Not That Kind of Love

by K. S. Martin

  “I want it hard Jamie and I want it deep from behind.” I put my hands on his shoulders squeezing the flesh with my palms. “Can you give it to me that way? He growled and turned me over. His arm was under me, across my pelvis dragging me up to him. He settled between my thighs on his knees. He pulled my ass back to him. He guided me onto his engorged head. It was bigger than I remembered but my greedy muscles grabbed at him. They tried to pull him in deeper and deeper. I heard him groan. He drove it into me fast and hard. He pulled nearly out of me only to pound into me further it seemed each time. He pushed me forward shifting his position so that he could put his hand on my shoulder for leverage. His hips urged on hammering into me, our bodies slapping against each other. I came again when he did, my muscles fluttering and exploding around him. My hands slid forward under the pillows. I was completely relaxed. Jamie followed me down covering me. I sighed and closed my eyes. “Jamie?” He made a noise in his throat. “I love you.” He kissed my cheek and rolled off of me.

  Chapter 6

  When we’d showered and dressed we headed for Ryan’s. We sat at a table and drew looks from Pete the bartender. Jamie and I had never sat at a table, not once. The waitress did not comment. She took our drink and appetizer order, gave Jamie an appreciative once over then left. Jamie took my hands in his. “When should we set the date?” He asked gazing into my eyes. I giggled he was in such a hurry, he frowned.

  “Sorry, it’s serious now.” I straightened up. His eyes narrowed on me and stopped me cold. “I am sorry. It’s just weird, you know? Less than a week ago, I was in here checking out guys and you were ignoring me. I was lusting after your body and again you were ignoring me. I lived on a dream and a prayer seeking solace in the fact that you would hold me again the next time that I had a bad dream. Now, just days later I am expected to make massive mind blowing decisions about spending the rest of my life with you. It’s weird Jamie.” He nodded.

  “I guess that’s one way to look at it. Here’s how I see it. I’ve loved you my whole life. When I dated or slept with other women, they were unfairly compared to you and always came up incredibly short. I’ve waited, watched, and lusted after you. I wanted and hoped but you never seemed interested in anything more than friendship. Now that I finally have the answer that I’ve been waiting for, I want to move onto the next step. I want to be married, settled and potty training someone or something. I want to kiss your swollen belly and feel a baby kick.” I smiled, my heart warming. “I want to help you through labor and hold you and my child close kiss you both on the forehead and tell you that I love you.” Tears welled in my eyes and I leaned across the table to kiss him.

  “Okay. Let’s decide some things then. Church or courthouse?” We both said Church at once. “Afternoon or evening wedding?” We both said afternoon together too. “Okay, when?” I asked.

  “No more than six months.” Jamie answered.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, I couldn’t help but overhear. You’re getting married? You guys usually sit right over there don’t you?” The waitress asked. I nodded. “Pete will give you a great deal if you have the reception here, I know that he will. He likes you guys.” I looked at Jamie. He was already sold, since Ryan’s was his favorite bar. The wood paneling, the brass trim, the horseshoe curve of the wood, he adored this place.

  “Great, now we need to set a date and reserve the church.” That was easy.

  “You have to pick out a dress, cake, invitations, make a guest list, and decide on food, flowers and a honeymoon.” Jamie’s brows lifted. “You should call my sister’s they’ll help and they’ll be your bridesmaids. John-John can be our ring bearer. My head started to swim, it was too much. How did people do this stuff? I couldn’t concentrate on the game when it came on. Flowers and honeymoons and everything that he named flashed in random succession through my mind. I sent a text to Franny asking her to be my maid of honor and to ask her sisters for volunteers, I thought that two behind her would be enough. By the end of the second period, I had a bridal party. Mary Ann had a friend that owned a bridal store and I had an appointment on Tuesday afternoon. This was really moving fast. Ten minutes later Father Martin at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart texted me asking for a date. I shot it to Jamie. He turned in his seat to look at me. We had moved to our stools at the bar. When Pete stopped by I asked for a depth charge. Jamie gave me a look. Pete filled a shot glass with bourbon and brought me a mug of beer. He dropped the shot into the beer and mumbled something about my being brave. I wasn’t brave, I was terrified. Jamie leaned over to speak into my ear so no one else could hear. “That’s the last one for you.” I nodded. He knew my limits better than I did. I got another text from Franny, I sent it to Jamie. He shook his head and texted Franny back. His mother would not be making my wedding cake. I was really glad that he told her no, I didn’t have the balls. Jamie and I went home. I didn’t say much my brain was on a fast moving nauseating tilt-o-whirl. I didn’t brush my teeth before I fell into bed. I was mentally exhausted. Jamie cuddled behind me. At least I would sleep well.

  “Shit.” He hissed. “We’re late.” He slapped my ass and jumped up. I heard the water in the shower come on. When I knew it would be warm I headed into the bathroom. Jamie was coming out and drying off. “Hustle up.” He was like a track coach when we were late. I hurried only for him. I showered and put my make up on in record time. By the time Jamie came back from his apartment looking perfect, I was putting my shoes on. “Good job.” He kissed my cheek then went to fill our coffees.

  The work day sped by, I had three meetings, and two overzealous clients. I actually stayed late not realizing it I didn’t get the ‘pack it up’ text from Jamie. I looked out my window down into his office. There was a blonde woman in the seat by the window. I watched. She was beautiful. She was tall with long blonde hair and bright lipstick. She touched his arm while she talked to him. I looked down at the sparkling diamond and back at his window. He was laughing too and leaning toward her. “Michelle?” Hannah said from the doorway. I turned and smiled at her.

  “Yes Hannah?” She looked concerned.

  “It’s time to go? I will see you tomorrow Hannah.” She didn’t move. I wasn’t sure what else she could want.

  “Are you going home Michelle?” I bit my lip and looked out the window again at Jamie still entertaining that woman. I felt really insecure and chewed on it until I tasted blood.

  “I’m waiting for Jamie. He’s still with an appointment.” Hannah came to the window to look as well. I heard her let out a breath. “Hannah?” She drew herself up ramrod straight.

  “Get him out of there right now. I know that Jezebel, she preys on young men. She will chew him up then spit him out and move onto the next one.” My eyes were wide. I never thought Jamie would cheat. She was leaning over toward him so that if her blouse were open just one button, he would be able to see her navel.

  “What do I do?” She handed me my cell phone, she had already pushed the call button. He was laughing when he answered.

  “Flanagan.” He hadn’t looked at the screen.

  “Hey sexy.” I purred as I and Hannah watched. The blonde watched him too. “I was wondering if you are ready to go?” I kept my voice light and happy.

  “Uh, I’m in the middle of something.” His eyes were glued to her.

  “Uh huh.” I said. “Do you think if you took it out of your pants that you could drop it into her cleavage and fuck her big boobs?” Hannah covered her mouth to stifle her laughter. I kept my voice light happy and playful. He looked down at his lap then out of the window at me. “Maybe she’ll get on her knees for you instead. And before you deny anything Jamie, I’ve been watching for quite a while and even though I love you and I trust you, that woman has a reputation of using naïve boys. I’m going to catch a cab home now. I will base my conclusions on how long it takes you to get there.” I disconnected the call and walked away from the window.

  “Please let me give you a ride Michelle.” Hannah begged. “Your plac
e is on my way and I want to bask in the glory of that Oscar winning ass chewing. I have never heard anyone told off so thoroughly or so politely in my life.” I grinned and agreed. We left and hurried from the building. I made a mental note giant Starbucks and flowers tomorrow.

  Chapter 7

  I changed into my hockey jersey and jeans and went to Ryan’s by myself. I sat on my usual stool and waited for the game. Pete brought me a beer.

  “Where’s Jamie?” Pete asked.

  “He has a date with a voluptuous blonde.” Pete made a face and looked curiously at my diamond.

  “I thought you two got…” Someone across the bar yelled for Pete to bring beers and he hurried away. I sipped my beer and watched the Plasma over the bar. Someone sat down next to me on Jamie’s stool. I knew it wasn’t him, but I looked to make sure. It was the hottie that I had recently been ogling until Jamie and I got together.

  “Hi, I’m Matt.” He stuck his hand out. I shook it.

  “I’m Michelle.” I let go of his hand letting my fingers slide from his slowly. “You’re a Buffalo fan huh? And you’re still alive in here, wow! You must really be a tough guy.” I pointed at his jersey. He cocked a smile at that and nodded. Pete brought him something in a martini glass. “Can I ask what that is?” I only drank beer as a rule because it was what Jamie drank. He offered it to me.

  “Go on Michelle, try it. It’s a dirty Martini. Pete! One more!” Pete started making another one. I took a sip. It was good, really good. “Keep it and make sure you eat the olive and onion together.” I slipped the toothpick out of the glass and put both garnishes in my mouth and chewed.

  “Oh, I like that.” I oozed pleasure. “It’s like a buffet with your drink.” He yelled at Pete again to make it two. “Thanks for introducing us Matt.” I finished the first one and started the second as soon as it landed in front of me. I glanced up at the play clock, two minutes till the end of the first and Jamie still wasn’t here. “What do you do Matt?” I could feel my tongue thickening.

  “I’m an EMT, what do you do?” I finished my drink and he motioned to Pete.

  “I’m an accountant.” Buffalo scored then and he hugged me and kissed my cheek while he cheered. “Hey, that’s not good news friend.” I laughed and punched his arm.

  “So you can balance my checking account?” He asked and I nodded.

  “In my sleep, and you can rescue me?” He gave me his best cat swallowed the canary look.

  “A match made in heaven.” He squeezed me again. I sipped my new favorite drink and ate the little buffet. “I’m glad you came tonight without your friend, he’s a little intimidating. I’ve been hoping to catch you alone for months.”

  “Jamie isn’t intimidating. He’s a big old teddy bear.” I slurred just as the Capitals scored at the buzzer to finish the first period. I jumped up a little more enthusiastic than I would normally be, I was fueled by martinis. I landed in Matt’s arms. He had very pretty brown eyes like a dark toffee with golden flecks. They were extra yummy in the state that I was in. We were laughing when he finally put me down. A big hand came from over my right shoulder suddenly and slapped three ten dollar bills down on the bar in front of me just as I was hauled backward off my seat by a familiar arm. The stool fell over as I was dragged off of it. Matt watched me get hauled out of Ryan’s Pub. I threw my hands up and shrugged to let him know that there was nothing I could do about the current state of affairs but I smiled at him anyway. He grinned back at me. The cool night air hit me and sobered me a little. I got my feet under me and whirled on him. “What the fuck Jamie? What do you think you are, a damned caveman?” I yelled at him on the street and started back toward the door to Ryan’s. People looked at us as they passed by, some laughed. I was quite the spectacle.

  “Come on.” He caught my hand and dragged me toward home. “I’ve been waiting for you and this is where you were? With him?” He ground out between clenched teeth. I tried to put my brakes on but he was too strong.

  “Oh no, you will not pin this on me. I saw you Jamie Flanagan, I saw you flirting with that, that what did Hannah call her?” My brain was slowing as it sloshed around in the booze. “That Jezebel! And I saw you looking down her blouse. Did you fuck her Jamie? Did you?” I screamed at him. He ignored people walking in the other direction and dragged me into the building and into the elevator. I stood against the wall fuming. When the doors opened at our floor, I ran to my door. I opened it and slammed it behind me. I flopped across my bed and cried like a child. I heard the front door open and close quietly.

  “Mich?” He sat on the bed beside me. “I’m sorry.” He said quietly. The sheet under my face was wet. “We both behaved badly today. I did not fuck her. I did look down her shirt, I don’t get a free show very often, but I shouldn’t have looked, you’re right. I am sorry.” He stroked my back.

  “Are you sorry that you did it or are you sorry that you got caught?”

  “I’m probably a little sorry that I did it and a little that I got caught but I would not have ever fucked her Mich. I would not have done anymore than look. It’s you that I love. I guess I was distracted because she was paying attention to me and she usually goes after my bosses. Maybe it made me feel more important that she was suddenly paying attention to a peon like me. It was like it was finally acknowledged that I was moving up in the world. It wouldn’t have gone any further though. I am nothing if not faithful you know that.” I nodded. “Tell me about your hottie friend.” The smile was a lopsided one that melted my heart.

  “He sat down next to me and let me try his drink and it was really good Jamie. Have you ever had a dirty martini?” I smiled at the memory. “You get food in it. Olives and onions are on a tooth pick and I couldn’t drink them fast enough. You have to try it.”

  “I watched you drink three of them.” I looked at him inquisitively.

  “You were there?” He nodded. “Why didn’t you come and sit with me? You could’ve saved me from myself.” I held my head up with my hand.

  “I was watching you.” My eyes narrowed again. “I felt badly because I know how you must’ve felt watching me and I wanted to torture myself. His finger traced the curve of my cheek. “I know that you were appreciating him from afar before I sprang this on you. I love you Mich and I don’t want to lose you because I was selfish. If you want to go back down to Ryan’s and find him and have your way with him, I won’ be mad.” I was shaking my head now.

  “No Jamie. I know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I know that what we have is special and right and perfect. I don’t want anyone else.” He studied my face.

  “How do you know Mich? You’ve only been with me, you’ll always wonder.” I was shaking my head again.

  “Other people don’t have sex like we do Jamie.” His eyebrows went up, he thought that I was drunk, and I was but I knew what I was saying. “If it felt that good to other people when they had sex there would be talk. Women talk and nobody ever said anything close to how I feel when I am with you. Trust me there would be talk. I know it’s good between us. I don’t need Matt to prove it to myself.”

  “I’m glad. I really hoped that you would say no Mich. I don’t want to share.” Jamie tucked me in and went back to his apartment. He told me that we needed a little space, today was too weird. The room spun precariously, no more dirty martinis for me.

  I leaned against the cool tile under the shower letting the water beat some sense into me. No more dirty martinis, ever. I felt so bad that coffee, my favorite thing on the planet, wasn’t appealing. I remembered big coffee and flowers for Hannah. The curtain opened but I didn’t move. Jamie washed my hair and rinsed it. He lathered a wash cloth with body wash and rubbed it over my sick flesh. I wanted to throw up knowing that would make me feel a little better. He rinsed me and sent me out of the shower to dry off. I was leaning over the toilet when he got out. I needed so badly to rid myself of this feeling. Jamie pulled my hair back from my face and rubbed my back. Finally it came, a little relief.
I hadn’t felt this bad since college.

  I put my hair in a pony tail and dabbed a little makeup on after brushing my teeth. “You’ve got to lay off the booze Mich.” I nodded. He was right, he was always right. I didn’t hear him saying that when he was parked on a stool next to me with two fingers in the air motioning to Pete. I put my gray suit on with a black silk blouse and black pumps. It was going to be a very long day. Jamie drove and kept the music down very low. My coffee sat undisturbed in the cup holder. When we’d parked, I walked slowly into my building and waved without looking when Jamie said he would see me later. I bought Hannah a super big coffee and flowers on my way in and deposited them on her desk. I shut my door and closed my blinds like I was in a meeting and sipped my black coffee. I answered email, opened and closed files and proceeded as quietly as possible with my day. Around eleven I heard Hannah speaking to someone but I didn’t bother to look. I popped three more Advil and swallowed them with cold coffee. Jamie opened my door and closed it quietly.

  “How are you feeling slugger?” I shook my head. He set a Styrofoam box on my desk. I looked at it distastefully. I was not hungry. “Mich you need to eat. You’re too skinny already.” I looked up at him.

  “I’m what? What did you just say?” I picked up the coffee cup and drained it.