Heaven Calling

by Matt Shaw

  Holly stepped away from her mother’s hug and took a deep breath. She didn’t want to go into the small room, just around the corner where the doctor had said Josh was waiting. She wanted to stay at home and lock herself away under the duvet. Pretend that none of it was happening. Pretend that everything was fine and, despite what people were saying, Josh was due home imminently. She went to say something to her mum, probably to thank her parents for coming, but was interrupted by a knock on the side of the open door. The doctor was standing there, next to Frank.

  “Are you ready?” he asked.

  Holly looked at Karen for support. Karen responded by giving her a small smile.

  “We’re right here,” she said.

  Holly smiled back - not a proper smile though - and nodded at the doctor.

  Frank stepped to one side, giving Holly the necessary space to get out of the room so that she could follow the doctor to the nearby room where Josh was waiting. Holly didn’t know what to expect when she walked into the room. The doctor had informed her that Josh was on the bed and, although he’d been cleaned up, she should prepare herself. She didn’t know what was meant by that and didn’t think to ask - her mind pre-occupied still with the earlier conversations with the policemen who had come to the branch. The doctor explained that she didn’t need to speak and that a nod would do if she could identify the body as Josh.

  A nod would do, he had told her. The way it was phrased upset Holly. A nod would do. As though there was no possibility of her having to shake her head and that they already knew it was Josh lying there. Of course it was. She found the whole procedure to be stupid. Not necessary. If they found enough information to mean people came knocking on her door, so that she could come to the hospital to make the identification, then clearly it was going to be him. Even if it wasn’t, Holly didn’t want to think there was a chance it could be someone else. She didn’t want to get her hopes up and talk herself into believing that, the person she was about to view, would be a complete stranger. She knew that - if it did turn out to be Josh - then it would only make it harder for herself.

  The doctor stopped next to a closed door. He turned to Holly and gave her a little nod before opening the door and stepping to one side so that she could go in first. She walked in, slowly, and was followed by the doctor. He closed the door behind them.

  The room was bare other than a bed in the middle of the room. A body was on it, underneath a white sheet. Its face covered. Holly walked over to it slowly. Her legs shaking as her heart beat fast in her chest. She took a couple of deep breaths in and out as though trying to prepare herself. The doctor stepped up next to the head of the body and took a hold of the sheet. Seconds later he pulled it back and revealed the man lying underneath.

  Josh.

  The doctor didn’t need to ask Holly whether she could identify the man on the bed. Her expression told him everything he needed to know but he had to ask anyway due to procedures that needed to be followed.

  “Can you identify this man as Josh Henderson?” he asked. Holly nodded. The doctor didn’t say anything. He just nodded and took a step back from the bed. “Did you want a couple of minutes?” he asked after a couple of seconds. Holly didn’t look at him. She just kept staring at the body of her husband lying there. The cuts on his face. The bruise on his eye. She nodded again to signify that she did want some time to herself. Not because she had anything to say or do - she just wasn’t ready to go back to her mum and dad yet. She wasn’t ready to tell them that her husband was dead.

  The doctor stepped from the room, closing the door behind him. Holly didn’t say anything. She didn’t do anything. She just stood there, next to the body, and stared at him. Part of her wondering when he was going to sit up and smile - the whole thing nothing more than a sick joke.

  * * * * *

  Karen led Holly into the house and closed the door behind them. “I’ll put the kettle on,” she said as she walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. Karen was the sort of woman who thought a cup of tea could cure everything - not matter how serious the problem. Headache? Cup of tea. Aches and pains? Cup of tea. Upset? Cup of tea. Holly was the sort of woman who knew a cup of tea couldn’t cure anything but - even so - she didn’t refuse the offer of one.

  Karen filled the kettle at the sink and put it back on the side before clicking the switch to boil the water. Holly sat at a small dining room table in the corner of the room and just watched her mum preparing the teas. Milk from the fridge, sugar from the cupboard. Karen dropped a couple of teabags into the two mugs and turned to her daughter. She gave her a comforting smile. Holly didn’t return it. She broke the silence, “Did you need for me to call your work for you?” she asked.

  “I spoke to him, mum,” Holly said. Her voice was quiet. She didn’t mean to say anything. She meant to keep it to herself. Something inside of her made her say it. No matter how much she wanted to keep it in - she couldn’t.

  “The night of the accident?” Karen asked. Part of her expected a confession from Holly - something along the lines of how Holly and Josh had been talking, on their mobile phones, when Josh lost control of the car and crashed. She hated herself for thinking it but couldn’t help herself. A niggling doubt in her mind.

  “No,” said Holly quietly - much to Karen’s relief.

  “Then when?”

  “This morning,” said Holly, “I spoke to him this morning.”

  Love and Support

  “What do you mean?” Karen asked. “What do you mean you spoke to him? In a dream? You dreamt of him last night? That’s perfectly normal. Of course you’d dream of him last night - and probably tonight and for the foreseeable future. What you’ve been through...What you’re going through...”

  “No, mum, I spoke to him this morning. I was awake. It was just after you called me. I went to get ready for work and the phone started to ring again. I thought it was you so I picked it up. He answered me, mum...”

  “You’re mistaken,” said Karen. She was trying her best to sound understanding but - despite her efforts - the tone was coming across as though she believed her daughter to be crazy.

  “I’m not. I spoke to him. I hung up first of all, when I heard his voice, because I knew it was impossible. I knew it couldn’t have been him but the phone went again. I answered again and it was him. I’m telling you it was him, mum!”

  “He’s dead,” said Karen a little more sharply than she had intended.

  “I don’t need reminding of that!” Holly snapped. “I know it’s crazy but we talked on the phone...Today!”

  The pair of them both fell into an uncomfortable silence. Karen wanted nothing more than to help her daughter but she didn’t know what to say to make Holly realise she was mistaken - not without upsetting her further; something else she wanted to avoid. Karen used the quiet time to finish making the hot drinks as soon as the kettle clicked to signify the water had boiled.

  Holly was the first to break the silence, “I don’t think he knows what has happened. He was talking as though it was yesterday morning - the phone call we should have had yesterday had it not been for the accident. He was playful and happy. I asked him where he was but he didn’t answer me. My fault, I guess, for not pressing him or giving him a chance to answer before asking him something else. He said he was talking to me on his mobile and that was why the signal was rubbish but,” she paused, “his mobile phone was on the bedside cabinet with the rest of the items I brought back from the hospital. I know it sounds crazy and I know it’s strange but I promise you, mum, I spoke to him. I’m not going crazy. I know I’m not...At first I thought it was a dream - what happened to him - I thought yesterday had been a really vivid dream and I woke up still believing it to be the case. I even explained to him about the crash - told him that he was dead - but he wouldn’t hear it. He said he was fine!”

  “Look I know it’s hard - what you’re going through - God only knows how I’d react if I were in your position but...You can’t be saying things like
this. It’s not healthy.”

  “You don’t believe me,” Holly sighed. She didn’t know why she was surprised. She knew it was crazy. She didn’t even know why she bothered to tell her mum in the first place. Had the shoe been on the other foot, she wouldn’t have believed Karen had she been the one telling her she had recently been talking to her dead partner.

  “You’re tired and emotionally stressed,” Karen suggested, “you probably put the phone down to me and dozed off again. Even if it were just for a minute. Sometimes dreams can feel real. You probably just dreamt it.”

  “I didn’t just dream it, I was awake.” She stopped when she realised Karen was just staring at her, clearly unsure of what to do or say. “Stop looking at me like I’m crazy!” she said - her voice getting a little louder.

  “I’m sorry but - what you’re saying - it’s not possible. I know it feels real but, I promise, you most likely dozed off again after...”

  “I was awake!” Holly reiterated. “I was awake. I know I was. I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have called you over, I think you should leave.” She stood up and walked towards the kitchen door. “Wait a minute! Wait there!”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’ll prove it,” Holly said as she left the room. Karen went after her. She was starting to worry about her daughter’s state of mind. She knew it was going to be hard for Holly to come to terms with what happened, never mind having to move on from it, but she didn’t expect her to react this way and was completely out of her depth with how best to handle it.

  “This is silly. Come back here - talk to me,” Karen chased after Holly who was already half way up the stairs. By the time she was near enough to grab her by the shoulder, Holly was already in the bedroom next to the telephone she’d used to talk with Josh on earlier that morning.

  “Look!” she picked the handset up and pressed one-four-seven-one on the keypad; the necessary number to call back the last phone number to have phoned through on that line. There was a pause as the line connected. The dial tone was replaced with a ringing sound and - seconds later - a telephone started to ring from downstairs in the hallway.

  “That’s my phone,” said Karen. She had left her mobile phone in her handbag which she had dropped by the front door, in the hallway, when she entered the building with Holly earlier. “That’s what I called you on earlier...”

  “No. He phoned me. He said he was calling me from his mobile phone,” Holly protested. An answering machine message kicked in, on the telephone. Holly pressed it against her ear to hear the voice on the other end of the line. It was Karen inviting the caller to leave a message and telling them that she’d call back as soon as she could. Karen pulled the phone away from Holly and placed it back on the cradle after hanging up on the answering machine message. “I don’t understand,” said Holly, “we were talking...”

  “Like I said before - you probably fell asleep again after hanging up the telephone earlier. These things happen. It was just an intense dream,” she informed her. She was doing her best to use a sympathetic tone of voice but she was genuinely concerned for her daughter just as any mother, or father, would be. Losing a loved one - especially so soon in life - is an extremely traumatic experience for someone to go through. She cuddled her daughter.

  Holly started to cry, “I’m not mad!” she said.

  “No one ever said you are,” Karen comforted her. “No one ever said you are.”

  “I can’t do this,” said Holly - the tears flowing freely.

  “Yes you can,” said Karen. “You have your father and you have me. We aren’t going anywhere and will be around for as long as you need us. Do you understand? Whatever you need - we’re there.”

  “I need him, mum...I need Josh.”

  * * * * *

  Frank and Karen were waiting for Holly in the small room where they had originally met up with her in the hospital. Karen was crying whilst Frank was standing there with his arms around her - trying his best to comfort her. He didn’t want her to have to stop crying but he knew they both needed to be seen to be strong for the sake of Holly who was still in the other room with the body of Josh. When it was evident that Holly wasn’t leaving the room any time soon he pulled his wife in close for a hug and told her to, “Let it all out.” An invitation she gratefully accepted; crying both for the loss of their son-in-law - whom they both loved as though he were their own son - and also for the pain her daughter was going through. As a parent, you never want to see your child hurt and it’s horrible when something like this does occur and you realise there is nothing you can do about it to take the pain away. All you can do is be there for them.

  “Did she say anything?” Frank asked. He hadn’t seen Holly since she had walked into the room to identify the body. Instead Karen had gone in there - unable to wait any longer. She didn’t stand around in there for long, though, as Holly soon asked her to leave. “Did the doctor say anything?” Frank continued. He hoped the questions would encourage Karen to start to pull herself together. She could cry again later - after they had got Holly home and dealt with her.

  Karen pulled away from his embrace, wiping the tears from her face, and shook her head, “Only that she wanted to be left alone for a minute.”

  “She’ll be fine,” said Frank. A silly thing to say and only said out loud because he was trying to reassure himself. “We just need to be there for her. Make sure she is okay.”

  “She isn’t even crying in there,” said Karen. “She’s just standing there - looking at him.”

  “Everyone deals with grief in their own way,” said Frank. “She’ll be fine,” he said to himself once more.

  “I don’t know how she’s going to cope with this,” said Karen. A look of concern on her face.

  “I’ll tell you how,” said Frank, “with our love and support.” He pulled her in close for another hug. “It’s all we have to offer,” he said solemnly.

  * * * * *

  Karen hugged Holly tightly, holding her close.

  “I need Josh,” Holly cried into Karen’s shoulder.

  With our love and support, Frank’s words going around Karen’s mind. Karen closed her eyes and wished she could take her daughter’s pain away. Holly didn’t need their love and support. She needed her husband; the one thing Karen couldn’t get for her.

  “It hurts so bad, mum!” Holly whispered.

  “I know, baby, I know,” she said. A single tear rolled down her cheek. She did her best to ignore it. She can’t cry now. She needs to be strong for Holly. She can cry later. Love and support.

  Love and support.

  Happier Days

  Josh and Holly were standing in front of the congregation, made up entirely of their friends and relatives - about seventy guests in total. Holly in a figure hugging ivory dress and Josh in a three-piece black suit with a small red rose button-hole in his lapel to add a little colour - and tie in nicely with the brilliant red bouquet of flowers that Holly held in her hand. Both of them were holding their breath, waiting to see if anyone would pipe up to declare why they weren’t fit to be married.

  “Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” said the vicar, “You may kiss the bride!” Josh didn’t need telling twice. He turned to his new wife, a beaming smile on his face, and kissed her on the lips as the congregation clapped and cheered.

  The organ music started to play as they about turned and started to walk down the aisle - both clearly experiencing the happiest day of their lives so far. The moment captured beautifully by the wedding photographer who was standing to the side, out of their way.

  * * * * *

  Karen had the photograph in her hand - having pulled the box of wedding photos from the cupboard in the lounge where they had been kept whilst waiting for the happy couple to organise them into one of the many photo albums they’d been given from their present list. She couldn’t help but smile at how happy the couple looked as they left the church. Smiles all around - on the guest
s too. She remembered the day as though it were yesterday. Not that it was that long ago. Only a couple of months. She put the photograph, carefully, back in the box and closed the lid as a feeling of sadness washed over her. A couple of months as husband and wife and now this. It wasn’t fair.

  Holly had gone up to bed early, having felt emotionally drained. She had told Karen to go home but she had refused. She said she’d stay a while longer, make sure Holly got off to sleep okay and to make sure that she didn’t need anything. A while longer just so happened to turn into a couple of hours; most of which were spent going through the various wedding photos. Part of her wanted to start organising them for Holly as she thought it might have helped her but she changed her mind. Perhaps the thought of the pair only just being married had the potential to do more harm than good? For now at least. Holly would probably look at the photos with thoughts about how much she had lost as opposed to the happy memories the pictures were supposed to serve up.