Weight of the Crown

by Christina Hollis

  Lysander was safe in the knowledge he could walk away from her at any time, but that time wasn’t now. It was a shame to stop her doing something that made her so happy.

  ‘Let them wonder. And as it’s your day off, I don’t have to get you back to the Rose Palace until midnight tonight. We can stay here having fun for as long as we like,’ he murmured drowsily.

  ‘I shall need some clothes!’ She giggled.

  ‘Not for anything I have planned.’

  It was his own sleepy reply that shocked Lysander wide awake. He was supposed to be escaping to check his emails and chair a steering committee. Having fun with naked women wasn’t supposed to feature on his agenda any more.

  Drawing his body away from hers, he got up. He felt Alyssa shiver at the loss of him, and was aware of her moving to try to see what he was doing.

  ‘There’s something wrong, Lysander. What is it? Can I help?’

  Her concern brought him up short. A woman who was really interested in him as a person, not a bank balance? That made a change. It gave him a sense of security he had never felt in the presence of a girl before.

  He paused, and thought about her question before answering.

  ‘No. I’m fine.’

  Knowing he could have dropped everything and gone straight back into her arms was faintly worrying.

  Groping among their scattered clothes for his mobile, he distracted himself by making a quick call.

  ‘Breakfast will be served as soon as they can get it here,’ he told her when he had finished.

  ‘I’m hungry for only one thing, Lysander.’

  ‘Me too,’ he murmured, pulling her into his arms. ‘That’s why I’m taking you outside to the arbour, for one last experience before my staff gets here.’

  It was a long time later when they wandered in to breakfast, through the swell of sweet-smelling flowers that filled the queen’s garden. The old building had been transformed again. The table had been cleared and laid with fresh fruit and pastries, while changes of clothes were laid neatly over the back of a couch.

  ‘After breakfast I’ll show you the spa. It’s a natural feature fed by hot springs, and it’s the only luxury in the place.’

  ‘You’re my luxury, Lysander.’ Alyssa blushed, adding quickly, ‘I’m sorry about last night. The crying, I mean.’

  ‘Those were unique circumstances,’ he said brusquely. ‘Don’t worry about a thing.’

  ‘You’re right.’ Her voice was small.

  ‘Deep down you’ll never forget the reason for those tears, but the pain will pass.’ Lysander looked uncomfortable, and she saw he was making himself speak when he would rather have stayed silent.

  She nodded.

  He draped a robe carefully around her shoulders, then put one on himself. Sitting down on the nearest couch, he stared at their laden breakfast table.

  ‘This is the first time I’ve ever envied my brother Akil. He was always much more sensitive than I am when it comes to women—at least until he took the cure.’

  ‘What was that?’ Alyssa enquired, puzzled.

  ‘He got married.’

  ‘Oh, dear!’ Trying to laugh, she poured him a cup of coffee. Last night had been a spectacular experience, and she wanted it to last as long as possible. Despite all her fantasies, Jerry’s treachery and her broken engagement had taught her that happiness was painfully short-lived. She knew that the sooner they parted today, the faster Lysander’s interest in her would die.

  He accepted the cup and helped himself to a couple of pebbles of unrefined sugar. They took a long time to dissolve, and for a while the only sound was the gentle caress of his silver spoon against the bone china cup. Alyssa was determined not to ask any more questions unless he wanted to talk.

  ‘You don’t share my curiosity about people, then?’ he said after his first sip.

  ‘As I said, I meant to do some online research in my spare time to get background, but now I know what happened to your mother I’m not sure I want to know anything more about your family. Unless it would help my work with Ra’id, of course,’ she said without looking at him. It was enough to feel his eyes watching her every move, stripping her soul bare in the same way he had removed her inhibitions during that spectacular desert night.

  ‘Of course,’ he said, then muttered another word in Rosari that Alyssa was glad she couldn’t understand.

  ‘For one thing, it was useful to find out that Ra’id isn’t the only candidate for King,’ she said carefully.

  He didn’t reply straight away. Alyssa tensed. Watching him wonder how much to tell her was almost as bad as imagining this strong, capable man pacing about his state rooms like the caged tiger he had talked about.

  ‘History has a way of repeating itself, but I’m not going to recreate the mistakes of the past,’ he said grimly. ‘Times change, but mankind stays the same. Loving too much killed my mother. She may have been in the wrong, but the people of Rosara hated the way she was treated. Father was determined things would change. He even allowed my brother to marry for love, rather than selecting a bride for him. Of course, that didn’t work out any better than the traditional system of an arranged marriage,’ he said with obvious disgust. ‘While he was King, Akil continued to make improvements to Rosara. Now it’s all been left to me. Life was so much simpler when my father or Akil did the work and I was left to enjoy myself! There’s not much joy in juggling guardianship, running a country and making sure the succession doesn’t rely on Ra’id alone.’

  ‘It’s such a shame he doesn’t have any brothers or sisters.’

  Alyssa sighed.

  ‘His parents’ marriage had already broken down before he was born. My brother thought marriage should be for ever, so, although he eventually let me convince him to separate from Ra’id’s mother, he refused to consider fathering more children with another woman. He was old-fashioned enough to think that would set a bad example to his country.’

  ‘And of course he never expected to die before Ra’id was old enough to take over. That’s such a shame.’ Alyssa clicked her tongue. ‘Things would have been so different, if only the late king had remarried and had more children.’

  ‘So you don’t think marriage should be for ever?’ Lysander placed his cup down, carefully matching its base to the small depression in his saucer so he didn’t have to look at her.

  ‘Of course I do—but things don’t always work out so well in the real world.’

  Lysander hunched his shoulders in weary resignation.

  ‘How long were you engaged?’ he asked quietly.

  ‘Just over three years.’

  Naked astonishment wiped the last trace of anger from his face. ‘Good God! What was wrong with the man?’

  Alyssa thought for a while before answering. She had only just started to admit the truth to herself. It was hard to know whether sharing it with Lysander would be a good idea. Her feelings were still so delicate. Admitting that she had slipped into the relationship because it was a step on the way to achieving her dreams rather than her ideal destination would be hard.

  ‘It wasn’t his fault, it was mine,’ she said eventually, and was overcome by a great rush of relief. She had done it. Now the dam was breached, she could let a whole torrent of words follow.

  ‘I was in love with the idea of love. My working life was filled with other people’s babies and children, and I enjoyed it all so much I couldn’t wait to start a family of my own. In my fantasy world they would adore me, and shower me with all the affection I’d never had from my parents. When I met Jerry, he fitted my identikit picture of an ideal father. He was solid, hardworking and had his future as an accountant all mapped out—complete with career database, objectives, the lot! My parents were so impressed by him, it spilled over to me—finally I had their approval. I was on top of the world, looking forward to the wedding of the century, and starting the perfect family.

  ‘Then little Georgie died and as I fell apart, so did our relationship. We didn’t
have enough in common to sustain it. Jerry couldn’t understand why Georgie’s death hit me so hard. I couldn’t explain that the grief was bad enough, but knowing that I could have done more to save him made it ten times worse …’

  Her voice broke. Lysander grabbed his clean jacket, and pulled a neatly pressed handkerchief from its breast pocket. He pushed it into Alyssa’s hands. She thanked him with a smile, but her eyes were dry.

  ‘When we couldn’t talk about it, Jerry lost interest in me,’ she continued. ‘Not long after that, he broke off our engagement. That was when I found out he’d been messing around with one of his office juniors for quite a while.’ Expecting to need Lysander’s handkerchief at any second, she squeezed it into a thousand creases.

  The tears didn’t come, because there weren’t any left. This really must be the beginning of a new chapter in my life, she thought.

  ‘I know exactly how you must feel.’

  If anyone else had said that to her, Alyssa would have bitten their heads off for being patronising. When it came to Lysander, she knew that wasn’t what he intended. His life was full of flings. That meant he could put more understanding into his words than there had been in the whole of her long engagement. It would have been funny, if it weren’t so sad.

  ‘I hated Jerry for doing that, but now I can see there were faults on both sides. I was only using him as a way to get the life I’d always wanted.’

  ‘So you lost the chance to bag the rich husband of your dreams?’ Lysander replied in a flat voice.

  ‘That was the last thing on my mind when I looked at Jerry. I’ve got my own career—why would I be interested in his money? It’s not as though I’d need to pay for childcare …’ She tried to laugh, but couldn’t do it. ‘Looking back, I can see now that I agreed to marry him only because he asked me, not because of anything he could give me beyond children.’

  Lysander picked up a plate from the table and offered her a ripe fig as a peace offering. It was so sweet compared to her memories. She savoured it for as long as possible. Then Lysander handed her a finger bowl and a soft, scented towel for her hands.

  ‘And there was another problem.’ She warmed to her theme. ‘As an accountant, Jerry worked long hours. He had no interest in my work, and the feeling was mutual. I didn’t have the first thing in common with any of the other accountants’ wives and fiancées, either.’

  ‘Yes. I can imagine,’ Lysander said darkly. ‘I’ve met a few of those at the parties we’ve held for firms who work for us. The best trophy wives don’t seem to have an independent thought between them.’ He smiled, until Alyssa had to join in.

  ‘Or careers,’ she added. ‘I liked my life the way it was … but then it all went wrong.’

  ‘The other woman.’ Lysander sighed with world-weary certainty.

  ‘Yes—and the worst of it was, I might never have found out if it hadn’t been for what happened to Georgie.’

  ‘Your loss must have been devastating,’ Lysander said quietly.

  Alyssa nodded, hardly expecting Lysander to be any more understanding than her ex-fiancé.

  ‘For that little boy to die of meningitis was the worst possible tragedy. For everyone around to have ignored your warnings until it was too late must have struck you so hard.’

  She looked at him, glad that tears still felt a long way off. ‘You make me sound like a control freak.’

  ‘I wouldn’t go as far as that, but I have noticed you share a stubborn streak with my late brother. Wait—that’s not necessarily a bad thing!’ Lysander added as she got ready to fly off the handle. ‘Akil’s rigid determination was a great asset in a king, but not so good in a human being. Some things about you remind me of him. He never knew when to relax, be more flexible and let go.’

  ‘Which is something you can do better than anyone else in the world,’ Alyssa rejoined sharply, a little wounded by his quick assessment. ‘How can a man like you ever feel comfortable in the role of regent, let alone king?’

  A quick flash of consciousness in Lysander’s eyes showed that her shaft had hit its mark, but a moment later he had smoothed his expression out and answered blandly:

  ‘I intend to continue my brother’s work, not his life choices.’ The dark eyes took on a more thoughtful depth. ‘Alyssa, I wanted to ask you something as a newcomer to the country. Have you heard any rumours about my late sister-in-law’s affairs?’

  Alyssa’s eyes widened. ‘No … what are you suggesting? That Ra’id may not be Akil’s son?’

  Lysander gave her a long, steady look. ‘You catch on fast. But remember—you said it, not me. It’s another good reason why our country is entering a troubled time—the power of the rebels continues to grow. It’s not dangerous yet, but I must take as much responsibility for Rosara as the people want to give me.’

  Alyssa gazed back at him, wondering if that was the reason he had kept his distance from Ra’id until he took her to the nursery in person on that first day. It must have been so difficult for Lysander to have lost his brother, and then be forced to care for a child that might be no blood relation at all, and nothing more than a cuckoo in the Kahani nest.

  Then she saw something about Lysander’s dark eyes that reminded her of Ra’id. They were so alike … That was when she felt her own eyes getting bigger and rounder by the second.

  Lysander noticed, and made an irritable noise in the back of his throat. ‘Alyssa! If I hadn’t become hardened to all the gossip years ago, I would be very offended by that look.’

  ‘I never said a thing!’ she retorted, ashamed he could read her thoughts so easily.

  ‘You didn’t need to.’ He clapped his hand loudly to his chest. ‘But I’m blameless in that direction, if no other. I never laid a finger on my late sister-in-law, nor ever wanted to. You have my word on that.’

  He looked so genuine, Alyssa couldn’t help but believe him. ‘I’m sorry, Lysander. I shouldn’t have judged you,’ she said, then rallied: ‘Although don’t forget, you only took offence because you were searching my mind through my eyes.’

  His reply was quicksilver. ‘I do it because I can’t help keeping a very close check on them, all the time.’

  ‘And I thought your mind was supposed to be full of nothing but work!’

  ‘You’ve been in danger of eclipsing that for me from the first moment we met.’

  His voice was like a breeze through cool ferns. Alyssa was hypnotised by his dark stare, feeling as well as seeing it travel to her lips. Then, with a sigh full of regret, he looked away from her.

  ‘My country is my work, and nothing can be allowed to distract me any more. Nothing. Although I will show you something that comes very close …’

  As he took her hand such a powerful thrill of excitement ran through her body he must have felt it. Drawing her out into the garden again, he looked back at her over his shoulder. In that moment, his expression almost stopped her heart completely.

  ‘Dawn in my country is as spectacular as the full moon,’ he whispered.

  Alyssa could believe it—as long as she was sharing it with him.

  Helping her up to the highest lookout point on the castle walls, he sheltered her with his body against any chill breeze off the desert. The rising sun was already staining the Eastern sky with colours of pomegranate and peach. Down in the gardens, nightingales still sang. Their music was a grace note for Alyssa’s perfect fantasy, and she relaxed into Lysander’s embrace. No woman had ever felt so adored. As she felt his kisses on her hair and looked out over the ageless scene she allowed herself to imagine being this happy for ever.

  Then without warning she was woken from her beautiful dream. A tiny sound had begun, far out in the desert. It grew faster than the daybreak, careering towards their happiness. Lysander was the first to realise what it was. While Alyssa was still wondering, he stiffened and pushed her gently away from him. The cold morning air flooded the space between them. Needing his closeness, she followed as he went to stand with his hands on the copin
g stones of the castle wall.

  He was intent on something far out across the sands. A vehicle was hurtling at breakneck speed over the hard-packed desert. With growing horror, Alyssa saw that their paradise was about to be wrecked. Suddenly Lysander strode away from her, back down the steps the way they had come. She ran to catch up, breathless with fear now, rather than expectation.

  ‘What is it, Lysander?’

  ‘For someone to be heading this way so fast, it must be a message from the palace.’

  His words were terse and businesslike. Alyssa stopped. Lysander didn’t notice, and certainly didn’t wait for her. His mind was miles away, already centred on his work. This realisation sent her powering after him again. She knew what it was like to be driven, and wanted to share the responsibility with him.

  ‘What can I do?’ she called, but it was no good. He was completely absorbed by the arrival of a big new four-by-four in the blue and gold palace livery.

  The vehicle skidded to a halt in the courtyard and the driver jumped out. Hustling the man out of her earshot, Lysander began an animated exchange with him. Alyssa could only stand by and watch. They spoke in Rosari, so she had no hope of understanding more than a fraction of what they were saying. From the speed at which the message was delivered, she guessed it was bad news. When the messenger jumped back into the vehicle and started gunning the engine, Lysander strode back to where she waited for an explanation.

  It didn’t come.

  ‘I’m sorry about this.’

  ‘You have to go,’ she said, her voice as flat as the plain that isolated them from real life.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘But you’ll come back to me?’

  He stared at her as though she were the one speaking a foreign language. Then he lifted his gaze to look at the sky. She couldn’t help wondering if it was for inspiration.

  The rising sun was now high enough to light his face. Reaching out, he took her by the shoulders.

  ‘I must get straight back to the palace now. I’ll try to call on you later.’