Afraid to Dream

by Tianna Xander

  Darius grabbed Cassie and me by the arms and spun us around. Wrapping his arms around us, he sheltered our bodies as the door burst inward. Splinters struck my legs, stinging like a thousand angry bees. Cassie cried out as they drove into her as well. Darius pushed us away as soon as the debris fell. We ran toward the kitchen away from the malevolence at the front door. Darius's presence in my mind soothed me, taking away the stinging pain of the many pieces of wood stuck in my flesh. I took a deep breath and tried to dispel what little pain he was unable to block for me. The scent of blood and burning wood assailed my nostrils.

  "Run to the garage and get out of here." Darius nearly growled in my ear. I felt him withdrawing from me and feared the worst. "Come with me. You're hurt." My fingers tightened around his, refusing to let him push me away.

  "I'll be fine." He growled again, before he snatched his hand from my grip. I took a good look at him and started to shake. He wasn't human. I was reminded of that fact as his eyes began to change. The irises grew larger, swelling until the pupil almost disappeared. "Do not fear me, little one." He caressed my cheek just before his nails turned into claws and he settled to the floor on the four paws of a large wolf.

  The animal looked up at me with moss-green eyes and I wanted to run. Yet some crazy part of me stayed and Darius's soothing presence in my mind calmed me. I nodded when I realized he wanted me to leave him. I fisted my hands in his soft coat and knelt before him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I squeezed him and planted a kiss on his snout.

  "For luck," I whispered before I released him and took Cassie's hand. I would never admit that the thought of him endangering himself upset me. I was tough. I'd sworn off men. No one would ever hurt me the way Rich did. Ever again. I refused to let him get under my skin.

  My conscience made itself known and I admitted--at least to myself--that Darius touched me in a way no one else ever had. I was over being shocked that he could change forms faster than some people changed their minds. I may be young, but I've seen a lot in my lifetime. Enough to know that there are more unexplainable things on this Earth than most people knew about--or cared to admit existed.

  The number one lesson in my life was believe what you see. Your eyes never lie to you. Everyone else in the world can and will lie to you in some form or fashion. I've also learned that a few things are just better left unexplained and, right now, his abilities were one of them. Besides, I didn't plan on hanging around him longer than it took to explain to him that he couldn't be a part of my life. It was tempting to try a relationship with someone who knew what I was, but I was tired of being hurt.

  Now is not the time for such distractions. Go. Be safe in my home and I shall join you there as soon as I'm able. We shall discuss this then, Lily

  Yes, we will. Now, I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my head, dammit! I raised my hand to my lips when I felt him brush his mouth against them. My fingers trembled over the warmth of his illusory touch and I frowned. How do you do that?

  He chuckled into my mind as I followed Cassie out to her garage. She climbed behind the wheel of her compact car and I hurried around to the other side to slide into the passenger seat.

  "I know where he lives. We'll get there in one piece." She glanced over at me and shook her head. "I don't believe you stood up to him like that."

  Cassie started the car. Locking the doors and, after we were both belted in place, she put it in gear and pushed the button to raise the overhead garage door. Several zombie-like creatures toddled toward the car, pounding on the roof and windows as we sped down the drive. "I'm glad I always back into the garage. It makes it easier for a fast getaway." She looked back at the creatures stumbling after us and shuddered. "I hate those things."

  "What were they?"

  "Revenants. They were men tricked by the rogue into thinking if they consumed Cartuotey blood they would become like them. Instead, they become little more than mindless puppets. They are very strong and resilient. They're very resistant to any type of wound except being shot in the head or beheaded." She glanced back over at me. "If you ever see one, run. They can't move as fast and you could lose them. You have no chance if you try to fight them. They're way stronger than you are."

  "Revenants," I repeated, filing the knowledge away. The information may become useful at a later date.

  She frowned. "What were we talking about before? Oh, yes, Darius. The only people I've ever seen give him any grief, are other Cartuoteys." She laughed, shaking her head. "I'd bet the poor guy has no idea what to think about your lack of respect for his so-called authority."

  I tried to ignore the fact that a whole gaggle of undead monsters just tried to grab us and instead focused on something I knew I could do something about--Darius and his delusions of finding himself naked in my bed.

  Chapter Seven

  "I wonder why no one else gives him any trouble," I commented, shocked that more people didn't give him a hard time. "The man needs it, if you ask me. No one should always get their way. It isn't good for them." I added the last more to myself than for her. "I mean, I know he's intense and all, but he doesn't strike me as a bad guy. Not really."

  Thank you, little one. Coming from you that is high praise, he whispered into my mind, accompanied by the impression of a wry smile. Be careful that you do not shower me with too many compliments Courimeo. It may go to my head.

  I made a face. Don't get too excited. My taste in men has never been great. Why do you think I've sworn them off?

  You forget, Lily. I've been in your mind. I know exactly how much you like men. And, in this case at least, your taste in men is impeccable.

  I got the impression of him moving slowly, crawling through Cassie's house on his belly. Quiet. Stealthy.

  He broke contact when I felt his muscles bunch and contract as though readying to leap into action. Worried, I tried to re-establish contact and found only a void where the link back to his mind should have been. Wasn't that just like a big macho man like him? Chase the little woman away while he does all the manly stuff, sheltering her from the mental anguish of seeing the violence in his life?

  Puhleeze! I rolled my eyes then bit my lip. I ignored the scenery speeding past the window and frantically attempted to reconnect with him. Darius, where are you? Are you okay? Dammit, you can't just waltz into my life and disappear like that. You have to be okay. He just had to be.

  Suddenly, my mind flooded with warmth as he made contact again. I told you that you like men. He chuckled. The low timbre caused goose bumps to rush up my arms. Me in particular. I am honored.

  Well, don't be. Remember, my experience tells me that my taste in men sucks. I curled my lip in disgust. It sucks so much that I've decided to become a nun.

  He paused and broke contact again. Either because I would distract him or because he didn't want me to know what it was that he was up to. I refused to believe he would use that link to punish me. A few tense minutes passed while I waited and wondered what the heck was going on. I glanced over at Cassie.

  "I don't remember it taking so long to get to your house from his place. Is it really taking longer to get there, or is it just me?" I shrugged and looked out the window. Heck, who knows? Maybe she just drives a lot slower than the cabby did.

  "I think it's just you."

  We turned down a private road and I relaxed when I recognized the cedar lined drive. The tall, fragrant evergreens came into view. Their branches reached out over the gray pavement, swaying in the breeze, protecting the long drive from the elements. I inhaled deeply, loving the fresh scent of the surrounding forest. We rounded a curve and the blue and white house loomed large in front of us. Its wraparound porch welcoming as the aura that surrounded the house beckoned us within the safety of its magically protected walls.

  I actually saw the glowing aura shimmer with magic as Cassie put the little compact in park. We hurried from her car to the house, not wanting to be taken by surprise by anyone lurking in the woods that surrounded the structure. The
overwhelming warmth when I stepped onto the front porch felt like I had just come home.

  You are home, courimeo. What is mine is yours. Certainly you already knew that.

  Oh, really? I asked with a smile. Does that include the sporty, fire-engine red sports car sitting in your garage?

  He actually laughed at that.

  The mellow sound wrapped me in his warmth. It curled around my insides, making me shiver with suppressed need. Gooseflesh rose on my skin and liquid warmth pooled in my middle, racing to my womb. I squeezed my thighs together, trying to relieve the throbbing of my sensitized flesh. The man was a wonder. He made me burn for him even when he was miles away. I tried not to think about how I felt here, in his home earlier when he held me in the upstairs parlor. I also tried to forget that I would have screwed his brains out in that room if we hadn't been interrupted. My whole body ached with the memory and I hoped that Cassie wouldn't turn and notice. I'd never hear the end of it.

  The large double doors opened on silent hinges as we entered the house. We both jumped when they closed silently behind us, seemingly of their own accord. I stood still in the large foyer, refusing to take Cassie to the only room I'd occupied here. I'd never be able to face her in that room. Not after what I'd shared there with Darius. My cheeks burned with the memory of his heated kisses and scorching embrace. Nothing in my life compared to that, to the way I felt in that room while his experienced hands stroked my flesh.

  I bit my lip, deep in thought. Becoming a nun might not be a bad idea. Other than I've never been Catholic, it was a wonderful idea. Being alone, sequestered with other women with no temptation from tall, dark and handsome men with moss green eyes held a certain appeal.

  You're too sensual to become a nun, Lily. Nuns don't think about sex. They don't lust after the men who claim to be their mates. Their sexual organs don't throb for release. Nor do their nether parts clench with desire sending moisture to their panties with the mere brush of a fingertip. The sensation of invisible fingers moving over my breasts sent an answering heat to pool deep in my middle.

  Stop it! I snarled into his mind. Okay. I get it, already. I'd make a lousy nun. It doesn't mean I can't still swear off men. I crossed my arms over my budding nipples. I refused to let him get to me. I would fight these unwanted feelings until they ceased. I grinned, sending the image of me with another woman to him through our link. I know! I'm a born again lesbian.

  That will make Cassie very happy. He sounded so serious that my mouth actually dropped open. You're kidding me! I shook my head. Cassie is not a lesbian. I shot her a look as she left the foyer and walked slowly through the house as if she expected for something to jump out at her from the closets. Hell, who knows, maybe she did.

  How can you be so sure? Have you ever seen her with a man? I have not known her as long as you have, but I have never seen her in the company of a male.

  No. But that doesn't mean squat. I argued with him and followed her through the house since she seemed to know where she was going. She could be saving herself for Mr. Right. Following her through a swinging door, I found myself in a large kitchen, filled with every appliance I would ever hope to have.

  She is a guide. She cannot afford to wait for Mr. Right.

  "Darius doesn't need to eat, but he does when the boys and I come over. He would eat with you, too."

  I almost sighed with relief when she said that. Some strange inner beast in me began to raise its ugly head at her knowing her way around Darius's kitchen. I don't know why I cared, but I did.

  If she isn't a lesbian and neither of us have seen her with a man, what does that make her then? He asked, sounding smug.

  I shrugged my shoulders, angry that he was among that group of Neanderthal type men who thought a woman's worth was based on her relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Somehow I'd thought he was above all of that nonsense. Oh…I don't know. Smart? A searing pain lanced through his shoulder and chest. "Darius!" I screamed, just as he cut himself off from me again.

  Cassie rushed to my side and wrapped her arm around me. "What happened? What's wrong?" She cast her gaze about, looking for some unseen danger.

  Clutching my right shoulder, I pulled away, ran to the sink and retched. The pain he suffered before severing our link was so intense, it made me sick. Just the millisecond when I'd felt the deep cut burning through his flesh left my stomach roiling. How could he survive such an injury? It felt as though someone had removed his entire shoulder and arm.

  I closed my eyes and reached for him. I tried to feel his presence through our mind link and once again, felt the growing void where he should have been. This time I feared the worst. The blow, if not fatal would cause enough pain to distract him, leaving him open to attack. "We have to go back and help him." I straightened and headed for the front door, my hand still resting over my churning middle.

  Cassie grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop and I turned to face her. "We can't go back. We'll only get in his way."

  "We have to go back. He's hurt. I felt it," I sobbed. "God, Cassie, something tore into him. It ripped his shoulder wide open, maybe even took it off. I can't just sit here and wait for someone to come and tell me he's dead!"

  She gave me a shrewd look. "So you'd rather go risk your life and go find out for yourself?" She gave a half laugh. "Why would you want to do that? It's not as if you care for him or anything."

  I bit my lip. She was right. I didn't care for him. I couldn't allow it. I refused to open that part of my mind and heart to another. How could I convince myself to care that much for someone in such a short time? I barely even knew the man. Still, something inside me couldn't bear the thought that he could leave this Earth. "I--I don't know why. I just can't…" I refused to believe the nonsense he spouted about my being his mate. That was just ridiculous.

  "You can't bear the thought of never seeing him again?" she asked, raising her brow.

  Tears filled my eyes and I nodded. "He's the only man--" I stopped to correct myself. "He's the only person who has ever held me in his lap to comfort me the way Daddy used to. My mother never even cared enough to comfort me by holding me in her lap or hugging me to her. I think she's afraid of me." Trembling, I bowed my head and finally dared to admit the truth out loud. "I know she's afraid of me." And part of me hated her for it.

  Cassie looked at me like I was a few ants short of a picnic and I elaborated. "Don't you see? He knew. Somehow he knew I needed that. He knew I needed to just sit on his lap. That I needed his comfort, his understanding. His acceptance. And he held me. No demands. No yelling at me for not wanting to have sex with him, like Rich did." I stopped and sniffed, looking around for a box of tissues or a roll of paper towels.

  Always prepared, Cassie pulled a handful of tissues from her purse and handed them to me.

  "Geeze. You're like a scout or something."

  She grinned. "Well, I did go with my brothers until it was glaringly obvious I wasn't supposed to be there." She waited for me to blow my nose and continue.

  "I think I needed that. I need a friend--a male friend--who has the understanding that he seems to have."

  "And you don't think it's unfair to think of him as just a friend when you know he wants more?" She busied herself with the teakettle. "When you know he needs more from you?"

  I turned and glared at her. "Whose side are you on, anyway? I thought you were my friend. Besides, he doesn't want to even give me the chance to get to know him before--before we have sex. And while we both know I'm no virgin, I'm not about to jump into bed with a man I just met because I think he's hot." I moved to lean against the counter and stared at my feet. "I've met men like him." I snorted. "What am I saying? They're all like him. He just wants a quick bang to get me out of his system. I'll be damned if I'll ever let myself get used that way again. If I sleep with the man--and it's a big if--it will be because I'm using him to get my jollies and to dispel my powers. That's it. Nothing more. I will never, ever, convince myself I'm in love with another m
an ever again. They can lie to me all they want. I refuse to lie to myself again."

  I stomped from the room, mad at Cassie for trying to guilt-trip me into sleeping with the man. She was supposed to be my friend, not my pimp, dammit. I ran back out to the foyer, searching for the one place where I knew I would find comfort. I reached for Darius and met the void once again. My whole body shivered with the cold dread of loss. I headed toward the upstairs parlor where I wanted to be alone with the ghost of our passion to keep me warm.

  It didn't take long before I found myself in the huge room. I sat down in the large chair where Darius held me because it still smelled of his cologne. Pulling my legs up, I rested my head against the arm, wrapped my arms around my knees and cried myself to sleep.

  * * * *

  It was dark when I woke and I felt like crap. Both for the way I'd talked to Cassie and because I'd bawled myself into a stupor. Stiff and sore from my prolonged position, I sat up in the chair, afraid to attempt to make contact with Darius. If he didn't answer, would it mean he was dead?

  I shoved a trembling hand through my hair and inhaled deeply, taking in the unmistakable scent of his cologne. It amazed me how the scent still lingered in this room. Turning on the lamp by the chair, I allowed my eyes to adjust to the soft glow before I stood to walk to the large fireplace that dominated the far wall. I stared up at the peculiar painting over the mantle. Now I knew what it was. The painting was of the strange desert on his world. Only it was devoid of animals…devoid of life. Had Darius painted it, or someone else?

  Finally overcoming my fear, I reached out to Darius, hoping to find that if not okay that he was a least alive. Instead, I found emptiness--a blank space--a void where his comforting presence should have been. Tears burned my eyes and I fought them back. Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I faced the fact that I'd pushed away the only man I had any chance of ever making a life with. I pushed him away and cheated us both. I gave in to my guilt, sank to my knees in front of the fireplace and let the tears come.