Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman

by JB Lynn

  She put the bowl down, pointed at it, and said, “There you go.”

  DeeDee, on her best behavior, looked to me for permission.

  I nodded.

  She lapped up the water enthusiastically.

  I held my breath as Aunt Susan tentatively reached toward her and patted her back.

  “Good dog,” she whispered.

  DeeDee lay down and rolled over. To my amazement, my aunt got down on the grass and continued to pet her.

  “You okay?” Zeke asked.

  I jumped, startled by his return. I turned to face the man who’d saved my life.

  He looked older than I’d ever seen him. Haggard almost, as though he hadn’t been sleeping.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly.

  He pulled me into a tight embrace, pressing his cheek to mine. I could feel his heartbeat pounding.

  “You scared me to death, Maggie.”

  “You saved my life.”

  “If I’d been a second later . . .”

  I pressed my lips to his, effectively silencing him.

  I leaned back and smiled into his haunted gaze. “But you weren’t,” I soothed. “That’s a hell of a swing you’ve got.”

  He smiled ruefully. “I guess all the time I’ve spent at batting cages finally paid off.”

  “Is she hungry?” Aunt Susan called.

  Zeke and I jumped apart.

  I strode over to where my aunt was stroking my pet. Crouching down, I asked, “Are you hungry, DeeDee?”

  “Meat?” she panted.

  “Do you have any meat?” I asked Aunt Susan.

  “I’ve got roasted chicken.”

  “She’d love some of that.”

  I supported Susan as she got to her feet unsteadily. “Are you okay?”

  Pressing a hand to the bandage the EMT had plastered on her head, she smiled. “I’m a tough old bird, but I don’t think my kung fu master is going to approve of the way I handled myself tonight.”

  “I think you handled yourself just fine.”

  She patted my arm and whispered, “See? I told you Zeke is a good boy.”

  I nodded.

  “Come with me, Dee,” she commanded, walking into the house.

  DeeDee cocked her head to the side and looked at me inquiringly.

  “Go ahead, but remember your manners and try not to break anything.”

  She pranced after my aunt.

  I turned to Zeke. “How’s Alice doing?”

  “She’s shaken up, but okay. I guess she never outgrew her tendency for choosing the wrong guys?”

  I shook my head. “Until Lamont.”

  “You hope.”

  I looked at him sharply. “Do you know something I don’t?”

  He raised his hands defensively. “I just meant that she doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to men.”

  “Neither do I,” I muttered. “I mean what kind of woman would kiss a guy who’d walk out on her and not call for days.”

  He looked away.

  I stepped in front of him, forcing him to meet my gaze. “What was that the other day, Zeke? Some sort of game? You drop the bombshell you’re not gay, kiss me, and then just disappear.”

  A muscle in his jaw jumped. “It wasn’t a game,” he said tightly.

  “You made a fool of me.”

  “That wasn’t my intention.”

  “What was your intention?”

  He rubbed his lower lip with his thumb, signaling his agitation. “I was pissed that you thought I was gay and I wanted to make you squirm.”

  “You did that,” I said dryly.

  “Things got out of hand. I didn’t expect . . .”

  “Expect what?”

  He leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “I didn’t expect this.” He nipped my earlobe, trailed his open mouth across my chin, and covered my lips with his.

  Fireworklike sensations rocketed through my body and I swayed toward him, as his tongue captured mine.

  Just as abruptly he pulled away, leaving me wanting more.

  “I didn’t expect that,” he said raggedly. “I didn’t expect to practically explode the moment I touched you.”

  Jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he turned away from me. “I’m not staying. I’ll be here through the wedding and I’ll finish the job I came to town to do, and then I’m gone.”

  “Where?”

  He shrugged. “To wherever the next challenge takes me.”

  “So go.”

  “I could have slept with you and then walked out of your life.” He spun around to face me again. “You deserve better than a one-night stand.” A note of desperation threaded through his tone. I didn’t know whether he was trying to prove to me or himself that he wasn’t a bad guy.

  “I appreciate that.” My voice was clogged with tears.

  “I hurt you.”

  I shook my head.

  “I’m not cut out for relationships. It’s not you, Maggie. You’re great.”

  “Save me the whole it’s-not-you-it’s-me thing. I’m a big girl.”

  “And I’m a big jerk.”

  His voice was so heavy with regret that I took pity on him. “But you’re a heroic big jerk,” I joked weakly. “How did you happen to be here just when we needed you?”

  “Seating arrangements.”

  I looked up at him, trying to decide if he was speaking in code.

  “Alice has been going nuts over the seating arrangements. More of Lamont’s friends and family are attending than she’d originally thought and it’s thrown her into a tizzy. And me.”

  I grinned. “A tizzy?”

  He nodded.

  “You do know that there are reasons why people think you’re gay, right? Using the word tizzy in conversation is one of them.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I WAS IN a tizzy the next morning, overwhelmed by everything I had to do. It wasn’t helping matters that the animals insisted on accompanying me on my morning errands.

  “The itinerary clearly states that Jose Garcia is expected to visit the venue for his daughter’s wedding this morning,” God harped.

  “So you’ve said three times,” I answered, scooping up his terrarium and heading for the front door.

  “If you don’t hurry, you’re going to miss his scheduled departure.”

  “And if you don’t shut up, you’re going to miss a scheduled feeding. Come, DeeDee.” The dog trailed after us as I hustled toward my car, the terrarium bouncing against my hip with every step I took.

  “Shotgun!” God shouted.

  I ducked down, scanning the area for the gunman. DeeDee crouched beside us.

  “What in the world are you doing?” God asked in his most superior drawl. “Besides making a fool of yourself.”

  “You said there was a gun.”

  “I called shotgun,” he corrected. “Meaning I get to sit in the front seat. Don’t you know anything?”

  I barely defeated the urge to “accidentally” drop his enclosure. I stowed it in the front seat and buckled the seat belt around it before letting DeeDee into the back.

  “Air?” she panted.

  I opened the rear windows for her. “Get ready for a rough ride,” I warned them both, peeling out of the parking lot and speeding toward Garcia’s home. We got there just in time to see his car pulling out of the driveway.

  “I told you we were going to be late,” God said.

  “And yet here we are following him,” I countered.

  “You should shoot out his tires and force his car off a cliff and make it explode in a giant fireball that can be seen for miles.”

  I glanced over at him. He’d climbed out of the terrarium and planted himself on top of the headrest of the passenger seat. “You are seriously watching too much TV.”

  “Squirrel!” DeeDee shrieked from the backseat.

  “It’s a good plan,” God said defensively.

  “Well, it might be, if I was a qualified stunt driver and a cra
ck shot, but I’m neither. Plus there are no cliffs around here.”

  “You get too bogged down in details.”

  “One of the details I’m bogged down by is the fact I need to do the job in public,” I reminded him.

  “Squirrel!” DeeDee squealed.

  I turned to glare at her. “Will you stop?”

  “Light! Light!” God squeaked.

  Returning my attention to the road, I saw an amber traffic light turn red. I slammed on the brakes.

  “Aaaah!” God screamed.

  “Ow!” DeeDee grunted as she slammed into the back of my seat, jarring my teeth.

  “Everybody okay?” I asked.

  “No thanks to you,” God groused.

  “Okay DeeDee.” Her dog breath was hot on my neck.

  I realized I hadn’t seen which way Garcia turned. “Where’d he go?”

  “Way that! Way that!” DeeDee pointed her nose to the right.

  “Not that way,” God drawled snootily. “Go to the left.”

  When the light turned green, I went straight.

  We never did catch up with him.

  AN HOUR BEFORE Alice’s wedding rehearsal was scheduled to begin, I was slipping on my uncomfortable high-heeled shoes, getting ready to head out the door.

  “I don’t see the point of a rehearsal,” God said for the third time. “It’s like cattle being led to slaughter. Walk down a chute, stop at the end, the guy calling the shots does his thing, and boom, done. Is that really so complicated it needs to be rehearsed?”

  My cell phone rang.

  “Are you going to answer that?” God asked.

  “No. No doubt it’s someone checking up on me, because, as you so eloquently pointed out, it’s a real challenge to be a cow in a chute.”

  It continued to ring until it went to my voicemail.

  And then it started ringing again.

  I groaned. “Yes, I’m on my way. No, I won’t be late.”

  This time I snatched it up and answered without bothering to look at the caller ID. “What?”

  “Miss Lee?” a startled woman asked.

  “Yes.”

  “This is Apple Blossom Estates—”

  “Something happened to Katie?” I gasped, my body going cold.

  “What happened?” God demanded.

  I waved him off.

  “Nothing too serious,” the woman said.

  I sagged against the wall in relief.

  “But we wanted to inform you that she pulled out her IV and so—”

  “I’m on my way.” I disconnected the call without letting her finish. “Katie pulled out her IV,” I told God.

  “Is she okay?”

  “I don’t know. I have to get to the hospital.”

  I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

  “Take me,” God demanded.

  “I can’t. I—”

  “Please, Mags,” God asked, suddenly humble. “Please?”

  I was torn, knowing that he cared deeply for the little girl, but unable to figure out the logistics of sneaking him into the hospital. “How?”

  “Your purse looks soft.”

  I looked at the small black satin clutch. “What about your sensitive skin?”

  “I’ll survive.”

  “Okay.” I dumped the contents of the purse onto the kitchen table, opened his terrarium, and extended a hand, and he scurried up my arm.

  “Any chance you could stuff it with tissues?” he asked.

  Running into the bathroom I grabbed a handful of tissues, and as I ran back out, I almost tripped over the big, black dog who’d planted herself in my path.

  “Go DeeDee.”

  “You can’t, honey,” I said, tottering toward the front door on my heels. “I don’t know how long this will take.”

  She ran in front of me and blocked the exit. “Go DeeDee.”

  “Let her come,” God said from his perch by my right ear.

  “But she’ll have to stay in the car.”

  “Nap,” DeeDee said.

  “See,” God chided, “the beast has a plan, do you?”

  So the three of us rushed to the hospital. God climbed into the purse as I put the car into park.

  “Make sure you leave the windows open for her,” he said from the recesses of my handbag.

  Cracking them open, I patted DeeDee on the head. “Be good. Take your nap.”

  Considering I could barely stay upright in the stupid shoes, I crossed the parking lot and traversed the hospital in record time. I was, however, moving too fast to stop when a man stepped in front of me in the hallway leading to Katie’s room.

  “Uggh,” I cried as we collided. I almost dropped the purse containing God as I waved my arms, trying to regain my balance.

  Fortunately the man grabbed both my arms and steadied me. “Nice dress.”

  I looked into Delveccio’s face. He wasn’t smiling.

  “My niece,” I panted. “They called . . .”

  Something shifted in his gaze and he patted my cheek tenderly. “Go.”

  Hurrying past him, I rushed into Katie’s room.

  She wasn’t there.

  The bed where she’d spent all this time lay empty. There were bloodstains on the white sheets.

  “No!” I gasped.

  “What’s going on?” God asked.

  “She’s gone.”

  “Gone?” I could have sworn I heard a hiccupping sob from the bag.

  “Miss Lee?” It was the voice from the phone.

  I spun around. One of the night nurses, who I’d seen a million times but never learned her name, smiled at me.

  I swayed unsteadily on my feet.

  “Why don’t you sit?” she suggested, taking my arm and leading me out of the room to the waiting area. “An orderly is going to change the sheets.”

  “Where is she?” I asked, sitting rigidly in the same chair I’d sat in when Mr. Calvin had told me his wife had killed my sister.

  “They took her for an X-ray.”

  “An X-ray? I don’t understand.”

  “She fell when she tried to get out of bed. Her wrist was swollen and the attending wanted to make sure it hadn’t fractured.”

  “She tried to get out of bed? I was here this afternoon and I couldn’t get her to even reach for Dino the dinosaur.”

  She patted my arm reassuringly and lowered her voice to a whisper. “The doctors would have my head for telling you this, but it’s a good sign. A very good sign.”

  I looked around for disco balls or cacti, but saw none.

  “Wait here,” the nurse said. “I’ll come get you when they bring her back.”

  She left and I sank back in the seat.

  “Open the bag before I suffocate!” God demanded.

  Hands shaking, it took me two tries to get it open. He poked his head out.

  “Did you hear that?” I asked.

  “Every word.”

  I looked up to see Delveccio lumbering toward me.

  “What’s all the excitement?” he asked. “What the hell is that?” He stared at my purse.

  God hadn’t bothered to hide.

  “He’s Katie’s pet. I thought maybe if I brought her something from home . . .”

  Delveccio nodded, staring at the lizard. “He looks . . .”

  Don’t say cute. Please don’t say cute . . . I silently prayed.

  “He looks smart,” Delveccio said.

  God beamed. “Finally. Someone who doesn’t objectify me, but appreciates me for my true worth.”

  “Why’s he making that noise?” Delveccio asked.

  “He vocalizes a lot.” I glanced around. “No Vinnie?”

  “He gets Saturday nights off. He likes to go to clubs. Flex his muscles. Pick up chickies.”

  I bit back a smile at “chickies.”

  “I hear your niece is doing better.”

  “That’s what they’re telling me.”

  “Dominic is too.”

  “Really?” I asked. />
  “Who’s Dominic?” God asked.

  “They think he’s dreaming now.” Delveccio sat in the seat beside me. “That brainwave-thing machine is doing a tango.”

  “Who’s Dominic?” God asked again.

  “I’m happy for you, Mr. Delveccio. I’m so happy your grandson is doing better.” I said to appease the lizard. I patted Delveccio’s arm to make my point.

  From the way he stiffened, I guessed that mobsters aren’t accustomed to being touched. Before I could jerk my hand away, he covered it with his own.

  “You are one strange gal, Maggie Lee.”

  He released me and surveyed me from head to toe. “So you’re in your femme fatale outfit today.”

  Once again, I didn’t bother explaining to him that this black dress was the only one I owned.

  “Big plans for tonight?”

  I remembered the rehearsal I was supposed to be at. Alice was going to kill me. “I did have plans until the hospital called.”

  “You know you’re running out of time, right? If you don’t finish the Garcia thing today or tomorrow . . .”

  I nodded. “I have a plan.”

  “Good. I heard about that little skirmish you got into with that woman . . . your niece’s other aunt.”

  I sighed. “I’m sure the whole hospital heard about it.”

  “She’s the reason you needed the advance?”

  I nodded.

  “You should have said.”

  I glanced over at him, suddenly worried. “It won’t affect my work.”

  “No. I mean, you shoulda told me. I might have been able to get one of my boys to take care of the problem for you, but now, now no one can touch her, because the cops’ll come straight to you.”

  “Miss Lee?” the nurse called, motioning me toward Katie’s room.

  I stood and looked down at the mobster. “I’m glad Dominic’s doing better. I hope he continues to improve.”

  “Thanks. Good luck tomorrow.”

  “Thanks.” I hurried toward Katie’s room, throwing the nurse a grateful smile as I passed her.

  She was alone in the room. The sides of her bed had been raised and I had to get close to the bed to see over them.

  “Hey, Baby Girl,” I cooed.

  She smiled weakly at me, raising her arm.

  I grabbed her hand and squeezed.

  “She’s going to sleep.” An older doctor walked in. He grinned down at her. “She had quite the adventure and it’s tired her out.”