Fetch a Pail of Murder (We're Not Dead Yet Club Book 1)

by Constance Barker

  It didn’t take long for Cecil’s natural curiosity to strike. He turned to me and, with a sparkle in his eye, asked:

  “So, how goes the investigation?”

  “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied coyly, sipping from my coffee whilst watching the two men like a hawk.

  “Oh, come now,” replied Percy. “You’re the talk of the town. There’s hardly a member of the Senior Center who doesn’t know what you’re up to…”

  Ida May blushed. “We were hoping to keep it down low,” she replied. “How did you find out?”

  Percy and Cecil’s eyes both swooped over to Hazel in an instant. As she followed their gaze, Ida May’s mouth dropped open and she glared furiously at her friend. Hazel, for her part, simply shrugged her shoulders.

  “I was excited,” she announced, beaming around at us. “Nothing this amazing has ever happened to me before.”

  “Nothing ever will again if you carry on at this rate,” Ida May shot back. “You do understand what we’re doing is dangerous.”

  Hazel looked at me for inspiration – or maybe it was support – I’m not entirely sure. Either way, she got neither. She turned back to Ida May, her expression a little more sullen than before.

  “I don’t see why. Pat was killed twenty years ago. No one is ever going to suspect we might actually be able to catch his killer.”

  Percy’s ears pricked up. He set his coffee down and produced a purple handkerchief from his pocket, which he used to gently dab at his mouth.

  “So, it was Patrick?” he asked casually. “I often wondered what became of him. He had quite a reputation for gambling. My uncle Ned used to run weekly poker games out the back of his restaurant – Pat lost a hell of a lot of money.”

  A spark of inspiration jumped across my mind. “Pat was a gambler?”

  Percy nodded. “Not a great one by all accounts.”

  “Did he ever gamble with Aunt Ruby?”

  The lawyer’s eyes narrowed. “Can’t say that I recall. Why? Do you think it will help you catch your killer?”

  Hazel let out a short laugh. “Oh, we already know who killed Patrick…”

  “We think we know,” corrected Ida May.

  Hazel fluttered her hands out at her friend. “Semantics.”

  “Well,” Percy replied. “I’d be interested to find out how you found out.”

  “We all would,” I said bitterly, suddenly remembering that Hazel had been keeping information from the rest of us.

  Percy gave me a small smile before turning back to Hazel. He slowly reached out and placed his hand on top of Hazel’s, allowing his index finger to gently stroke her skin. “I’d love to hear what you have to say.”

  Hazel giggled incessantly like a schoolgirl. As we drank the rest of our coffees, Percy and Hazel stared deep into each other’s eyes, engaged in their own conversation and paying little attention to us and Cecil as we chatted amongst ourselves.

  With our coffees finished and no sign of being able to break Hazel and Percy apart, Cecil slowly got to his feet, brushed down his jacket and turned to me and Ida May.

  “Can I give you a lift, ladies? I’m heading to the Senior Center, if you’re interested.”

  “Might as well, I suppose,” Ida May replied, jumping to her feet. “I don’t think much will shake Hazel off Percy this afternoon.”

  “Very well then,” Cecil replied. “Let’s get going.” He turned back to Percy and shot out a brief wave of goodbye. “See you, Perce!”

  I briefly exchanged glances with Hazel, who nodded happily. “I’ll catch up with you later…”

  That would have been an end of it, had Percy not suddenly leapt to his feet and waved his hand to stop me from leaving.

  “Before you go, Clara, I’m arranging to have your aunt’s will read tomorrow afternoon. Would that be convenient for you?”

  “That will be fine.”

  “Good,” he replied. “See you then.”

  And with that, he sank back into his chair and resumed his hushed whispers with Hazel.

  Ida May did well to hold her tongue until we were outside the coffee shop, at which point she let out such a loud profanity that even two nearby young whippersnappers looked disgusted.

  “Ida May!”

  “I mean, really. What is she playing at? He’s never showed any interest in her before. Can’t she tell he’s just pumping her for information?” She shook her head sullenly and turned to follow Cecil as he headed towards his van. “I hope she knows what she’s doing.”

  I didn’t say anything at the time, but I hoped she did as well.

  Chapter Fourteen – Change Suspects!

  I had let the whole situation leave my mind by the time we’d returned to the Senior Center, which was – mark my words – difficult considering Ida May could talk of nothing else. She was still rambling on about it as we sat down in one of the lounges. I was almost grateful when I heard the high-pitched hum of Milton’s wheelchair as he sidled up alongside us.

  “Hazel has a date?” he called out, his face almost falling apart with the gigantic grin that spread across it. “Well, what do you know?”

  “Yup,” Ida May replied, shaking her head in disbelief before turning towards him and placing a predatory hand on his leg. “I’m looking for one too, if you’re interested.”

  I shook my head. Even for Ida May this was strong.

  Milton simply blushed and stroked her hand before giving it a couple of soft taps. “I appreciate the sentiments, my dear, but I’m afraid the loss of Ruby is still too sore for words…”

  I smiled sympathetically at him. “You spent a lot of time with her, didn’t you?”

  “Oh, an immeasurable amount. Not that I could spend that much time alone with her with that pesky butler always around the place.”

  “Everyone seems to think quite little of Don,” I mused. “I always found him most agreeable.”

  “Oh, he was good at his job, I suppose. Professional to the last. No, I just didn’t like the bugger. Too squeaky clean, if you know what I mean. I tried to pay him off once to leave me and Ruby alone one evening, but he wouldn’t have it. He wouldn’t even accept a little pay off to reveal who her beneficiary is in the will. I mean, you can’t trust a man like that, can you?”

  I nodded slowly. “And what did you make of Patrick Sheridan?”

  “That little rascal,” Milton replied, his face growing red with kept-in rage. “That’s one thing I was grateful to Don for. He sent that little hyena packing the moment he showed his true colors, and that Landsborough lad too. Yes, if there is one thing I’m grateful to Don for, it’s his eye for spotting a scoundrel.”

  “You knew about Patrick’s gambling?”

  “Knew about it?” Milton replied. “I knew alright. That’s why he was interested in Ruby – he was hoping he could indulge in his addiction by feeding off her wealth. But Don saw him off – good man, that Don. Well, a pain in the nether-regions, but a good man nonetheless.”

  With that he turned to Ida May and frowned. “And on that subject, Ida May, would you mind taking your hand off my thigh?”

  At this exact same time, on the other side of town, Hazel was following Percy down a side street. I guess she might have found the situation somewhat intimidating were it not for the shivering poodle that Percy had wedged under his armpit. When they reached a deserted enough spot, he turned to her and stared coldly into her eyes.

  “I had no idea someone else knew, you have to believe me…”

  Hazel, oblivious to the last, smiled back at him and tapped him cheerfully on the shoulder. “Oh, Percy, what are you talking about?”

  “I only knew because of Uncle Ned. And it didn’t really seem important at the time…”

  “Know what? What are you talking about?”

  Percy placed a hand under the poodle and gently redistributed it, shoving it roughly under the opposite armpit whilst he stared up and down the street.

  “Patrick,” he repli
ed. “I knew he was in debt, but I didn’t know it was that serious. Most of the other guys that played poker with him were good sports and gave him time to pay them back – but this one guy, he was relentless. He insisted that Pat paid him as soon as the games were over, but Pat couldn’t afford that. When he disappeared I just assumed he’d skipped town to escape him, but now you’ve found him…”

  Hazel placed a comforting hand on Percy’s arm. She waited for a moment for him to calm down before smiling up at him and reaching out to stroke the poodle.

  “Who was it, Percy? Who did Pat owe money to?”

  Percy’s face fell. “But…” he stuttered. “I thought you knew.”

  “I think I do, but I’d like to hear it from you.”

  Percy thought about this for a second before violently shaking his head. “No, I won’t be the only thing that can put him away. Or I’ll end up being down that well…”

  “Alright,” Hazel replied taking a step back. “I’ll tell you then.”

  So she did. She gave the name of the person she thought might be the killer and watched as Percy’s face fell into absolute panic.

  “Yes,” he confirmed. “He was the one Pat owed money to.”

  “Good,” replied Hazel. “In that case, I need you to do me a favor…”

  She explained what it was. Percy didn’t like it, but he knew he didn’t have much of a choice.

  Hazel didn’t tell me or Ida May anything about what was said until the following morning.

  And – for that reason – I’m not going to tell you yet either…

  Chapter Fifteen – The Killer Revealed

  When Hazel first told us the identity of the killer, I was quite surprised. Had it not been for the trail of breadcrumbs that she’d left behind during her solo investigations, I might also have been shocked that Hazel could come to such a conclusion. As it was, I was content to simply listen to the rather convoluted plan that she laid out before us with an open mind and a willing heart - traits not shared by Ida May, who – in what appeared to be a fit of abject jealousy insisted on knowing precisely how her friend had come to such an unexpected conclusion.

  “Four of diamonds,” Hazel replied stubbornly, giving me a sly wink as she produced the pack of cards.

  “This is no time for tricks, Hazel,” Ida May replied, placing her hand on her head and rapidly ruffling up her green hair. “This is a murderer we are talking about.”

  Hazel gave a large, and if I do say so myself, fake sigh. “Well, then I suppose we both have information the other one wants. What is a girl to do?”

  If I didn’t know Ida May better, I would have thought she might be about to clobber her. Nevertheless, the look of pure anger that rippled across her face was so evident and overstated that I didn’t think it wise to put that belief to the test. I stepped forward, resisting the urge to laugh as much as I could, and placed a gentle hand on Hazel’s arm.

  “I think what Ida May is trying to say is that, if we are to be involved in your scheme to unmask this deadly killer, you might at least let us know who it is.”

  “I’m not saying that at all,” Ida May chimed in. “I’m saying…”

  I quickly raised a hand towards her. She accepted the gesture and immediately stopped mid-flow, much to Hazel’s delight, and began to stare bitterly down at the floor beneath her. I turned back to Hazel and gave her a casual shrug.

  “We want to be able to help you as much as we can.”

  This seemed to satisfy Hazel who, without so much as a moment of thought, launched immediately into her explanation of what Percy had said to her. As she meandered her way through the story, she punctuated it with questions for us – her audience – such as:

  “And what do you think he said?”

  And…

  “Do you know why he knew this?”

  With each passing question, Ida May became more and more irate until, finally, she stamped her foot on the floor and, with her most sincere voice, she announced:

  “Fine, Hazel. You solved it, we haven’t. Will you get to the point?”

  Hazel reveled in this moment for quite a while, beaming proudly between the two of us as her story picked up the pace. Finally, with all the other details of her encounter with Percy revealed, she turned to me and asked:

  “And who do you think Patrick Sheridan’s debtor was?”

  I thought Ida May might die from the suspense.

  “Will you tell us already?”

  Hazel shot her a victorious smile: “Thomas Landsborough.”

  “Tom?” I replied instinctively. “Vera’s son?”

  “I don’t believe it,” Ida May muttered. “He seemed so…”

  “Nice,” I finished, prompting a nod of agreement from Ida May.

  “Nice or not, he murdered Patrick Sheridan.”

  “But how do you know?”

  Hazel turned to Ida May and tapped her nose knowingly. “The four of diamonds.”

  “You are the worst…”

  “Are you sure?” I asked Hazel, pulling her a little closer to me to distract her from Ida May. “Without a doubt.”

  “No doubt,” Hazel replied confidently. “He murdered Patrick Sheridan.”

  “For the money?”

  Hazel shook her head. “Because Pat refused to pay his debt. Thomas is a very controlling man. Have you never wondered why his mother is the way she is?”

  “Vera is controlling?” I muttered, my mind flitting back to her face in the window. “Does a bear sh…well you know…”

  Hazel shrugged. “Well, look at it this way. Vera was Ruby’s friend, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Closer than the likes of Cecil, right?”

  “I suppose.”

  “So, why was she not included in the will reading?”

  I thought about this for a moment, but Ida May beat me to an answer.

  “Because she’s not mentioned in the will?”

  Hazel shook her head. “According to Percy she is. He even extended the invitation for her to come the day we found the body, but Thomas wouldn’t let her.”

  “So…” I started, my mind still focused on the day of my attack. “Is that why she was at the window that day when I was attacked? She was keeping a look out for her son whilst he…” I hesitated. “What? Searched for the will?”

  “She was at the window?” Ida May repeated, her mouth falling open in dawning realization. “That explains everything…”

  Hazel shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. Thomas wasn’t the one who attacked you. I told you before, they are separate crimes...”

  “Come off it, Hazel,” Ida May fired back. “You can’t have it all your own way. It makes sense that Thomas would want to know what Vera inherited from Ruby. After all, he would inherit it when Vera dies…” She paused, her mouth falling even farther open as a thought came into her mind. “Don said that Milton wasn’t the main beneficiary. Maybe Thomas killed Pat to protect Ruby. And maybe Ruby knew about it. And maybe Ruby made Thomas the beneficiary in return… It makes perfect sense.”

  “Actually,” Hazel replied, grumpily folding her arms. “It makes no sense!”

  “You’re just upset that I’ve filled in the last gap and taken your moment of glory from you…”

  “Never mind that now,” I quickly interjected, sensing a brewing argument between the two. “What we need to think about now is how to nail him. Thomas is obviously a very clever cookie…”

  “Well, I’ve had Percy invite Thomas to the will reading today. If we wanted to present him with our evidence that would be the time when he is most off his guard. And I sent word to Cecil to bring Jasper as well – we may need his help.”

  “Good thinking,” I replied, clapping Hazel on the shoulder. “But I’m not sure it will be enough. Like I said, he’s too clever to just admit it…”

  My words hung in the air for a few moments. The three of us stood in silence, our eyes darting around the coffee shop for any ounce of inspiration. Out of the corn
er of my eye, I saw Ida May run her hand through her hair and suddenly stop. After a moment, she brought her hand down and stared at it for a long while before clearing her throat:

  “I think I have an idea,” she muttered.

  “You do?”

  Ida May hesitated before shaking her head. “Rather, Lucy had an idea…”

  Chapter Sixteen – To Catch a Thomas

  Thomas arrived promptly at Ruby’s house. As he stepped in through the door, he gave a slight nod to me and immediately asked how my investigation was going. I shrugged and muttered something about hitting a dead point, to which he replied:

  “I’m sure you’ll get a break soon enough. And even if you don’t, I wouldn’t blame yourself. Twenty years is a long time.”

  I agreed with him and watched as he made his way into the lounge and began to mingle with the other guests. He spoke first with Percy, who he shook warmly by the hand before launching into an exhaustive explanation of surprise at having been invited to this second attempt at reading the will. Percy replied confidently, although I couldn’t help notice that he kept reaching up and touching his ear every time he spoke. Surely – as a gambler – Thomas had noticed it to, but he didn’t seem to think anything of it, for he soon turned away and wandered over to Milton.

  I sidled up alongside Percy and muttered into his ear. “You did great.”

  “I don’t know,” Percy replied. “He asked me why he was suddenly on the guest list.”

  “And you told him the story, right?”

  “I told him. But I don’t think he bought it.”

  “Relax,” I whispered, leaning over and planting a kiss on his cheek. “You’ve done you’re part now. Just enjoy the show.”

  Thomas had now left Milton and was engaged in a deep discussion with Cecil and Jasper who, apart from anything else, seemed to be utterly dumbfounded about his presence at the will reading. As I moved a little closer, I began to eavesdrop on their conversation, discovering in the process that Thomas was minutely suspicious himself.