For Finlay

by J. Nathan

  “I know you just said that.”

  He reached up and placed his finger over my lips, not only silencing me but sending an unexpected tingle to my lips.

  Shit.

  “I sat here because I happen to know you have a stash of chocolate in that bag.” He nodded toward my backpack on the floor as he removed his finger from my lips.

  “How do you know that?”

  He shrugged.

  I wished I didn’t like the fact that he paid attention to things like that or that my lips had yet to stop tingling. “Who said I’m sharing?”

  “Oh, you’re sharing all right.”

  I laughed, wishing he wasn’t funny. Wishing he didn’t smell so damn good up close. Wishing he didn’t make my heart flip over itself when he said cute things. Wishing a lot of things when it came to Caden. And I hated myself for every single one.

  Yvette boarded the bus, her eyes instantly training on Caden in her seat.

  “It’s all you,” I said, tugging the playbook from his hand and flipping it open, wanting no part of explaining the seat change to Yvette.

  Caden had no problem informing her the seat beside Grady was available. She actually stifled a grin and headed to it. “See?” he said.

  “The girl can’t be thinking straight. I mean, does he have a single redeeming quality?”

  Caden laughed. “If he just focused on blocking and shutting his mouth, I wouldn’t have a problem with him.”

  “That would be too easy.” I glanced down at the open playbook in my lap. “Gold Hook.”

  “Throw an out pattern to Forester.”

  I rattled off another play. “Prince twenty-two.”

  “Hand off to Moore on the right.”

  “Yellow Fi—.”

  “Post route to the tight end,” Caden answered before I even had a chance to finish.

  “You sure you need my help? You seem to have these down.”

  His eyes drifted for a minute, staring out the darkened window at the field house we’d yet to depart from. When his eyes shifted back to me, they held indecision. His voice lowered again. “I struggle a little with remembering things.”

  I wasn’t used to him being so vulnerable. So serious. “A lot of people struggle. You just need to figure out what works for you.”

  He nodded, his eyes appreciative. “The more I practice, the better I feel.”

  “Well, then, I guess we better keep at it.”

  A small smile curved his lips. “Why do you think I’m sitting next to the hottest girl on the bus asking for help?”

  Normally, the compliment would’ve flushed my cheeks and caused my stomach to ripple something fierce, but since I knew except for Yvette, guys filled every other seat, I leveled Caden with my eyes. “Clever.”

  He laughed. “What? Am I lying?”

  “Yvette’s cute.”

  He cocked his head. “She’s more Grady’s type.”

  So what did that make me? “Black flag,” I said, needing a subject change.

  He smiled and the quizzing resumed for a good hour. At one point, I threw in psychology questions. He eyed me wearily.

  “We’ve got a psych midterm in a couple weeks. Couldn’t hurt to kill two birds with one stone.”

  He nodded. “I like the way you think.”

  “Actually,” I said, pulling out my tablet. “This might help you. I found this app that lets you make quizzes for yourself.”

  He leaned over, looking down at my screen. “Are those flash cards?”

  “Sort of.”

  He snickered. I wasn’t sure if he was laughing because he thought it was immature to use flash cards in college or because he realized there were things available out there to help him. “I haven’t used them since I was a kid.”

  “You’re still a kid,” I teased.

  “Says the eighteen-year-old.”

  My eyes stayed on the screen as I clicked on the term Conditioned Response. The virtual card flipped to reveal the definition. “I’m not eighteen.”

  “Oh, sorry,” he mocked. “Nineteen.”

  I shook my head, unprepared for where the conversation could take us. “I’ll be twenty-one in January.”

  “Aren’t you a freshman?”

  I nodded, glancing over at him. “I took a couple years off.”

  His eyes widened in amusement. “To find yourself?”

  Hmph. “Guess so.”

  “Did you find her?”

  A rush of sadness flooded my body. “I’m not sure yet.”

  By two in the morning, the light above us was the only one on in the dark bus. We’d studied every possible play option—and psych term assigned this semester. He knew them. All of them. He had nothing to worry about—except, of course, whether or not his offensive line would come through for him or let Arkansas’ defense have their way with him.

  I handed him back his playbook which he tucked away in his bag.

  “Now hand over more chocolate, woman.”

  I rolled my eyes as I reached into my diminishing stash of chocolate and dropped a handful into his palm.

  “Thanks.”

  “Did I really have a choice? You would’ve wrestled me for them.”

  He snickered. “No, thanks for helping me.”

  I lifted a shoulder. “I didn’t have a choice with that either.”

  He unwrapped a chocolate and popped it into his mouth. “Good point.”

  I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes. Caden’s arm provided a nice support against my arm, his bigger body occupying more space than Yvette’s. “Good night, Caden.”

  “Night, Finlay.”

  The purr of the bus’s engine was a soothing melody, and in no time, it lulled me to sleep.

  I awoke hours later when the bus jolted to a stop. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the sunlight outside as I lifted my head. I looked around the silent bus. Yvette was two seats back sound asleep on Grady’s shoulder. I glanced to Caden beside me. His head rested against the window, his eyelashes fanned out over the tips of his cheeks.

  The scraping of the door pulled my eyes from Caden and ignited stirring throughout the bus. Caden shifted, a yawn breaking free from him as his tired eyes slid to mine. “Morning,” he rasped.

  “Morning.”

  “How’d you sleep?” His bedhead made him look a lot younger than he normally did.

  “Not bad.”

  “Me neither.” He glanced down at his watch. “Made it to six. That’s a record for me.”

  “Me too.”

  “I guess that solves our problem. If we’re gonna sleep, it needs to be in a moving vehicle.”

  “Who knew?”

  He smiled before scrubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to wake himself up.

  The coaches in front of us began gathering their belongings. Coach Burns stood and faced us. “Start getting your things together. You can go in and get freshened up. We’ll grab a light breakfast and then head to the stadium for practice.”

  “Thanks again for all your help,” Caden whispered to me.

  I shrugged as I reached for my bag. “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “Sitting next to me?”

  I cocked my head. “Helping you study. I like football.”

  “For a minute there I thought you were gonna say you like me.”

  “Don’t get crazy now.”

  He laughed as his eyes drifted out the window and up the tall exterior of the hotel. “Wonder if they’ve got a pool.”

  I glanced out at the sleek building. “Probably.”

  He glanced back to me. “Then I expect a race this time. No running away.”

  “I wasn’t running. I was scared you’d dunk me.”

  His face scrunched incredulously. “Why would I dunk you?”

  I shrugged. “What else would you do?”

  His eyes strayed back out the window. “I could think of a lot of things.”

  * * *

  I watched practice from th
e sidelines. The offense looked like a cohesive unit for the first time all season. Grady, Lemer, and Miller hadn’t missed a block all morning. I wondered if Grady spending the night beside Yvette had worked some type of magic and if my stellar game at Caden’s party had done the trick for the others.

  Speak of the devil. Pun definitely intended. Grady jogged to the sideline, his eyes searching me out. I approached him readily with a bottle of water and he tore it from my hand without a thank you. It was the moment I’d been waiting for, especially after his greeting at Caden’s party.

  As soon as he lifted the bottle to his mouth, I slipped a laxative bottle out of my pocket, making sure he could read the label as I pretended to skim the directions on it.

  Grady spit his water all over the ground drawing a fair amount of attention from those around him.

  I matched his gaze, my eyes blinking innocently as I slipped the bottle back into my pocket. I smiled as I turned and walked away, fairly confident Grady wouldn’t be busting my chops anymore.

  I glanced out at the field as Grady returned to his position. Caden got the ball and dropped back in the pocket, seeking out a receiver. Grady and the line held their ground, not allowing anyone through. They were ready for Arkansas. I could see it. In every pass completion and every block. Arkansas wouldn’t know what hit them.

  * * *

  I crept into the dark indoor pool area with my towel wrapped around me. It was three in the morning and I figured if I beat Caden down there, I could slip into the water before him.

  “You’re early,” his deep voice echoed through the room.

  My body stilled as my eyes shot around, trying to adapt to the darkness.

  “Can’t you see me?” This time his voice sounded like it was beside me.

  I twisted around, searching the darkness.

  “Nope. Not there.”

  I twisted back, searching the surface of the water as well as the empty lounge chairs. Okay. This was ridiculous. I dropped my towel and walked to the edge of the pool in my green bikini, diving in before he had a chance to push me in. It was surprisingly refreshing for a heated pool. When I surfaced, a splash to my right sprayed water up around me. I moved myself to the edge and hung on, my eyes scanning the surface.

  Caden broke through the water a few feet away, rotating to find me. His eyes latched on to mine. “Still scared I’m gonna dunk you?”

  “Let’s just say I know I’m safer over here.”

  He laughed. “You have no idea.”

  The assurance in his raspy voice twisted my insides.

  “Sorry we didn’t get to talk at practice.”

  My face wrinkled in confusion. “When do we ever talk at practice?”

  He made his way over to the edge and held on with one arm. “I just didn’t want you to think you were like other girls.”

  “Okay, you’ve completely lost me.” Had it not been so dark, I would’ve had difficulty averting my gaze from the corded muscles in his arm as he held himself in place.

  He smirked. “Did we or did we not spend the night together?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I guess technically we did.”

  “Exactly. I didn’t want you to think I was the kind of guy who doesn’t call.”

  I smiled. “Oh, so you’re funny?”

  He laughed. “Some people think so.”

  “Then you should surround yourself with them at all times.”

  His eyes turned to slits. “Why?”

  “Because I’m sure they think everything you say and do is just spot on because you’re Alabama’s quarterback.”

  “So you’re saying everyone who laughs at my jokes does it because I can throw a football?”

  “Sorry to break it to you, but you’re not very funny.”

  He snickered. “Tell me how you really feel.”

  I shook my head. “That would take way too long.”

  He lowered himself under water for a second then resurfaced a little closer to me. He gripped the wall with one arm as his eyes dropped to my lips. “I like your honesty.”

  My traitorous breaths became shallow. “Even when it’s directed at you?”

  “Especially when it’s directed at me.” He pushed his wet hair off his forehead. “Never be afraid to tell people what you’re really thinking. It’s one of the most refreshing things about you.”

  I nodded. “I’ll have to remember that when you’re throwing like a girl.”

  He stifled a smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He paused, a contemplative look in his eyes. “You know, you’re really easy to talk to.”

  “As opposed to your teammates? Because I’ve heard some of their conversations. And there’s some pretty deep stuff going on there.”

  He laughed to himself, probably recalling the latest story about the kicker’s weekend conquest—the entire pledge class of Delta house. And for some reason, when Caden laughed like that, in a way that hit me deep, I found it impossible to remember why everything about us being there together was so wrong. My eyes zoned in on his lips. I never really looked at them before. But glazed with pool water they looked so damned kissable.

  Caden cleared his throat.

  My eyes jumped to his. He stared at me with a deep intensity. One that beckoned me closer. I felt myself involuntarily being pulled toward him, my eyes dropping to his mouth again. Wondering what it would be like to just press my lips to his. I could feel his breath against my face as he too moved closer. My eyes fluttered shut as I moved the last inch necessary to kiss him.

  “Leslie,” Caden whispered.

  My eyes snapped open. That one word sent me scampering back as if I’d been doused with a bucket of ice water. “Oh, God.” I turned and, holding onto the wall with one arm and trying to swim with the other, I splashed my way to the closest ladder, unable to swim as quickly as necessary to escape the humiliation I’d brought upon myself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  “Finlay,” Caden called.

  I climbed out of the pool and rushed to the chair that held my towel. “I’ve gotta get back to my room. I—”

  “Wait.”

  I wrapped the towel around me, clutching it tightly—as if it could somehow protect me from the embarrassment consuming every part of my body. I just wanted to crawl into a ball and disappear. “I’m so sorry.” I spun around and practically ran out of the pool area and through the lobby to the elevator. The forty seconds it took for the elevator to hit the ground floor and for the doors to open was forty seconds too long. Caden stepped up beside me.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  He stood back, letting me enter first. “After you.”

  I stepped inside. The cool air chilled my damp skin as I pressed my body into the corner, unable to get as far away from him as I needed to. Caden stepped inside. The towel wrapped around his waist left me face-to-face with his wet bare chest.

  Fan-freaking-tastic.

  He turned and pressed the button for our floor. As soon as the doors closed, the electricity inside was palpable. I averted my gaze, focusing on anything but him.

  Caden turned, towering over me even more so now that I was barefoot and pressed into the corner of the already small space. “I just wanna—”

  I held up my palm, my eyes dropping to my feet. “If you care about me even the tiniest bit, you’ll stop whatever it is you’re gonna say.”

  “Okay.”

  I glanced up, trying desperately to keep my eyes from venturing to his chest, as I exhaled the mother of all breaths. “Thank you.”

  “And for what it’s worth,” he said. “I do.”

  I met his gaze. “What?”

  “I do care about you.”

  This time my breath was slow and elongated, the effect of his words and apologetic expression. Oh, God. Did he pity me?

  The tight space suddenly felt like it was closing in on us.

  The elevator stopped on our floor and the doors opened. I raced out mumbling something about seeing him later. I didn’t breathe again unt
il I stepped into my room and was locked safely inside.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Finlay

  I stared dumbstruck from the sideline as the trainers rushed onto the field. The crowd stood deathly silent. Caden had been down for no more than twenty seconds, but the hit that brought him to the ground was delivered by two of Arkansas’ biggest defensive backs, tackling him from both sides. Somehow, the crushing of his bones was heard over the roar of the crowd. If something wasn’t broken, it’d be a miracle.

  I stood helplessly while the trainers knelt over his motionless body.

  Two minutes passed as they spoke to a seemingly unresponsive Caden. I watched their faces. Watched for fear in their eyes. Watched for any indication as to whether or not they thought he’d be okay.

  They gave nothing away.

  After another thirty seconds, Caden’s helmet moved to the side on its own accord.

  A giant whoosh of relief broke through my lips. I watched the same relief extend over on the trainers’ faces. I wondered if they feared the worst like me or if they expected it to be a routine wind-knocked-out-of-him situation.

  They quickly leaned down, speaking to Caden over the noise in the stadium. One of them grasped his right leg and brought it up toward his thigh, bending it slightly at the knee. I wished he would’ve shoved off his helmet. I wished I could’ve seen his face to know how serious his pain was. But it remained on.

  An ambulance drove out of the tunnel and over to our sideline. Everyone’s attention moved to the EMT’s pulling a gurney from the back. The trainers surrounding Caden held up their palms to hold them off. They said something to Caden then they nodded in understanding. Within minutes, they’d lifted him slowly to his feet. Applause from Arkansas’ fans filled the stadium. Caden put minimal pressure on his right foot as they gingerly walked him off the field. Once they reached the bench on our sideline, a golf cart drove over. They helped him onto the back and the cart sped off, taking him to the locker room for what I assumed would be a mandatory evaluation.

  For the remainder of the game I did nothing but bite my fingernails and watch the game clock tick slowly down. Caden hadn’t returned, nor had the medical staff. Palmer, Caden’s back-up, was doing a fine job handing off passes quickly. Coach clearly didn’t want to risk him suffering the same fate as Caden up against such a ferocious defense.