Under Your Skin

by Shannyn Schroeder

  Fuck. “I didn’t say that.”

  “Forget it. I’m sorry I stayed so long. I lost track of time.” She moved to step around him, but he didn’t budge.

  He couldn’t let her leave like this. Her hands shook. “You’re too upset to drive.”

  “I’m fine.” Yet she was back to staring at the floor.

  He shifted closer and held her face again. A surge of lust shot through him and he squashed it. “You’re not fine,” he said quietly.

  Tears fell and he wanted to run but couldn’t. Her pale blue eyes were crystal clear and drew him in. “What did you want from him?”

  A tear tracked down her cheek and hit his hand.

  “It’s not even what I want. It’s what I thought. Part of me—okay, a lot of me—thought he was going to want to be together. That he’d want us to be a family to raise our child.”

  More tears fell and Kai brushed them away with his thumb.

  “It’s stupid.” Her lips trembled.

  She looked defeated, which didn’t match any other image he had of her. It made him angry. “Do you love him?”

  Kai didn’t really want the answer. It was torture to even ask.

  Her laugh came out as a half choke, half sob. “That’s the sick part. I don’t think I do. I think I could’ve if we gave it a shot, but I haven’t seen him in months.” She closed her eyes. When she spoke again, her voice was barely above a whisper. “When we were together though, it was good.”

  He didn’t want to try to explain why he felt relieved by her answer. He didn’t want her to love a guy who didn’t want to be with her. No wonder his mom saw Norah as being like him. She was searching for a safety net. It was why she’d come back to her family.

  Kai didn’t have any words to comfort her, so he continued down the path of doing what he shouldn’t. He pulled her close and held her. At first she stiffened in his arms, but when she realized it was nothing more than a hug, she relaxed. A breath shuddered through her and she hiccupped. Another moment passed and her arms wrapped around him and she held tight.

  He’d wanted to comfort her the way he’d comfort Jaleesa, but no matter what he thought, his body had a different reaction. She smelled delicious and inviting as the scent of her perfume or shampoo wafted up to his nose. He caught a breath full of her and he wondered what it would be like to bury his face in her neck and inhale.

  When her crying stopped and his shirt was damp, she pulled away. Her face was blotchy and her eyes red-rimmed. Heartbreaking sadness filled her face.

  She wiped her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pulled you into my drama.”

  “It’s okay.” But it wasn’t. He’d spent years carefully crafting his life to be drama-free. He didn’t want to care. It didn’t stop him from wanting to pull her close again.

  In the quiet of the kitchen, the only sounds were the hum of the refrigerator and their breathing. She stared at him and he couldn’t help but look at her mouth again.

  She let loose a nervous laugh. “I’m a mess.” She pushed at her hair and patted her cheeks.

  “You’re gorgeous.” Even with her blotchy cheeks and tearful eyes, her smile was beautiful.

  She snorted and averted her eyes again.

  Hand on her jaw, he brought her face up as he lowered himself to be eye to eye. “Don’t.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t put yourself down.” She stood so close, her eyes pleading for proof of what he said, and he lost the bit of control he’d been clinging to. The hand cradling her jaw slid back to her neck and brought her mouth to his.

  She sucked in a quick breath but didn’t protest. Her eyes fluttered closed. Her lips parted immediately, inviting him in to taste her. Her hand fisted in his shirt as their tongues met.

  The rush he felt told him it was a mistake. He could get drunk on her like this. Anything more would be explosive. And he couldn’t afford that.

  With a hand on her hip, he pushed her gently as he pulled away. The small distance was like a cold breeze blowing over his skin. She blinked, eyes wide.

  His fingers flinched. “Sorry.” He released her and took a full step back. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  She took a step toward him, but he held up a hand. Regardless of how much he wanted her right now, he said, “You should go home now.”

  She froze, looking more stunned than she had when he’d first walked in the room. He waited for her to tell him off, call him an asshole, something. Instead, she nodded and left the room. He leaned against the wall and tried to figure out how many ways he’d just fucked himself when she came back into the kitchen with her purse on her shoulder and keys in hand.

  “What time do you need me tomorrow?”

  Such an innocent and unassuming question. He needed her now, wanted her more than he’d ever let on. Yet he strove to answer her question as normally as possible. “Weekends are really busy. I usually go in by ten and I could be there until midnight, but I can have Jaleesa come by for a while if you can’t be here all day.”

  “I have another appointment but it shouldn’t take too long. I can be here by noon if that’s okay.”

  “It’s fine.” Better than fine because then he’d already be gone before she arrived and he could go back to keeping a safe distance.

  She walked silently through the house and all he heard was the quiet click of the front door as she left.

  * * *

  Norah left her meeting with Teagan with five folders containing the profiles of couples Teagan thought Norah might like. Norah had told Teagan about her conversation with Avery, leaving out the ridiculousness of her imagination. She gave Teagan his address to send him the information.

  Now on her way to Kai’s house, she realized how much she loved the regularity of having a job. Sure, the hours were a bit wonky, but so was her sleep schedule these days. The baby kicked and punched every time Norah crawled into bed. And being at Kai’s house gave her a chance to be alone to think. Ms. Ellis didn’t need much and she always went to bed early.

  Since Kai had said he’d be working until midnight, Norah had told her brothers she’d be late. She planned to use the late-night quiet to look over the profiles from Teagan. She hadn’t mentioned anything else to Jimmy, not her conversation with Avery or her meeting with Teagan. Although she liked knowing Jimmy was there for her, she felt the need to do this on her own.

  Norah knocked on the door before using her key. Kai had said his sister would be here this morning, so Norah didn’t want to assume she’d have gone already. She’d learned her lesson every time she’d thought Kai was gone. Just as she was about to pull out her key, the door swung open and the beautiful goddess from the other day stood before her.

  “You must be Norah.”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  The woman stepped back from the door. “I’m Jaleesa, Kai’s sister.”

  His sister? Now she felt dumb for jumping to conclusions. She forced her feet forward. “Nice to meet you.”

  “I can’t thank you enough for taking this job. I’m sure it’s not easy.”

  “I like it. Your mom isn’t hard to work with.”

  Jaleesa let out a laugh that seemed too big to come from her thin frame. “You must be playing nice then because difficult is something she’s perfected.”

  Norah smiled. “Like I told Kai, my dad owns the real estate on the corner of crotchety and cranky. Difficult is nothing new to me.”

  Jaleesa laughed again, which put Norah at ease. Now that she got a close look at the woman, she could see the resemblance between the siblings, height not being the only thing they shared. Her eyes were as dark as his and the wave to her hair reminded Norah of when Kai had just gotten out of the shower. Hearing Jaleesa laugh made Norah wonder what Kai’s laugh sounded like.

  As she walked ahead of Norah, Jaleesa spoke over her shoulder. “I already made lunch for my mom and we’ve done her exercises for now. Kai told me you got her out of the house the other day. It would be great if you cou
ld make that happen again.”

  Norah followed her through the house to the kitchen where Ms. Ellis sat at the table finishing a sandwich. She looked up from her food. “’Bout time you got here. These children of mine treat me like I can’t do anything.”

  Norah smiled. “I guess we know better, don’t we, Ms. Ellis?”

  “I think you can start calling me Lani.”

  Norah wasn’t sure she could do that. “We’ll see.”

  The woman laughed and waved her hands. “You’ve washed my underwear and read about sex with me. I think we’re friends.”

  Norah froze and her cheeks flamed. Jaleesa ran a hand down Norah’s arm. “Mom, you’re embarrassing her.” She leaned over and said, “I’m aware of the smut my mom reads. Don’t even pay attention.”

  Norah wanted to defend Ms. Ellis and then realized there was no need because the woman spoke up just fine for herself.

  “It’s not smut. They’re good stories. Better than most of the junk on TV. It keeps my brain working too so I won’t have to worry about Alzheimer’s and being put in a home.”

  Jaleesa rolled her eyes. “The woman’s greatest fear is being put in a home.”

  Norah helped Ms. Ellis—Lani—back to the living room while Jaleesa cleaned up the dishes. Jaleesa seemed to be the opposite of Kai. She was friendly and talkative and made jokes. She was as beautiful as he was hot, so they had that in common, but their personalities were so different.

  She thought about her own brothers. They weren’t that different. Sure, Kevin was always starting trouble and making jokes, but none of them would qualify as talkers. She supposed it was a guy thing. Jaleesa thanked her again on the way out, and Norah and Lani spent the afternoon reading and taking a couple of small walks.

  By nine o’clock, Lani was tucked into bed and Norah curled on the couch to read the profiles that had been tugging her attention all day. She didn’t know what to expect. How would she know who would be the right parents for her baby girl?

  She did a cursory look at all of them and found that all five were structured in a similar manner. They contained a letter to expectant parents and tons of photos of family and friends and their homes. Norah immediately put two of the files aside because the couples lived in an apartment or condo. They were nice places and more than Norah could hope to afford, but she wanted her daughter to have a backyard and neighbors to play with. She wanted her to have a neighborhood like she had grown up in.

  Then she read the remaining three. They all seemed like decent, caring people. She studied the pictures, waiting for something to jump out at her like a beacon saying “This one!”

  Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Lila and James, Kim and Trevor, and Brittany and Robert all appeared to be competent adults who wanted a child. She returned to the files again and read the letters the couples wrote. Kim and Trevor made her laugh with their dorkiness. She liked that. The other couples were very serious in their letters, and there was nothing wrong with that. Her heart went out to them. But she liked that someone could be silly and joke.

  She sat for hours in the dim light of the living room. At some point, she must’ve dozed off because suddenly she felt someone staring at her. Her eyes popped open to find Kai standing in front of her, keys in hand.

  “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “It’s okay.” She fumbled with the folders on her lap, gathering them like they were a secret.

  “You could’ve left after my mom went to sleep.”

  “I know. But in all honesty, I like the quiet here. I had some stuff to go through.” She sighed as she stared at the folders.

  Kai shifted awkwardly. He always seemed to be out of his element with her. It didn’t help that he’d kissed her yesterday and then immediately regretted it. She needed to get out of here and give the man the space he obviously wanted.

  She stood and two of the three folders slid from her grasp. Kai bent at the same time she squatted to retrieve them. There on the floor, they were eye to eye and their hands brushed on top of the folders. The touch was nothing, yet every time he was this close her pulse spiked like it was the first time a boy looked at her.

  Stupid hormones.

  Kai grabbed the folders and stood, holding out a hand to help her up. She knew better, knew she should use the couch for leverage, but she couldn’t help herself. Palm against his, she allowed him to haul her up. The baby chose that moment to pummel her. “Oh.” Her free hand went to her belly.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I guess she doesn’t like sudden movement.”

  “Shit. Sorry. I shouldn’t have jerked you up.”

  “It’s fine.” Their hands were still connected and she liked the warmth she found there, but she let go to reach for the folders.

  Before handing them over, he read the cover. With only a raised eyebrow, he returned them to her.

  “Prospective adoptive parents.”

  “You get to pick?”

  Norah nodded.

  “That’s cool.”

  She shook her head. “Not really. It’s a shitload of pressure. What if I choose wrong? How do you know who’s good enough? Is anyone really?” She was rambling and couldn’t stop. And she knew he didn’t care. “On paper they all look fabulous but that’s the plan, you know? Even I can make myself look awesome on paper. That doesn’t tell me the real stuff, the deep down who-you-are stuff.”

  To his credit, Kai stood and listened. He didn’t say anything. He just let her rant. She hadn’t even realized how frustrated she was by the process.

  “We all carry baggage. How do I know if their baggage is greater or less than mine? What if they turn out to be assholes?” Then she voiced her greatest fear, the words barely making it out. “What if they don’t love her as much as they say they will?”

  Tears clawed at her. She was so tired of crying. She was not a crier. Not when kids teased her for her lack of style as an eight-year-old. Not when she’d broken her arm wrestling with Tommy when she was ten. Not even when Jimmy sent her away at twelve. She pressed her lips together to stop the embarrassing tremble.

  “Ah, shit,” Kai whispered.

  Suddenly she was enveloped in his arms again. She breathed deeply and enjoyed the sensation of being held, but she didn’t let the tears fall.

  “Haven’t they been vetted?” Kai asked.

  “Of course the agency does that. But some assholes are good at covering up how bad they are.” She spoke into his chest because she wasn’t ready to be alone again.

  A low laugh rumbled under her ear. It wasn’t a full laugh like she’d heard from Jaleesa, but it was pretty damn good.

  “You have a point. Some of us are good at hiding our true asshole nature.”

  She laughed, the tears creeping at the corners of her eyes. “I wasn’t making any reference to you. Besides, I’m not sure you qualify as someone who hides it.”

  He took a half step back and put a hand over his heart. “And I thought you bought my act.”

  “Yeah, well you don’t fool me.” She touched his arm to convey she knew better. Under the tough guy act, he was nice. “Thank you.”

  He pointed to the folders. “So what are you going to do?”

  “Hell if I know.”

  “I think you go with your gut. Like when you go to the dog pound to get a puppy. They all look cute and they’re vying for your attention. You choose the one you immediately have a connection with.”

  She snorted on a laugh. “Did you seriously just compare the adoption of my baby to choosing a puppy?”

  “I guess I did. I’m not saying it’s the same. Follow your gut. All things being equal, who’s the one couple you felt connected to?”

  That was easy—Kim and Trevor because their profile made her laugh.

  Kai pointed at her. “Right there. Whoever came into your mind right now.” He bent and grabbed her bag for her, sliding it carefully onto her shoulder.

  It definitely gave her something to think about. She shove
d the folders in her bag. “Thanks. I don’t mean to keep dumping my problems on you.”

  He lifted a shoulder causing the muscles of his chest to ripple. “I dumped my mom on you.”

  She smiled. “True, but you pay me for that.”

  “Jaleesa said great things about you. She bent my ear for my entire dinner break. She said my mom really likes you.”

  “I like her too.” She pulled her keys from her bag. “Do you need me tomorrow? I know Tommy doesn’t usually work Sundays, but I didn’t know if you’re closed.”

  “Sometimes I’ll make an exception, but I’m mostly closed on Sundays. Take the day off.”

  “Monday?”

  “Monday’s light for me, too, so take the extra day.”

  “Good night.” She left Kai’s house with too many emotions fighting for attention, much like the puppies Kai mentioned. She thought about Kim and Trevor, though, and decided she should meet them before making a decision to look further. That small resolution helped with her battered emotions. Who’d’ve thought Kai, man of few words, would manage to say just the right ones to help her?

  * * *

  Norah stayed in bed late on Sunday morning. Well, at least as late as her bladder would allow. The sun brightened her room. After going to the bathroom and brushing her hair and teeth, she lay back in bed debating getting dressed. She had absolutely nothing to do today.

  The thought should’ve bothered her as much as it had last week, but since she was among the land of the employed she was content to have a day off. Her bedroom window was open allowing a breeze to flutter the curtains.

  She heard Tommy and Sean working on Tommy’s car at the curb.

  “When the hell was the last time you changed the oil?” Sean was practically yelling.

  The lack of response from Tommy made her smile. He was kind of forgetful. Norah pushed off the bed and looked outside.

  Sean was bent and the top half of his body was under the hood. Tommy stood back with his hands in his pockets.

  A cab pulled up at the curb drawing Norah’s attention. Cabs didn’t ride through this neighborhood. Even when people needed to get to the airport they asked a neighbor for a lift.

  A man climbed from the cab and Norah’s heart stopped. Avery. She pulled back from the window as he approached the house. As she turned toward the stairs, she heard Tommy ask, “Can I help you?”