Fetch a Pail of Murder (We're Not Dead Yet Club Book 1)

by Constance Barker

  “I really have no idea,” Jasper explained. “Dad was the one who wanted me here…”

  Cecil laughed and pulled his son into a side hug. “I figured after what happened last time we tried to do this thing, it’d be better safe than sorry to have a cop around. I mean, what if we find another body?”

  “Hardly likely, is it?” Thomas answered. “I mean, lightening never strikes twice.”

  “Exactly,” Jasper agreed, wrenching himself out of Cecil’s grip.

  Cecil continued to laugh. “Well, if you want the truth Tom-lad, Jasper here is my only heir and I am not a young man. If Ruby left me something in her will, like as not it will be Jasper’s in a year or two. Figured he might as well know if something valuable ends up in the family, you catch my drift?”

  “I’m surprised you wouldn’t immediately sell it to upgrade that motorcycle of yours…”

  Cecil laughed again, a little more heartily this time. “I might just do that to spite you, Jasper. I might just do that…”

  Thomas seemed convinced enough. He launched into a discussion with Jasper about how he expected his mother to cut him out of the will for any minor misdemeanor – a discussion that Jasper didn’t seemed thoroughly thrilled to be a part of. Luckily, Hazel was on her game and – within minutes – she arrived next to Jasper and tapped him twice on the shoulder.

  “Detective, I’m glad you’re here…”

  “Hazel,” he replied, his voice and face falling as he caught sight of her. “How lovely to see you…?”

  “I must talk to you immediately, it’s most important.”

  “Oh, really? Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” Hazel replied, before turning to Thomas and smiling sweetly. “Will you excuse us?”

  “Not at all,” Thomas replied, apparently enjoying Jasper’s discomfort.

  Hazel hadn’t quite told me what bogus reason she was going to give for spiriting Jasper away, but – as they passed me by – I did hear a quick snippet of their conversation.

  “I was wondering what I would have to do to become a detective.”

  “A detective? I don’t think you can.”

  “Oh? And why not?”

  “Well…” he hesitated. “For one thing, you are rather old to be trying a new career…”

  Hazel frowned at him. “Are you intentionally being ageist, Jasper?”

  “No, no,” he protested. “I simply think it might be wiser if you consider your age and health when…”

  I didn’t hear the rest.

  At that moment, I locked eyes with Ida May who, skulking in the corner of the room, stood up rather abruptly. I gave her a brief nod and she instantly stepped forward into the space vacated by Jasper and whispered something into Thomas’ ear.

  He listened intently before briefly checking his watch and replying:

  “Yes, I think I can have a quick look at it before we begin.”

  Ida May smiled and took hold of his hand. With a quick look around, Thomas allowed himself to be led out of the lounge and into the hallway.

  I waited a few seconds once they were out of sight before walking briskly over to Hazel and Jasper.

  “Sorry to interrupt…”

  Jasper seemed delighted. “No, Clara, it is quite alright. I think we were done here anyway…”

  “I’m afraid not,” I replied. “Jasper, I was wondering if you would accompany me and Hazel for a few minutes.”

  “Accompany you?”

  Hazel nodded feverishly. “It’ll be worth your while.”

  Jasper thought for a moment, his face turning somewhat pale before he finally relented and allowed us to march him out of the lounge and down the corridor to the door outside Ruby’s old study.

  We paused outside and waited, listening hard at the door as Jasper stared at us both in confusion.

  “May I ask what we are doing?”

  “Shh,” Hazel replied, placing her index finger on her lips. “You’re about to discover the identity of Patrick Sheridan’s killer.”

  “What? Are you crazy?”

  “No,” I replied quietly. “But he is. Just listen.”

  And listen we did. As we pressed our ears up against the door – Jasper did this as well – we could hear the sound of Thomas moving slowly around something in the room beyond.

  “Hmmm,” he sighed. “I think you may be right. It is definitely a fine piece. Whoever inherits this beauty will be in for a tidy sum, that’s for sure.”

  Ida May spoke next.

  “So, it is an antique?”

  “Absolutely. One of the finest. If I’m right, I think it is probably a writing desk that’s been crafted by the same English craftsmen who made the President’s Resolute Desk. Obviously, it’s not as valuable – but it would still fetch a tidy sum… I mean, look at the intricacies of these carvings…”

  “And the inside? What about that?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, Ruby used it to store her junk in. If it’s damaged, will that affect the price?”

  “I’m not sure,” Thomas replied. “Let’s open it up and find out…”

  There was a slight pause and a creak followed by some rustling of paper as Thomas and Ida May investigated the contents of the desk.

  “No,” Thomas said finally. “It seems undamaged. In fact, it seems Ruby kept it in prime condition.”

  “I’m glad. I’d hate to think that she’d damaged it in some way…”

  There was a pause.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “This ticket. It has your shop’s logo on it, Mr Landsborough.”

  “I imagine so,” came the reply. “Maybe Ruby bought it from me…”

  “I’d have thought you’d remember something like that,” Ida May replied. There was another brief pause. “This is curious though. This is an I owe you. It says Patrick Sheridan owed you fifteen thousand dollars from gambling debts…”

  “What? Let me see.” There was a rustle of paper as Thomas snatched the receipt out of Ida May’s hand. “This is impossible. I ripped this up. I ripped it into a dozen pieces the day I…”

  “Threw the pieces of Patrick Sheridan down the well?”

  There was another pause.

  “You found out then?”

  “It was obvious in the end.”

  The floorboards creaked as Thomas took a step towards her.

  “You have to understand, the guy refused to pay his debts. That should make his life forfeit to me, shouldn’t it?”

  “So you killed him?”

  “Of course I killed him. I couldn’t have him treating me like a soft sell. I have a reputation to uphold…”

  I was about to turn back towards Jasper, but he had already leapt into action. In an instant he had produced a revolver from his jacket and barreled into the study. By the time Hazel and I had joined him, Jasper already had Thomas handcuffed and stood up in the corner as he examined a small receipt in his hand. On the other side of the study, Ida May stared proudly back at Thomas, although her hands quivered noticeably with the adrenalin of what she’d just been through.

  “Thomas Landsborough, I’m arresting you for the murder of Patrick Sheridan,” Jasper muttered, before turning to the three of us. “Although I’m surprised at you ladies for not bringing this evidence to my attention sooner.”

  “Well, that would be difficult,” Ida May replied, stepping forward to pluck the receipt from his hands. “It’s a forgery. We never found any evidence that showed Patrick owed Thomas money…”

  “Then you can’t hold me,” Thomas spat, struggling slightly against the handcuffs. “You don’t have anything on me…”

  “Just a confession,” Jasper replied, turning the gun to Thomas’ back to stop him struggling.

  “That’s not entirely true…”

  We all stopped and turned as Hazel stepped forward, her hand reaching into her pocket and producing a small, if rather crumpled and old, piece of paper. From the look of it, it had once been ripped apart but had
been carefully taped back together. She gently unfolded it and held it out for us to see.

  It was a receipt, almost identical to the forgery Ida May held in her hand, only this one had traces of blood smeared across the corners. Hazel beamed at us as we all stared down at the receipt.

  “This is the real receipt,” she announced, handing it over to Jasper. “It’s very delicate and about twenty years old, but very much genuine. It was found by the well…”

  Ida May stared at the receipt, her mouth falling so far open that she could’ve caught butterflies in it.

  “When did you find that?”

  Hazel smiled. “Four of diamonds…”

  The reaction that came over Ida May was nothing short of astounding – even for the detective and his suspect. She stamped her foot down and fell against the writing desk, folding her arms roughly and letting out a small yell of exasperation.

  “Alright,” she cried out. “Alright, I’ll tell you how I knew you’d picked the four of diamonds.” She turned to me and let out a long sigh. “You always pick the four of diamonds. Every time in the last twelve years that I’ve asked you to pick a card you always – without fail – pick the four of diamonds. It wasn’t any kind of magic trick – I just know you well enough to know you always pick the same card. Satisfied?”

  Hazel smiled back at her. “Oh, I already worked that out, dear.”

  I have never seen Ida May’s expression fall so fast. “What?”

  “I realized that ages ago.”

  There was no doubt in my mind that Ida May was utterly confused. And – if truth be told – I was as well. I took a step forward and stared deep into my friend’s eyes.

  “So, what do you mean by the four of diamonds, Hazel?”

  Hazel beamed up at me.

  “Well, remember I dropped all my cards when I fainted by the well?”

  “Yes…”

  “When I was picking them up, the four of diamonds had become wedged in the roots of the tree not far from the well. As I dug it out, I found a small leather pouch in the ground. I pocketed it to look at later. Didn’t think it was much. Later on I discovered these pieces of paper. When I put the pieces back together, I realized it was a clue leading me to the killer. It must have fallen out of Thomas’ pocket when he was disposing of Patrick’s body…”

  In that moment – that very instant – everything made sense. Hazel had known from the beginning that the murder was committed twenty years ago. She’d never once mentioned Don as a suspect, even though Ida May had been convinced of it. She’d been ever so curious about Thomas’ pin bearing the logo of his shop and she’d gone out of her way to find out how he’d been connected to Ruby by visiting Sylvia…

  “You worked it all out,” I muttered. “From word go, you had it all worked out…”

  “Why you…” Ida May began, her face beginning to light up with a smile. “Clever old shrew. I guess you finally found a hobby you’re good at.”

  “Not entirely,” Hazel replied, turning to me. “I still haven’t worked out who attacked you. I only know that it was nothing to do with Thomas…”

  “None of it had anything to do with me…”

  “Shut up, you.”

  Somewhere in the corridor outside, I heard the high-pitched sound of Milton’s wheelchair as he moved towards the study. I turned to Hazel and gently squeezed her shoulder.

  “It’s alright, Hazel. I think I’ve worked that out for myself…”

  In that instant, Milton appeared around the corner and peered in through the door.

  “Look here,” he muttered. “Are we doing this will reading or not?” He paused as his eyes fell on the handcuffed figure of Thomas Landsborough. “What the blazes is going on here?”

  We couldn’t help but laugh. Jasper grabbed a hold of Thomas and maneuvered him towards the door, pausing briefly to turn towards us.

  “Nice job, ladies.” He then focused on Hazel. “You never know, Hazel, you might have a future as a detective yet.”

  Hazel let out a little giggle of laughter. “No thanks,” she replied. “Why make a perfectly good hobby all serious by getting paid to do it.”

  And I must say, I have to agree with her…

  Chapter Seventeen – Aunt Ruby’s Legacy

  When all the excitement had passed and Thomas had been taken away by Jasper, we all began to move back into the lounge. As everyone disappeared inside, I hung back with Milton, pretending that I’d forgotten something until the last person – in this case Ida May – had vanished through the door.

  Only then, I turned to him.

  “I just wanted you to know, Milton that I forgive you.”

  “What?” Milton replied, his face growing instantly pale. “What do you mean, dear girl?”

  “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me when we were both last here. I just wanted you to know that you’re forgiven…”

  He looked as though he was about to deny it. He opened his mouth but, I guess, something in my stern stare made him change his mind. In a few moments his face was filled with an expression of the most abject shame that I thought he might break down in tears right then and there. Instead, when he spoke, his voice was croaky and quiet – not like the Milton I knew at all.

  “I didn’t think you’d realized it was me. What with the wheelchair and all…”

  I smiled. “I didn’t at first. But then, when I realized it couldn’t be anyone else who I recognized when I stood up, I figured it must be someone that I’d only seen when sitting down. It had to be someone involved with Aunt Ruby so you were the only clear suspect.”

  A small tear welled up in his eye. “I was only looking for the will. After the affair with Sheridan, I just wanted to read it to see if she’d left me the house…” He hesitated. “When you arrived I panicked. I tried to get out but in my haste the wheelchair left the rug askew and you tripped. But on your way down you hit the side of the stair bannister. I was going to call when I saw Don on his way. I didn’t know what to do and didn’t want a confrontation with Don so whizzed out of the house to my car parked behind the sycamore trees.”

  “You won’t tell anyone, will you?” Milton asked.

  I placed my hand on my chest and drew an imaginary cross over it. “Not a soul.”

  And that was our little secret. I never told anyone about it. Not even Hazel and Ida May – and they were very keen for me to tell them who the identity of my mysterious attacker was…only he wasn’t an attacker at all. In the end I had to tell them it was just some opportunist burglar – a story that Hazel was quite willing to accept, but I always thought that Ida May wasn’t convinced by it…

  We headed back into the lounge as friends and took our seats along with everyone else. And, if you ever wondered why so many of us were invited to the will reading, the answer was surprisingly pleasant, even for Milton who – as Don had suggested – received very little at all.

  “I, Ruby St. Claire, being of sound mind a body, do hereby bequeath all my worldly possessions and properties, with the exception of those instances listed below, to the local Senior Center…”

  “What?” Milton exclaimed, staring wildly around the room. “Why on earth would she do that?”

  “It appeared,” Percy explained. “That Ruby grew rather fond of the Senior Center in her later years – largely down to meeting such fine fellows as you, Milton. In fact, on the day she wrote this version of the will, she described meeting a fellow senior who was playing cards – rather poorly if you believe Ruby’s account of the incident. Apparently this woman was so pleasant and lively that she convinced Ruby that the Senior Center, rather than any individual, should be allowed unlimited access to her possessions and resources on her death.”

  “But who was it?” Cecil asked, trying hard not to laugh as Milton stared angrily at Don. “Who convinced her of this?”

  “I don’t know, if I’m honest,” Percy replied. “All she said was that the woman in question seemed to love trying new things. Only that week she�
�d tried to knit herself some ghastly orange sweater and had made such a mess of it that Ruby thought it was absolutely wonderful…”

  Ida May and I turned to Hazel, our mouths falling open as our friend thought hard about all her friends at the Senior Center.

  “It doesn’t ring a bell,” she muttered. “I wonder who it could be…”

  *****

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  Wedding Bells and Death Knells

  Murder or Bust

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