know that? In case she made untoward demands on her in the night, that's why. Of course she hadn't known what kind of woman she was. Completely taken in. Well, she's naive, isn't she? Yes, I know she's not a child, but she can be very trusting. You should have seen her sometimes, she was so relieved to get away. She was in tears quite often by the time we hit the motorway. It was a big mistake her living there. But she couldn't afford to move. Of course the rent was cheap, that was the bait, wasn't it? It was near her work too, another big plus. That was the crucial reason she moved there, the cheapness of it was the clincher. She was foolish, I agree, and weak perhaps, but she's only human, and, despite any misgivings she might have had, she moved in. Once she'd done that, of course, she was stuck, wasn't she? Like a fly in a web.

  "Of course you or I would have behaved differently wouldn't we? Yes, but we're older and wiser, Faith. No, all right, not much older, but still we've got each other as anchors in our lives. She didn't have that.

  "I felt she needed a guiding hand, support in a difficult situation. That's what drew me to her. I felt she needed me. She wanted to live with me, Faith. I've told you that. But I couldn't let you down, and Carol of course. Sometimes she became quite unreasonable about it, shouting and carrying on in public places. Yes, it was lucky we were far away from home. Could have been even more embarrassing than it was. She got so hysterical at times that I thought she might be on drugs, you know, having withdrawal symptoms or something. But she always calmed down after a while."

  "I don't know what to make of this story."

  "Does it fit with what she told you?"

  "It doesn't even fit with what you told me!"

  "What, when you confronted me? I was scared. Shocked. I can't remember what I said, anyway."