Finding Jordie: Things aren't always what they seem. (The Love Lies Bleeding Series Book 1)

by Harley, HJ

  “Wow, Nate.” Frank smiled and shook his head as he opened the box. “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or wish you good luck with this one.” He winked at me.

  “I think a little bit of both are in order.” Nathan let out a small chuckle and kissed my head.

  I COULDN’T REMEMBER A Saturday night that I hadn’t spent at the bar in the last eight years, so being home and seeing the action from the outside was definitely uncharted territory for me. Frank had left, so it was just me and Nathan in the apartment.

  “So, what would you like to do, Ms. Spagnato?” Nathan approached me with that sexy as hell grin that tossed my stomach around.

  “Wanna watch a movie?” I teased as I pulled the DVD of Best of the Ball from my purse.

  “Oh, no, no, no, I don’t watch my own movies.” He shook his head and waved his hands playfully.

  “Why not? What about premieres and stuff?” I cocked my head to the side.

  “I walk the carpet, go in the front door, and walk right out the back door.”

  “Seriously? You’ve never watched your own film?”

  “Nope, never. Well, not entirely true. Every now and again I’ll flip through one on cable or something, but I don’t stop to watch.” He pulled me in close to him still wearing that grin. Holy shit, my sexy beast. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him. I slid my hands up and into his hair as he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him, and he made his way toward the bedroom. He stopped halfway up the stairs. We never made it to the bedroom.

  I wrapped a towel around my hair and went into the bedroom to get dressed after our shower. I had forgotten that my wardrobe was limited so I let out a loud sigh when I opened my pajama drawer.

  Nathan came out of the bathroom just as I picked up a piece of the sheer black thing and held it pinched between my thumb and forefinger. He had wrapped a towel just below his hips.

  You’re panting again. I swear, I will never not find this man irresistible.

  “Looks like you’re stuck with more frilly stuff until you get to do some shopping.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I threw the silk job over my head and stepped into the matching panties. “So, care to tell me why Rachel is so thrilled with you?”

  “Like I said, bribery does work with her. I’m beginning to think you don’t know her at all.” He shrugged and raised an eyebrow.

  “What exactly did you bribe her with?”

  “I may have sent her airline and hotel accommodations for her trip.” There was a tone of achievement in his voice.

  “No you didn’t! I’m beginning to think I don’t know who she is either.”

  It was just about midnight. We lay down in bed and I snuggled up next to him with my head on his chest.

  “Speaking of Rachel, you never did get around to telling me what she said to you at lunch Monday. Did she give you the ‘if you hurt her’ speech?” I chuckled, but I felt his body tense up for a moment and I think he held his breath.

  “Nathan?”

  He still didn’t respond.

  “Hey.” I sat up, wrenching my neck to the side to see his face but I couldn’t because it was dark. “What? What did she say to you?” I could feel the panic rising in my stomach.

  “Just what you expected, the ‘if you hurt her’ speech is all.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  “Okay, I may not know everything about you yet, but I do know when you aren’t telling me something.” I pushed the hair back from my face.

  “I don’t want to talk about it, baby.” His voice cracked a bit.

  We were silent for a few minutes while I racked my brain over what she could have possibly said to him. What would have been so bad that he didn’t want to talk about it? We hadn’t had a problem discussing any subject up until now, so what could she...

  And there it was, like a ten-ton weight on my chest as the walls closed in around me. Clear as day, I knew what she’d said to him.

  No, don’t be stupid. She wouldn’t dare tell him that. Rachel wouldn’t tell him something that private about me, especially only knowing him at that point for three days.

  “Nathan, did she... did what she told you have anything to do with Jason?” I hoped I didn’t sound as mortified as I felt. He sat up against the headboard and pulled me to him so we were just about nose-to-nose.

  “I told you, I really don’t want to talk about it,” he whispered and his lips found mine. But I pulled back after a second.

  “Well, I do!” I raised my voice. “What did she tell you, Nathan?” There was no hiding the panic in my voice that time.

  “Jordan, I can’t repeat what she told me. It makes me... angry.” He looked down at his lap.

  That bitch! “Tough shit, I want to know word for word what she said to you, now. Please.” I bit back the tears. I knew what she’d told him. My darkest and most mortifying secret. A secret only she knew. A secret I’d foolishly trusted her with.

  “She told me that Jason used to get rough with you. That he would hit you and...” He blew out an over-exaggerated sigh and ran his hands through his hair.

  “And what?” The tears rolled down in silent streams as the heat of my fury flushed my cheeks.

  “Jordie, please don’t make me repeat this. It infuriates me for one, and two...” He looked tortured. “I don’t want you to have to relive any of it.”

  “And what, Nathan?”

  “All I will say is I think I understand why you don’t like being pinned down, especially on your stomach.” He pulled me onto his lap.

  I sprung out of the bed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To fucking kill that bitch.” I answered him calmly as I searched for my jeans on the floor.

  “What?” He got out of bed and came toward me. “No. Jordie, please. She was just trying to protect you.”

  “Really, Nathan? You’re going to justify her betraying me like that? Embarrassing me like that? That was not her business to tell. Not even you. Not even to protect me.” I used air quotes around the “protect me” part. “Who the fuck does she think she is?” I croaked the words out through my sobs.

  “Baby, calm down, please.” Nathan tried to put his arms around me.

  “No, that was wrong. She had no right, Nathan. None!” I pushed him away.

  “I know you’re angry at her, but she only told me because she wanted me to know how strong you truly are. That and to pretty much warn me that if I laid a finger on you she’d personally rip my boys off and cram them down my throat.” He chuckled nervously.

  “Well.” I clamped my jaw shut for a second. “That makes it all right then.”

  “Really?” He searched my face suspiciously.

  “Of course it doesn’t!” I screamed, causing him to jump back a bit. Take it easy, you’re teetering on the line of psycho here, Jordan.

  “Baby, you weren’t supposed to know I knew—” He held out his hands, palms up.

  “Secrets? You were supposed to keep it a secret? Yay! More secrets!” I threw my hands in the air, exasperated, and headed for the door. “Don’t wait up for me.” I yanked my sweater off the back of the chair and flew down the steps. I grabbed my keys and flung the door open without thinking and the alarm began to blare all around me.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed and stomped my foot as I scrambled for the button to shut it off. By that time Nathan had punched the code in on the panel to disarm it just as Charles buzzed up to check on us.

  “Everything is fine. Just needs some getting used to is all. Thanks.” Nathan responded coolly. His eyes never left mine. Something about the way he looked at me, so cautious yet worried, broke me. My sobs turned into a meltdown of emotions. I was desperate to catch my breath as I cried harder and harder. My chest hurt and my eyes ached. He dropped my keys back onto the table and scooped me up like a child in his arms. I buried my face in his shoulder as he carried me back upstairs. He pulled my boots off and tugged my jeans down to the floor th
en gently worked me out of my sweater until I was back in just my frilly PJs. I lay down and he climbed over to the other side of me and rubbed my back. Neither of us spoke. After a while I pulled myself together and sat up, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands.

  “I’m okay.” I exhaled loudly. “Sorry you had to witness that. I’m so embarrassed.” I scowled.

  “Why are you embarrassed?”

  “Uhh, were you here for that whole episode?” I sniffled and laughed.

  “It’s natural for you to be upset.” He kept stroking my back softly.

  Might as well get it over with. “Look, yeah, Jason did do some pretty shitty things to me sometimes. Not all the time. He was under a shit ton of stress so I dealt with it.” There was no way I was coming out of this looking like a victim that was for damn sure.

  “It really is no big deal.” I shrugged and held my chin up. If I acted confident he had to believe me, right? He wouldn’t see that I was fully aware of the fact that the things Jason had done to me were more than a ‘big deal.’ Yes, Jason had smacked me around and took it a bit further than just “rough sex. “Did I have to stay for that? No, but I was his wife, I chose to marry him only after knowing him a few months. Who could I tell anyhow? Who would believe that an upstanding decorated military man beat and forced his wife to have sex when he was having a bad day?

  Despite it all I was okay. I didn’t have any deep-seeded man hate brewing within me; I wasn’t going to be hateful to all men because he did those things to me. For better, for worse is what I agreed to. It made me the person I am today. As crazy as it may sound, even with the abuse I held on to the hope things would change. That we could work through whatever he was going through and be the man I first met and adored again. Getting pregnant definitely changed things though. He didn’t lay a finger on me after that and then he was deployed. By that time I knew, without a doubt, once she was born, if it started happening again, I was strong enough to leave. Having Emma was a game changer for me. If I wanted to stick around and put myself in danger for the sake of commitment, fine, but my daughter would not be at risk. It never came to that though; he died before I had to find out.

  Nathan lay down on the bed, his face a few inches from mine. “I would never hurt you, Jordan. Ever.”

  “I know you won’t. Don’t worry, I’m not all screwed up from it. I don’t have like any weird intimacy issues or man hate because of it.” It was my turn to assure him of something.

  “Clearly.” He smiled my smile and I melted inside. “You’re pretty badass, Jordie.” He chuckled.

  “Why? Because I didn’t curl up in a corner and become afraid of the world, Nathan? Shit happens, bad things happen. You pick yourself up, brush yo’ shit off, and keep going.” I grinned. “How many times do I have to tell you I am not some friggin’ damsel in distress before you actually believe me?” I chuckled.

  “I love you so much.” He put his forehead against mine.

  “I love you, too.” I smiled. This time I kissed him.

  He pulled away. My eyes were closed but I could hear the smile in his voice. “I never imagined I’d find a love like this, and even when I dreamed I did, it was nothing compared to how you make me feel.”

  My chest felt full, like it was going to explode. It could have been because my heart was beating triple time and I was on the verge of having a heart attack, but my bet was that it was because I was so happy. I kissed him again. I kissed that gorgeous, kind, and loving man with every bit of emotion I had for him.

  My cell phone was ringing. I scrambled out of bed as I attempted to focus on the clock. Nine forty-five A.M. I checked the number first. It was Rachel, so I bumped her to voice mail. I might’ve been at peace with Nathan knowing that dark part of my past but I was so not okay with the fact that she’d told him in the first place. I climbed back into the bed but instead of lying down I straddled a still-asleep Nathan.

  “Wake up!” I bounced up and down over him.

  “No. Go back to sleep, you kept me up all night.” He smiled groggily as he peeked through one eye.

  “Oh, I kept you up now, did I?” I placed my hands on his chest so I could lean over to kiss him. In one swift motion he sat up, grabbed me around the waist, and flipped me over so he was on top of me.

  “Sneaky bastard!” I screamed playfully as we began to wrestle around.

  “Breakfast?” He looked like a giddy child as he jumped out of the bed.

  “No, I’m not hungry... for food.” I pouted. “I want breakfast in bed.”

  “I can arrange that. What would you like?”

  “You.” I extended my arms out to him with my eyes closed like a child waiting for a surprise as my greedy little fingers waved.

  “How can I refuse?” He jumped back onto the bed.

  The next three days were quiet. Business at the bar was great and no, there were no paps around, really. Rachel was being Rachel and kept everyone in check for me at the bar. Not that I’d expect any less out of her. She was my best friend, she was my sister from another mister, and Lord knew I couldn’t stay pissed at her for very long. Besides, my attention span never had allowed me to hold a grudge.

  But the best thing about the past three days was that not a single creepy call was to be had. Not at the bar and not on my home number either. I knew it was nothing. Seriously, someone acting territorial over me? The idea was just absurd. Like I said, three flings in eight years kind of made it impossible.

  “Have you made up your mind about Friday?” Emma’s voice had an impatient sound to it.

  “Not yet.” I answered in a loud voice from the kitchen.

  “Mom, it’s Wednesday. I kind of need to know what I’m doing.”

  “Really? What, do you have some big plans?” I laughed as I carried out our dinner plates to the table. “I don’t know, Emma, what if I’m needed at the bar or you get sick or something.” I crinkled my brows. I hoped my worry didn’t show on my face.

  “Quit making excuses. I heard you talking to Nathan and Aunt Rachel about how great everything is over at the bar, Mom, and I’m sure as long as I don’t come down with SARS or something Aunt Kelly can handle it if I get sick.” She rolled her eyes.

  “All right, all right. I’ll go.” I gave up suddenly, not even sure whether the words had really left my mouth or not.

  I was in the kitchen rinsing the dishes when the alarm beeped.

  “Nathan’s back,” Emma announced. She jumped up, yelled “Hi!” and waved at him, but she didn’t look at him as she walked into her room and closed the door.

  I picked up a dishtowel and quickly dried my hands. “Hey you, are you hungry? I have some food left over.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “I’m okay, thanks. I ate with Tyler.”

  I hurried up and finished in the kitchen then went to tell Emma to shower and get ready for bed. I grabbed my smokes. Nathan followed me up to the roof through the door in the hallway. Since the alarm had been installed I couldn’t use the fire escape. It was a royal pain in the ass to disarm it, open the window, turn it back on, rinse and repeat.

  Before he sat down Nathan went over and turned on the lights.

  “How was your day?” I lit my cigarette.

  “Miserable. I missed you.” He sat down next to me.

  “Oh, stop it. I like you manly. Don’t go getting all sappy on me, please.” I laughed.

  “What, you didn’t miss me?” His voiced raised two octaves, but I could tell he was joking around.

  “Of course I did. That’s why I decided to go to L.A. with you for the week.” I met his gaze and smiled. “If I missed you this much and you were in the same city and only gone for six hours, how would I feel if you were across the country?”

  “I hope you’d feel just as miserable as I would,” he confessed. “We leave out of Newark Airport at eight thirty-three Friday morning.”

  “Think they will let me get a ticket at the airport?” I hadn’t been to an airport since I was twelve. I had no id
ea what the rules were since 9/11.

  “Already taken care of.” He looked at me from the corners of his eyes.

  “Nathan...”

  “What? When I spoke to Lila and made arrangements for Rachel’s travel plans I had her book a seat for you as well. Just to make sure you sat with me.” He spread his hands. “If you did decide to go, of course.” He smiled my smile.

  Sucker. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too. You stubborn pain in my ass... I mean, baby.” He smirked and kissed my forehead.

  We arrived at Newark Airport about seven-thirty Friday morning. Frank had driven Emma to Kelly’s the night before. There were only two security guys posted over there now since things had been relatively calm. Frank seemed on edge still, though. Actually, Frank seemed more on edge than he’d ever been before. I hoped everything was okay with his family. It would be nice for him to go home for a week.

  “Excited to see your family?” I asked Frank while we waited for our coffee at the Sky Cap lounge Starbucks. That was one decked-out VIP lounge for an airport. Nathan had his arms wrapped around my waist from behind and his head was buried between my neck and shoulder. I assumed it was so he wasn’t recognized.

  “I am, Jordie.” Frank gave me a small smile.

  “Is everything okay, Frank?”

  “Yes, of course. Why?” He scowled.

  “I don’t know, you seem so... on edge. Like, all wound up and on guard.”

  Nathan raised his head just a bit and he and Frank exchanged a glance, then Frank looked back at me.

  “It’s my job to be on guard, Jordie.” He tossed me a smile that I think was to reassure me.

  I’m not an idiot, Frank. He thinks I’m an idiot. Something isn’t right.

  “You’re different somehow.” I studied him, squinting.

  Nathan squeezed me a bit tighter and planted a quick, soft kiss on my neck.

  When we landed at LAX there were people everywhere. It reminded me of the circus two Mondays prior except worse. There had to be thirty-plus photogs and people screaming our names from every direction. Nathan flipped the hood up on my sweater and removed my sunglasses from my pocket before we walked off the ramp through the doors.