Afraid to Dream

by Tianna Xander

  Sometime in the middle of my wrenching sobs I realized I was no longer on my knees in front of the fireplace. Somehow, I'd managed to move back to the chair. Apparently I'd gravitated back to Darius's scent. My sobs subsided as I lost myself in the illusory sensation of being held in his lap once again. There, in that place of make believe, I decided to say my goodbyes.

  "I'm sorry I was so difficult." I frowned. "No, I'm not. You deserved it. You were so full of yourself I could have screamed. Wait. I think I did scream." I shrugged and wiped my nose on the tissue still clenched in my fist before I went on. "I think I could have loved you. Well, maybe if you weren't such an overbearing, chauvinist jerk." I sighed at the sensation of his chest under my cheek. "But I did like you. Sort of. See what you do to me? Everything I want to say comes out wrong. I can't even say goodbye to you right. Maybe it's because I really don't want to."

  "Then perhaps it is best if you do not."

  I stiffened at the sound of that buttery smooth voice. Desire coiled in my middle and I knew I really felt the warmth of his chest beneath my cheek. It wasn't my imagination after all. I tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let me.

  "We need to talk."

  "Yes, we do," I agreed, squirming. "But as I've said before, we can do that quite well if I'm not sitting in your lap." I squirmed again. I stopped when I felt a certain part of him move beneath my hip--a very large, very hard part. I know bright red splotches bloomed on my cheeks, they burned. If there's one thing I know about myself, it's how much my face colors while sitting on a man's erect penis. Ignoring my mortification, I squirmed a bit more under the guise of leaving his lap. It was really so I could maneuver myself into a more comfortable position.

  I wasn't about to give in to him, but being comfortable was right up at the top of my list today. Also at the top of my list, was being expertly fucked by Darius. I frowned, mentally scratching that one off. I turned and scowled at him uncharitably. I did my best to ignore the heat curling through me from the contact of his hard body pressed against mine. I may lust after the man, but I didn't like him. Not one bit. "Let me go, dammit. I'm not having an affair with you."

  He smiled and my traitorous body reacted with a rush of warmth. "Then we are in agreement. I do not wish to have an affair with you either. An affair suggests a short term commitment. I'm here for the long haul, mate."

  "I. Am. Not. Your. Mate." I said through my gritted teeth. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

  He gave me a look that clearly told me he was tired of my arguments. "I won't let you take all those things back. You cannot unsay them."

  I wriggled again, reveling in the answering movement beneath me. I may have sworn off men but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy their company once in a while. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I said with a practiced pout. "I didn't say a thing." My eyes widened when he repeated every word I said, verbatim. Shaking my head, I did everything I could to make him release me. "I can't stay with you, Darius. I--I'm scared." Tears coursed down my cheeks. I cast my gaze around the room, unable to meet his steady stare. "I'm sick and tired of being used. I can't deal with it anymore. I'm not some blow-up doll made for men's enjoyment and I refuse to act like one."

  I couldn't tell him I feared the worst with him. That I knew he had it within him to make me love him. Really love him. If I did fall in love with him and he hurt me, I didn't think I would ever recover. I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye. His face was blank. His expressive brows perfect ebony slashes over his moss-green eyes.

  "You are afraid." It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact and he knew it. "You are afraid to love me because you fear I will leave you like your father did."

  His words hit a little too close to home and I struck out, angry. "What do you expect? My father willingly stepped through a portal, never to return. My mother--the only person left to love and nurture me--had me committed when I went to her for help after opening my first gate to another dimension. Do you have any idea how frightened I was--how much I needed her guidance? She threw me to the wolves, Darius. Have you ever been in a mental institution? No?" I laughed, a bit hysterically. "Well, you never want to go. They aren't nice." I pushed my fingers through my hair. "All my life, I've been let down or abandoned by the very people who should have loved me unconditionally. Why should you be any different?" I clamped my lips together, shocked. Did I really blurt all that out?

  Darius drew me to him, palmed the back of my head and pressed me against his chest. "Give me a chance, courimeo. Let me love you. Let me show you what true, unconditional love is."

  "How can I trust it? How can I? Everyone in my life who was supposed to love me has abandoned me in one way or another." I sobbed against his chest. My whole body shook with a mixture of sorrow and regret.

  His large hands stroked my hair and back, comforting me. "Shh…little one. Do not distress yourself." He took a deep breath. "I can wait however long you need me to wait. Certainly you do not think I reached this ripe old age without mastering the art of patience?"

  I couldn't see his smile with my head pressed against his chest. But I felt it. Just like every other smile he bestowed on me…all the way down to my toes.

  Chapter Eight

  Kissing the top of my head, he enfolded me deeper into his embrace. "Allow me to show you how much patience I have."

  His arms tightened around me. I felt safer then--safer than I have felt in years. I didn't try to analyze it. I just enjoyed it--reveled in it. Unbelievably, I nodded my head and looked up to accept his kiss. I felt a little slutty. After all, I'd basically just agreed to sleep with a man I just met. But this was life affirming. He'd risked his life to save mine and Cassie's and in turn he'd gotten injured. I was glad he was okay. I thought he'd been killed and it almost killed me. This was the least I could do to repay him for his selflessness and tomorrow I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about saying goodbye.

  Justify it however you wish, my love. By tomorrow you will know we belong together, he whispered into my mind as he slanted his lips over mine. I really wish I knew how he did that.

  His mouth covered mine like moist silk. His tongue flicked out over my bottom lip. His teeth tugged lightly, demanding entrance to the depths of my mouth. Opening on a gasp, I gave in to his silent demand. The room. The house. The world fell away as his experienced tongue tangled with mine. He cupped my cheeks in his hands, held me in place as he plundered my mouth. His cock grew harder, pressing between my legs. I shifted a bit in his lap, purposely teasing him. He groaned and bucked his hips up against me.

  Making me feel as light and dainty as a child, he stood while still holding me in his lap. A slight urging of his hands had me wrapping my legs around his waist while he carried me from the room. Coiling my arms around his neck, I buried my fingers in his sooty hair and deepened the kiss.

  Before I knew it, we were in his bedroom. The king-sized bed stood silent as he approached it to lay me gently in the center. I'm not sure if my stomach clenched with fear or arousal as he stood over me, looking every bit the part of a medieval warlord.

  Shoulder length midnight black hair hung loose, brushing his shoulders. I'm not sure, but I think I yanked the tie out in my rush to sink my fingers into the silky length. I still didn't like long hair, but his was different somehow.

  Thick, muscular arms supported by broad shoulders explained the ease with which he carried me and I licked my lips. My heart pounded wildly as I really looked at him for the first time and realized he was perfect. I'd never been with such a perfectly proportioned man before in my life.

  If I looked hard enough, I could see his narrow waist and the ridges of his washboard abs through the thin linen of his shirt. My eyes widened when my gaze lowered to the telltale bulge beneath the waistband of his slacks. Goodness, he's huge. I swallowed thickly wondering what my girlfriends said about size was correct. I've never been with anyone larger than average before. I stayed on the bed staring and wondered if he wo
uld even fit.

  He moved toward me slowly, almost as though he feared any sudden movement would cause me to flee.

  I licked my lips again, nervous. His eyes darkened to a stormy gray-green and I realized that the action appeared as an invitation. I almost smiled at the power I seemed to have over this man. It was heady, knowing I could affect such a powerful being the way I affected him.

  Liquid heat pooled in my middle, bathing my womb, as he lowered himself to the bed and covered my lips with his. It didn't take long before his mouth and hands were everywhere--touching every crease, every curve of my body. His hands glided so gently over my flesh, they drove away my inhibitions. Slowly, kissing every inch of newly exposed flesh, he stripped my clothes from me until I lay beneath him wearing nothing but a matching pair of soft-pink silk panties and matching bra. He buried his face between my breasts and groaned into my cleavage.

  I gasped when he covered my lace-clad nipple with the warm moisture of his mouth. The gentle suckling nearly drove me mad. Threading my fingers through his hair, I held him to me, reveling in the sensation of his warm mouth on my flesh. My hips jerked involuntarily as his teeth tugged gently on my nipple. His hand worked the other to a diamond hard nub and cream ran from between my legs.

  I bit my lip to keep myself from telling him to suck my nipple harder. I needed this, almost as much as he did. My face blazed when I realized he must have read my thoughts. His feeding on my flesh became more intense, more urgent and I nearly climaxed from his mouth and hands on my breasts alone.

  Releasing my breast, his hand slid over my stomach, gliding beneath the waistband of my panties. One touch of his finger to my clit sent me over the edge and I screamed his name as I came. After a moment, his mouth left the turgid peaks and he leaned down to tongue my navel. Moving lower, he took my panties in his teeth and ripped them from me with a growl.

  "I--I thought you were showing me patience," I said, my breath coming in shallow pants. I would never voice it, but his ripping my panties off with his mouth was the single, most sexy thing I'd ever experienced in my life.

  "I have been patient," he growled again. "I've wanted to do that since the first time I saw you kneeling on the beach, looking out over the water. I stood mesmerized as the wind whipped your fiery hair about your head. I knew then that I had to have you. I knew even then you were my mate. No woman has ever stirred me the way you do. I knew then I had to have you."

  I wasn't sure if I should giggle or groan as he lowered his head to my sex. I decided on a long, throaty moan when he swiped his tongue through the flesh between my thighs and circled my clit with the sensation of rough, wet velvet. Everywhere his breath brushed my flesh, everywhere his gentle caresses stirred my skin, flames of desire danced over my quivering body. Again, his tongue circled my clit, drew the hard nub into his mouth. He suckled, lightly using his teeth to abrade the sensitive flesh.

  My fingers tangled in his hair as he continued to give me the most intimate of kisses. Heat bloomed in my belly, fanned out to seep into every pore as my orgasm neared. My muscles clenched and released. My whole body tightened involuntarily and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost control. I spread my legs wider, giving him better access. When I felt another orgasm building, I clamped my legs shut again, holding his head in place. He inserted his fingers in my channel filling it ever so slightly as he continued to suckle my clit harder, faster. My heart threatened to slam from my chest and I screamed my climax to the world.

  Wave after wave of intense pleasure tore through me as he continued to suckle my clit, his fingers still thrusting within my pussy. It lasted forever as the pulsing continued and I died for a minute as another climax tore through me. My flesh gripped his fingers tighter, needing the more substantial invasion of his cock.

  "Please," I cried, tired of waiting for him to plunge his cock deep inside me. I needed it more than I had ever needed anything in my life. I pulled him up over me. "Please. Don't make me beg."

  "Are you--"

  "No," I interrupted too quickly. "I'm not a virgin." His eyes glittered down at me for a minute and I swallowed thickly. "What do you expect? I couldn't stay a virgin without using my powers. My mother refused to allow me to use them. She refused to let me be near anyone who would teach me to use them. If she knew Cassie and her family were guides, she would never have allowed me to be near them either." I looked away, ashamed. "My only defense was sex. I've used it for years now."

  He leaned down and kissed my chin. "I know you have not had an easy life, courimeo, I wish I could take it all back for you, but you know I cannot." He looked down at me, his expression solemn. "I would like nothing more than to make you forget everything you've had to do to keep the incubi from coming for you."

  He trailed his lips over my eyelids to my cheeks and nuzzled my ear with his mouth. I tilted my head with a groan and he suckled the flesh in the crook of my neck.

  "Open yourself for me, love."

  I spread my legs, catching my breath as he settled between my thighs. My fingers feathered through his hair as he moved lower to suckle my breast. Swallowing convulsively, I held him to me as the heat built again.

  "Darius!" I gasped as he buried himself inside me with one long thrust. His sac slapped against my rear and I gazed up at him through passion-glazed vision. His teeth were clenched, his face twisted into a mask of intense pleasure and awe.

  "Gods, you feel so good, Lily." He pulled out a bit before sinking himself more fully inside me. "You will never know how good you feel after so many years of using the cold, unfeeling salimons."

  He continued to move too slowly and I wriggled beneath him in an attempt to get him to thrust more forcefully. "What is a salimon?" I gasped and moaned when he thrust forward and moved his hips in a circular motion.

  He stopped moving, his weight on his elbows and rested his forehead on my chest. "It is a machine designed to give the males sexual relief without the need for a female--or, in our case, because we had no females." He moved to the side take my right nipple in his mouth. I arched up, thrusting my lace covered breasts toward him. "I want to feel your skin beneath me. All of your skin," he said, just before my bra disappeared.

  "Erk! How did you do that?" It was getting difficult to think, never mind speak.

  He grinned down at me, his tongue lapping at my newly exposed flesh. "I will show you once we are mated."

  There he goes with that mating thing again. I had the urge to roll my eyes, but as good as he was I decided I'd think on it for a bit. The man knew how to give a woman a screaming orgasm, that's for sure.

  He thrust inside me, groaning on every stroke. He gritted his teeth.

  Perspiration dotted his forehead and covered his body in a thin sheen as I bucked against him. "More, Darius. I need…more." I moved my hands up his arms to his shoulders, feeling the velvet over the steel of his clenched muscles. My fingers squeezed his upper arms, my nails biting into his flesh as he drove into me. He surged forward harder, driving deep inside me until I could barely think. I could only feel.

  "Wrap your legs around my waist." He lowered his head to press his lips against mine.

  I groaned into his mouth and complied. Hooking my ankles together, I used my new position to let him know how I wanted it. Harder. Faster. I needed him to lose control. I don't know why he held back, whether it was because he wanted it to last longer or because he thought he would hurt me, I have no idea. "Please," I whimpered beneath him. I could feel another orgasm building, but his measured thrusts weren't enough to take me over the edge. I needed to come so badly I thought I would die.

  Sharp teeth grazed my breast and, for a moment, I felt a jolt of fear. He was a vampire. What if he lost control?

  I would never harm you, courimeo. I merely seek to bring you pleasure, he whispered through our mind link. Do not fear me. Do not fear what I am.

  He continued to thrust inside me, our bodies slapping together. I needed this. I needed the orgasm building within me. I threw
my head back, reaching for the elusive climax and felt him sink his teeth into my breast.

  A split second of pain gave way to the most intense pleasure I've ever felt in my life. Somehow he shared his elation--his pleasure--with me through our link. I felt his pleasure as my climax rocketed through me. I felt his orgasm, felt the pulsing of his cock, the hot thick jets of his semen shooting deep within me. I needed this and I needed him. For at least tonight.

  Forever, courimeo. You will need me forever.

  I was too overcome with pleasure to make a snarky comment about that. Though I would have if I wouldn't have been rocking with aftershocks and dazed from the copious amounts of pleasure he'd just given me. I rolled over, with what I'm sure was a goofy grin pasted to my face. "That--that was…"

  I'm not sure, but I think he finished my sentence before I drifted to sleep. I'm pretty sure he pulled me close, kissed the top of my head and said, "Wonderful."

  Waking to silence, the only sound I could hear was the soft tick of the clock on the stand next to the bed. Darius was no longer in the bed with me and I felt a little pang of regret. I half wished he would have woken me with a kiss and another bout of lovemaking. That way I wouldn't have to think for a while longer yet. I didn't want to concentrate on what happened last night. I didn't want to contemplate the way he made me feel--the things I'd begun to want from that one night with him. The things I'd begun to dream… I sat up, swung my legs over the side of the bed, trying to convince myself that I needed to go search for my errant lover.

  A movement against the wall across from the foot of the bed caught my attention. Darius sat in a chair looking absolutely yummy in tight jeans and a white button down shirt that showed off his dark tan and muscles quite nicely. I just love tall-dark-and-handsome men--especially when they have that dark, mysterious Mediterranean look about them. And I adore green eyes, especially his gray-green eyes. I fought the urge to sigh and scowled. When did I give him that kind of power over me?